Dec
29th
2015
Cutting Down Even More · 7:47pm Dec 29th, 2015
Sorry folks. I haven't been able to write anything in a few weeks. Everything I've posted was pre-written many weeks ago. Further, after making it blatantly apparent that the main character is people's least favorite aspect of the story, I will hopefully use this time to go back and fix up past chapters. I think we can all agree that the opening few are especially weak and are in need of some serious refurbishing. So, until further notice, I will only be posting new chapters every other Monday.
Hey man if you think it will help improve the quality of the story even more, i'll wait.
I quite like the main character, he's refreshingly different from the normal HiE fare.
3650497 Please elaborate, because I can't think of any counter to the argument that he's socially retarded.
3650382 I can only hope.
3650507 That's actually part of his charm. True, a number of HiE stories have that as well, but the character gets over it quickly or there is a big time skip to when the human is. Here, we see the awkwardness and see it's not just because he's new to Equestria, but that's only part of it. And I don't know about others, but I can identify with Thomas' self-confidence and self-esteem issues. I'm sure everyone has dealt with those at some point in their life to varying degrees.
3650507
He's supposed to be socially retarded. I honestly don't mind the self-pity-fests because I can relate to the lies they tell.
Perhaps this story ought to be structured around the side-characters. Look at the way that Sleeping Beauty by Disney worked. The story wasn't about the Princess & Prince even though it revolved around them; it was about the three fairies trying to adapt to acting like mortals and hiding the princess, failing as often as succeeding. Of course the criticism of the movie was that the Prince and Princess were boring characters.
You can do us one better:
First, having the story be more about the side characters trying to assist a weak, depressed, and socially retarded dwarf alien, failing as often as succeeding, is more interesting (to me at least) than a story about a socially retarded human in an alien world.
Second, to make him interesting, he needs to have at least two things that he's good and confident at other than sex and predicting the future, both of which are private affairs. He needs one hobby/strength that everyone can see in him right off the bat (is he fast, slippery and agile?) and another that he hides for modesty that flowers as his shell is peeled back (is he musical?)
tl;dr. Make the story revolve around the human but be mostly about the side-characters, and give the main character a balance of strengths and weaknesses other than fucking Luna's brains out.
3650507 Hmm,
Well I don't really think he's socially retarded, a bit slow on the uptake perhaps, but I think a lot of people would miss social cues from an entirely different species. People tend to imagine that they'd totally understand everything, but lets be serious, I certainly wouldn't be right on board with all aspects of a society that is totally foreign from the one I know. I imagine this would apply for most people.
I don't deny that Thomas has issues with depression/confidence that makes his social uncertainty more pronounced. I disagree that this is a negative aspect of his characterisation. Normally in a HiE the main character takes all the massive changes of Equestria in their stride, or at the very best struggles with it for no more than a chapter or so. I quite like the fact that he struggles with this, it makes him feel far more realistic and relatable.
Whatever you choose to do, I'm sure it'll be great.
On an unrelated note, I can't wait to see how the whole Moonlight situation pans out...
3650573 Ya know what, I like this idea. In fact, a couple chapters that got a surprising jump in thumbs up were those where Thomas had no presence. Shifting the focus to characters around him could indeed do the trick. Further, Thomas is good at telling stories. This was discussed previously. It might be a good idea to rearrange some of the yet to be published chapters to bring that up sooner. Regardless, this will still take a fair amount of fenangling so the cut down will need to stay. Thank you for your suggestions.
3650559 The way you describe it, it sounds a lot like why Moondancer became the "darling" of the fandom. I still want to make changes, but maybe not as extensive.
3650632 In gratitude for your kind words, I will tell you how it pans out. The term, I believe, is "spit-roast". Enjoy your imaginings.
I like the main character he's always questioning himself and his problems for The most part hit me where I live. People are just upset that name isn't ultra shadow blaze fire sandwich, and he dosnt have deus ex powers. Or a super tragic past. Keep it up I really enjoy this story.
3650755
What do you mean by this?
3650789 Much appreciated.
3650846 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JlkcyjXj1e8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4NCy-QcsuY
3650573
I will post a response on the main story later, but this comment is excellent.
3650866 Okay, and?
I am sad to see that the story will only update every other week. But sometimes life gets in the way so I will just have to wait.
I just want to give a word of caution. There are a lot of stories out there where the writer goes back to rewrite the story. A lot of those stores end up just stop updating. A lot of the writers go and try to rewrite what they did and they just lose interest in writing. So just remember to have fun while doing this. Don't take what everyone else says too seriously. This is something that should be done for fun. Just remember that.
Cannot wait for the next update to come out. I may have found this story when it was well underway but I always look forward to it every Monday. Keep up the good work.
3651048 You asked what I referred to when I said your comment reminded me of something. This is it.
3651125 Meh. At the moment, I'm fine with either outcome.
3650874 Someone offering constructive criticism instead of just saying how bad the story and character are? That's good?
3651133
I offered constructive criticism. It's not my fault you apparently take it personally, but that's your problem not mine.
3651199 Listing off reasons the story is shit, while admittedly eloquently, without suggestions for improvement isn't exactly constructive.