Staggerschnock · 12:23pm Nov 14th, 2016
As you may have heard, horizon and Not_A_Hat decided to do a drunken watch-and-write session last night since neither of them had seen the Season 6 finale. They invited all and sundry to join in the fun. The linked blog gives the highlights, since horizon kept updating it as the night went on. Ponies were watched, tables were flipped (with photographic evidence,) and abominations were written. Also, we all read a story horizon wrote when he was 11 that still sounds better than some stuff I wrote when I was 26.
Oh, and the chat requested a Magic card between watching the episode and writing the story:
Snogmahydra 4GU
Creature — Hydra
When Snogmahydra enters the battlefield, create two 1/1 blue Unicorn creature tokens.
(gu), Tap two other untapped creatures you control: Put a +1/+1 counter on Snogmahydra.
Love leads to new life.
4/4
I could provide context, but I doubt it would help.
If you want to bear witness to the insanity, you can see it in all of its glory here. ([Teen][Sex][Abandon All Sanity Ye Who Enter Here]) For the record, I was completely sober; I just suspended any and all ability to give a crap. (Tip: If a part of the story involves particle collisions, I probably wrote it.) Also, there is a complete trainwreck of a reading here.
It's kind of sad that this is one of the most productive writing sessions I've had in weeks.
No, it's not. Having fun and being productive can actually work together. Usually it's the opposite, sure, but not always.
C'mon, you need to stat Snothedron, too!
NO FUCKING GODDAMMIT I MISSED ANOTHER SESSION OF BRAIN CELL RUPTURING HILARITY GOING TO KILL MYSELF WHHHHYYYYYYYYYYY
I've had this bottle of Sambucca sitting in my fridge for like three years. I need an excuse to drink it. Last time I participated in these was like maybe a couple years ago? I dunno *faceplant* I got lost on Super Trampoline's userpage lol. I couldn't click the PM button because userpages suck on an iPhone and I was just too wasted hurr durr :B
I'm going to assume that the Hadron collider was you, Foamy. I'm somewhat under the impression that the Hadron collider ties in with Jake the Army Guy's whole "Magical Lesbian Fart Babies" theory. For you see, when a mare and a mare approach each other at high speeds breaching the speed of light ??? and then there is a baby. And gas. Sure. Possibly the two mares would cease to exist, but Hadron colliders are risky, srs business. They know the risks.
You know, this can be arranged at Bronycon. If you want to, of course. Or you could be one of those guys who ensures no one dies from their own inhebriated stupidity. That's all fine, too.
Y'know, playing drunken Magic is stupid and fun, but you know something has gone terrible in the world when you somehow manage to win while drunk and you've played against someone who's sober. It's almost as bad as when my stoner buddy offered some of the cannabis to some guy at a tournament who had lost his first two matches. The guy accepted cuz he hadn't had any in awhile, blazed, and proceeded to destroy in his final matches. Apparently, he just needed some help mellowing out a bit.
So. Yeah. Drugs n booze. Combine them with activities at your own risk but the results are more often than not absolutely dumb and hilarious.
4302021
Snotmahedron 4
Artifact
4, T: Create a green Ooze creature token with "This creature's power and toughness are each equal to the number of Oozes you control."
The hedrons can bind beings larger than planes, channel unfathomable quantities of mana... or just cause a runny nose.
4302256
I think I'll be one of the designated sober folks, if it's all the same. I can't stand the taste of alcohol; my tongue can't accept the idea of a recreational poison.
4302269
Clearly we (where "we" is the sufficiently intoxicated and irresponsible segment of the fandom) need to rig you up with an ethanol IV drip!
I will take this as retroactive justification for the trainwreck.
Also, the sno?mah?dr*s are best M:TG crossovers. Maybe we need to start an Unhooved expansion. LEGAL IN VINTAGE TOURNAMENT!
4302652
snormahudrops
snommahedreds
snoomahydrants
snowmahndragoras
4302657 What even are most of those? snotmahedron is about snot, snogmahydra involves snogging, but what on earth is a "snoomahadrant"?
4303344
Something that fits the regular expression.
4303350 Proper nouns count as regular expressions? I had no idea!
4303441
Regular expression. (The question marks and asterisks represent "wild card" characters: a ? for a single character, a * for any number of characters. I was riffing off of "sno?mah?dr*s" to come up with other phrases that fit the pattern.)
Snormahudrops 1WU
Enchantment
When a creature enters the battlefield, detain that creature. (Until your next turn, that creature can't attack or block and its activated abilities can't be activated.)
Azorians experimented with wide deployment of these traps on the theory that keeping the peace was as simple as giving everyone time to sleep on the consequences of their actions.
Snommahedred 1UUGG
Legendary Creature — Hydra
When Snommahedred enters the battlefield, put three +1/+1 counters on it.
Creatures which have +1/+1 counters on them do not untap as normal during their controller's untap phase. During each player's upkeep phase, that player may remove up to one +1/+1 counter from each creature they control.
Tap two untapped creatures you control: Add a +1/+1 counter to Snommahedred.
UG: Move a +1/+1 counter from Snommahedred to target creature.
"Snotmahydras, snogmahedrons, whatever! They're all the same! Just mash them together and weaponize them!" –Snarjo, Simic Fluxmage
0/0
Snoomahydrant 4
Artifact
2: Tap two untapped creatures you control. If you do, all damage that those creatures take is reduced to 0 until end of turn.
The love-inducing, soporific properties of Snooma are well-known. The method of its harvest slightly less so.
Snowmandragonra 3G
Creature - Plant
Defender
If there are no snow-covered lands on the battlefield, sacrifice Snowmandragora.
When mana from a snow-covered land is used to pay some or all of a spell's casting cost, Snowmandragora loses Defender until end of turn.
These thaumivorous arctic predators look cute and harmless until you realize that 98% of their mass is underground.
6/6