Comments keep me (in)sane · 12:53pm Mar 22nd, 2016
Writers have big egos, and me? I'm no exception. I can't help but feel a certain sort of guilty pleasure from reading comments and getting likes. I always have this little thrill when I see a notification pop up on my dashboard. A silly grin splits my face and I immediately click to see who's paying me attention.
But even as I feel that small trickle of pleasure, a conflict arises in the depths of my conscience, like a whale breaching the surface of my thoughts. Though I know it might be silly, I think to myself: Am I a sell-out?
Almost immediately, I squash the thought beneath my rationalisation. No. Stupid. Of course not. You're not making money off this. How could that be considered selling out? But yes, the doubt still lingers, you don't have to make money to sell out.
I like to think all my stories are an act of sharing. Sure, there are some elements that make it a little bit of a product. There's a little marketing, a little bit of a sell, but I think that just stems from pride in your (my) work. Kind of.
I have the confidence to flog my stories because I don't make a penny off them, it's purely for pleasure, both yours and mine, and I like to think we're both enjoying ourselves.
Yet something always holds me back.
Writers have so many self-doubts it's sometimes useful, because it helps with editing, sometimes it's debilitating, (writer's block). One thing that I agonise over is my brain's crafty aptitude in agonising over my agonising. Am I doing self-doubting right? Am I taking enough caution, or too little? When should pride stop and acceptance of criticism come through? Then I have this small thought that worms in the back of my mind and whispers little things like: "Stop being so full of yourself, your stories aren't anything special." "They don't like your work, that's why you have those downvotes." "There are so many writers that are better than you, nobody would even miss your writing."
I know, I know, even to me, when I write this, it sounds insane. But the thing that makes me hesitate is that they're still there and reminds me that I'm human. These doubts are like little clawed creatures clutching at the strands of my self-perception. Sometimes I think to myself, "Is it worth it?"
Then I chuckle to myself. Of course it is. Nothing worth doing is ever easy.
I find it very amusing that age-old adages seem to comfort me, though I know what I'm intellectually doing to myself. Intrinsic motivation is indeed the most powerful form of motivation.
Still... I like comments and I like likes.
But it does make me feel guilty.
And I don't like that.
Sorry, I just had to get this little mind-worm out. Blogs are a form of sharing too!
I like to think we all have the same problems. Even though that's almost definitely not true.
FOAMY BE WITH YOU!
Updates keep me commenting.
If my likes and comments help you with keeping me and the others entertained thanks to your work, then I'll gladly keep clicking that button and writing comments until my keyboard, mouse, hands, computer, and other stuff immolates.
Well... maybe not the computer as it was expensive, but it's the thought that counts, right?
Hey! You're an artist! Seriously, all my friends who are amazing artists say pretty much all these things.
I think what matters is that you enjoy writing. It's perfectly okay to take pride in one's work, and only natural to feel good about positive feedback. No guilt required.
As for selling out, my thought is that that happens when someone stops liking what they're doing, and just going through the motions for the money.
Somehow, I doubt I will ever ask myself that question. Mostly because I'm an arrogant narcissist, but I'm okay with that.
3820387 Holy moly, I haven't seen that for a heaps long time!
3820401 Oh, you :P
3820443 My masterful plan to unwittingly make you immolate your computer is in tatters! How did you find out?!
3820990 Not an artist, a filthy casual, haha. I must admit though, Sometimes I get the feeling that I'm doing something wrong, but I guess that's a shared feeling for many people.
3821133 Me too! Shhhhh! I'll keep it a secret between us :)
3822221 Magic! I ain't gonna explain sh
t
Also I've been secretly stalking you and putting sweet scented oils into your showerhead as an apology for the stalking.
3822221
It's a symbiotic relationship, see. I like having new stuff to read and comment on. You like getting your stuff read and commented on. It's a win/win situation!
3822235 I have been smelling kinda funny...
3822562 The perfect symbiosis! Now, if only I wrote more :P
3824029 That might explain the strange laughing fits of other people when you walked by them if you were smelling funny.
3824033 It all makes sense. You diabolical monster. No stories for you! Don't look at the updates >:[
3824034 But I only wanted to help
This is what I get for stalking someone with pure intentions.
3824090 It's okay, I forgive you :P
3825756 Why thank ye my benevolent fiction overlord!