Dec
25th
2016
Is Crime Pays Too Grim? · 10:42pm Dec 25th, 2016
What do you guys think? Is this story getting too violent/bloody/gory/dark? I know the Rarity Arc for sure kind of got out of hand in terms of dark content, and this draft of the next chapter... Well, let's just say that this really ain't for kids. So, should I tone down the blood and brutality? Or do you like it just the way it is?
Also, Merry Christmas (or winter holiday of your choosing). I love you all.
i love it the way it is merry Christmas happy new years i hope to keep reading this great story have a good day and a good new year
Nah it's fine
Hey there buddy, ol' friend, ol' pal. What'd ya think you're doin? Not pussying out on me are ya? Don't forget you're writing a crime drama, on the side of the criminals no less.
All jokes aside, I get where you're coming from. Especially since at the end of the day this is still a My Little Pony fanfiction. I don't have to tell you that good dark/grit is hard to come by on this site especially if you're really looking for it. But then if you came to an MLP fanfic site for dark/gore then there's a few more things that might be wrong with ya. It may seem excessive at times but as I said earlier, this is a crime drama on the side of the criminals. This is where the double crossing, the intimidation, the backstabbing, the "giving them a message" all originates from. We're down here in the filth along with them, and from what I've read and enjoyed so far, the gore and dark only ramp up when the setting calls for it. You referenced the Rarity arc as an example. It got that deep into the rabbit hole because that was where Rarity was as well. This story has it's lighthearted moments along side the grit. That's what makes the contrast of a good story like this work so well. When you have brightness then get reminded just who we're following.
You Should leave it as it is.
Gimmie the most grim darkness you can... and I'll still enjoy it.
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Thank you all for the feedback. I'm glad to know my readers have stronger stomachs than I gave them credit for. Honestly, the only reason I asked is because one of the criticisms I received during the Widow Arc was that it was too dark. Normally, that sort of thing just rolls off my back, but this time it really stuck with me for whatever reason. Thanks for the confidence booster.
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Oh, boy, you done fucked up now. If that's how you feel...Well, then. Guess it's time to take off the kiddy gloves.
(Also, thanks for the compliments, I really needed that. Happy holidays!)
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Screw the haters, it's YOUR story, not theirs
I like what you've written, as its been written. Right now, as things are, its fitting. She (twilight) is having to adjust, and play damage control. so really, its fitting to the scene. So really, nope, i dont see it, the rarity bit, was harsh, but set a clear line. So go on for what you see the character doing, its why its enjoyable.
Leave it the way it is; it's great that way.
4355540 And I could not agree with you more on this.
They don't like it, let 'em go elsewhere.
If I want feel good lighthearted fluff I'll read something else. Which I often do.
I am completely fine with the dark stuff, it's what made me follow the story in the first place
Soften it up? Tch, hells no! Keep it as is!
As soon as you try to cater your story for others instead of what you think it should be, That's when quality suffers drastically.
Besides what everyone posted below, your story is also rated M so like I'm fairly sure everyone expects graphic content in some form.
If we consider Crime Pays as a payday spin-off, I would say you have kept the gore levels on pretty similar scales. I mean in payday if you headshot someone next to a wall you pretty much paint the wall red.
4356202 Its actually rated Teen but yeah should probably be upped to mature.
4356285 You think? I've been really at odds about how to tag this thing. I was reluctant to tag it dark at all, so I'm really dulled to this sort of thing.
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From the FAQ, no idea how gory the later parts (or the part your writing) are as i need to catch up but if your worried about the amount of gore then it might fall under "too much for Teen" if its past vague descriptions?
4356334 I understand the rating system and what it all means, I'm just a bad judge. What I would consider to be a vague description, another will call gory details. Like, I'm not having intestines ripped out, but there's talk of dismemberment, so... I'm probably going to bump it up to M on this next update, just to be safe.
Tune down the violence? For fucks sake, NO!
The violence and grit you have in this story is what pulled me over to it despite my tendency to enjoy more light hearted heist stories and movies. I've actually been trying to get a project off the ground and your story with all it's gore and grit is what helped provide the inspiration I needed to get my outline of the first few chapters of my project set in stone.
The Rarity arc was actually one of your best arcs. It wasn't overly complicated, but had me guessing at what would happen next. Not to mention I never would have guessed in a million years that a heist crew member would take on an assassin to see which one could come out on top.
That being said, since you used an assassin I feel that having Rarity be that violent and gruesome was necessary to show just how much of a threat she could be to any of the protagonist's lives.
I should add that the brutality that Twilight showed Lyra was amazing. In fact should I ever need inspiration for writing a confrontation such as that, I will be re-reading that chapter several times. That scene is hoofs down one of my favorites in any Fimfiction story that I've read thus far.
I can't help but throw my two cents at the comments about the rating of the story. Your violence and grit feels fine to be a T rated story. The atmosphere you've painted makes most of this feel fine and so long as you give a warning about the gore in the description I think this story would be fine.
I would suggest not toning down the action at all. In fact I say keep going and crank it up to eleven if you have to!
If you'd like, I could take a look at the draft of your next chapter and give you better feedback on the rating as well as anything else I find note worthy. 
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Yea you definetly should. I don't think any reader particularly cares about the rating because the gore comes so deep into the story but still better be on the safe side.
I'm more concerned about the Lyra angle then the grim feel. That has the feel of something that's going to end awfully, and not in a good awful kind of way. Here's a mare that's been the driving force of Twilight's psyche for some time, but in the space of just a few chapters, we find not only she didn't do it, but she's got a plan to work her way back into Twilight's good graces and her crew. That is anticlimatic as all hell, and so so boring. It's a bait and switch with no payoff. If we'd gotten to know Moondancer, this may not be so jarring, but she's been entirely off screen the entire fic.
4362597 Not to sound like a dick, but a thing cannot be anticlimactic before the climax. The story isn't over yet. Lyra’s arc isn't over yet. I'm not finished yet.
Also, if you have a critique on the story, leave it on the story itself. Not on my blog post asking a very specific question that actually has nothing to do with the plot or with Lyra.
There's a time and a place for everything. Not here, not now.
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To partially sound like a dick, you should really have known that anticlimatic can describe more than an arc's climax. Something totally can be anticlimatic, like a poor reveal, if it was explained away too fast. Lyra is now not only working with Twi, but planning a heist. Your reveal was anticlimatic and dull, came from nowhere, and had no emotional weight behind it because both Lyra and Moondancer were never seen in the story. Sure, it may have a better ending, but now I'm not even invested in it because I have no reason to care about Twilight or Lyra's stake in it.
And considering murdering a former friend totally does relate to a thing called grimdark, it is more than relevant to this discussion; you can't talk about content without actually talking about content. That's a given. Twilight's been killing people, and this is tagged with a dark and thriller tag. It comes with the territory. A complex opinion about a story cannot be explained with a simple yes or no, and whether it should continue on this track depends on a variety of factors. I don't care if you keep it this grim or not. If you do something I don't like, I'll just downvote and fuck off to read something else in my read later list.
However, talking about a grim story requires talking about what's in the story. The reason I spoke up about Twilight is because it doesn't make sense. There's waterboarding and threats of death, and we've heard all this crap before. The why is more important, not the what. The story can be as dark as who gives a shit, but as soon as the reasoning behind it stops making sense like it does now, then that's my vote to stop whatever the hell you're doing. If a boring, anticlimatic reveal is directly tied into how dark it is, then stop that. That's my vote.
4362626 To entirely sound like a dick, you don't know what you're talking about. Don't you think I know how unsatisfying it all is? That was intentional. It's not supposed to sit right with people. Twilight herself feels off about it. That's called planting a seed. Soon, if you're patient, that seed will grow.
As for me wanting to "talk about content without talking about content", as you put it, allow me to quote you for a moment
You see that? That's you ignoring my question, which is the entire reason for this blog, so you can go on into your critique. If you want to critique, as you so clearly do, then by all means, go to the story page and leave a comment. But don't come onto this blog and leave unhelpful comments just so your opinion will be heard. I asked about the content: is it too dark? Now, over a dozen people before you managed to answer my question with no incident. I don't quite see why you had such an issue. It was a simple question that didn't require you to start bitching about what a poor reveal it was, which, by the way, wasn't a reveal at all. If you go back a while ago, Spike said he didn't believe Lyra snitched. Shining said that Moondancer was the one who squealed, didn't say anything about Lyra. That. again, is called planting a seed. And that tree did grow. It served its purpose.
Finally, and this is really the most baffling part of our exchange so far, you say something near the end of your last comment that absolutely makes no fucking sense.
I wholeheartedly support your right to do this. No one is putting a gun to your head and forcing you to read my shit. So, downvote and move on, as I suspect you will. The problem arises when you stop to consider a pretty simple question: If you don't care about the grimness of the story, why the fuck are you on a blog post titled "Is Crime Pays Too Grimm?"? If you don't care, why click the link? Why read my post? Why comment? I will never understand people like you. If something doesn't apply to you, fucking leave! Yet you're still here, bitching about a small part of an incomplete story that you're not happy with. People like you think you're so smart that you know the story better than the author. What you said about bad reveals may be true, but it's also not all-encompassing. I know my story better than anyone, because I'm the only one who's seen the ending. You don't get to tell me about a section here until you see the full picture (which, by the way, is being kept intentionally cloudy. Obvious, but you seem to be chomping at the bit to tell me how I fucked up, so I feel the need to tell you that I planned that much).
So, to summarize, I don't know why you spoke up. Why waste your time putting fingers to the keyboard? I've obviously done something you don't like, because you started bitching about it with no provocation. So... take your on advice. Downvote and fuck off. I'm through letting a small number of assholes get me down. Leave your downvote, go read something better, and let me get on with my story. good fucking riddance.