Review: Stardust by: Arad · 6:17pm Mar 22nd, 2017
After making a bet with Discord that she did not fully think through, Twilight Sparkle finds herself on a strange, alien world. One populated by some form of tall, bipedal primates calling themselves 'Humans' who are currently in a fight for their very existence against hostile, merciless aliens. Can the future Princess prove the power of Friendship is universal, can she win over a group who's entire reason to exist is killing things that are not human? Yet, far more is at stake then even Twilight knows, for forging a friendship here is needed not just to return home, not just to win her bet with Discord. Indeed the entire future of Equestria may hinge on her befriending the soldiers of XCOM.
Story: One thing that should be apparent looking back at my reviews and general takes on stories, is I nearly always will place more weight on the story over the writing. That I care more about what a story is about then about how it is written. But that does not mean the latter does not matter at all, and both are required to really make a great, amazing story. But there is another issue at play in that the 'writing' can be divided into two other topics that matter, the technical adherence to proper grammar and such, (something I'd never hold agsint a story unless it was so bad it made it hard to read and understand.) and then the more nuanced issues of how the story conveys the ideas it is about. How well it presents it's content. This is important because this story is one that makes clear just how much that last item can matter, even when you have an overall solid story. Yet, at the same time why while those are issues, they are ones that pale when the main thrust of what the story is about is so grand and well done. The best stories are one where these two factors work together, having one a bit off, can harm the overall impression at least slightly, and, well let's get into how this story shows that.
One of the causes for issues with the story is just how good it is in many many places. A lot of the 'flaws' are things that overall, still work, still make sense, and aren't really badly done in and of themselves, but are things the story has proven it could do better. Or solid ideas that simply, were not well executed, leading to what could be a major, powerful moment, a trully amzing aspect for the story, to just fall kind of float. While others are used so damn well. The less well polished bits simply stand out far more against the gleaming, well polished section next to them. At least overall narrative wise, character wise.... well that's for later.
One other issue with the story is.. there is a great deal that simply does not feel well thought out. Where things happen, because the story needs them to happen, rather then feeling natural, at least in how they are done. It wants X to happen, but does not fully think about X in context with the larger world it's in, leading to things that work for drama, but make no damn sense for an organization as skilled as XCOM is doing. And we know XCOM aren't idiots because, outside these bizarre lapses in common sense, they are damn good. Everything about fighting the aliens, their combat and tactics, planning in that regard.. are all damn well done. Where they fail is on the scientific end, and in a way that.. as much as I dislike going for the Doyalist reasoning, come off like the author just isn't well versed or did not think out this stuff as much as they did the combat aspect. Why are Matt and Lana, and later Zhang, just told to go right down to Stardust without being briefed on what to expect till they are in the room? Spring that surprise on them? Now, asking for volunteers without information, yeah that happens. But sending them down to the lab without a full briefing on what to expect? Yes there was a hand wave for the first two about how Charles was supposed to meet them in the outer area to talk to them, but that is.. really poorly set up and Zhang didn't even get that. Something as huge a deal as this, something that is such a shock, and not even a warning first? Even wrose, is when they ask Twilight to try and translate for them with one of the captured invaders.... and don't tell her a damn thing about it, or explain what they want until she's pushed into the room with it more or less. There is NO reason, at all, that she should not have been talked to about this in full. The shock... it makes no sense beyond the author not thinking it out, and/or just wanting the drama.
And then there were the issues with them testing Twi's magic, many many issues with how Twi dealt with it, but that's character based, in this case, it's that the testing seemed so, random and slipshod. Just, try random things, measure random stuff. No underlying, well formulated ideas, no working towards a goal, no feeling of a method here, just, try random stuff. Which again, wasn't horrible, still overall worked, but when compared to just how polished the combat stuff is, falls very very flat. Or in a larger snese, why did nobody even voice the idea that "Hey, maybe if her people find her, and find out we fucked her up and tortured/hurt her, they might be mad, but if they see we treated her good, they might help us out" until Moira far later then it should have come up? That should have been one of the first things brought up in the threat assessment talks. Or, why did it take so long for Frank to actually sit down and talk to Twilight when people kept saying they need to get him in, and the clear emotional issues Twilight was supposed to be dealing with? And then, how the hell was the person looking over her psychological health, not told about her having a clear unstable breakdown, when it was her having this that first caused characters to say they should bring him in?
Secondary to this, are points where, it's not so much the decision itself that feels ill thought out, and the end result, what occured works, it's just, we are given no idea why things went as they did and so they seem, random, arbitrary, just Why? Like, why was Zhang allowed into the Stardust Project. Given his past, and how little we saw of him, how was he given clearance to THE most Top Secret project in the entire base? being made a member of XCOM itself, ehh seems odd to me but works, but allowed in on a secret this huge? Which leads to another bit I did not get, WHY Stardust was kept so secret, it simply seems to get more and more counterproductive as things go on, they have to take more and more elaborate precautions to keep Twilight secret while moving her around to help, bring people in one by one and deal with their shock, lead to stuff like... Base security trying to KILL HER while she's busy saving their asses. Given how highly classified XCOM itself is, and how they appear to have a total communications blackout save for things personally approved by the Commander, given just how secret everything already is, I just do not get what purpose keeping Twilight so secret served, while seeing oh so many ways it hurt things, both in the story itself, and the narrative as a whole.
Now, for all this, I do ned to stress, the ideas here aren't bad, and there are any number of things this story does really good, most of the above is just all the more frustrating because of just how good other stuff is, and how inexplicable these things happening like this are. It's not even "because the story needs that to happen" type deals, these are things that didn't need to happen as they did, or that simply, just needed a bit more detail to work. it's that it feels like this simply was not thought out, while over parts clearly were giving it a rather off feeling. Like there are things the story wants to happen, but simply wants to have happened rather then properly set up or make sure work as good as they can. A big one that really impacts and brings down thing being the opening scene of Twilight killing the Chrysalid. This is (Theoretically) a major driving force for (what passes for) Twilight's character development and (for lack of a better term) arc throughout things. And as the parentheticals make clear, yeah more to it I'll get into during the character bit. The entire idea of a subplot around this... simply does not work, again more about that later, but the biggest failing in general is how so much of it relies on just telling us things rather then really showing us. Which hits some other ideas as well.
Or, in the counter to that, at times it is far to heavyhanded. Such as the rather forced similarities between Twilight and Moira's niece, the way the story goes out of it's way to force Twilight into saying just the right line, and the way beyond plot convenience level contrivance of the whole "Keyboard that lists the Elements" and doing the same ones Twilight was naming. In this case, a lighter, more subtle touch is needed, making it that heavyhooved just makes it feel to contrived to really have the needed emotional impact, it is clear what the story was going for, but it just doesn't quite reach it.
These things, though overall small issues that could so easily be solved, make the intended impact muted, dulled, or nonexistent. It often comes across like the story knows something should happen, knows the vague idea of what needs to occur, but has little idea how to actually do it. Or worse, just doesn't care enough to think them through. Even minor minor things that are more continuity slips play into this. The whole "Gate of Babylon" project was extremely rushed, so many steps that could have been used for character development were not, so much was just given the bare minimum needed to establish it, and then put into place, even contradicting itself at times. Matt is brought up to test the prototypes for some of the new weapons, evaluate them from the perspective of a soldier rather then an engineer This is a very very good idea and works. Where it then runs into issues, is that he critiques the name for one of the weapons "GB Rifle" Charles admitting he'll see about getting a better name for it, while they are doing this Matt then gets called out to go on a mission, a mission where they are using the stuff that he was just called up to prototype test, yet is being treated as if it was fully ready and had been, that everything was good, PLUS, they are now using the new name for the GB Rifle, LANC Rifles. Despite there being no time for that to happen. Or how they figured out what Arcanite was, or that in their run down, they stated the ARC Grenades would be set to only target non-humans, and yet then works fine on a human. Even in one of the few Pony sections, Pinkie comes up with an idea to get letters to Twilight and sends a letter to Luna asking if it would work, okay good idea... yet instantly, the moment they get a yes, everypony but Spike has their letters ready. The timing is just to rushed to feel natural.
Now you might ask why, if I keep saying this story is so good, I harp on these points that might seem like nitpicks? Is this really just going to be a list of my issues with the story? What about a more general review? I point these out (And have many more in my notes I could use) mostly to try and illustrate the issue. No single one of them is really all the bad, just minor little flaws, things that didn't quite work, and yes each on their own, minor flaw to nitpick. The issue is the shear amount of them, how often this happens, and the consistency in how they happen that cause the issue, it's a common, running flaw in the story and the number of times things like this occur give a very strong feeling of offness to the story. Prevent it from really being as amazing as it really could be.
Now, there are a number of things the story does really well, first and foremost, the combat scenes are freaking PHENOMENAL! So well done. The action is quick, heavy, yet never overly rushed, just frantic enough to feel like combat. The story is very good at making clear what is going on without going into so much detail it bogs down the flow of battle, the tactics used work, everyone is acting smart. Everything about the battle scenes is just, incredibly well done and by far the best part of the story. Even the very last one, it manages to put a ton of energy, excitement, motion, just does such a great job of making us feel excited, engaged and making everything edge of your seat tension. While if you stop to think about it, what is actually going on, while awesome in concept, is kind of repetitive and nothing close to what I'd assume from what could have happened. Looking at just the facts of what went on, it actually feels a tad disappointing just how simple it was, and yet reading it as it happens, it is still just so damn thrilling, exciting and awesome. The story does such a near perfect job on handling the combat and fight scenes. Even outside of combat, everything done in regards to the fight, to the war with the Invaders is smart, makes sense, flows well. They have some great planning and ingenuity... Short version, when it comes to external conflict, this story is SOOOOO damn good. It's issues are mostly with having a very hard time portraying internal conflicts. Which is not that bad at all... if the story is focused on and about the external conflict. This story is not. It's set up to be about Twilight having to win over the humans, the humans dealing with this new race, deciding how to treat Twilight, the story just puts so much emphasis on the internal conflicts, yet never really menages to make them work.
Yet even outside of battle, the story does some great stuff, has great ideas, like Twi's translation spell and the explanation for how that works, (Though does bring up the issue of, given how we are told it works, why are they having to test each element to find Arcanite, wouldn't the spell just translate what she believes Arcanite is with what the Humans do? Or at the very least, if it's to obscure, at least eliminate the more common things?) Nearly all of the humans analysis of what they learn about Equestria is just.. so wonderful (will get into that later). Some of the ideas, like giving Twilight limited internet access, and using it to see just what she looks for when she doen't know they are watching. In fact, most of the precautions they take with Twilight are sound, solid, practical. Them being properly cautious but not paranoid (for the most part) till they better understand her. Such as Bradford's refusal to allow her outside, it was a rather common sense reason that worked. The base location was top secret and he couldn't risk allowing her to potentially locate landmarks to find it with. It does sort of get hard to buy after awhile and she starts helping them so much and proves beyond a doubt she's on their side, but already talked about that. One final great point, is just how well the story sets some things up, Arcanite (mostly, good idea, could have been a bit better.) Clovers' Absolute Defense", the humans gaining powers, all very great cases of foreshadoing and set up.
Above, I mentioned how the story does exceptional at the external conflicts, while.... most of it's issues stem from how poorly at times it deal with internal ones. This plays into what causes a larger crack in the narrative, how uncertain it seems to be. Everything it says, is telling us that it wants to be a story about Friendship triumphing, about Twilight working hard to win over these soldiers, that it wants to be about their internal conflicts, yet everything it shows us, has that aspect flubbed, rushed, or just presented in ways that feel poorly thought out, while the action stuff, the fighting i so well done, so polished, it makes it seem like the story should be better off just being about that. On top of that, it's hard to pick a core theme for the story, there is the one it tries to tell us, yet it's simply not backed up by what you see. Even who the main character is supposed to be is muddled for a good part, as Twilight fades further and further into the background and loses focus. The good parts, just making all the more frustrating that everything isn't handled with the same skill the story proves it posseses.
While any individual fault isn't really all that huge or bad, it's the shear amount of tiny flaws, of scenes or ideas that are not as amazing as they clearly could be, tiny issues that just require a tweak or two, combined with how the story seems uncertain what it wants to be about, leave the story itself feeling very conflicted. When it's good, it is SO damn good, but when it falls short, it's all the more frustrating for how close to great it is, and how it's proven it can do better, leading to, things simply feeling like they had not been thought out fully and were just being done because the story knew they had to be one, should be there, but really wasn't all that interested in them and just wanted to get them over to get to the next bit it cared about.
Characters: Above I mentioned that the story just, does not do a good job of dealing with internal conflicts. That is partially due do it simply having a hard time dealing with portraying characters as a whole, as well as a contributing factor to why the characterization is one of the weakest aspects of the story. It is often quite hard to understand character motivations, why they are acting as they are for many things, some of which got listed above as issues of it seeming like in areas not focused on combat, XCOM simply has no idea what it's doing because they keep doing things that don't make sense for no reason we are given. On top of that we do get is often either rather hamfistedly telling us how they are feeling and why rather then showing it more naturally, or things that, just don't really have a major point to explain things in the first place, just giving random facts. Now, on the plus side, with only a few exceptions, the characters do come across as if they do have motivations, reasons, personalities, they don't come across badly at all and looking just at the facts we have of them, I do like them and they are well done. It's simply the story has a poor ability to really let you get into their heads, to understand how they are thinking quickly. It takes more effort, requires you to really look over and think about things to get who they are. It's pretty much to opposite of my point about the climax, there the story took what is, just based on the facts, rather underwhelming in what is going on due to it mostly being one character repeating the same action over and over, and made it thrilling, exciting, energetic and feel amazing. Here, the story has what could be such amazing, vibrant, fully fleshed out characters, and simply does not seem to know how to present them in ways to take advantage of this.
Compounding this is, none of them really have arcs, none of them really seem to grow or change that much, bar one character I will get into. Yes they slowly grow to accept Twilight, but it never causes any deeper changes. This is what I meant by the story lacking real skill at portraying internal conflict. Nearly all conflict the character do deal with is based around external sources, mostly Twilight and how they will deal with her, but that is sorted out rather quickly. We don't see anything really altering or forcing them to look at who they are, to maybe change aspects of them, we don't see any growth beyond the most general. And again, this is not in and of itself a bad thing, not every story needs that, it all depends on what the focus of the story is, but given the amount of time the story focuses on the characters just interacting, makes clear it wants there to be something there, all the stuff that is clearly in place to lead to this.... It becomes an issue when it's clear the story is trying to have these internal conflicts that cause the characters to grow and change, yet fails to actually portray it well.
Now the above mostly applies to those characters without established personalities (That I can compare them to anyway), the few established characters used in the story..... ohhhhhhhh boy........ they come off even worse. Of the three major MLP character the story focuses on, none of them come out of this looking good. (Well alright one comes out looking amazing but that's it's own issue) and this story's single biggest underlying flaw, the single point of not-quite-failure that weakens the narrative as a whole and keeps it from truly reaching the heights it otherwise very clearly could, is its portrayal of Twilight Sparkle. This mostly comes in three factors, all their own issue, but each one playing into the others and all stemming from the same root problem, this is not Twilight Sparkle, she is far, far more mature, far more intelligent, and for more proactive when dealing with situations.
First off is the story making her far, far too naive, innocent, and 'sheltered' to that point where, I can't even say she was acting more like Fluttershy, because I would expect Flutters to handle this stuff better, be more mature, and not act like this. This story was treating Twilight like she was a literal little filly at best, or even going so far as to make it seem like she's a G3 pony at it's worst. The most frustrating part about it is, on the whole, the ideas it has, the issues she's dealing with, and most of the problems are things that really could work, really could be exciting to see develop and see her deal with, but the story overdoes it, hammers the points to hard. It exaggerates her naivete and innocence way to far to be believable. Her having moral struggles about just how freely XCOM kills it's foes, having to confront a world where there really is no other solution, a foe so brutal and violent that it's the only way to survive. This would be great to see, however the story goes to far, pushing it from something that she logically understands the need for, but still feels uncomfortable with, into something that seems beyond her ability to understand how it could even exist. She makes it out to seem as if nopony has ever killed any other living thing in centuries, that the very idea of it is alien to her. Which is either one of two things, either making Equestria FAR to idealistic and 'perfect' to the point it pushes past any realm of plausibility, or, Twilight is just that sheltered, naive, and flat out stupid to see reality. Plus, we know both of this are BS, she was right there when Sombra got blasted to ash. Again, the idea of her finding killing distasteful, uncomfortable with the idea, seeing it as something that should only be an absolute last resort to save yourself or others from a threat that simply cannot be stopped any other way... that would be amazing to see her deal with and work through. A great point of potential conflict. Pushing it to the point where she is unable to even process the very idea of killing in self defense as being anything but "Wholly unforgivable". To far and makes the whole thing fall apart while also treating things far to simplistically.
Beyond the killing aspect, her whole personalty is simply to innocent, to naive, she really does act like some small child. She's far to desperate for praise, far to needing affirmation, affection, far too, well, childish in her interactions with others. Yes, that need to be praised and fear of letting others down is a part of Twilight, but the first part really only applies to Celestia, and the rest, again, it's not that the underlying idea is wrong, it's just how far the story takes it that makes it eyerollingly ludicrous at times. Not to mention some of her actions and reactions outright counter stuff we've seen, she blames herself for not instantly getting along with and being uncomfortable around a person with a rather..... abrasive... attitude towards her. Ahem... Trixie anyone? We've seen, and Twilight knows, sometimes, there are simply personalities that you don't get along with. Or just how utterly baffled and unable to grasp the idea of Matt and Lana taking down someone that had just tried to kill her, acting like they weren't even the same people because "her friends would never hurt someone like that" or some such... Bull! Shit! Twilight, we all saw you in the crystal caverns during the Wedding, you know precisely what this is like. You've seen RD fly in and kick a dragon in the face. You, Rarity and RD were ready to seriously fuck up the asshole teen dragons that were messing with Spike. Twilight Sparkle is by no means a pacifist nor as meek, and sheltered as this story makes her out to be. Nor is she as passive as this story makes her out to be. Now yes, she is the type that is perfectly content to enjoy a normal life, that doesn't go looking for challenges, adventure. Very okay with just keeping a daily routine going. But when something happens, when there is a crisis, some problem, when there is something that does need to be done, she is an incredibly take charge mare. Three is none of that here. She meekly goes along with everyone else, never tries to think for herself, never asserts herself without instantly backing down and acting like Fluttershy. None of this is at all the way Twilight would act, and there are hints, there are bits that show the story knows this, that it realizes how she is supposed to be, and yet simply doesn't know how to portray her that way.
Second major flaw, is removing Twilight's ability to think, reason, and examine facts to arrive at a conclusion. Or, more precisely, removing her desire to do so for things the plot doesn't want her working out. When it comes to anything technical, she is Book Horse, she instantly gets it, works out details, figures out what is going on, in those aspects the story shows that, yeah this is Twilight. But anything involving what is going on, putting together the stuff the humans are not telling her, working out what is really going on... it's not even that she can't, the story shows us her starting to wonder these things, starting to put the pieces together, and then either never brings it up again, or has her outright telling herself not to think about it.
And the third, major issue, that ties into and further makes the others, and various minor other issues all the worse, and where this failing weakens the story as a whole, is just how little Twilight mattered. Is just how passive she was, how little she actually did anything that wasn't just meekly following what others told her to do. It is that, by the end, she was little better then a plot device rather then a character. This is the single biggest weak point that makes what would otherwise be a simply phenomenal story kind of fall apart. This story is supposed to be Twilight Sparkle striving to make friends with these new beings, to win their trust, fighting to prove that even in a world ravaged by war, where they are beset by a merciless foe, even among soldiers who have trained and worked for one purpose alone, killing non-humans... that the Magic of Friendship can prevail. That idea is amazing, but, that is not what happens, because Twilight.... really doesn't DO anything special, just shows up, proves she's not evil... and that's it. Yeah she gets them to like her, but not actively. All she does is act childish and cute and they all come around and start to like her. Now, do note I am not saying that part is implausible or anything, and it does work. The issue is, it's to easy. Twilight faces zero actual struggle here, mostly because any even hint of conflict, any hint of anything that would cause drama, she shys away from, retreats, and just blames herself for something that has nothing to do with her. This is the linchpin of my issues with the story. It simply sticks Twilight into a cell (Let's face it, it's a cell she is not allowed to leave, but never questions this.) then has anything that needs to happen come to her. It takes her out of being an active participant in the story. While almost everything the happens revolves around her, it's not because of her actions, just because of her existing. She's reduced to little more then a MacGuffin.
As to why this thread weakens the story as a whole, it comes back to something above, how this story really doesn't seem to know what it wants to be about. It spends a lot of time focusing on the characters, yet does not do that great a job portraying them, makes mistakes that, are just to simple to fix. While the action portions are SO damn good and well thought out. Is this supposed to be a story about Twilight spreading the magic of Friendship and winning over these Humans? Well, due to the above, that's not what happens at all. So, a story about XCOM beating up evil aliens while trying to figure out what to do with a non-evil one? That is more what it feels like, but it spends so much time pushing the Twilight centered portion. This is why that last point is the core of where I feel the story kind of... not quite falls apart, but more fails to come together. If not for that, if not for sidelining Twilight so much, things could have worked so much better. Let her free, let her move around the base, interact with others. It's also why I feel the whole "Keep her secret" thing also hurts the story, not only does it not make much sense once they knew she was on their side, but it removed so many chances for Twilight to engage with the story. See her working with Charles to develop the Gates of Babylon systems, rather then just Deus ex machina up patterns for him to follow and then leave everything else to him. See her actually taking the initiative to understand why Vahlen seems to be so hostile towards her and trying to bring her around, actually putting in effort to understand and help, rather then just having everything fall into place because she happened to rather contrivedly remind Vahlen of her niece. Have her be the one to first notice the developing powers among the humans. SHOW her actually making the effort, show her actually doing things to bring humans around, make her an active participant in the story and make it clear that it is through her doing this that they come to respect her and see her as not just an ally, but a friend. That is why, beyond just the injustice it does to her character, treating Twilight like it does is also the single greatest injustice the story does to itself, because it deprives itself of so many opportunities to show a steady theme, to show Twilight doing what she came here to do, and making it all tie together through her efforts. Rather then just being a magical plot device that sits in her cell until the humans need her to meekly and passively obey them and do something for them. Or some new crisis finds it's way to her.
Given some rather unmistakable references to Arrow 18 in this story, as well as a few things that feel rather close to or even possibly inspired by that story, it's a good bet the author has read it. There is a line in that story, one I've quoted before, that I find fully describes one aspect of Twilight perfectly, and that is utterly missing in this version of Twilight and it's lack is one of the key issues with her.
It's like she's used to having a certain amount of authority, without even realizing she has it.
Okay, as to the non-Twilight characters, not quite as much to say, as really, Twilight's portrayal is the most problematic bit, but hardly the only, very few characters come off well, either due to the story simply not being able to really allow us to get in their heads well, or simply questionable decisions about their personality or the facts given. As hinted above, this last fact mostly comes down on the ponies. After Twilight, Celestia's portrayal is by far the worst, it is simply far, far, far smaller an issue for the story due to it not really impacting the story at all, her not being herself doesn't really harm the story beyond it treating Celestia badly. I cannot buy, for a moment, that this happening to Twilight would send Celestia into a months long depression that causes her to isolate herself and stew in her grief. Would she by sad, would she be grieving, worried, upset, all these things Of course, but this is the mare that banished her own sister to the moon, blamed herself for failing to help her sister before it came to that, and yet still went right on guiding, nurturing, and protecting her Little Ponies. She has lost many she has cared about, she has made many mistakes over her long long life. I simply cannot buy, for a moment, that Celestia would be that unable to deal with her emotions, to come to terms with this stuff and go on being a Princess. It makes her far, far to weak. Again, the basic idea, Celestia blaming herself for this, is great, it works, but the story simply pushes things way to hard. Goes to far with it and so ruins the idea.
And yes, getting long winded, but hey been saving up this review stuff for nearly a year now, plus there is just that much to talk about for this story, but still, moving on, will try to be a bit more concise now that the big issues are dealt with.
Discord, also questionable. Not so much in his attitude and actions, and overall what he does, since the story does do a rather good job nailing his personality. But the issue is the timing. This makes perfect sense for a post-reform Discord, none at all for a pre-reform Discord. And there is no reason not to set this after that ep rather then rewriting it to say this happend instead. It would make much more sense to do that. And the stuff we get in his backstory just make it even worse. Nothing we hear about the past seems like Discord in the slightest. Last on the pony side to mention, Pinkie Pie. Her Pinkie Sense, her abilty to just, know things other ponies do not, it is a trait that fics often abuse, use wrong. Having it be used for gags, jokes, a bit of humor works great. But relying on it for important plot points is a cop out and tends to just be poor writing. It is something that needs to be done very carefully. This story, does not do that. Not only does it make no sense (And Pinkie does always makes some sort of twisted sense) it again is a point the story just rushes through and gets the set up needed done ASAP to get to the next plot point. On the other hoof, the baked good delivered via scroll and what she did to the SHIV, that is very, very good Pinkie Pie usage. Even her having the idea of how to contact Twilight. it shows a sense of logic to it, and is Pinkie just thinking outside the box, but still in a way you can follow and understand.
Okay, and now the humans, as above, on the whole, they were better done then the ponies. Not only because they don't have set personalities to compare how well done they are to (that I know of but will get into that later) but, well just better personalities in general. The main failing with them is that, like I said, the story has a hard time really getting us into characters heads, really helping us see things from their point of view and understand them, showing us internal conflict in a way that doesn't come off stiff and forced. I did like all of them, but felt they could have stood to be a bit more fleshed out naturally, which again, having Twi be more active, talk to them more about deeper stuff, helping them out more, would have allowed.
Matt, I rather liked, but he was just, kind of generic, nothing amazing or really noteworthy, but also nothing bad either. It tried to go for a bit of a Survivor's Guilt deal with him, but that never really clicked into place. Bradford I freaking loved, and I feel he was the best overall written character in the story, nailing a stern, but caring, tough but fair Reasonable Authority Figure. Willing to hear all sides out, willing to do whatever he could to ensure Twilight was treated well, so long as it did not compromise their mission. Again, I loved the bit of them asking permission to take her outside. He only said no due to reasonable, logical security concerns, and was perfectly willing to allow a compromise. Yanked Vahlen's leash when her treatment of Twilight becomes to harsh. Just all around one hell of an awesome CO. (Only minor gripe is this one section where Twilight sees him for the first time and just.. suddenly starts spouting off stuff about him in a way that felt like Character Shilling. Zahng, has got to be my least favorite among the main humans, mostly because he was the character I had the worst time understanding and getting in the head of. He felt just a step or two further away from Plot Device then Twilight. We get the overall sense of what the story was going for for him, but he never really gelled well, always feeling stiff, forced. One particular note is his interaction with Twilight, where he laid out what was really going on, at that point I freaking loved the scene, finally them stopping the BS and letting Twilight know stuff she should have figured out herself. I thought that was his role, to be the person that is emotionally distant enough from Twilight, while not out right hostile towards her, who could do some brutal honesty. Who was unwilling to sugar coat things just to spare her feelings, something the story really needed. But it then kind of crashes when it had little effect on Twilight, and was all revealed to not be Zhang's idea, but him just following orders.
Two more to note before we move on. Vahlen....... I started out loathing her, but by the end, she was one of my favorite characters and I loved her arc, and not just because she was one of the very few characters to HAVE an actual arc. It was really well done. Do think it may have started a bit harshly, pushed her just a bit to far into utter bitch territory at the start, but the story moved past that. It was a rare case of the story showing us development, the way she started slipping and referring to Twilight by her name rather then 'the subject' just the gradual way her attitude was changing. We also get to understand why she was the way she was, it was tragic, and really made from some good internal conflict, the one exception to my bits about how the story handles that poorly. She wasn't a monster, but she had convinced herself she needed to be one. My only issue is, from above, that Twilight didn't take a more active role in it, that she hadn't actually helped Moira, hadn't done anything to try and get through to her, talk to her, try to understand her hostility. That this was all Vahlen reacting to Twilight doing other things. Again missed opportunity to have the idea of Twilight being on a mission matter and have a theme going.
Finally, Lana, easily the most divisive character in the story. I freaking LOVED her and she was by far my favorite character here. I loved her personality, cheerful, perky, basically a toned down pinkie Pie, but with RD's brashness and self confidence. But the one aspect that above all makes me love her, is how she treated Twilight. She is the only human there who is just plain, simple friends with her. Who from the start never saw Twilight as anything other then a friend, treated her just like she would anyone else. Everyone else, even though they wee friends, also had some other aspect to it, seeing her as a source of information, or a surrogate daughter, or an alien, some other reason they were around her beyond just friendship. But for Lana, she gave no fucks if her new friend had hooves and a horn, she was treated just like the rest. Now, the controversy around her stems from the whole shipping subplot and, have to say, for as much as I don't like shipping, and really hate dealing with Shipper on Deck type characters, I loved this. Because it wasn't really her trying to ship them, and the story is clear on that from the start, it's one part her just trying to lighten Twily's mood and take her mind off things, and one part wanting to troll the fuck out of her friends and have some fun. But without intending to hurt them, that is the key, there was no maliciousness in her actions. It was all in good fun. Did she take it to far? Did she not think this out? Certainly, but the story was clear, what she did wasn't meant to be right. For all she tried to justify it, it was just that, self justifications. Her trying to prove to herself she wasn't wrong, when she really was. But how she did it, it said a lot about her, she is very, very much a "If you don't laugh you'll cry" type, who is using laughter, jokes, etc... to hide from her pain, and tries to help others the same way. Again, she's a lot like Pinkie Pie, and again, but with some of RD's aspects as well, like being unable to back down and admit you are wrong, taking things to far, not fully thinking them out etc.... I fully understood where she was coming from, why, and my only issue with her, is that after this... everything just kind of drops, she fades into the background a bit, there isn't any real resolution to this for her, it just gets dropped. I'm wondering if this was in response to the backlash this got as it was being posted, if so, to bad, story really could have used some follow up where Lana actually proves she learned a lesson in this and grew, or follow up on what happened when she 'died'. Still, by far the most enjoyable character in the story for me.
So as I've said, and hopefully made clear, while characterization was the weakest aspect of the story, it was mostly in how it presented things, rather then the underlying ideas, which for the most part were very very good. Just suffering from either going to far and exaggerating things to the point they break with the ponies, or underplaying them and not really letting them grow and deal with things naturally with the humans. I did like the characters overall, which made how they were treated and how the story kind of failed to really use them to the best all the more disappointing, because there was so much potential here.
Engagement: Well the one point of this I have no issues with, no debate, no quibbles. Even in the less well done portions, there was always something solid, something to enjoy. The issues were more often, "This is good but it could be better" or just an eyerolling sigh. But never so bad as to ruin the mood. Some of the stuff with Twilight, and later Celestia did kind of jar me out of immersion due to how out of place they felt, but they were just minor stumbles among a truly thrilling, well paced (Until the end, got a bit rushed there) ride. Above all, is just how, damn, GOOD the story was with it's action scenes. For all the above complaints and criticisms, I cannot emphasize enough that for all that, this story is still damn good, if for nothing else then having some of the best written action scenes. Full of, well action, quick, energetic, sucking you into the moment, always giving you a clear idea what is going on without bogging down in detail. As well was the growing larger plot, trying to find out what to do with Twilight, and how things keep progressing, both the Invaders attacks, as well as XCOM's response. A steady escalation of threat. Outside the action scenes, there were a ton of great stuff as well, the overall plotline for Twilight was enjoyable for the begging, it simply started to drag near the end as Twilight became less and less a character and more a plot device, but the interactions between the characters were always worth seeing. Just, all around one hell of a gripping story, most of these issues are more ones that you don't notice till later when you look back, really think about the facts, as they are going, you are so swept up in things, you just cruise right on by, to eager to see what is coming next.
Ponyness:After that refreshing bit of nothing but good things, back to a case where things are split. Seeing as how this is a crossover, let's get some of that out of the way. Prior to reading this, I have had almost no exposure to XCOM, I had heard of it, but that was all, I didn't even know what it was about beyond 'soldiers'. To this story's very great deal of credit, coming into this like that, it did a damn good job of sucking me in, quickly, and easily getting me to understand things. I never felt lost, never felt at odds or uncertain. As an introduction to XCOM, this was damn well done, and had XCOM been something other then a game series, it likely would have gotten me to give it a try and make me want to go through the series itself. And the only reason it being a game series rather then a TV show or book series makes me not want to, is looking into things things makes me think it's a game style I wouldn't really enjoy much, as well as already having far to large a backlog of games already, the shear time investment they take. Story wise, damn did this fic make me want to see more so, on the XCOM front, as far as an outsider to the XCOM franchise is concerned, it did a damn phenomenal job.
The issue... as expected, comes from the pony side of the crossover. First and foremost, the above listed character issues with the ponies. But beyond that, this whole thing feels like an XCOM fic where ponies show up, more then a Pony fic involving XCOM. The set up is so rushed, no buildup time, just a short blurb and boom, Twi's on Earth and we focus on that. There are three chapters that look back at Equestria, one fairly well done just showing the immediate aftermath, the second mostly a set up showing us how they sent letters to Twilight (Though it then becomes odd they never did this again afterwards, for no reason given.) and then the third.... ohhh Celestia's fiery taint that third one..... I'll get to that. But more, it's the whole focus of the story, how Twilight got pushed more and more aside, made to be little more then a plot device to explain the humans getting new tech and abilities to fight the Invaders with. With the only pony present for the majority of the story being so in the background for most of it, having so little agency, having so little of an active role in the plot... again it's a place where confining Twilight to her cell for the whole thing, baring the very occasional trip for her to do something for them, just fails the story. It keeps the two 'verses from feeling like they were meshing well, from this truly being the two sides coming together to form something larger. This is what the story wanted to be, to set up ponies and humans joining forces to battle the Invaders. And fact wise, it works, it sets that up logically enough. It just, never really FELT like it was as grand as it should have been. Which, again is in large part due to just how little active work Twilight did in this, just how passive and how little role in this happening beyond being a MacGuffin was.
This is further hurt by, the rather slipshod nature of how it deals with ponies, just, so many random inconsistencies, continuity fails, or outright "That isn't how that works" moments. Rarity's special talent is NOT 'Finding Gems' her special talent is bringing out the inner beauty in others, her gem finding spell is just one aspect of that. RD is not a Wonderbolt yet. Or Twilight being fascinated by the idea of quick drying ink. Now, that is a good idea and is something that might make sense given the tech differences, however, we've never seen them have the slightest issue with ink drying slowly before, every time they wrote something it gets instantly rolled up, which if they had ink drying issues would smear things into an unreadable mess. We have simply never seen them have to wait for ink to dry before. Or the very, very "That is not how that happened" version Twilight told them about Cadance's roll in the defeat of Sombra. Cadance did not affect the whole city with her power and use it to make everypony happy and what not, she just erected a shield around the city, and then lifted there spirits through looking awesome and giving a rousing speech. Just, little nagging bits like that which on top of other things, contributes to the feeling that the story cares far more about the XCOM part then the Pony part. BUT, these.. they are just minor annoying quibbles, little goofs, not really all that big, I just bring them up to note that they, along with all else, give the story a certain feel to it. It is not these mistakes themselves that are an issue, just, one tiny factor in the larger issues. This is NOT the case with the third 'meanwhile' section I mentioned before. This story would, IMO, be instantly made far better, simply by removing that chapter from it. The above, were just minor continuity mistakes, nothing major, this though, this wasn't just continuity flaws, this was flat out fundamentally misrepresenting or understanding key parts of both the characters involved, and aspects long established about the world. As well as just being very poorly set up as a part of the story.
The entire thing is just Discord and Celestia talking, but even the way it's set up is frustrating, because the story had already made Celestia seem far weaker, more emotionally crippled, and unable to deal with things she should be able to deal with in a more mature fashion then locking herself in her room and ignoring her duties as Princess for a few months. Here, this isn't them holding a conversation, not really, it's just putting Celestia there so Discord can talk AT her and school her on what she's doing wrong, how much she's wrong, just completely make clear that she is inferior to him and just needs to step back and let him deal with things. It further diminishes her as a character, makes her even weaker then she already seemed. And then we get to what was actually said and.... no... just no.. story.... WHHHYYY!!!!!??? Where to even start? With Discord apparently always having been 'good' and completely ignoring everything established about him? Everything he did was really just some larger plan that others simply did not understand, and he was really apparently just trying to make a point they needed to realize? Which makes no sense at all with what has been established about him. Or that, apparently, Celestia is only the kind, benevolent, wise, majestic, Sun-Goddess of good and light we know because Discord twisted her mind into being that. That she is only how she is because of mental compulsion, not this being who she really is? That, that above all else is the point that just makes me want to scream at this story for so utterly and thoroughly destroying such an amazing character in this way. Now, to be fair, the idea that in the past, long long ago, Celestia was not who she is today, that she was cold, uncaring, distant, that... that honestly could work and if done right would make one hell of a good story, of how she learned to care about her little ponies, seeing her develop grow into the majestic being she is today. That has a lot of potential to be one hell of a great, epic tale that I would kind of like to see. However, saying that it had jack shit to do with any growth, any choice, that she didn't learn a fucking thing, and only stopped being an uncaring cunt because Discord fucked with her head and made her be good? That even now, she is ONLY the way she is because that control is still on her? BULL! SHIT!
*deep breath*
As you can tell, I really, really, REALLY do not like that idea in the slightest and find it a massive insult to the character as well as just being so damn stupid. Do I really need to explain why saying that Princess Celestia is only the paragon and beloved matriarch of Pony Kind because she's being mentally forced to and that without that compulsion she'd be a cold, unfeeling bitch is a bad idea? Well given the story did it, it seems I do.. just... ARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!! And that is not the end of it, oh no, the story then tacks on the utterly ridiculous idea that "The Elements are all about Order and so won't affect anything Orderly," No. They. Are. Not! They are about HARMONY! Order is not Harmony, nor is Chaos. Harmony is the balance between the two. Now, yeah the comics tried to bull that bullshit, but that just further proves the comics writers just have no clue what the hell they are doing most of the time, and that comic got roundly thrashed for that bullshit. There are any number of other reason for the Elements not being able to save them from Invaders, like the Project Sunflower idea of the Elements being tied to Equestria specifically, and so ineffective against things not from that world as they don't have a connection to them. Or, just the shear size, power, and numbers of the Invaders simply being to large for the Elements to deal with. They could zap on group, while hundreds more and rampaging elsewhere. Limited to just how fast the Mane 6 could get to places etc... There are any number of other ways this limitation could have been brought up to explain things, and it goes for the most ridiculous.
Even the whole point of everything here, getting Humanity and Ponies to work together, as above, I could see Discord doing this, like this, but NOT BEFORE HE HAD REFORMED! This just utterly ruins everything we knew about him, as well as thoroughly discrediting and diminishing Fluttershy's role by saying she's simply not needed at all. Making her actions in bringing him around pointless, rather then having that act, making him care about others for the first time, ending up being the one small act that ends up saving their world. But further, adding to the "This is an XCOM fic with ponies" feel, is how Discord describes it, that the Humans really do not need the ponies at all, that they would pull through in the end, but the ponies are utterly screwed without the humans. It just does not feel right at all, this should be two sides that need each other, that only together can they truly overcome the threat, tying into the entire theme of the series that friendship makes you stronger. Instead it's "Humans are awesome, and we need to get them to help us our we're screwed."
Alright lets end this section on a good note, while the "humans and ponies untie" aspect of the story felt lacking due to the stories clear focus and seeming preference for the XCOM side over the Ponies, there is one aspect of this as a crossover that I just plain freaking LOVED, and is my second favorite part of the story after the combat scenes. Actually scratch that, I think this might be the part I enjoyed the most. Watching the humans trying to understand ponies. Seeing their theories, their ideas, seeing how they interpret the things Twilight is telling them, having only the context of what she provides. It showed a lot about how they think, such as their constant fear of Cadance due to, on the surface and without fully understanding her and the context, yeah what she does can come off rather creepy and their justified fears of mind control. Even the things that they got blatantly wrong, were in ways that made sense given their limited knowledge. Like assuming Cutie Marks can be controlled, that they serve as a way to guide the population and regulate them, causing more ponies to get marks in whatever field the kingdom needs at the time etc... yeah that is not at all how it works, as nothing controls what mark a pony gets beyond who they are, but looking at it just with the limited stuff Twilight gives them, and them assuming there might be secrets kept from her, I can see how they would reach that conclusion. Or the shrink wondering if AJ and RD might be compelled to act or feel certain ways by their Elements, it is an idea that, given what he knows, could seem plausible, even though the reality is that, no, they are not being compelled to act that way by their Elements, they bear their Elements because that is how they simply are naturally. Even going into some rather common, especially in the early show, theories fans have brought up about things, like Earth Ponies being a 'serf class' which we see is not the case, but on the surface, without looking into details, you can see how it looks that way. Reading their thoughts, seeing them trying to work this stuff out, it was glorious and in this aspect, the story really used the crossover well, the biggest fault I can see in this aspect, is the lack of seeing the opposite side, of seeing Twilight doing the same to the Humans, working out things, coming up with theories, having HER thoughts on what she's learning beyond that very brief little superficial bit now and then.
To close on another high note, while there were quite a few minor missteps, and one huge, glaring failing, when it comes to the Pony side, the story does also have a few great ideas that I really did love. Such as the whole explanation of the Magic Field, how it works, both in Equestria and on Earth. And stemming from that, the discovery that an active, in use field causes the colors of things around it to get brighter, sharper. One hell of an explanation for the coloration differences that I LOVE so damn much! Even extending from that, the idea that Twilight's body is so used to the Field, so enmeshed in it, that she needs it to function properly or heal. This isn't confirmed to be the case, but it is an idea that makes sense and I like. Also, the idea of ponies having a kind of, low level, passive psioic link. It, is actually an idea that makes sense and I can see it being possible after a fashion. Give just how powerful bonds can be, how often they mention connections.. I can fully buy and even love the idea of this being the case. Maybe not the telepathic way ta the humans consider, but having some magical bond of that nature.... yeah that fits this setting SO WELL!
So, in summery, this is one hell of a damn good XCOM fic (At least from the perspective of an outsider to that series.) That in that respect does the best thing a crossover can do, make a reader unfamiliar with the series want to give it a look. But kind of falters as a pony fic. Many great ideas, but poor usage of the characters, numerous things that don't line up or work, and one massive, glaring flaw. Beyond that, is how the story never really felt like it was two sides drawing together, it was just one said erecting to the other, rather then the grander thing it was clearly trying to be. The two sides never really mesh together to form something greater then either of them alone could give the story.
Overall: Great. I know I say this a lot, but this story was another I had a hard time rating. The amazing combat scenes, the really well done bits of the humans trying to learn about Equestria, the underlying ideas that really worked well, all are aspects that could make this one of the best stories. Yet, the character issues, the lack of a clear sense of things at times, the lack of focus, all made sure this wasn't going to get the highest rating. Then add on the Twilight issues. Her lack of involvement in the plot. As well as all the overall way this story seems to clearly preference the XCOM side over the pony. It puts it right on the tipping point between "Great" and "Incredible" As an XCOM story, or even as just a story in and of itself, divorced from any outside context, while the character issues do hold it back, there is enough good that, I'd lean for the higher rating. But, these reviews look at stories first and foremost as Pony stories, as pieces of MLP based literature. From the perspective, it's sitting right on the fence between those two due to the issues I've listed, and the Meanwhile pt 3 chapter is what solidly knocks it down to the lower rating. I cannot stress enough just how much damage that one chapter does to this entire story as a pony fic through what it does. If there were one single thing I would say to improve this story in the simplest manor possible, it is to just cut that whole part.
But, the issues do go beyond that. I keep bringing up Twilight, both in her portrayal and her role in the story, and this is because while that meanwhile thing is the most direct error, Twilight is the faulty thread running through the whole story that holds it down from being as great as it could be. The story really should have let her out of her cell, not tried to keep her a secret, let her go out in the base, interact with the soldiers more directly, show her taking an active roll in winning them over, not just being all cute and innocent and adorable and making them all feel sorry about not loving her through that. Have her WORK for this. As it is, she faces no real struggles at all beyond that poorly executed attempts at PTSD. Or more specifically, she doesn't overcome any issues herself. Every issue there is with and any other character is resolved not through her actions, not through her trying to reach them. But simply through them learning more about her or coming to their own conclusions based on what they see, in which Twilight is just a passive force being observed.
This brings down the story, because it's trying to be a grand, amazing bringing together of two forces. Ponies and Humans finding common ground, Twilight serving as a bridge between them, allowing the two to unite together the face down a massive threat. But, Twilight doesn't earn this, doesn't take an active role in doing anything to get to this. There is no theme of this running through the story. The lack og this theme, of having this connection, this thread being an active part of the story... I said above that this story is a damn good XCOM fic, and a.. troubled but still decent Pony fic (Mw pt3 notwithstanding) but that the two don't mesh together well, that the story doesn't make them merge together into one larger, stronger story that is more then the sum of it's parts. Well, that is the issue with the story as a whole for me, it is lacking that active feeling, that theme of Twilight bringing two sides together, or helping the humans, of just, doing anything but sitting around being either adorable and naive and innocent, or a Plot Device that gives them new toys. It gives the story nothing on which it can tie everything else together, stops it from becoming a grand epic with a whole greater then the sum of it's parts... merely equal to it, as as I've covered, while it does have many, many amazing parts, it also has many not so well done, and without that final addition, that galvanizing agent to blend them together into an alloy stronger then them alone, well, things just sadly don't add up to a story that matches it's own clear potential. Which is the most frustrating thing about the story. That it does so much so damn GOOD, that there is so much potential, that it comes SO CLOSE to being exceptional, but, just doesn't mange to quite reach it.
However, that is not to say this is by any means a 'bad' story, no it is still, on the whole, really damn good, with a lot of great ideas, and a ton of wonderful moments. Engaging, action packed, emotional at a few times, but not as many as it would like to be. It is simply that, I can see how it could so easily have been even better and yet, isn't. One of the biggest questions that tells you if a story was successful is "Do I want to see more of this?" If yes, then the story worked. And, oh look, this story does have sequels. So, did I love this story enough that it makes me want to continue it? Would I say that, despite it flaws, this is a successful, well done story on the whole? YES, and maybe. Okay, to clarify, there are two direct 'sequels' one, the actual continuation of the story, the ponies and humans teaming up to battle the foes as it starts to attack Equestria. The other, is a short one shot dealing with Twilight's dealing with the trauma and emotional issues she suffered during the story. In the latter case..... that is the maybe. Given Twi's presentation was the weakest part of the story for me, and I fail to see how she would be THAT traumatized by things due to the lack of really getting a feel for her, I am leery about a story all about her dealing with stuff that were poorly established the first time, and with how the story tends to over do things in that regards. But, the 'real' sequel" Oh fuck yes! Like I said, this story, when it tries, can be freaking amazing, and the very end of this is a little teaser trailer type thing for the next fic and.... holy crap was it EPIC! The issues I have with this story are not systemic, it has plenty of great ideas, but fails to utilize certain of them right. There is enough good, and the bad easy enough to fix that, I can fully see things improving. As well as the idea of the sequel already having more promise of playing to the strengths of this story and away from the weaker elements. (Counter to this since it's topical right now, Marvel's Iron Fist, where, every episode just leaves me with zero investment or desire for more beyond a nagging desire to just get it over with. Damn is this show DULL!)
So, in conclusion, this is a damn good story on the whole, but, with a few flaws that just, keep it from being as great as it could be, however, with so much potential clearly there, so much that it does do right, I would have no qualms recommending it. I thoroughly enjoyed reading the story.. bar some bits that made me just groan and want to bang my head on the desk and, well that one chapter.. but it doesn't remove just what this story does right or make me regret reading it in the slightest. It could be better, but so could any story, and so long as the sequel shows the author working on improving the less well done aspects, while polishing the already amazing ones, I am sure the sequel will be fantastic. To end this, been awhile since I had to find a vid to fit a review so, something in the spirit of what this story was trying for.....
I read this quite a while ago and enjoyed it, but the point you brought up about Twilight not being allowed to figure out certain things or be pro-active about much of anything, was something that bugged me. And then I figured it out: This story isn't about Twilight.
Despite starting and ending with her (the usual pointer to the protagonist), the story is about the XCOM guys. The "fuzzy" POV focus is because this is an XCOM story crossed with MLP, not the other way around.
Good story, though.
4467964 Agreed. This really was an XCOM story first and foremost, but framed as if it was a pony one which, as you said made it feel 'fuzzy' and a bit off. And as I said in the end, my reviews on this blog are looking at stories as Pony Fics first and foremost.
Still an overall good story, and where it does falter, it's things that, kind of give a 'first story' type of feel. While having more then enough potential and great aspects to really make me want to read more stuff as the author polishes his writing more. As what looks to be a first story, it is damn well done. So, guess just need to check out some sequels then.
Overall a reasonably valid review. Some of these points have a great deal of merit, some of them are YMMV, and some of them just look like you're projecting your headcanon onto the story, which seems a bit unfair in my opinion. That said, it's been a bit too long since I last read this story for me to really debate them, so I'll just respond to a couple of them.
Morale, I presume. They're fighting aliens, but they're harboring aliens.
I believe that occurred through extensive element testing, as well as the Elerium testing. However,
Yeah, this was something that bothered me too.
I dunno, I thought it fit pretty well story-wise. Her best friend gets severely injured and Twilight suddenly realizes that while she's having fun playing cards or whatever, her allies are dying, so she devotes her efforts into being a serious asset.
Fyi, that emotionless dark Celestial is a prequelfic Arad wrote later on. It's less mind rewrite, and more taking away her hammer in a world full of things that look like nails but really aren't. Agree that Stardust was a bit confusing about that part.
4468516
I think what Sera was getting at was that she was passive for too long, and a bit OOC.
4468516
Thank you, and yeah, any review by it's nature is going to have some YMMV points, I do try my best to be clear where it's things I know are just pure YMMV, or at least explain my point on why I feel this way, harder to do on this review for all of them due to it being so damn long already. As to Headcanons, can't say that never props up, but I'm not going to dock a story JUST for going against my headcanon, but when the alternative it presents is one I just feel does not work, yeah that'll cost it a bit. As to 'projecting' well, I'd argue there is a difference between 'headcanon' and simply, what you feel is in keeping with how a character/setting is presented in the source material. Which is my biggest issue with the things I have issues with here. But would need a bit more information on just where you think I did this to see what you mean.
Also yay glad you are around, sorry for the long wait just... issues, laziness and, other stuff, still, have something else in the works we've talked about that you've been waiting to see coming soon. Hopefully
Which makes sense at first. But by say the halfway point, it becomes counter productive, and that same reason would be given for telling them. Letting them know, they are not alone, Twilight is helping them fight, that not all out there are enemies, and when they find a way to contact her people, they may just have an ally in their fight. And from a story perspective, it would give Twilight more to do, having her have to face the soldiers who distrust or even hate her for being non-human, and have to WORK to win them over, have to actually do something beyond sit there and be innocent and adorable to win them over. It would make it feel like she actually accomplished something in the story beyond being a plot device.
Nope, Pinkie Pie sent a letter telling them what it was. Which makes no sense, even for Pinkie Pie.
Like I said given how the spell worked, translating the concepts into words, I could see it not working for this, given Twi's concept of Arcanite is so vague, and passed down through myths and legends, that it wouldn't necessarily match the Humans view or Elerium enough to be translated. But it still should have worked to make clear the common stuff like Iron, Gold, etc... was ruled out.
Oh yes, Twilight MAKING the designs is not the issue at all, though do think it could have been handled better, had more insight into her thoughts about it. My issue is, all she does is make the blueprints, send them to Charles.. and then sits on her flank till the next time the humans need her to do something, rather then the story having her down there working alongside him to develop and create this stuff the whole way.
Also, hard for me to see it as the story wants me to when the only reason she was doing what she criticizes herself for doing was that the humans refused to tell her what was going on, and the story refused to acknowledge she should have figured it out from what she did know by now.
What 4468532 said. It's that the story simply did not let Twilight really be an active part of it in these cases.
Also yeah I know about that fic.. but given it wasn't written till later to use as reference, all I have to go on is what the story presented and, well as you can tell, not a fan.
4468532
4468574
Fair enough with regards to Twilight. I honestly didn't really notice it, but looking back at my comment I basically interpreted the story as a slice of life with some action bits sprinkled in. I'd have to give it another read to really confirm it, but you guys are probably right.
Hmm, on a somewhat reread, I'm more inclined to move these to the YMMV. The most obvious thing to me is:
I mean, yeah, that interpretation makes a lot of sense, but there are plenty of stories that follow the same line of thinking as Stardust, and that doesn't mean it's flat out wrong (the show hasn't been especially forthcoming on the Elements' mechanics).
Good points on the morale bit. It'd probably be a good time to include along with the Garden of Eden projects. I guess I had the suspension of disbelief for it to not bother me. On the other hand, it did seem like Twilight was heading towards more active involvement with her training the psionic soldiers. Plus you could see the reactions of the soldiers in Gifts (Part 2), which showed that it still perhaps wasn't the best time to reveal Twilight's existence. But I see what you mean about the potential that didn't appear in the story.
I just took it as another gag, albeit this time it was convenient for the plot. I'm sure elerium would have been tested eventually. The translation thing bothers me far more than Pinkie's mysterious powers. It'd make more sense if instead of a made up word like Arcanite, a common word for some rare, special metal was used.
4468707 Regarding the Elements, yeah I've seen it used other places, and it is always just... not right. Just by the very nature of what they are and what they represent, "Harmony". Absolute order is not Harmony, if so, then Lawful Evil would be fully 'right' by them, no matter how viscous, cruel, and vile it is, so long as it was Orderly. Further, while we've never seen the Elements work against it, they are tied to the Tree of Harmony, as is the Cutie Map, and we've seen it dispatch the mane 6 to deal with cases where something is 'Order" but needs to be stopped, Starlight's Village as well as that stuff with Zesty Gourmand. Her control over the restaurants in Canterlot was orderly after all, but the Map, and hence the Tree, thought it was wrong. The show has made quite clear that simply being neat, and orderly is not in and of itself right.
The Pinkie bit, again, it's that using Pinkie like this, where she just 'knows' things, is kind of a cop out and far to easy, especially when, as you said, there is no reason they couldn't get to that normally just through testing. As to the name.. OH OH OH Should have had the humans hearing it as "Orichalcum" which was this legendary, highly special metal said to have only been found in Atlantis that had all sorts of odd properties. Some version of the myths having it be that over mining the stuff was what led to the island sinking, as the mines simply dug out to much of it's support.