A Midnight Review: Gilded Tome · 8:02am May 26th, 2017
A Midnight Review
Hello from your neighborhood MidnightChaos, reviewing another Displaced story for shits and giggles, as well the benefit of the author if I can manage it. There will be jokes, possibly memes, and some spelling and grammar corrections. Opinions and wording may be seen as offensive but I will try to tone down the level of bitter asshole I usually put into things.
Gilded Tome, the hero of knowledge by Golden Tomb
First up, the name of the character is clearly a pull from your own. Secondly, C A P I T A L I Z A T I O N. The hero of knowledge doesn’t carry as much weight, mentally as the Hero of Knowledge would. What kind of knowledge, on a side note? Useless trivia, future sight, bull crap knowledge of all events in the show even though your character changes them by being there? Just the title alone doesn’t make this seem promising.
My name is... Well that doesn't matter anymore
Yes, yes it actually does bloody well matter.
I bought a cloak from the merchant, now I've been given all my ocs powers, slowly making me stronger.i wonder what types of displaced I will meet? Oh and I'm in equestria, great.
...Is this entire summary just one massive run-on sentence? Does it have that much stamina? No, seriously, this is an error you learn in primary/elementary school. It’s like you watched the teacher say everything and then just flat out ignored it. Why a cloak? What importance does it have? Does your character wear a red and black cloak? Fix this so it’s actually interesting and doesn’t scream it’s an SI Mary Sue instantly.
Powers include:
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Knowledge absorption
Power absorption and mimicry
Ai creation
Age empowerment
Longevity
I told you, Mary Sue. All of this makes a Mary Sue, not to mention AI Creation! How is he going to make them when the average level of mother fucking technology is lower, far lower, than ours? It’s like you gave no shits when you picked these. You gave your character little to no weakness and thus made it a Mary Sue! The fact he can absorb powers and knowledge is even bloody worse! You took everyone’s advice and just took a massive ass duce on it. You shit on everybody except those who placated you. Yes, I’m antagonizing because I know you can’t handle it. LEARN. TO. FUCKING. COPE.
Up next, short description. This should be fun.
I didn't expect my day to go this way:the more time that passes,the more powers I can get, all thanks to a certain merchant. Huh
WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY THE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK. I literally almost can’t cope with this stupid ass shit. It’s like reading a bloody sonic fanfiction on Wattpad. Mary Sue, Mary Sue, Mary Sue Alert!
*BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTTTTTTTTTTT*
Oh look, you set off the bullshit alarm too.
Now the prologue which is only 154 words. (Nicely done.)
Prologue
Today im going to my first con, I'm going as my oc, gilded tome, hero of knowledge . Comiccon is amazing, so many different costumes and endless stalls, I don't know where to start.
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I’m not even going to tell you what the bloody issue is, you know exactly what the issue is.
It's been 2 hours and already I have been asked to take a picture with two people, and have bought several nice weapons that somewhat match my costume. Next up that weird looking guy with the cloaks stall.
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...Bullshit, unless they were making fun of your ass. You’re dressed, most likely, in a fursuit. They are laughing. But, here we go, a shitty intro for the Merchant just as bad as Joker’s.
"Over here stranger, got sometin' that might interest ya'."
I saw a black cloak that fitted my character perfectly. "How about that cloak right there?"
" A wise choice mate,magic proof, fire proof and water proof, it's an awesome choice stranger, $60"
"I'll take it" I hand him the cash and he handed me the cloak.
"Have a nice trip stranger."
"Wha" I blacked out.
Author’s Note:
Prologue up, constructive criticism only please.
You call THIS a prologue? 154 words does not make a proper prologue, not like this. As it stands this is just a poorly written flashback or something.
I’m not even done, here comes chapter one. It’s less than 1,000 words.
I woke up to with a start, "what happened?, I was buying that cloak when I was knocked out... Aaaaaarrrrrgggggghhhhh, that was the merchant, I am so thick!!!I got so caught up in the con that I didn't even recognize him I'm such an idiot!! ...Ok, what do I look like?"
I was in some sort of cave, so I began looking for a pool of water, when I found one I wasn't that shocked. I looked like A cloaked shadow creature with two glowing gold eyes, matching my oc perfectly, of course and I didn't even dress up in his final form the beginner form was so much easier.
It took a shit ton of effort to not spam that bloody image. The sheer willpower I had to exert was painful. The prior knowledge of Displaced might a good point if you hadn’t fucking throw the godsdamned thing in out of BLOODY WELL NOWHERE. You are an idiot because this is complete crap.
The fact you found a cave isn’t too bad, but what happens next is weird. It’s jarring and just doesn’t flow well. Even a minor level freakout would make this better. Your character isn’t even relatable or human in the slightest, nor is he physically either.
"Alright where am I?" I wandered for quite awhile before I found the cave opening. " well that's different, most displaced ended up in the everfree but I ended up in a desert. No one around for miles, great. Well better than timber wolf territory I guess." ... " Alright, first order of business,inventory then find civilization and finally start learning my new powers."
I began emptying my pockets, "let's see, sword, pistol, machete, dagger, viral dagger, gauntlets, mask, cloak, satchel, compass, map, 5 mre's, bag of bits, thermos, and magic tome. Not bad for a start, this should be enough for a one way trip in a single direction. Let's see, according to the map I am in the zebrican desert, their equivalent of the Sahara , great, ok I seam to be here near the edge I will need to travel northwest."
With that I ate an mre filled my thermos with water and began my journey.
I can’t. I literally can’t read any further. I read further and the jarring terrors of this monstrosity just left me gaping in pure and utter shock. It’s awful, I wouldn’t even recommend it to my very worst enemy, it’s that bad. It follows no genuine plot and is so unrelatable, a child who’s only read Dr. Suess wouldn’t be able to follow it without a high level of confusion.
It does in fact, hurt to read.
*Shoots self*
Ugh! My brain hurts just from hearing it.
Ohhhhh goooood I regret everythiiiiiing
I expected a lot...... not this.
Midi your review is great, even if it hurts to read the story parts in it.
This was bad, no bad is not the right word. I don't know any word in English that could describe this.
So I want to say this. It is on the level of Berserk 2016-17 level.
I had hopes, but I think I should stop having hope in humans. This is more like the worst crime ever committed.
But your parts were really entertaining and if he would read it and don't shut it out he could learn a lot from it (what you wrote here was a better story then this piece of................................................................. something...............)
On a side note. I really missed your reviews, they are always such a nice thing at the end of the day to get a smile back in my face.
So thank you very much for this smile today
Well maybe it is because it is fucking late and I am tired as shit but I wrote also a comment for him XD. Lets see how fast he will delete it XD
And it's stories like these that give the Displaced group a bad rep, I mean, ouch... Not even I screwed up that bad with the old version of my story...
Huh well...that...he really...I dont....no comment.