Dear U.S. Government · 11:51am Jun 18th, 2017
Hi! It's me, your pal, Fuzzy.
You know, the one that writes the stories and stuff? Good ol' Fuzz, a lifelong citizen of this great nation?
Yeah, that guy. Hey, look, I know it's early on a Sunday and all, but I have an important question for you, regarding that paperwork I sent in a few months ago. You don't have to get up or anything! I can look up the info myself. I'm still able to use a computer. Been doing this internet thing since it came out a few years back. Just let me take a look at that there account you forced me to sign up for. Not that I'm complaining or anything! These are the times we live in. No more strictly anonymous internet useage, am I right? 'Course I'm right! Been doing this for a while and I know you're busy, so let me just check...
...what is this? What the fuck is this? The website is closed...until 8 am on Sundays? I...can't...look at my account? My ONLINE account. Until you open your physical location? At 8 am? [INHALE]
THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? Why can I not look at my online account during your off hours? I'm not calling you. I'm not at a government building downtown. I DO NOT HAVE TO WAIT ON ONE OF YOUR STOOGE WARMBODIES TO FART THROUGH THE DOOR AND UNLOCK THE PLACE TO GET WHAT I NEED. THAT IS THE GLORY OF THE ACCOUNT. BEING. ONLINE. What fucking decade do you think this is? Do you think I'm an idiot? You must. You must think that 300 million plus US citizens are morons. The internet does not need you to open your doors. Me checking my account to see if you've even reviewed the documents does not give me any advantage over someone showing up or calling in. I DON'T HAVE TO WAIT FOR YOU TO TURN ON THE FUCKING SERVERS WHERE THAT DATA SITS. THE INTERNET DON'T WORK THAT WAY YOU LIL' SHIT!
This is 2017, and I know we as a country have been through a lot recently. In my 37 years as a citizen I have learned well that the wheels of government turn at a glacial speed. But this is ridiculous. This is beyond retarded. This is a national service given to every citizen and for something as mundane as checking the status of my paperwork, which I fully expect to have not changed anyway since the last time I checked it anyway...this borders on maliciously asinine. Fix this. Step into the 20th century at the very least, and maybe before I die you'll join the rest of us here in the 21st. Get your shit together cuz I am one very angry cripple.
Signed,
-Fuzz
http://68.media.tumblr.com/5062489e14662fb13205a038a08f25fa/tumblr_orizq83Kpm1r2g7mto1_540.png
RIP
Gubment is funny. I'm now female without doing any paperwork... because of a clerical error.
HAHAHHAHAHAH
A site that doesnt work while they are not working...
what? they force the IT guy to take it down on friday night? xD
Don't forget, most of the gubmint is comprised of bewildered, superstitions old farts who were born before TV was a thing. Tube TV! They probably think they have to turn on the internet ten minutes before they want to use it to let it warm up.
4574481
Well it IS a series of tubes, after all. It's just...god, I need to check my disability application status and I can't because they haven't let the internet warm up...ffs. I've now managed to check it, and as I guessed, it hasn't moved even though we are now one more month away from when I applied. I need them to either approve it already, or deny me so I can start this process all over again until they do.
4574464
I can only imagine. It's got to be the easiest IT position in the world, walking around desk to desk, turning their monitors on and off for them, making sure everything is plugged in and accepting offers of black licorice candy from grateful octogenarians.
4574401
Due to a clerical error with my SSN at my first job back in the 90's, I have been audited by the IRS for potential tax evasion five times. It took them a damn decade to fix one transposed number, so I don't know why I'm surprised at this new version of ineptitude.
4574606
Meh i know a "IT" whos only job was essentially to update adobe and the browsers for his company, almost lost his job when he put chrome on auto update so disabled it again...
When a real issue came up he was toast though, luckily after a few days plugging the servers power out and back in fixed it for him lol. But he quit afterwards.
As an IT geek, I have to bring up the possibility that the server threw a vacuum tube over the weekend and what you are seeing is more-or-less the "Hey, we don't have weekend staff for this, so you'll have to wait until Bob shows up on Monday."
4574839
See, if was just some cutesy server maintenance thing, that would have been fine. I understand. But no, they had a schedule for everyday of the week, plus holidays when the service would and would not be available. Like, every weekday, the service is unavailable after 5pm EST!
The fuck?!
I can't check my social security account after standard business hours. Like...I don't even...