Update on the two new stories · 2:22am Jun 27th, 2017
(Born in light forged in darkness and the first law of magic) Wow, I never thought my silly little one shots would get so much attention
But look at that, top 2 spots taken by none other then yours truly. When i added the caveat that if together they got 500 upvotes I would update them both I never thought that would actually happen but if the stories just get 50 more in 6 days then I will have to update them both. To that end I might put some of my older stuff that I have hit a dead end with. (Like Equestrian ordeal and or spirit of parties on hiatus for a bit but we will see as I was hoping to update them one more time before dropping them for a bit from my schedule.)
Speaking of schedule. Right now I will be taking care of the few suggestion stories from the last free request thing I ran awhile ago while sprinkling in some updates for some older stuff. Then somewhere in there I will squeeze in enough time to drop the first update for the first law of magic. After all those things are done I will probably focus exclusively on the first law and try to squeeze out a few more updates for that one after another before going back to updating some more older stuff.
As always, if your an editor or proofreader and want to help please let me know as I would apreciate it.
And if you like what I do here and want to help me make more content for you lovely people then please head over to my patreon all rewards outside of commissions are open to patrons who drop even a buck and once there are a few more of you I will start running some monthly raffles (at the start of the month) for free commissions.
Thanks again for your time and I cant wait to keep bringing you some more neat stuff!
Congratulations on the double feature, you're doing well for yourself my man.
I look forward to more of your work.
Heh, looks like you will be writing both "The First Law of Magic" and "Born in Light, Forged in Darkness" as a series after all. Though I would suggest focusing more on the former as it has the higher views and votes... maybe three of four chapters of it, followed by a chapter or two for the latter, then more chapters for the former and alternating back and forth. :)
4584235
Hey thanks, this certainly has been an interesting turn of events.
4584409
Yeah I'm gonna have to figure something out, in the meantime I have plenty to read and go over lots of planning and revising and nitty gritty stuff of writing.
Welp, you reached 550 upvotes total in less than 12 hours.
Addendum at 4:48 PM: You have passed the 600 total upvotes mark in less than 24 hours. Congrats, and I don't think that number will stop growing for a couple days.
4584432
tbh I think the biggest difference that gave "first law" more attention was that it gave us someone to root for going forward. We want to see Celestia fail, because her actions seem cold and impersonal, while Twilight, for all the darkness and almost unreality of her being, seems emotionally present in her family, only her father having any distance(this was a little over-played, in my opinion. He shouldn't call her an it, he should think of her as a leech and a parasite, especially because the proximity to the start of the story reminds us of the nurse a little too heavily, and feels repetitive). Meanwhile, in "born in", Twilight and Celestia are both pathetic figures trapped in a situation that isn't of their making, and by appearances Twilight won't be growing up to face off against Tirek. Because you didn't structure the story so that the person ultimately responsible for their pain has anything coming their way, there's nothing to really latch onto.
Looking forward to sort-of-lich Twilight though.
4585389
Intriguing way of putting it, I will have to put that on the list of considerations for the rewrite of first law. How would you personally like to see born in light play out?
4585392
Well, it depends where you're planning on taking it. If Twilight is going to grow into her dark powers, we need to see Celestia be more at fault in the opening scenes, perhaps delegating the task to guards initially, or choosing to see how long it can last despite the risks, so that when Twilight ends up coming after her, it's her own fault, a kind of ironic demise. On the other hand, if she's going to break free of his control and become a force of her own, possibly aiding Celesita anyways, you need to sew the seeds of her eventual rebelion early. Subtlety is key. Ideally, regardless of which outcome you'll pursue, you should seed both, so that Celestia's self-recriminations feel more justified and real, and Twilight's eventual torment(I assume she'll have some form of moral toment) will feel like a continuation from early on. Also, during the initial confrontation, Celestia should lose not because she was never his match, but because she either didn't believe it was him or didn't take him seriously enough. Celestia needs her guilt piled on, and that means making the events of the first chapter entirely her fault. Remember though, the difference between a Rembrandt and a finger painting is knowing where to apply the pressure- you need to lay it on thick where her faults are obvious, and leave the reader to infer her failings in other places. In fact, we should see as little of the events of the flare from Celestia's perspective as possible, her perspective makes her actions TOO reasonable, it makes her too easy to sympathise with when the tone of the story clearly needs her to be not just at fault, but actively wrong.
Basically, you know how in First Law you made Celestia the bad guy? You need to do that, without making her actually do anything actively nasty.
Also, if you rewrite First Law, try to tone down how obvious everything that's happening is, and include a scene of Sunset casting a memory charm on Shiny and Night Light. Otherwise they'll know her story is fake, and that's how you get revolutions. "the princess murdered my daughter and my wife" is a really good rallying cry. Don't change anything that's actually happening, just make it a little less overt, so the reader has to guess at what's about to happen. Don't call Sunset a "special agent" call her a "specialist", that sort of thing. Consider trying to give us a few more scenes from Twilight's point of view, tell us why she doesn't want to go to Celestia's school, so she's not acting as a robot designed to piss off Celestia. It's not hard, no one would have to stretch to call that visit uncanny. Also, make it more clear that they sent the message to Celestia, it comes across as Celestia giving them the night to decide, they talk, they go to bed, then Sunset breaks in during that night she gave them. Also, make Sunset a little less chatty if she's supposed to be in it for the fight. Showing off her magical knowledge before she crushes Twilight's hear is very good, but when she gets chatty with people who don't pose a threat it makes her seem more like just a psychopath who enjoys killing instead of a combat-crazed freak. Look at characters like Perfect Cell and Vegeta(ESPECIALLY Saiyan/Namek saga Vegeta) behave in Dragon Ball for inspiration- almost a callous disregard for those around them until they find something that might be a challenge. Unless she's not meant to be a combat-crazed adrenaline junky. I don't know. I'm not in your head. As it is though, she comes across as a budget Joker someone put on a leash, cracking dumb jokes while knocking people out.
4585403
*stares at a wall of text I wrote*
this is what happens when people ask me my opinion/ for advice.
4585403
I love it! I considered some of what you had written but not all, plus you were very persuassive and protrayed your ideas very well, thank you! You have given me alot to think about! Would you mind eventually being a proofreader for the rewrite? I would greatly value your insight.
4585413
I'm sorry,I would but I just don't have a time. Busy busy. you know how it is.
my favourite part is that fimfiction gave me a notification that I responded to myself. just... why.
Here, I made this sentence suck less: