Stories I won't wite #4: Lightning Blood - The BEST/WORST Duo · 3:12pm Mar 12th, 2016
I once had an idea for a big idea for a spy fic. That fic involved a large cast of characters being members of a small organization created by Princess Luna. The members included Fancy Pants as the leader with dark past, Flur de Lis as Fancy's protege/bodyguard/surrogate daughter (with some sort of Oedipus complex mixed in), Blueblood as their ace agent, Octavia as a hidden master of martial arts and Vinyl Scratch as their mission control, tech support and the odd one in the group. They were later joined by Lightning Dust, who has been appearing here and there in various different jobs before and after Wonderbolts Academy before finally getting recruited, and last but not least, a stray changeling spy #8, who, after failed invasion on Canterlot Wedding, tried to go back to his hive (they call him "Eight", due to changelings having no names, other than royalty). Together, they fight crime from shadows.
This post is NOT about that fic.
As I thought about it more and more, it steered away from "team" and focused more on relationship between Blueblood and Lighting Dust: how they interacted before she got to Wonderbolts Academy and worked deadbeat jobs to get by, and how she changed after being thrown out, to joining the team for a single mission as their inside agent in the academy for her second try, but resigning to stay a spy full time, despite having (at this point) earned the right to become a Wonderbolt. I got into that idea so much, that another, completely separate story spawned from it.
Lightning Blood is also a spy fic. It follows two agents of Celestia's Inteligence Network Agency (CINA for short. Insert obligatory John Cena meme)- the veteran man of hundred missions, Blueblood and the rookie, but not harmless, Lighthing Dust, as we see their daily lives as spies. CINA is a big organization that always sends their agents in pairs. It is currently lead by Shining Armor (this happens in between second and third season), with his bubbly wife (and Bluebloods older sister) Princess Cadance, with most other agents appearing mostly as background characters, if at all. The first main difference between the earlier idea and this one is the cast- where previous one was about a large ensamble cast, this one keeps it to a minimum, with most episodes being purely about Blueblood and Lightning Dust just doing their jobs, with few supporting characters appearing once in a while, but never for a longer period of time.
As for our main heroes, there's one thing that's immediately made clear about them- they are jerks. Jerky jerks. They're not evil, but dear Celestia, they are the law bending mavericks with no regards to public safety, regulations or feelings of other ponies, but they do get the job done, which is what keeps them from losing it. Try to imagine Shining Armor screaming their names (mostly Blueblood) over entire office, threatening with demotions or jail time, while Cadance acts as the calm and eternally cheerful one and gets her two favourite stallions out of each others throats, while Lightning Dust gets a kick out of their antics from afar.
As for the main duo, they can't stop arguing. Ever. They bicker all the time, insult each other and sometimes even fight, before being stopped by either duty or intervention from the others. And its totally not an unresolved sexual tension. Nope. None at all. Cadance is wrong, they don't like each other and aren't at all tsundere to each other because they're deep in love. Silly Cadance.
If this doesn't sound like a very coherent explanation, it's because it was supposed to be more episodic, with some bigger arc in the background, but most episodes could be read and enjoyed as standalone stories. Such stories include:
-Episode 1: The first episode has our duo in the middle of TORTURING a mobster, trying to get him to talk. Or should I say, attempting to and failing miserably, because they can't stop bickering. They had the pony strapped to a chair in front of a wide selection of tools of devious nature... but they don't do anything to him and are way too busy with arguing over how to do it, questioning others resolve and competence, and actually scaring their victim (who was a tough guy of "You'll never get me to talk!" variety) into spilling out everything without so much as touching him with a single needle.
B: What do you mean, you don't know how this works?
LD: Pfft, of course I know how it works! I just never did it before.
B: Oh, that puts me at ease. An operation we worked on for WEEKS could be jeaopardized by a rookie mistake!
LD: I didn't jeopardized anything YET! I know what I'm doing.
B: And how does, if you don't mind answering, a Wonderbolt dropout know such stuff?
LD: I read a book.
B: You read a book?
LD: It was very thorough, with pictures and stuff.
B: You can read?
LD: !@#$ you! Besides, what's the worst that could happen?
B: Side effects could lead to a permanent brain damage, then we'd get no information at all!
LD: Bah, we could just grab another one.
V: Okay okay, I get it, I'll talk! It was all--
B: Shut up, we're talking here!
LD: If you don't trust me, why don't YOU handle it, genius?
B: Because it was YOUR idea and I won't hear the end of it from Cadance if I won't let you get your moment. I can already imagine her ranting.
LD: I imagine it's a lot more bearable than yours.
B: Oh excuuuuuse me for trying to act professional here!
V: I SAID I'LL TALK! JUST DON'T LET THAT THING NE--
Both: SHUT UP!!!
You get the idea. Whether they were honest or they were just acting to break the guy, nobody can say...
-Episode 2: In the aftermath of the first one (the victim is safe), they get chewed out by Shining Armor, who gets calmed by Cadance and they get of without any conseqences. In this chapter, Lightning Dust meets the number 2 best agent (Blueblood is number 1)- Octavia, and her partner, Vinyl Scratch (because duh...). And once Octavia's and Blueblood's eyes meet, all hell breaks loose. Everypony in the building suddenly hide, except Lighting Dust who has no idea what's coming, and Vinyl who sits down and opens a bag of crisps in preparation. If you thought Blueblood and Lightning Dust don't get along, then this is even worse, as they immediately call themselves names which have to be censored to keep the Teen rating. Turns out they were partners and lovers long time ago, but years passed and they never buried the hatched. What exactly happened is never explained, as nobody knows it aside from those two.
Lightning Dust and Vinyl get along just fine.
-Episode 5: Let's skip over a few to get to the next important bit. It starts with a werehouse being surrounded by Royal Guards, with Shining Armor in the lead, preparing an operation to assualt the place which is filled with mobsters. The only problem is Blueblood is their hostage and their hooves are tied. Lightning Dust says "screw the rules" and sneaks in, but is quickly discovered and has to either surrender or fight her way in. She chooses the latter. No matter how many ponies, how many guns or magic is used, nobody can land a single hit on a single, super fast and strong mare. The leader of the mob, looking at a surveilence camera from a place where he hides a tied up Blueblood, suddenly makes a demand for her surrender, or else her partner will bite the dust. She rolls her eyes and says "yeah, right" and rampage on. Mob boss then asks Blueblood himself to stop her, or else he'll start inflicting some serious pain into him. Blueblood complies and says the following.
"Lightning Dust, I know you can hear me. They are not kidding when they said they would kill me. So I need you to listen carefully... I got this, kick their plots and don't get offed."
And then he easily lets himself out, beats the boss and appears with him bound and gagged just as Lightning Dust knocks out the last henchman. He nods to her nonchallantly.
LD: You're welcome.
B: Please, since when do you get praise for such a sloppy job?
LD: Sloppy? I just offed like, two dozen of armed dudes!
B: And what took you so long? I was about to die from boredom!
LD: Fine, next time I'll let YOU do all the job, let's see how you can magically solve all the problems yourself! Thankless snob.
B: I never said I could do this alone.
LD: ...huh?
B: When I said I got this, my plan included you doing your job in a more stealthy manner. Your incompetence forced me to improvise the latter part of my plan, thus decreasing the success rate by about 20 percent.
LD: Wait, let me get this clear- you, THE number one agent of CINA, depended on ME, a rookie, to complete your plan?
B: Ugh, yes! You're a simpleton and brutish tomboy, but that part of you could be used as valuable asset in right circumstances.
LD: ... did you just praise me?
B: I know, right? I must be getting old. Now cease this meaningless chatter and lets go mock Shining Armor and his forces waiting outside. I can already imagine the look on his face.
LD: Finally something we can both agree on!
-Episode 7: This one is very barebones, but it basically boils down to infiltrating Wonderbolts Academy in search for spies. Not only does Lighting Dust manage to complete the mission, but also gets redeemed in eyes of Spitfire AND Rainbow Dash and gets an offer to join the team. She takes a moment to think, but ultimately she chooses Blueblood and CINA, saying that "I have a new team and it's way more awesome". Spitfre and Rainbow Dash tilt their heads and ask what team it is, at which point Blueblood interjects and pretends to be her new manager and makes up a not very convincing lie about flight team, with Lightning Dust charading the answers behind their back and Blueblood misenterpreting the messege (the scene would be a lot funnier if I put any effort into it). Not the brightest of the bunch, both mares completely buy it and look forward to racing her new team. Which would never happen, obviously.
-Episode 10: Starts with Lightning Dust entering the dark office, only for lights to light up and confetti and a bunch of ponies yell "SURPRISE!" at her, in a room full of decor, cake and snacks... even though it's not her birthday. Turns out Cadance made her a party (and convinced everybody in the office to join in- her influence runs very deep) to celebrate breaking the record of the longest running partner of Blueblood, officially breaking the (pathetically low) record set by Octavia (who is TOTALLY not jealous or angry that she one upped her). Blueblood is in the party as well, but he wishes he could be somewhere else, except he can't say no to Cadance, because she can be scary when angry. Then we get some insight into who his other partners were in the past and a montage of various ponies losing their minds with him ensues. Cadance notes that Lightning Dust must be special to endure this long, but she brushes it off as nothing. Still no tension, still no feelings, other than mild annoyance. Nothing else.
And that's pretty much everything that's important that I can think of of the top of my head. Yes, it's a ship-fic, because I think those two could make a nice pair.
Why I won't write this? Because I barely have time for my original story, is all.
Shining as an irritable police chief. I can kind of see it, but only if he grows a five'o-clock shadow. Whether or not Cadence would approve, I have no idea.
The double-tsundere routine between the couple sounds cute too.
This actually sounds like a fic I could get into. Somebody make it happen.
Holy shit this is awesome.
I would literally pay you for this.
Do you have a Patreon?
This sounds awesome, especially the episodic design of it, being a sort of slice of life but with the ridiculousness of being spies at the same time. Plus the tsundere. ALL OF THE TSUNDERE!