A Match Made in Misery · 4:54am Mar 16th, 2016
I'd known her for a few years. Ever since that summer, she'd been a part of my life. I remember every second of it like it was yesterday. We spent every second getting to know every little detail about each other. We said to hell with the rest of the world and went our own way. The more time I spent with her, the less I cared... the less I cared about my family, my friends, that town, the whole world, really. She was all that mattered, she was all that I needed.
I had to say goodbye when I moved away. I had a new house, new friends, and a new life to worry about... she just couldn't be a part of it. We grew apart, but she never really left me; not like I wanted her to. I shoved those memories down. That summer was just a blur to me after a while. I forced myself to not remember what she said to me, to not remember how I was around her. But in the end I couldn't really hide from her; not until I could gather the courage to remove her from my life.
I realized it the first time I saw her again. It was just out of the corner of my vision, a fleeting moment on the street, but there was no doubt it was her. Every day she came closer. She'd sit beside me in my classes, we'd exchange passing glances while I was at work, and every now and again she'd leave me a message reminding me that she still existed, that she still wanted me to be a part of my life... that she still wanted me to leave with her.
I gave in. When everything went to shit and I thought it couldn't get any worse, she was there. She would listen to me about death, addiction, and loss when it felt like no one else would. She would tell me that it didn't matter. All that mattered was that we were together again, and that this time it should be for good. I never understood why she said that. Every time I wanted to make a change and get away from the things that brought me to her in the first place, she would just say it didn't matter, just keep doing this. Never make a change. Never get away from me.
She followed me wherever I went. I couldn't talk to anyone, I couldn't go do anything; she just wanted me to come home and come closer and closer to her. I did.
For a long time I just grew closer and closer to her. I listened to everything she said. She was the only one that would, why should I not? Then she started asking me to leave with her again, just like she used to. I told her no as harshly as I possibly could. I would spend hours arguing with her over it, trading verbal blows until I was sick of looking at her, because all it did was make me feel worse. She always looked at me like she knew I'd give in one day. I could never give her a good reason why I wouldn't, and that just made every time that much worse.
Finally the day came where I had to make a decision. I'd come to the end. It was either leave with her, or push her out of my life for good. I chose the latter. When I did she left me without a word. That same empty expression as always in her eyes. I always hated that.
She didn't have to say anything. She knew what I was thinking, that she'd be back one day. As I watched her leave, I hoped I wouldn't be as weak as I was this time. I could do better than an eternity with her.
It shouldn't be any secret by now why there isn't an OC tag on My Best Friend. Sadness, Depression, Misery, whatever you want to call her, was never really a person to Sunset, and "leaving" was something a little more final than just a stroll out of town. She was an embodied emotion in Sunset's darkest moment in her life as she experienced her. I wanted the story to be Sunset's cold, distant, almost hesitant recollection of that time in her life through the story of her best friend. You might've gotten something different out of it. That's alright.
I think most of us have our own story with her; I know I do. Not that I can speak for everyone, but in today's society with an entire industry designed to keep her away, I think she's friends with quite a few people. I didn't think Sunset would really be any different. If anything she must've been much worse. You don't go from the meanest bitch in the entire school to the lovable, leather-clad sweetheart we all know over night. With the way people can be, and how she treated them herself, this had to be the toughest time in her entire life, new friends or not. Going through something similar myself, I can say that breaking away from that cycle is one of the hardest things I've ever done.
It almost felt like an abusive relationship, really. Always having that voice in the back of your mind telling you that you weren't good enough, that no one really cared. Never thinking you could be friends with anyone because that voice would tell you they didn't want to be around you, you weren't important enough. That internal conscious always looking at you, criticizing you for every little thing you'd do or think or say. Nothing was ever good enough. You were never good enough. All you could do was the same thing every day to keep yourself trapped in that cycle, so the voice could keep living on inside you, telling you how worthless you were. Some emotions are difficult to fully express.
I think we all have to fight with her to some extent. When the time comes, I hope you guys win that argument and leave her behind, instead of giving in.
As an endnote, I didn't write this to incite a pity party. I don't need one. The story and its inspiration is what I wanted to focus on.
At any rate, thanks to those of you who read my little venture outside of my comfort zone. In my attempts to branch out somewhat, it's good to see you guys enjoyed it at least.
You've honestly got some real talent there. Kudos to you for branching out, I know it's a bit nerve-racking. I honestly really enjoyed the story.
To be honest that story was one of the first in a long time to make me feel what the character is feeling.
It's "great" in the sense of how well you wrote it, and sort of depressing because...well, it's meant to be that way.
Congratulations on branching out of your "comfort zone" (most people I know have it the other way around given genres, though) and I hope to be able to read more from you soon
Ya I've faced those thoughts and feelings before, sometimes you win and sometimes they never leave. But in the end it was still a great story that I recommend for anyone to read, it makes you think more than it does to make you feel. And in my personal opinion that's far better than to simply feel, thinking about it can and eventually will bring understanding.
Great work and I hope to see more later on.