Booty Markless (Cutie Map) Review · 1:33am Apr 7th, 2015
It has been a long hiatus, hasn't it? Between drama, lack of content, and the absolutely lovely fanbase itself, I haven't been particularly keen on being involved in the fandom as of late. Though I'm sure you've all noticed. Or maybe not. I'm half convinced most of my followers are dead or stopped caring. What's it been anyway, four months? Oh well. Better late than never, right?
I'll be honest: I haven't been completely faithful to pone (If you couldn't tell by my new avatar... and the fact that I did the same thing with Korra). Hell, until Saturday I was thinking I might be getting tired of it altogether. But behold, with new content comes new interest. Now that I'm back on the ride I thought "What better way to show people how not dead I am?", and so here we are. I'm actually posting something on fimfic, even talking about an episode no less. Let's get this session of me talking at you about our newest episodes underway.
I waited two days so everyone could hopefully have a chance to see it already, but if you haven't, spoilers ahead obviously.
Cutie Markless... first impressions weren't great. I had glanced over one of the trailers and looked across a list of the first six synopses, and the only thing that really stuck with me was that there were going to be two cutie mark crusaders episodes right off the bat (yuck). So going into this I figured I might as well give it a chance instead of putting it off for another four months like I do with everything else. I have to say, I was actually pleasantly surprised.
/Magic floor map that made our butts sparkle? Sounds like an adventure!/
Doesn't take much to get these girls going. If I tried to interpret a map out of my floor I'd be going through the perilous lands of dirty clothes and useless junk to find the lost relic of the ps3 controller four times a week. Oh well. For Equestria!
Making sure to have some reason to leave Spike out of it is always a good start.
/Hellooo~ We'd love to have you for dinner tonight. We just love to savor any new ponies that come to town./
Popular culture dictates small mountain villages with overly joyous residents are typically cannibals... or cults. Let's see which one we get this time.
/Ohhh, grab the net! These ones look tasty!/
By this point I have been successfully unsettled. Look out for the dark dungeon and bloody kitchen, girls. Oh, it's only Y7? Nevermind then.
/Alternate wording Twilight Sparkle #2!/
Really? Again? I could handle Sunset Shimmer since it kinda made sense, and that name wasn't quite as obvious. They're not even trying to be subtle now. I mean shit, they could have at least tried to be creative. As much as I hate her, at least Trixie had a unique name for a character foil. How many more Twilight Sparkle synonym villains are we going to get? Dusk Shine? Sundown Glisten? Nightfall Shine? Evening Gleam? On second thought, I probably shouldn't be giving them any more ideas.
/Hail our proletariat leader!/
The destruction of individualism and social classes? Forced equality and common skills? Sounds like a classic case of communism. Nothing our six Celestia-fearing equestrian heroes can't take care of!
Real talk though, I find this kind of neat. Instead of one villain this time around, the girls have to face an ideal. Taking bets on when this communist society turns out to really be an authoritarian dictatorship.
/You can't have a nightmare if you never dream!/
That... was kinda dark.
/Equality! Unless you're a pegasus or a unicorn./
Am I the only one seeing the inherent flaw in this philosophy? In terms of ability it seems that pegasi and unicorns are going to have different and unique skillsets regardless of cutie marks. But I suppose having the wings clipped and the horns cut was too dark for a kid's show.
Atta girl, Rainbow. Laugh in the face of differing cultures and ideals like a true american.
/I think we ran off to the end of Equestria before we even knew what that map was./
Only took thirteen minutes before they started questioning taking epic quests from magical floorboards, and it was Applejack that questioned it. Then again, if they didn't go on adventures on the smallest whim, the show wouldn't be quite as exciting, would it?
/If we were sitting at the end of Equestria, we'd be sitting on a big A!/
Pinkie just dad joked the absolute shit out of Applejack. 10/10
/Sugar Bell, are we going to have to send you to the re-education camps again?/
Pinkie can eat entire cakes and not visually gain an ounce, but after twelve muffins she looks like she gained thirty pounds. wat r u duin mlp
/Forced re-education through... magic./
Oh no! Communism has infected the hearts and minds of our heroes! What will they do next!
As much as I'm enjoying the episode so far, I think if they had gone with something other than forceful removal it would've made more sense. Going with the fighting an ideal theme, it might've been cooler if Fluttershy ended up willingly removing hers, and turning against her friends, or at least trying to convince them that Starlight was right. That might have been better than sudden magic fights. I suppose the end result probably would've been the same anyway, and this does lead up to Starlight being the main antagonist.
/Your talent is now property of the state! Mwahaha!/
Remember kids, common ownership and other communist ideals are the work of the devil.
(Imagine there's a picture of all the girls in a locked room with a speaker spouting communist propaganda at them. I couldn't find it.)
/Stali- Starlight loves you./Well there's the dark dungeoun I asked for I guess. Good to see the ol' token rehabilatation room in the communist society. Guess an entire concentration camp was probably out of the question.
At this point it looks like they're throwing subtlety out the window. Either I'm way too American or this is the government's plan to indoctrinate the little girls to believe communism is obviously evil. Dunno how well that's gonna work out, Obama. Let's see how our girls get out of this one.
inb4 she eats them to become communist megazord when her plans fall apart.
/Everyone must be equal, except for me of course./
D:
/No! Not skype! Anything but Skype!/
/Silence, you mindless fools! It was for the good of the state!/
For being able to organize an entire village under her own regime, she doesn't seem very bright. This entire situation could have been solved by pulling a Father Cornello. "With the power of the staff entrusted to me, I am cursed to bear my cutie mark for the rest of my days. I wish every day that I might find some way to remove my own cutie mark, but the staff forbids it. I suffer so that you all might lead better lives. I live with the curse of my cutie mark so that you all don't have to. I'm sorry I haven't been able to tell you all sooner, I was too ashamed of myself to admit it."
Bam, entire town is back on your side. I've never even been an evil villain and I could've figured that one out. Step it up, Starlight.
/Break shit, everypony!/
Oh my god. Applejack made a bee-line for that fucking vase and straight threw it on the ground. That was great.
/How in the fuck?/
Haha what? Balloon Mcgyver over her to the rescue.
...
Okay, for one, where the hell was he keeping all of those balloons? He must have a rectal cavity the size of a small suitcase. Two, how does a mass of inflated ass rubber hold up multiple ponies? Not only is this dude balloon Mcgyver, he's a master engineer too.
Is it just me, or does that blue pegasus sound a lot like Lightning Dust? I looked it up but I couldn't find out anything about it.
And there we have it. Individualism and good old American ideals always prevail in the end. At first I thought "Oh great, now she's turned into an all out villain", but when I think about it, this does wrap things up nicely. After instilling the idea of lowering themselves into equality, only embracing their individualism and unique talents could they help to overcome her attempt to keep control over her new society. Admittedly, trying to steal the elements of harmony's cutie marks wasn't the best way to do this, but I suppose desparate times.
In the end, I have to say I actually enjoyed this episode quite a bit. Sure, it's a little heavy on the political commentary, but it's a welcome change of pace from the usual "throw magic at the villain" formula we've seen for the past few premieres and finales. I loved the premise of having to fight against an ideal more than just a solitary villain (sort of). They took a chance trying to get away from the usual formula, and I'd say it worked out for the better. Certainly better than having a dragon ball z-esque fight and ending with opening a box of win magic to save the day (I'm looking at you season 4). All in all, it was enough to get me back into the series and excited about the rest of the season.
Oh, and don't get too used to me doing reviews again. I think I'll limit myself to doing the premieres/finales and maybe a season recap. These take way too long to do on an episode by episode basis.
What did you guys think? Boring anti-chinese propaganda, or enjoyable premiere? Let me know so I know who is still paying attention.
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Now that we've got that out of the way, I guess I've got to talk about the obvious elephant in the room: my stories and me constantly failing to deliver them.
I've come to realize that I can not keep up with my own promises. Life has been difficult these past four months, and I haven't really been up to putting as much time into my writing... my writing for this fandom especially. I'm sure you'll be happy to know that this is no longer the case. I'm not going to make any promises about when it's going to be out (because god knows I ain't gonna keep em), but I can assure you I'm still writing all that nasty smut you know and love.
Well that's all I've got, guys. Hope you all had a good Christmas/New Years/Easter while I was gone. Until next time.
What happen? Somebody set up you the bomb?
2954649
Nothing major involving me, really. Just seeing how some people treat each other in this fandom puts a bad taste in my mouth.
Well, that was rather interesting.
To be honest I was not planning on watching the Season 5 premier. I have even avoided blogs about it.
But reading yours has gotten me curious, I think I shall watch it.
Anyway it's really nice to see ya back, I anxiously await your next story.
On a side note... what is your picture from? It's really driving me crazy.
And that last picture too.
2954843
The lovely Kneesocks from Panty & Stocking with Garterbelt. Quite a show. I for one thought it was amazing, if you couldn't tell by my newest waifu addition.
2954853 Seriously?
I immediatly diregarded that one... I thought it was too obvious.
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Yep. She doesn't show up until around episode six, so you might've missed her if you only watched the first few episodes.
2954866 I've watched ten minutes of the first episode...
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Yeah, it's pretty, uh, vulgar and disgusting at times (they started off pretty hardcore with a shit ghost the very first episode), but that's part of the reason I like it so much.
2954925 I guess I'll give it another go.
Oh, it kicked ass.