A Review of, "A Talk Between Sisters" by Saberking2012 · 6:24pm May 6th, 2017
Well, since the last review was appreciated, and since people seem to actually want my input for whatever reason, here's a review of a story by Saberking2012 called, "A Talk Between Sisters".
This is going to be a little different from my last review, I'll still point out what I liked and didn't like, but I won't add the point system I had last time since I felt it was purely auxiliary. Remember, if you appreciated the effort that went into this review, it would mean a lot to me if you followed!
Description: After being dared to go into a storm by one her friends, Sweetie Belle becomes sick and stays home. A talk with Rarity leads her to think about her life and future.
Tags: Equestria Girls, Sad, Slice of Life
I stood up, and looked at my reflection in the mirror behind the door. I truly looked like a mess: my hair was sticking out at wild angles, my eyes looked slightly swollen, and as I placed the back of my hand against my forehead, I thought my skin was on fire.
Right off the bat we dive into an atypical morning routine of the older sister waking up the younger sister, though judging from how Sweetie Belle described herself, it sounds as if she has a fever. Is this a clever implementation of foreshadowing? (Probably not.) Nevertheless, a slightly rocky start, but you've peaked my interest now.
The water wasn't all that rough, and the rain wasn't that cold, but I was forced to wear wet clothing for the rest of the day, until the rain stopped. By then, the sun had set.
Sorry, but how exactly did the storm trap them inside the tree-house before Applejack beckoned them to hurry back inside the house? Even then, why would they go out into the storm when they don't know just how dangerous it is? And why was Sweetie Belle forced to wear wet clothes for the rest of the day, she'd just have to take them off, right? Don't make it weird, she's like 14.
I feel like this scene was incredibly lacking in potential detail. The one thing I can takeaway from this is that it accurately portrays their recklessness, even though I believe Sweetie Belle would be the last of the three of them to actually agree to a dare like that.
I had no energy to protest. I hated that blue medicine as long as I could remember. It tasted terrible and left a rather gross feeling but I was in no condition to argue so I sat back up, still tightly wrapped in my blanket. I reached for the spoon myself, but she snatched it, then poured out the medicine.
I'm glad to see that Rarity is being portrayed in a much kinder manner than what I often see. For some reason, every writer I've met has written Rarity to be different than what I think she's like in the show. Honestly, she's one of my least favorite characters, but her dialogue is much more pleasant to read when she's not insufferable like she is in the show, but that's just my opinion. 
I stared at the tea in my mug. I had never bothered to ponder the future: I had been much too busy just playing with my friends to fully think about it. Now, though, I was sitting here, not completely healthy at the moment but nonetheless happy, and… doing nothing. Now, however, I had the time to think, actually sit down and think, to ponder what could become of my future, and to be scared.
Sweetie Belle is a little young to have these sudden intrusive thoughts of existentialism, no? Even so, I like the transition between small talk to something deeper, even if I feel that the conversation is a little unfitting for her to have.
I knew that I would have to go out into the world, and this time, I would have to leave my childish antics behind. Yet, here I was, thirteen soon to be fourteen, I would have to take on many challenges that adults had to and still would go through, or would fail in life. I would definitely miss her when that day comes, but I wouldn’t be scared or worried. I was capable to care for myself, and I had the ability to help a handful of others as well.
This is the strongest section that the author wrote in my opinion, and the message is very clear cut and insightful. Which is a shame, because it would have been so much better if it was like this from the very beginning, but the beginning felt rushed in comparison to this section. It is a little ironic that she talk about being independent while being cared for by her sister, but I understand the sentiment. I like Sweetie Belle's character, unlike her friends, she is much more mature and intelligent for than them. That is not to say her friends are not smart nor mature for their age, Sweetie Belle is just ahead of her time.
I listened to her words, and shut my eyes tightly to keep my tears in, but smiled. My friends had always praised her, though at the time, I thought it was because of her clothing. Now I realized why; she was a special woman, one who probably had the same strength as I did, and when she had to deal with life head-on, she would probably have surpassed them all as well.
A nice happy ending to wrap it all up. I'm not quite sure why this was tagged with 'Equestria Girls', it didn't feel wholly necessary to me. Sweetie Belle's internal monologue is a little verbose, even for her. Still, I feel like the story itself was written well enough that I'll let it pass.
In the end, I'd have to rate this a flat 7/10. It is worth the read, but it had a few things that kept it from being a perfect score:
The beginning was a little rushed, Sweetie Belle seemed a little too mature, even for her, and the context leading up to the story was a little lacking. Though I felt as if Rarity's character was written very well, dialogue transitions flowed smoothly, and the story was grammatically sound and punctual.
Well done! 
How unfortunate. It is as I said, your version bests my stories in every way. Also, to answer the wet clothing part, that was because she didn't have any spare clothing and they were trapped inside but I understand the confusion. Maybe KY other stories might far better. Thanks anyways.
4522585
I'd hardly consider it unfortunate, that is a pretty good score in my opinion!
I also mentioned that she could have just, you know, taken some of her clothes off? It's not like her friends would mind that much.
4522597 True but what I said about your story still stands. Should u get another chance(or rather, if u want to that is.
4522615
Another chance? I don't know if I follow?
Also, I can hardly say that my story is better than yours, considering that they were two different stories entirely, and my story was designed to be impactful in a sad way. They aren't comparable because they aren't very similar.
4522619 *ahem* I mean if you check out any of my other stories.
4522636
I'd be more than happy to check out some of your other stories, but I'll reserve making a former review of them until I'm certain that it's something I really want to cover.
4522639 I understand. They need to be worthy after all
4522643
I'd prefer it if you didn't think so lowly of yourself, or think I'm superior by comparison.
Your work was well-made, you should be proud of what you've accomplished.
4522645 Thanks. I hope they don't disappoint.
4522648
I'm sure they won't, they haven't yet.
Nice review. ^^
I can agree with many of the points made, and it might be better than mine own review... anyway, I'm glad to see Saber is doing well with 'em's story, well stories.
4527565
Now all I have to do is convince him that his work is better than he thinks it is.
4527565 Wait, what are you doing here
? ...Not that I mind
. Moreover, your review was still helpful.
4527720 Hmm.
Maybe your(or Desh) next review might fare better in that regard... that and my next, next story(After my mother's day story) should show promise(I hope)
4527720
It is better than he thinks.
4527781
As to why I'm here. I stumbled upon the mentions of the review when I left the comment on your Userpage. And what do you mean by fair better?
4527849 As in, my later stories should be much better.
4527851
I feel that it would do you well to branch out a little.
Most of your stories are one-shot, slice-of-life, EqG; which is strange, because EqG hardly ever plays a predominant role in the actual plot.
Maybe you could try writing other genres and experiment a little.
4527939 That is ironic considering the next, next story I'm working on
4527939 Well, Sad&Drama are something also written but I'm sure you noticed that. I try to make my stores relate able(hence, why most of them are in EG) but moreover, it's the only genera/s I can work with.
4528169
Here's a dare from me to you, write an actual T-rated thriller fic.
That's it, you don't even have to submit it, I just want to see it.
4528177 Hmm... Alright. I need an email so I can add/show you once its dome.
4528181
Let me know if you ever end up finishing it and I'll hit you up.
4528193 OK.
The Thriller story is nearly complete. Just a little more and it'll be readable. If (and when) you can, can you take a look at my most recent story? It's a story I wrote months ago but didn't publish it until Mother's Day. I would love your input.
4534822
I'm surprised you went through with writing it, I'd be more than happy to edit it if you'd wish.
And I'd also be willing to look over your latest story as well. There's one thing that interests me though. Why are you so heavily invested in my opinion in particular? Certainly you don't look up to me as someone being of high influential status, 'cause I don't have much to show when it comes to literary finesse.
4534831 A)Would you hate me if I said it was inspired by one of Evictus's story? B)OK. Thanks. I can't promise it'll be great since Thriller isn't something I typically do. C)Well, I prefer any help/advice if it's offered.
4534875
It would be a little hypocritical of me to hate you for wanting to rewrite something by Evictus since I did just that.
I didn't even realize that you were going to go through with writing a horror/thriller story. As long as I can help you iron out the details, I'm sure it will turn out well.
4534884 Huh... I wouldn't have thought that to be honest. And I'll inform you once it's compete.