First one is out, and the water appears warm.

Put my first one-shot out, and I have to say I'm surprised at the response. Newbie author posting my first story ever, and I'm sitting at 10 likes, over 100 views and 6 favorites as of my last count (just over 24 hours up). I've been running all day on nervous jitters wondering how this would do while I slept and while I was at work, and after seeing this, I think I'm going to go ahead with two more one-shot's that I came up with while standing around the cash-register and dozing while stumbling to my PC, while also working on my main story that will not see the light of day till I have the story mapped out at least. One will feature my good friend Nim (sorry, Harry Leferts, I can't think of her as anything else now), and the other will be an odd spin on TCB. I'm expecting a lot of hate for the TCB one, as they seem to draw that, but it should still be fun. As for the NmM one? well, that my dear friends...

------------------is a secret.------------------

No, the main character will not be Max, he was honestly a throw-away OC I made just for this. There wasn't much to him, anyway, let's be honest.

Comments

[Princess Skitzy]

WHAT IS THIS!!
BLASPHEMY!!!
<3 Max <3
Furthermore.. I submit a vote of no confidence in your stories.

Nah.. haha.. You did a phenomenal job on the story. As you can see, I really enjoyed it. Looking forward to further stories you concoct from that fascinating cranium of yours!

(p.s. I love your written style, it flows so smoothly)

[Reykan]

2731724

(p.s. I love your written style, it flows so smoothly)

This. This is what I need to hear. What was it that worked, what didn't sound right? What made it funny and what killed the funny? I've only gotten two comments so far and yours was the first to state something you liked about it besides the humor. I'm actually just checking the Nightmare one for errors now, if you can believe it, and maybe adding a few more lines so that it's not over the minimum word count by about 20. After that it's just waiting for it to go through the approval queue. Unfortunately this one feels a bit long winded, but I can't think of a more clever way to get the point across. Here's to hoping.

*crosses fingers and closes eyes*

[Reykan]

Second one is awaiting approval. Hope it's even half as enjoyable as the first. As for me? I'm gonna go pwn some scrubs in 2fort before bed.

[Princess Skitzy]

2731826

Max had to suppress a scoff. Scoffing at someone's lack of information wasn't professional after all. "Drain? You actually believed that load of manure, that a changeling that feeds off of an individual leaves them a depressed, emotionless lump?"

"It doesn't?"

Max laughed. "In my bag is a jar marked P. Grab it" The jar was retrieved, and the girls were awed. Even Max loved looking at the jars of emotion. If you mixed them properly, it was better than a lava lamp. And that stuff was great on toast. Twilight managed to tear herself from the glowing jar first.

"So this is emotion?"

This burst of dialogue here, it flowed through so smoothly. A lot of people try this, but fail miserably. I particularly like how it fit so well for your dialogue, good and simply put.

Max shifted a bit, making himself comfortable. "Go for it"

<-(~0~)->

Eventually, the questioning was ended, and a consensus was reached. Max wasn't a direct danger, though Twilight managed to secure a promise out of him, before removing the spell, that he would return later for "tests". The manic giggling and mumbling about being the "first scientist in recent history to study a changeling subject" did nothing to set his mind at ease

This page break was perfectly placed. Not dragging out a scene too far is a massive way to keep the attention of readers such as myself.

"THAT IS SOO COOL! DO ME NEXT, DO ME DO ME!"

Pretty sure you meant "..DO ME, DO ME!"
Just a test of grammar.

He'd seen that smile before, on a few of the other mares in town, most often Ms. Punch after a few too many ciders. Ms. sparkle never had that kind of smile on her face. Max meanwhile had only one thought going through his head as he stared at the stallion, who he had once or twice dragged to the local eateries to hang out with some of the other stallions in town. The colt was straight as an arrow.

You sort of lost me on this one.
It seemed like there was a lot going on here, I guess I could not keep up with it. Maybe breaking the paragraph apart when it starts here

Max meanwhile had only one thought going through his head as he stared at the stallion, who he had once or twice dragged to the local eateries to hang out with some of the other stallions in town. The colt was straight as an arrow

Otherwise, premium work.. 10/10 :)

[Reykan]

2732239 Wonderful, that's what I need. In pinkie's case, I actually meant it like that, because I don't see her pausing at all there in her excitement. I also tried to use the larger breaks, like extra line spacing to pace the conversations. That's why Dash's rapid-fire accusations weren't spaced so heavily. The BM part though, I'll see about fixing. I'll take a look at how it looks/sounds tomorrow. For now, I'm headed to bed.

[Princess Skitzy]

2732266
after re reading the story for the third time.. I can see the spacing yoi mentioned.. very nice
Have a good night.. looking forwaed to the next story