I'm considering saying goodbye to everything · 3:09am Feb 11th, 2016
No mater how many cuts,
No mater how many bandages,
No mater how many tears I shed,
No mater how much blood bleeds threw my bandages,
No one will care enough to ask if I'm ok,
No one will ever care enough to hug me,
No one will ever care enough to look at my arms and say fucking stop that shit,
No one will ever see me or care that I hide this pain.
Ever so close to being free,
Only to be pulled back,
And never be free,
Once she is trapped she is never relesed,
Once the demons grave her she is never freed,
The cage that holds her in pain,
Forever marking herself with a blade,
Writing I'm sorry on both her arms,
Only to cover them up when seaming unharmed,
The pain she hides day by day,
Is never to be seen till the end of the day,
To one she loves and cares for deep,
He suffers as she cuts so deep,
Her pain doubles as the suffering goes on,
His tears flowing as the red comes out,
The blade stained in her blood,
Only for her to pass out and stop bleeding out,
The next day the same ruten she his her pain,
By putting on a smile and hiding her shame.
Can we talk please?
I know that feel. Trust me, things will get better. Maybe we hardly know each other, but I've been to that edge before. I chose not to jump. I knew that the problems were temporary.
3747017 no for it will not help my suffering
3747024 it heard it all before a permanent solution for a temporary problem but what if that temperary problem lasts for another 7 years of school
3747032 7 years out of a potential grand life that may last more than 70.
You're not weak. You've held on for this long.
Besides, if your family is trying to drag you down, just remember: Words are just that. Words. Disregard them or ignore them. Trust me, taking them to heart will bring no progress.
3747026 Want to test it out. You might be wrong
Take it from someone who's tried the "final solution" It doesn't work. I went to the edge and jumped. Don't ask why I'm still on land, but I am and am grateful. My problems haven't disappeared. Fact is, I'm in the same shit storm I've always been in, but you know what? The little joys of life are worth being around for, and frankly, I like existing rather than throwing it all away like I did. If you want to take that leap, go ahead. Just make sure you really want to before you do, because once you jump there's not stopping it. Not everyone is as lucky as I was. Not everyone wakes back up.
I'm not good with words, and never will be. But this hopefully will help you out.
youtube=https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=D_Vg4uyYwEk
Hold a minute. We 100% care , shit you need some one to talk to just ask cause I will damn well make time for it. Your life has just as much meaning as mine, so please see your self worth and talk to us.
If the phone don't mean shit to you lets meet. Hit me up and we'll set a date.
I don't know if you read these, or if they help. But please, don't give up. You're stronger than you realize. And when you don't think you can make it, we'll always be here to help you. All of us.
Please, whatever's happening, let us do everything we can to help make it better.
The one who hurts the most, wears the largest smile
The loneliest person has the most 'friends'
The perfect person, has the worst life at home.
Nothing is as it seems on the cover
Underneath a different story is told
A story of suffering
Of Loss
Of Pain
How can anyone help? How can anyone understand? When you don't even understand yourself?
Questions within questions but never any answers. life only gets harder with each passing day as we struggle and crawl through the muck of life. What is the point?
That IS the point. We are Humans. We suffer, we survive, and we are stronger for it. No one understands, not even you. And no one will understand, unless you let someone in. You have to do the hardest thing, even though just thinking of the weight of that burden breaks your back.
You have to take that first step forward and ask
"Will someone listen to me? Will someone help me?"
You have to admit you are lost, and let your true friends find you. I've been down many dark roads in my life. Including the darkest road. I succeeded where many fail. I killed myself. Plunged a knife into my lung and lost A LOT of blood. I was announced dead at the hospital and for five painful minutes that my loved ones can never forget, I was gone forever.
They say in death, brain activity continues for the next 7 minutes. In the 5 minutes I lay there lifeless while my family and friends cried, I lived an eternity of that knife plunging into my lung, again and again.
But nothing hurt more than hearing them cry. For some reason, I woke up. For some reason, I sat up. For some reason, I am alive. I don't know what that reason is. And I am not allowed to die until I discover it. So while I live and breath, no matter how painful it may be, I refuse to simply stand by and allow others to fall down the roads I have traveled. So here I am now. If you need to talk, I am always happy to talk. If I take a while to respond, I'm probably not at my computer. But I will ALWAYS have something to say and I will ALWAYS be there if I am needed.
You don't have to be alone. You don't have to scar yourself. You don't have to struggle on your own. There are people out in the world that want to see you smile, to see you happy, and to know it isn't just a mask for their sake.
My name is Benjamin. I have killed myself. I have worn the mask and even to this day I often wear it, but for different reasons. Depression isn't something that just goes away. It is a constant battle, a war of willpower and unending strength. But no matter how strong you are, it always wins in the end. So on my darkest days, I wear the mask to keep others happy, and under the mask I continue to fight, i continue to struggle, because I can't let it win, even when it does win, I can't afford to lose again. So please, let me in, talk to me, talk to US, let us help you even if our help is only the tiniest flame in the darkness.
3747154 A date? what do you mean bye date?
3747418
Woah dude, that's deep.
You've earned my respect, and I hope things get better for you in life altogether, I've never been in depression that deep, I mean, I've thought about it sometimes, especially before I go to sleep. And I wonder what if I actually did do it. But they just stay as thoughts, if I were more braver I might actually have done it, but I'm a coward, I hate pain, yet sometimes I long for it. It's messed up, but I get the feeling that you know just what I'm talking about.
I don't believe it's the right way to go, even if you're trying to escape all of this, and for you to actually tell people about something that personal to you...
That was brave. And for that you've earned my respect.
3748570 You aren't a coward. In fact, I think you are braver than I am. I was a coward when I gave up. The Brave thing to do is the power through the pain and depression and to smile no matter how deep the scars. The Bravest thing to do though, is to admit your problems and to let people help you. There isn't any 'Escape' from depression. But friends and loved ones help you forget its there.
3748583
But I'm scared, I don't know why but I'm actually scared. It's as if something at the bottom of my mind just says to keep it hidden, to try and suppress it. Look, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't know how to tell them. Do I just casually bring it up next time we're eating dinner?
Mum: Hey could you pass the tomato ketchup?
Me: Sure, and hey mum, I think about killing myself!
Yeah, you don't want to go down that road. My parents are not that rich they can't afford to pay for a therapist or a fancy ipad. I just don't want to be a burden to them. And if I tell them... then it'll make me feel worse.
3748626 There is no easy way to do it, therapy isn't the best anyway, some of em are good at it, and the rest are talking out their ass. When you have the chance, go to your parents, or tell them one at a time, or start with some friends and work your way up. Just ask them "hey, can you tell you something personal?" and take it one step at a time. Or try "I need to talk to you about something important."
Like I said, there is no easy way to do it. But I highly recommend you try it.
Date as in day, time, and place. I can see where the error was in that sentence. I assure you I do not mean date in the context you most likely assumed.
3748768 oh well I would rather not I hope you do understand but I am only 14 you know how something like that is for a kid
people on here care...
I care...
Don't hurt yourself, it will not solve anything...
Yea I understand and for the record I'm 15