11) · 5:03am Jun 12th, 2016

"Sekai Wa Anata No Iro Ni Naru" - B'z (Detective Conan opening 43)

Welcome to my weekly anime blog! Each week, I will comment on what I have watched since the last posting.

The blog is broken into two sections: This Season's New Anime and Returning and Completed Anime, which for the immediate foreseeable future will mostly be comprised of Naruto Shippuden recaps and the weekly episodes of Detective Conan.

SPRING 2016 ANIME
Here are the new Spring 2016 anime I'm following.

SailorMoon Crystal Season III

Mistress 9, Professor Tomoe, and Master Pharaoh 90 are all that remain of the Deathbusters. Chibiusa is dead, and Mistress 9 has swallowed her Maboroshi no Ginzuishou.

Episode opens with Pharaoh 90 being obnoxiously hammy stereotypical villain.

Mistress 9 starts releasing more and more of the power of the Ginzuishou, which resonates with Chibiusa's corpse, which begins glowing and stuff back at Mamoru's apartment. Inside Mistress 9, Hotaru senses the danger to Chibiusa and cries out, struggling against the mental bonds restraining her. Mistress 9 reels in pain as a hot lavender light shines on her forehead, and cries out that it feels like her forehead is splitting.

The power of Saturn is beginning to stir...

Within Mistress 9, Hotaru guides Chibiusa's soul to the Maboroshi no Ginzuishou. Hotaru's resolve to protect Chibiusa breaks Mistress 9's connection to the Ginzuishou, and back in the real world, Chibiusa comes back to life—still comatose, and her soul is still separated from her body, but warmth has returned to her.

Meanwhile, the Senshi are having trouble finding the enemy, so they split into two groups to search the entirety of Mugen Gakuen. The Outers and Super Sailormoon search the basement while the Inners work their way down from the top.

In the basement, Tomoe goes off on a psychotic mad scientist rant. In a flashback, we see the birth of Kaolinite, who was originally Tomoe's nurse/assistant Kaori, and Tomoe's own willing transformation. Tomoe has decided he's a god because he's created the perfect lifeform.

Weird Shit happens in the elevator, and Super Sailormoon is somehow separated from the Outer Senshi, finding herself floating alone in a black void. She remembers that she's never really alone because friendship, and uses her Rainbow Moon Heart Ache on the darkness. The illusion lifts, and she's actually still in the elevator with the Outers, who are all recovering from its rather abrupt fall to the bottom of the shaft.

Absolutely nothing about this scene made a lick of sense. It contributed nothing to the characterization or the story. It...really just didn't even need to be there. -_-

Anyway, the elevator door opens, and Tomoe is standing there with an army of Daimons. The Senshi make short work of the Daimons, then demand to know where Hotaru is. Tomoe tells them, then promises they're going to die where they stand, before transforming into his monster form. Despite her reluctance to kill Hotaru's father, Super Sailormoon realizes that she has to in order to protect her nakama and save everyone.

Hotaru senses her father's death and sheds a tear.

The building begins to shake as powerful Daimons explode up from the basement and head for the upper floors where the Inner Senshi are. Usagi senses her friends being attacked, and as the Inner Senshi are struck by surprise, Sailor Moon's compact reacts, and her Super Sailormoon transformation breaks. She instantly realizes that something terrible has happened to her friends.

Outside, the sky turns black as Master Pharaoh 90 emerges from the ruins...

Netoge

The other girls of the Netoge Club have tried to get Ako to do her summer homework and have also tried to bond with her, but realize that the inner workings of her mind are truly incomprehensible and frightening. Ako herself is doing her best to be a shiftless, whining sponge.

It's time for the school Culture Festival! And the Netoge Club has no idea what kind of presentation to make.

Before that, though: Hideki attempts, by relating a tale of a healer he met in a pickup party once, and encountered again later in another pickup party, to convince Ako—in an incredibly sideways and roundabout way—to tell everyone at school they're in a regular relationship instead of a marriage.

Predictably, Ako no-sells this because she doesn't "get" reality.

On the first day of term, Akane and Hideki wonder why Ako hasn't come to school. Just as they're wondering this, Hideki gets a call from Ako wondering why nobody is logged in. Ako's sitting in her bedroom butt naked (because of the heat), having forgotten all about school.

Pointless fanservice shot of Nekohime-sensei's ass! She tries to get the club enthused about the upcoming culture festival, and is despondent when they show a complete apathy towards it.

"You should be more enthusiastic about Sakikosai! Aren't you high school students?"

Yes, they are. And that's why they're apathetic about it. High school students hate doing that shit. Kyoh has a wild, stupid idea about using the Legendary Age siege battle PvP as their presentation, saying all they have to do is win the event and present a commemorative photo.

Later, the club gets in some PvP practice, and hilariously demonstrates Master's weakness against human opponents. She's used to fighting mobs, who are always in her AoE range, but one-on-one against her guildmates, they sidestep her AoE, close while she's in RT, and clobber her. Even Ako was able to kill her with just a basic staff. Ouch! XD

After three consecutive humiliating defeats, Rusian points out the glaring flaw in Master's plan: Their guild simply isn't suited for guild-on-guild PvP and will lose to every other PvP guild in LA. Still, they decide to give it a try anyway because they really don't have anything better to show off at the culture festival.

They decide to assault a fortress held by a guild that calls themselvees the "Cleaning Crew". While Master is motivating her troops, another guild made up of at least five times as many players charges past to attack the fort. Master decides they should hang back and watch what happens, to learn about their enemy's strategy.

What they witness honestly looks like something out of Disgaea. Dozens of insanely high-powered attacks rain down from on high, obliterating the siege party in a matter of seconds.

After Master embarrasses herself several times over making pointless charges on the fortress—and the rest of the guild gets wiped out repeatedly, once due to a simple aggro encounter with another raiding party—Master realizes that there really is no chance here. And then Nekohime's White Knights show up to take the fortress in her name. They succeed, and are later defeated by an even larger guild.

Since our hapless band of misfits has no hope in hell of winning a siege battle, they settle for mercilessly teasing Nekohime about her White Knights at the tavern.

The next day, at school, Ako finds herself in a crisis: her class is doing a maid cafe, and has decided Ako will be head maid.

When the next siege battle event arrives, Kyoh and Nekohime-sensei have some surprises: Sette is joining the guild for the next battle, as is Nekohime; they're going up against the guild holding the smallest, weakest fort, and Kyoh has hired a band of mercenaries to assist with the siege.

Ho boy.

Anne-Happy

This show...has worn pretty thin at this point. With this week's episode marking the point at which there are just two episodes left, I'm still watching, but I don't think I'll be sorry to see it go. For me, it honestly started to drag a few episodes back. I had high hopes for Anne-Happy at the beginning, but honestly? The girls are pretty much two-joke characters (if that), what little character development there is is largely pointless, and the formula for this series has worn out its welcome.

Anyway, this time, it's summer vacation, and the girls begin it by going to karaoke. Hibiki is very enthusiastic about karaoke. Hibari has never gone before but turns out to have an amazingly beautiful singing voice. Hanako never gets to sing because every time she goes to karaoke, the second she touches a microphone, it starts screeching. And Timothy shows up unannounced and performs a rap that earworms all the girls.

The next day, the girls have a beach party at Botan's house. After some of the fanservice in earlier episodes, the fanservice here is half-assed, which is disappointing because that's the entire point of a beach episode.

Their next outing together is the summer festival, which means yukata.

Yeah, I never got that whole thing. Every time an anime or video game goes into wank mode about "girls in yukata", I'm like..."whatever, man."

The recurring thread throughout this episode is the appearance of that blond pigtailed girl who shows up for a split second at the end of the opening theme, who appears to be stalking the main characters. Based on the events of the last quarter of this episode, she seems to be Timothy's creator/operator/voice.

Bakuon!!

This episode is all about Chibisame, who is absolutely hilarious to watch because she's just...so damn silly. She takes herself way too seriously and her Napoleon complex is so sad and tragic, yet so FUNNY.

At the arcade, Yume points out a bike racing game (which is really kiddy-looking) and suggests it's perfect for Chibisame. Chibisame goes through a whole tsundere thing while trying the game out, but crashes on her first attempt. The Bike Club shows up, loud and brash, and decide to take turns on it. Hane crashes on the third level, but has fun; Onsa just thinks it's a boring game, and Rin gets way too into it, looking like an absolute dork and overtaxing the game's mechanisms on her over-the-top leans, breaking something. When Chibisame gets back on and plays the game way too seriously because she's got something to prove to herself and the others, whatever Rin broke gives all the way out, and Chibisame manages to crash a fake bike, taking an ugly spill on the arcade floor in front of everybody.

Later, when Chibisame goes for a tandem ride with Hane, it becomes apparent that her real issue with street driving is a crippling fear of motorcycle accidents.

Yikes.

Later, at Bike Club, the members congratulate Onsa on her new position as Bike Club captain. Onsa immediately declares that the Bike Club's biggest problem is that they aren't gaining new members. Hane suggests Chibisame, but Onsa isn't too keen on recruiting her because of, well...her entire personality, comparing her to Rin (who still isn't actually IN the club).

Hane makes the strangest analogy when pointing out how perfect a fit Chibisame is for the club:

Hane: "It's like if a duck came bringing green onions, tofu, a pot, and a portable stove!"

JESUS CHRIST, HANE!! O_o;;

Hilarious scene: Chibisame tries to out-Rin Rin. It backfires. Horribly.

Chibisame's fear of being laughed at for not being able to reach the ground on a bike finally boils over, and she rants at the girls about how she's too short and when she gets on a bike they'll all laugh at her for not being able to reach the ground.

They do laugh at her...for being so worried about something so ridiculous. They explain to her that it's not unusual for girls, and Hane even points out that she had her own bike customized to account for her height.

But it has the opposite of the intended effect: Chibisame is so married to the idea that the design specs created by bike engineers are sacred and should never be changed, the very thought of driving a modified bike makes her cry. Onsa verbally slaps some much-needed sense into her (even managing to throw in a jab against Rin in the process). When Chibisame goes home that evening, she announces that she's going to join the Bike Club and will take the test for her bike license.

The weekend comes, and the Bike Club girls go to one of Chibisame's minibike circuit races, watching her come in first place. After seeing what a prodigy she is at bike racing, they recommend she goes for the auto-pass license exam instead of going through the entire course.

They...don't stop to think that circuit racers like Chibisame who have never driven on the street don't exactly know all the safety and traffic regulations... Chibisame fails the test before she even gets the bike in gear.

Chibisame signs up for the training school so she can learn how to properly ride a street bike, but when the instructor recognizes her as a famous racer and the daughter of an even more famous racer, he just assumes she's a perfect rider and doesn't even bother giving her instruction—he just rubberstamps her paperwork and lets her ride around the course unsupervised.

The rest of the instructors are just as bad, rubberstamping her pass sheet without actually teaching her anything because she's who she is. When Chibisame crashes on the training course because the street bike's shifter is reversed from a racing bike, that's the last straw, and she finally has a breakdown, confiding in Hijiri that she's completely inept at riding anything but racing bikes. She begs Hijiri to teach her how to ride, and Hijiri smiles and says of course she will.

I almost feel bad about calling her Chibisame all this time.

(Totally still gonna do it though. )

This week's episode has a different version of the ED. It's a karaoke version of the ending theme, and instead of the entire SD Bike Club driving through the city streets and passing SD versions of supporting characters, it's just SD Raimu riding on the beach at sunset, with bike noises overlaying the karaoke track.

Haifuri

Previously: The Harekaze encountered the Admiral Spee, freed the crew of the influence of the RATt virus, and said goodbye to Asuka Jr.

Episode 10 is a much-needed breather episode, in which the Harekaze celebrates having crossed the equator by having a little festival on board the ship. Or at least, that's what the chief engineer wants. Everyone else would rather just goof off aimlessly during their downtime.

There's no real point in recapping the goofing off and such, so let's leave it at that. The main thing of note here is that the higher-ups (the school faculties and the Blue Mermaids) are discussing plans of attack to spread the antibody to all the infected ships.

Space Patrol Luluco

Previously: Nova was revealed to be a spy for the Big Bad, the Blackholeian, and Luluco died of heartbreak.

Luluco, now dead, wanders around hell in despair that her life didn't amount to much and she died because she allowed herself to fall in love with someone she didn't really know. She meets a former agent of Space Patrol who tells her that "normal" is something one decides for oneself, and that justice never dies—he's died over and over again, and has come back from death many times.

Luluco realizes that she was never truly betrayed by Nova, who never once actually lied to her, and that her feelings for him won't go away just because they were stolen. This realization allows her to come back to life with new determination: she's going to confess her love to Nova, then arrest him.

ONGOING AND ENDED ANIME
Here are the ongoing and ended anime I'm following.

Detective Conan

Episode 820: "The Seven People in the Waiting Room"

While returning to Tokyo from a trip, Ran, Conan, and Kogorou are caught up in a typhoon and stranded in a train station lobby with several other people:

A down-on-his-luck guy who used to own a factory, but he was taken in by bad loans and ended up losing his business.
A guy peddling shady loans.
A foreigner who was backpacking in the mountains.
An assemblyman's irritable secretary.
The stationmaster.
One female employee of the station.
A local old woman.

The station is small, but has towels and an onsen, as well as a souvenir counter with snacks and light sweets—pretty much all the available food these people have to wait out the storm. Also, cell service is down because of the typhoon.

Conan seems oddly concerned about his weight, seeing as he bothers to weigh himself after a bath in this episode. (18.4kg, by the way. A little underweight there, boya...)

After the bath, Kogorou finds an alarming note wadded up in his basket, saying someone will be murdered at the station tonight. Conan seems to find something about the note itself suspicious, but before he and Kogorou can discuss it further, the foreigner butts in, claiming he's a fan of Watson and would love to be a detective's assistant for the night.

There's kind of an odd flip-flop going on with the writers lately. Kogorou vascillates between consulting with Conan like an actual colleague and treating him like a nosy brat. In this episode, he actually does both, but the "nosy brat" part comes after Conan attempts to indirectly interrogate one of the other passengers—so it's probably an act on Kogorou's part instead of his usual obnoxious behavior.

Speaking of obnoxious behavior, the rude secretary tells everyone that the shady loans guy is a con artist (which he probably is) and the foreigner is a pickpocket (he probably isn't), and the old lady is a little senile and keeps asking everyone if it's time for dinner.

After night falls, the irritable secretary decides she doesn't have time to wait and is going to take a taxi, despite none being available (there's a TYPHOON out there, lady!), and gets into an altercation with the station attendant when the latter tries to tell her she can't leave. The bitch leaves anyway (in gale force winds), and Conan, concerned that it has something to do with the murder notice, decides to go out and look for her—so pretty much everyone else does too. As everyone spreads out, Conan hears a gunshot, and runs to check. Kogorou follows him, and they find the secretary, shot directly in the heart.

None of the suspects really have alibis, and none of them are especially cooperative either. However, when the foreigner suggests testing handwriting samples against the note to figure out who wrote it, Conan realizes who actually wrote the note. Just then, there's a power outage, and when the power comes back on, they find the station attendant lying unconscious on the floor!

She has a piece of paper wadded up in her hand—the original note—and Conan points out that the way she writes 'sensei' is exactly the same as it's written on the sign the attendant made which is on the wall, meaning she wrote the note. But a portion has been torn off which might have had the killer's name.

The ex-factory owner blames the senile old woman as the killer since "nothing she's said all night makes any sense" (of course it doesn't, you dumb fuck, she's senile!)...but when Ran screams in the next room while getting the first-aid kit for the attendant, the others run in to find the old lady holding a loaded gun. O_O;;

But she isn't trying to shoot anyone, and she obviously isn't the killer. In fact, the only reason she has it is because:

"Today is flammable garbage day. You can't throw this out! You're such a useless wife. Oh, it's so heavy!"

And she drops it...

Of interest is that the factory owner said 'give it back' instead of 'drop it'.

Kogorou manages a diving save, catching the gun before it hits the floor and accidentally fires.

Kogorou asks the factory owner if it's his gun, and notes that he smells gunpowder. The factory owner claims he was just test firing it in the mountains, but when Kogorou leans on him, he admits the truth:

The loan sharks that screwed him over were pressuring him into manufacturing illegally modified firearms, and when he lost his business, he intended to go into the mountains and kill himself, but couldn't go through with it in the end.

With the factory owner and the senile old woman removed from suspicion, Conan turns his attention to the matter of why the victim was so desperate to rush out into the middle of a typhoon to catch a taxi.

Conan strings together a bunch of clues and comes up with the killer's identity, true intended victim, and probable motive...and races out to stop them from carrying out their actual plan:

The murder of the secretary's boss, who just got off the first train to arrive at the station since the wind and rain let up.

Conan arrives just as the killer is about to shoot the assemblyman point-blank, taking him down and forcing the gun to discharge harmlessly into the platform. Hearing the gunshot and the panic, Kogorou comes running. The killer isn't through yet, though, and physically assaults the assemblyman. He's no match for Kogorou's judo, however.

The killer is the stationmaster, who is actually an impostor. His son committed suicide after being thrown under the bus by the corrupt assemblyman and his power-hungry, amoral secretary. He attacked the attendant to shut her up because she had realized he was NOT the stationmaster, and if the old woman weren't obviously senile, he'd have gone after her too.

In the epilogue, the incriminating photograph is found, the real stationmaster is found and untied, and the shady loan guy AND the backpacker are arrested—the secretary was right about both of them, and they both have outstanding warrants.

Oh, and the senile old woman drags Kogorou off, ordering him to hurry up with breakfast and berating him for being a useless husband.

Next Conan: "The Hidden Secret of Dongaraji Temple"

Next Conan's Hint: Dongaraji Temple

Naruto Shippuuden

Previously: Sasuke killed Danzo, Killer B narrowly escaped being taken by Kisame, and Kakashi accepted the acting role of Rokudaime Hokage. After Sakura's failed attempt at emotional manipulation and subsequent departure to kill Sasuke on her own, Naruto had a panic attack and blacked out. Sakura found Sasuke and claimed to be prepared to defect from Konohagakure to stay by his side.

(If Sakura's doing what I think she's doing, she sucks at emotional manipulation. She already failed to emotionally manipulate Naruto; what makes her think she can emotionally manipulate Sasuke?)

Naruto finally awakens, having dreamed about his confrontation with Sasuke at the Valley of the End. He asks where Kakashi and Sai are; Yamato's silence tells him all he needs to know. Yamato tells him to lie down and rest a while longer.

Naruto thinks back to his early days with Sasuke...

Yes, it's another flashback episode.

Naruto comes to the same conclusions about Sasuke that Sakura reached in her own flashback episode—that he only thought he knew Sasuke, but lost sight of who he really was a long time ago.

The next time Naruto wakes up, Yamato relays his orders to return to Konoha, and demonstrates his willingness to prevent Naruto from ignoring those orders. Naruto doesn't exactly put up much of a fight, instead crawling back into the futon without eating.

Unbeknownst to Yamato, sometime during the night, Naruto switched places with a Kagebunshin and left the inn, leaving his pack and tools behind. As he races through the forest, he reflects on everyone who has told him that he should forget about Sasuke and about how Sasuke has changed.

Which is a truly prodigious number of flashbacks.

Using Sennin Mode, Naruto tracks Kakashi, lamenting that he's a bigger fool than even he thought, and apologizing to Jiraiya for being such a fool.

Kakashi finds Kiba, Lee, and Sai, who have been severely drugged and won't be waking up for a while. He manages to wake Kiba up long enough to get a distance and bearing on where Sakura went, then puts all three of them out of the way before taking off.

Meanwhile, Sakura commences her attempt at emotional manipulation of Sasuke. She can't possibly still think there's anything there to manipulate...

Sasuke tells Sakura he intends to destroy Konoha. (Dude, didn't you get the memo? I know you got the memo. It's already destroyed.) He demands Sakura prove her loyalty to him by killing Karin. She asks who Karin is, and Sasuke tells her, then says that since Karin is no longer useful, but Sakura is a medic-nin, this arrangement will work out fine.

Hearing Sasuke say something that cold-blooded gives Sakura the slap to the face she needed. Standing over Karin with a kunai, Sakura plans to turn around and stab Sasuke instead, finishing it while his guard is down. A warning from Karin alerts Sakura—too late—that Sasuke has charged up a Chidori to kill her.

Kakashi appears just in time, deflecting Sasuke's strike which would have murdered Sakura. He apologizes to Sakura for placing a heavy burden on her that should have been his to bear as Sasuke withdraws to a safe distance.

And just because we haven't had enough flashback episodes in a row, let's have one from Kakashi's point of view now! SURE, WHY NOT!

Kakashi tries one last time to convince Sasuke to abandon his life of revenge. Sasuke laughs in his face. Then, with the absolutely CRAZIEST look on his face:

Sasuke: "You talk as if you could kill me at any time. Stop acting like you're still my sensei! I'm itching to kill you, Kakashi!"

Kakashi orders Sakura to heal Karin and escape with her while he fights Sasuke. He then reflects on the irony of finding himself in the same position as his predecessor Sandaime, who was forced to fight a former student for the good of Konoha, even though he always wished to redeem him.

Sasuke decides to show off his best trick first to demoralize Kakashi, and summons Susano'o.

Throughout the battle, Sasuke is an absolute asshole. Uchiha this, Uchiha that. If you're not an Uchiha, you're a lowlife. If you're not an Uchiha, you don't deserve the power of Sharingan. Kakashi should be grateful that the power of Uchiha saved him from Susano'o. And so forth and so on.

Sasuke can take his precious Uchiha and their devil eyes and suck them up his ass. -_-#

Kakashi makes yet another attempt to appeal to reason and sanity...and this is Sasuke's reply.

Sasuke: "They're laughing. You're all laughing at the cost of Itachi's life! Laughing together, completely ignorant of everything! Your laughing voices sound like contempt and mocking to me now! I will change those laughs to screams and wails!"

Now, let's pause and take stock for a minute here.

Sasuke killed Orochimaru, which was just...you know...killing Orochimaru, and emotionally void of meaning.

Sasuke killed Itachi (well, Itachi let Sasuke kill him), which was supposed to avenge the Uchiha. Yet Sasuke remained empty.

Madara filled Sasuke up with the true story of Itachi, which built a burning hatred of Konoha inside Sasuke.

Sasuke killed Danzo, which failed to quench his thirst for vengeance for his clan and his brother.

Now he wants to burn every person in Konoha to the ground to avenge Itachi.

Where does this madness stop?

Sasuke builds up his full Susano'o, which has Kakashi all but shitting his pants, and laughs, demanding of Kakashi whether or not his fake Sharingan can extinguish this.

Then Susano'o extinguishes itself, because Sasuke has overstrained his own Sharingan and can no longer sustain such a high-level jutsu. Hell, nevermind that, he can't even see anymore. All he sees is a blur. Seeing Sasuke stumble and falter, Sakura makes a move. However, before she can plunge a kunai into Sasuke's open back, her memories of him cause her to falter. Sasuke realizes she's there and turns around, grabbing her by the throat. Before he can kill her, Naruto comes in out of nowhere, grabbing her and taking Sasuke's kunai strike himself.

Kakashi, Sasuke, and Sakura all react in shock at Naruto's sudden appearance. From above the cut in his cheek, Naruto glares at Sasuke.

Kakashi reacts quickly, flash-stepping in to attack Sasuke, who flash-steps away. The two engage in a fast, furious, flash-stepping, wall-climbing, free-falling duel that accomplishes almost nothing except to ultimately put Kakashi in between Sasuke and his former nakama.

Kakashi praises Naruto for his excellent timing and expresses his gratitude for arriving in the nick of time to save Sakura. Sakura thanks Naruto, and realizes that if he hadn't shown up when he did, Sasuke really, seriously would have killed her.

And she still ends up marrying him?! BULLSHIT!!

And just because the point hasn't been hammered in enough by now, Kakashi gives it one more good whack, telling Naruto and Sakura that Sasuke isn't the same person he was back then.

Naruto shocks Kakashi and Sakura by telling Sasuke that in light of the truth about Itachi, Sasuke's recent actions are understandable. Sasuke gets angry and tells Naruto that someone who hasn't lost anyone important can't possibly understand him, and he should keep his filthy mouth shut.

Jesus, Sasuke, just...just die already, you self-absorbed prick...

Sakura berates Sasuke for being a prick, and Naruto swears to rescue Sasuke from the chaos of vengeance. Sasuke coldly retorts that there's no need for that, because the stage has already been set for his complete vengeance. He brags to them about having killed Danzo. This news horrifies Kakashi—not because of Danzo's death, because that's no real loss, but because to be able to kill Danzo singlehandedly demonstrates a horrific amount of power.

Sasuke then goes off on a completely insane, psychotic rant about how he's going to fulfill the wishes of all of Konoha and erase the memory of Uchiha from their minds by killing every single member of the village.

Kakashi laments that Sasuke has become a victim of the times—the endless cycle of hate begetting hate—and decides to deal with Sasuke personally, intervening when Naruto starts revving up a Rasengan. He tells Naruto and Sakura to leave because if they stay they'll see something they really don't want to see, and adds that Sakura's poisoned kunai won't even work on Sasuke in the first place since Orochimaru would have given him poison resistance.

Sasuke gears up to use his Chidori, and Karin, weak and struggling, tries to plead with him not to enter another battle he doesn't have the strength for—then remembers he tried to kill her, and decides she doesn't give a damn anymore.

GOOD GIRL! God, I love her so much right now.

Before Kakashi can begin his attack, Naruto's kagebunshin grabs him from behind and forces him back, while Naruto charges forward with his Rasengan, ready to meet Sasuke's Chidori. As the two collide, Existential Bullshit happens—which means, you guessed it, MORE FLASHBACKS.

What is WITH Japan and Existential Bullshit? Seriously. A Kamehamehadoken collision fight between Naruto and Sasuke abruptly turned into the two of them floating in a still, empty void, with Naruto baring his soul to Sasuke and saying a lot of really gay things. It's not even just Naruto, this shit happens with Cloud and Sephiroth all OVER the Complication of Final Fantasy VII. And I haven't played enough Kingdom Hearts to know for sure, but I'll damn well bet Sora and Riku did this shit at some point too.

Anyway, the Existential Bullshit spans two fucking episodes, which is taking it to DBZ levels of Fuck This (DBZ is one of my favorite things of all time, but the dragged-out fight scenes and looooooooooong stretches of talking and talking and talking CAN get old), before FINALLY getting back to "Naruto and Sasuke just rammed their attacks together" and showing us Naruto and Sasuke being violently repelled by the force of their attacks cancelling each other out. Kakashi catches Naruto, while Zetsu catches Sasuke.

A lull in the action takes place, during which Zetsu summons Madara and Naruto cryptically says "It's all become clear."

Madara tells Sasuke to go home and rest, and that he'll arrange a more fitting time and place for him to capture the Kyuubi's Jinchuuriki. Zetsu seems eager to fight and summons an army of his freakish clones, leaving Kakashi anxious about having to deal with both Madara and Zetsu, but Madara tells Zetsu he won't be able to capture Naruto, and that he'd rather have Sasuke do it. He sends Zetsu to check on Kisame instead.

Before everyone leaves, Naruto has one last filibuster to deliver. He tells Sasuke that now that they have both become high-level shinobi and are able to reach each other's hearts through the exchange of blows, both of them have seen inside each other's minds and know what the other is thinking. Naruto and Sasuke both know that if they are forced to fight for real, neither of them will survive. Naruto tells Sasuke that when the time comes, instead of destroying Konoha, Naruto wants Sasuke to vent all his hate and all his anger on him, personally, because he is the only one who can withstand all that rage and hatred. He swears to Sasuke that, when the time comes, if Sasuke will use him as his sole target of hatred, Naruto will willingly die with him. He then cheerfully says that once they both die, Sasuke will no longer be an Uchiha and Naruto will no longer be a Jinchuuriki, and free of their burdens in the afterlife, they'll finally be able to truly understand each other.

I think I liked Naruto better when he wasn't a philosopher. o.o;;

Sasuke and Madara leave. Sasuke demands to have Itachi's eyes transplanted into him immediately, because he's losing his vision. He also announces his determination to crush Naruto completely.

Back at the bridge, Naruto falls unconscious, and Kakashi realizes that he's been poisoned by the kunai that scratched his cheek, and was struggling to stay standing and filibuster all this time with poison ravaging his body. While Sakura administers aid, Kakashi tells Karin that they're taking her back to Konoha as a prisoner. Karin says she'll offer no resistance.

Team Kakashi begins to head home, but Kakashi tells Naruto that before they return to the village, they have to pick up "something Sakura left behind" in the Land of Iron. (Yeah. Lee, Kiba, and Sai.) Before they can progress, Yamato shows up, traps Naruto in a giant wooden tower, and berates him for leaving the inn. Kakashi tells Yamato that Naruto showed up just in time, and if he hadn't left Yamato behind and disobeyed orders, Sakura would be dead now, and he himself might even have died.

Karin, meanwhile, has begun to sink into depression; with Sasuke having turned into something malodorous and unsightly and herself now being a prisoner of Konoha, she idly wonders what happened to Suigetsu and Juugo, then decides she doesn't even really care anymore.

Back at Konoha, Koharu and Homura are anxious and impatient for Danzo's return, and the members of Root are becoming restless. Meanwhile, at Kumogakure, Raikage, Killer B, and company return home. B has a new battle trophy: Samehada.

What he doesn't know is that Kisame has merged with the sword to infiltrate Kumogakure. The Kisame A and B decapitated was, in fact, White Zetsu.

Raikage's party comes bearing unhappy tidings, as the shinobi of Kumogakure quickly learn that the world is about to go to war again.

When Team Kakashi finds the other Konoha shinobi Sakura left sleeping in the woods and wakes them up, Sai immediately knows something is wrong, and asks Sakura to look at his tongue to confirm. The curse seal Danzo placed on him is gone, which Sai knows means only one thing. He asks Kakashi, and Kakashi confirms it, but says Karin knows more details. Karin tells everyone that Sasuke killed Danzo. Kiba, being the most ignorant one present, makes a lot of noise about it—it's understandable, though, as he knows absolutely nothing about Danzo except that he was to be the new Hokage. If he knew any of the truth, he would honestly not give a rat's ass.

The whole way back to Konoha, Kiba bitches and moans about everything that's just happened, to the point where Naruto tells him to be a man and shut up. Sai and Lee both find the whole situation hilarious, which infuriates Naruto to the point where he starts to act more like his old loud, obnoxious self. Karin contemplates how bright and warm Naruto's chakra feels in comparison to Sasuke's—but then she senses the Kyuubi inside him, and not knowing what exactly she's sensing, is simply freaked out by the overwhelming darkness behind the bright warmth.

Three members of Root intercept the party to demand an explanation from Sai. They learn that Danzo is dead. Sai proposes a discussion about the future of Root with the higher-ups of the organization and with the new Hokage, Kakashi.

Not having heard this yet, the assorted members of Kakashi's party react with surprise.

Raikage and his council apprise their Daimyou of the situation, receive approval for the Shinobi Alliance, and request the Daimyou of the Land of Lightning convene a Daimyou Summit with the other four Daimyou.

The countdown to the Fourth Great Shinobi War has officially begun.

And Killer B is screwing around rapping for a crowd.

Using long-distance communications technology the Naruto world shouldn't have (damn schizo tech!), the five Daimyou convene a teleconference in which they unanimously (though some with reservations) ratify the formation of the Allied Shinobi Forces.

You know, I don't think I've mentioned it yet, but...the Daimyou of Fire is kind of a weak-chinned idiot.

As each Kage returns to their village, their subordinates report that the Daimyou have approved the formation of the Allied Shinobi Forces. Each village begins their preparations for war. In each village, there's lots of reflection, introspection, and even dissention, showing various facets of the thoughts of those who are about to take part in what is sure to be a long, bitter, and bloody war.

Naruto-tachi finally make it to Konoha. Team 10 is waiting for them. Naruto tells Shikamaru to get everyone together, because he has something to say, then he walks into the village proper. Looking down on the slowly growing reconstruction of Konoha, Naruto smiles.

Kakashi turns Karin over to Ibiki and the Intel Division, then asks after Tsunade's condition. Ibiki tells Kakashi that Konoha's chain of command is in shambles, and needs to be restored quickly.

The Konoha 11 assemble, and Naruto tells them everything that happened with Sasuke. He also tells them that none of them are to fight Sasuke, because he alone will handle that. He won't tell anyone the reasons why, and none of them are satisfied with his "explanation".

Koharu and Homura are upset to learn of Danzo's passing, but since Sunagakure has already recommended Kakashi as his replacement, they second the recommendation. They also try to offer Kakashi advice on how best to run the village, pointing out that Konoha ran most smoothly when it was "Hiruzen out front and Danzo in the back".

Yeah, let's just gloss over what an evil, slimy creep Danzo was, hmm? God, I hate Koharu and Homura. ESPECIALLY Koharu.

As Kakashi leaves, Koharu and Homura lament that they're the only ones left from their generation, and fear for the future of the shinobi.

Here's a thought: retire and keep your opinions to yourselves. The world no longer concerns you, because your older than hell asses won't be in it for much longer anyway. Stop clinging to the horrible past and all its hatred and bloodshed which, by the way, made your world the fucked-up shithole it is today thanks, and let the younger generation fix your messes because they're the ones who have to live on!

*puff pant* Anyway...

Konoha's reconstruction is coming along amazingly quickly. The village may consist mostly of unpainted, unfinished wooden buildings at the moment, but there are damn sure a lot of them.

Kakashi stares up at the Hokage monument, at Minato's face, and tells his teacher he's going to be the next Hokage. Kakashi is not especially happy about being forced into this leadership role. It doesn't suit him. He's forced out of his introspection by the loud, obnoxious arrival of Gai, who wants to have a match with him: a race from the village entrance to the top of the monument. Kakashi points out that this isn't really the ideal time for it, but Gai counters that this is exactly the right time for it.

Kakashi realizes what Gai really means and what his real intentions are, and agrees to the race.

The race is super-wild and involves the two of them fighting in midair by throwing random junk they pulled out of the rubble on the way down at each other. Their little challenge draws a lot of attention from various people they pass, as they're making a hell of a commotion.

Kakashi wins by a nose, and Gai congratulates him on becoming Hokage, lamenting that with his new responsibilities, Kakashi won't have as much time to accept his challenges. There's a nice little bromance moment where Kakashi admits that Gai's eternal rivalry is important to him, and says he'll always be relying on Gai's support.

The Stone Carver, who earlier threw a tantrum because Danzo was killed just as he was about to start carving his face into the monument, shows up and drags Kakashi off to get a mold of his face. As Kakashi leaves, Gai says that since Kakashi has surpassed him, he'll just have to work harder to overtake Kakashi, and since Kakashi is now Hokage, he'll have to become something greater than Hokage.

Lee asks him what's beyond Hokage. Gai has no idea.

The Stone Carver and his apprentice take Kakashi's measurements and start preparing the plaster for the plaster mold, but Kakashi is horrified at the notion of removing his mask for the mold.

Meanwhile, in Tsunade's room, Shizune suddenly begins to panic and starts crying.

At the appointment conference, Koharu and Homura both recommend Kakashi as the next Hokage, and the Daimyou agrees. However, when Kakashi enters and the Daimyou begins to make the appointment, a problem arises:

The Daimyou is uncertain what number to assign him.

It becomes a point of contention among the council, as everyone has their own opinion. Is he the Sixth or Seventh Hokage? Danzo was never formally recognized and died before assuming office, but there are those (including Koharu) who feel naming Kakashi the Rokudaime Hokage is an insult. This debate drags on just long enough for Gai to burst in unexpectedly immediately before the appointment to announce:

Tsunade-hime is awake.

With Godaime back among the living, Kakashi's appointment is immediately cancelled. The Stone Carver's apprentice rushes to the monument to stop him from beginning work again, because for the time being, there is no Rokudaime, Nanadaime, or any other damn number.

New ending at episode 219. The awful one sure didn't last long...this one honestly isn't much better.

Episode 220 centers around the toads of Mt. Myoboku debating whether or not to seal the toad holding the key to Naruto's seal inside Naruto himself.

Back in Konoha, the gossip and rumors are spreading about Tsunade's recovery, and Kakashi seems vaguely depressed that his moment was yanked out from under him. Even though it seemed like he didn't want the responsibility and was relieved that Godaime recovered before he was installed...he was still about to achieve the highest rank in the village. That's gotta suck a little.

Tsunade, meanwhile, is wolfing down food at a speed that would make Chouji jealous. Kakashi drops by to pay his respects. Tsunade says she was surprised to hear about everything that's happened while she was in a coma, and is absolutely surprised that Tsuchikage and Raikage agreed to an Allied Shinobi Forces so easily. With "the karma of the Uchiha" threatening to engulf the world, Tsunade orders a war council called as soon as she's finished eating.

Pace yourself, Tsunade! You just woke up from a coma!

Elsewhere, Sasuke is recovering from surgery.

At Konoha's Intel Division, Karin is complaining about the harsh treatment she suffered at the hands of Orochimaru and Sasuke while crying incessantly. Some of Ibiki's weaker-willed men feel sorry for her, but Ibiki is unmoved by her tears, demanding hard intel on the enemy. Karin stops with the fake sobbing act and starts setting conditions for her cooperation, starting with a fried pork cutlet bowl. Ibiki's staff start discussing how to bend over backwards to concede to this request, which irritates Ibiki.

Naruto is walking aimlessly through the village, being greeted warmly by the people he meets along the way, who all express how much they missed seeing him around. He abashedly thanks them. Konohamaru and his friends are following Naruto around, and wackily misinterpret Naruto's bashful and distracted attitude for out-of-control egotism and blame themselves, the "mass media", for "creating a monster".

Naruto, who has just loudly declared that he's "coming to see his love", is aware he's being followed. He's called out to by a sexy lady in a blue dress in an alley, but quickly realizes it's Konohamaru. He tries to elude pursuit using Tajuu Kagebunshin no Jutsu...

...and is shocked when Konohamaru counters with Harem no Jutsu! Now dozens of Narutos are being chased all over the village by dozens of the lady in blue. Oi oi...

Konohamaru is convinced Naruto has a hot date and is determined to find out who it is. Of course, anyone who knows Naruto knows what he REALLY meant by "his love": he's headed for Ichiraku. Watching all this, Shikamaru reflects on what Hinata told him after Naruto's battle with Pain, and ruminates on the fact that the upcoming battle is both one to fight alongside Naruto and one to protect Naruto.

Naruto finally shakes his pursuit and makes it to Ichiraku. Just as he's ordering, Sakura shows up to tell him and Teuchi the good news about Tsunade. Before he can dig into his first bowl of tonkotsu ramen, he's summoned to Mt. Myoboku. T_T

At Mt. Myoboku, Naruto meets the Great Elder Sage, who divines a prophecy that Naruto will meet an octopus and battle a young man whose power lies in his eyes. He also orders Gerotora to give Naruto the jutsu that seals or unseals the Kyuubi.

Elsewhere...

Kabuto is causing trouble...using Orochimaru's power.

The toads explain, for the benefit of the audience and with some ridiculously cutesy graphics, how the seal that binds Kyuubi works, and how the process of Naruto drawing Kyuubi's chakra for his own use works. Essentially, in order to safely control the Kyuubi's power, Naruto has to separate its chakra from its hatred-fueled will, which is not so easy a thing to do, and failure to do so will result in the resurrection of the Kyuubi and probably the death of the Jinchuuriki.

Naruto is hesitant about accepting the power to unseal Kyuubi's chakra, because of painful past experiences with using its power—such as the time he was possessed by Kyuubi and nearly killed Jiraiya, and the time he let Kyuubi run wild over Orochimaru and very nearly killed Sakura. However, he also acknowledges that he will need to be able to control the Kyuubi's power for what lies ahead, and that it was his father's wish that he learn to do so, so Naruto decides to sign the contract for the key. Which, of course, means swallowing the frog whose belly is a scroll.

Anko and her team find the corpses of the men Kabuto killed. Anko realizes Kabuto is carrying on Orochimaru's will, and wonders if his intent is to go after Konoha or Akatsuki.

We get our answer before she does, as Kabuto confronts Madara at his lair. He isn't there for a fight, though; he's there to offer his allegiance in the upcoming war, and demonstrates his power by using Orochimaru's Edo Tensei to summon forth five dead Akatsuki: Itachi, Sasori, Deidara, Kakuzu, and Nagato. All he wants in return is Sasuke. When Madara asks what Kabuto will do if he refuses, Kabuto summons forth one more corpse. We don't see who it is (yet), but judging by Madara's reaction, I'm guessing it's Rin.

Madara accepts Kabuto's terms, on the condition that he will only surrender Sasuke to him after Akatsuki's victory in the coming war.

Following Kabuto's trail of dead bodies, Anko's team discovers Kabuto and Madara entering the underground lair. Anko wonders why Kabuto would purposely lead them straight to Akatsuki.

Given we're dealing with Kabuto here, there's all kinds of possibilities, and none of them are good...and I'm not entirely sure Kabuto hasn't been possessed by Orochimaru.

Across the Five Nations, war councils are in session. Tsunade lays down the law on those old assholes Koharu and Homura. At Kumogakure, Killer B is ignoring the war council in favor of writing rap lyrics in his notebook. While trying to come up with a rhyming phrase that has a rap style, he comes up with "te ba yo", but for some reason he can't put his finger on, the phrase irritates him.

Oh god, the foreshadowing...

The war council at Konoha is interrupted by Shizune reporting the sudden disappearance of Naruto. Tsunade orders him found immediately.

Naruto reappears right where he disappeared, at his regular seat at Ichiraku, between two surprised chuunin, who ask for his autograph, embarrassing him. Teuchi places a fresh bowl of tonkotsu ramen in front of him, and Naruto eagerly starts to break apart his chopsticks...

...and Sakura shows up and drags him off before he can eat any of it. Poor Naruto...all he wanted was some Ichiraku ramen...

Tsunade is annoyed to learn that the Elder Toad summoned Naruto away without warning and caused a ruckus.

The five Kage and Mifune convene again, this time at Kumogakure. Tsunade learns the other Kage intend to hide Naruto and Killer B away during the war, and is against this, but the other Kage ultimately persuade her to cooperate. Raikage says he's set aside a special place within Kumogakure to hide the two Jinchuuriki.

After the conference, Tsunade asks to meet with A in private to request a favor: she wants B to train Naruto to control his Bijuu. A tells her he already thought of that, which is why he already chose the hiding place; it's not just any ordinary island, but a special place where he and B trained together.

Back at Konoha, Tsunade assigns Naruto an "S-rank mission": Yamato will accompany him to the "resort" where he'll meet an "octopus".

Blink-and-you'll-miss-it moment: while Karui and Omoi are complaining about the unpleasant fate that awaits them if they fail to sell tickets to Killer B's enka concert, there's a poster of Naruto on the wall behind Karui.

Tune in next time for the beginning of the 20-episode "Paradise Life on a Boat" arc!

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