Statistics! · 1:03pm May 5th, 2016
Everybody loves statistics, right?!
Okay, so here's a breakdown of the ratings of my stories:
Yes, that's right, most of my stories are not clop! 
I've always thought the best way to judge the quality of a story as perceived by its target audience is to divide upvotes by views. (Downvotes can be ignored — a downvote is probably somebody who isn't really in the target audience, and may not have even read the story, and are just downvoting the idea in principle.) Anyway, this gives us a "reader satisfaction" score. By this measure, my top three stories are:
1. Luke Skywalker Thinks Twilight Sparkle Is Bae (27/124)
2. Twilight Masticates (37/241)
3. Mitchells in Equestria (12/84)
I guess something similar would be to divide comments by views. The "reader discussion" score:
1. Luke Skywalker Thinks Twilight Sparkle Is Bae (23/124)
2. Mitchells in Equestria (13/84)
3. Tennis Match Tales (13/108)
And just for the hell of it, let's divide downvotes by views too. The "reader rage" score:
1. Luke Skywalker Thinks Twilight Sparkle Is Bae (27/124)
2. Adagibuse (52/768)
3. Philomena Masturbates (37/677)
Adagibuse is understandable. It's a rape story. Rape stories get downvotes — fact of life. Philomena Masturbates, idk — maybe because I was bandwagon jumping?
You may have noticed that Luke Skywalker Thinks Twilight Sparkle Is Bae is top of all three categories. It simultaneously invokes the most satisfaction, rage, and discussion of all my stories.
Why? 
A friend of mine has suggested that the upvotes and downvotes may be the result of a voting war between Jedi and Sith.
I'm going for that. 
Anyway, if you're interested, here are the raw stats on Google Sheets.
I'm docking you 20 Internet points for not calling this blog post "Vital Statistics".
3921947
Darn.
3921948
Aw, now I feel like a rotter.