Things go as they will. · 7:32pm Oct 4th, 2016
So I wrote the coda (is that the right term?) for Color on one of Cynewulfs blogs. It's pretty okay, largely references things that I haven't written yet so spoilers I guess?
But today has been...trying. starting out at the height of elation and now in the depths of a misery I didn't know before. My wife is ~8 weeks pregnant. First kid. I've been freaking out because oh god I have to be an adult and shit. But also excited, because the old gypsy woman (no shit, that's not just an archer reference, there's a real story) said it'd be a girl and let's face it. I'd use that as the biggest front for pony shit possible.
However today was the first ultrasound. Now normally you'd be able to detect the heart beat. Didnt see it on the first. So I had to go to work (I mean at least part of my day). They were sending my wife to a higher resolution ultrasound to get it. Didn't see it there either...so they told her that the baby may be dead. I get told this in a text message and freak out. I'm blaming myself because my wife and I have been arguing about a lot of stuff and constantly so I'm thinking that I just caused this.
But we may be wrong on the dates. We may just be getting all bad angles. We'll see on monday a little more. So now I have this guilt weighing me down on top of all the other shit I've done in my life (I make Sunset look like a saint).
So, being someone who doesn't have imaginary friends (though that would definitely increase it from two), if you're the praying type, please. I may not believe in God but I think there is a real empathic link we humans share, something we haven't pinned down yet but is not physically impossible. So I beg, pray for a broken sinner, his long suffering wife, and a potential child.
Absolutely.
4239978 You are far too kind.
The first trimester is risky. If the worst has happened, it's not your fault.
Best hopes in the meantime.
4240106 Kinda hard to tell yourself that when you've been dealing with a pattern of psychological issues that cause fights, and being told stress is a risk and if it happened it'd be my fault.
But I understand and thank you for the support.
I may not be the praying type, but I hope that all goes well and that the baby is alive.
Stay strong.
4241347 I don't buy psychics, but I had a woman tell me, dead cold, how long I'd been married, when I'd go on vacation, when my wife and I were planning on trying, and that it'd be a girl and take after me.
Everything except the last part has proven true. I don't leave a trail online so nothing was datamined. So, and the X-Files fan in me says yes, if we don't preclude the possibility of precognitive abilities then I know it will be fine. Scottish warrior blood means she'd be a fighter.