Jan
3rd
2015
Well now... · 10:06pm Jan 3rd, 2015
Soooo... yeah. That didn't go well.
The release of Starchasers has been less than great. I wont bore you all with a lengthy post on why it kinda sucked. The point is, it has been less than smooth. So what now?
Well, Dawn, Arad, and I are looking at a few options.
1) Try to trudge along and salvage what we can by going back and trying to patch the weak spots.
2) Pull the story for a week or two and really tear through it to find the weaknesses.
3) Pull the story, scrap the current idea, and start fresh.
Personally, I'm leaning toward option 2. What would make YOU guys the happiest?
Yeah go for two that is always best when your story isn't.
If it didn't turn out well just go with option 2. The story only just started.
I will also say option two.
After reading the story, it felt "meh" compared to the first one. Also saw more than a few spelling/grammatical mistakes here and there (which I cannot point out at this time as I am on a smartphone instead of my computer), but that could be cleaned up easily with a person or two other than the authors to proofread it.
Anyways, just my thoughts on it.
Number two. Though I have to admit the whole artifact thing made me go "Whaaaaaat?"
Not to mention the smugglers feel like the A-team.
Eh, I wouldn't have said it went poorly, just that it didn't quite catch lightning in a bottle like the first one and there is never a guarantee of that.
I enjoyed it myself.
You need to rework something. Little is done to establish those characters you've thrown at us -- they're like little faceless mannequins which like to swear all the time and apparently one of them is fucking a changeling. It's just not very interesting.
Right now it's looking like we'll be taking it down this evening and posting again at a later date.
2698793 Well I hope it turns out better the next go-round then. I know how great all three of you are at writing (heck, I am an editor for Arad on his Mente Materia story), but sometimes you 'swing' and get a 'miss'. So just do what ya'll feel you need to do and we will be here waiting to see how it goes.
Initially I would say 2, but recalling what I have read, and the simple expedient that there is barely ANY connection to the first story, I am also leaning towards 3.
To that end I would suggest maybe doing a story to make this one more relevant, while engaging option 2 with this one.
HEY! I was in the middle of reading that!
That being said, what I did read was ... eh. You were trying for an organic introduction for the characters but it all came off as really unnatural. No one uses someone's name as much as those characters were using their names while at the same time, an opening like that ought to have left us with a very firm internal vision of the characters but I couldn't have pointed out any character whatsoever. Who was the pilot? Who was that Texperson? WERE they people or ponies? I know there was a changeling and at least one pony but who was which what was who?
As a sci-fi adventure (I kinda assume that part) story, there was a lack of description. What did the bridge look like? What about the ship itself? What about Canterlot - it's in Tiers somehow but what does that mean? Sci-fi adventure stories rely a lot on very large swathes of fancy-ass detail in the description to really put us in the shoes of the characters.
Since I could only read the Prologue before you pulled the story, I can't tell you anything more that I would change. I'd need to get a feel for where the story was going to point out a suggestion. From what little I read, it seemed like sci-fi adventure Voyager-verse worldbuilding type of thing and that could work out fine ... depending. There'd need to be a great amount of thought put into, well, the world and everything a universe has involved so it'd be a big job but doable.
Wish I could help more but I can't really be an editor (no time) and I couldn't read past the prologue.
i liked the premise you put out, but as others have said, there was hardly any detail. also, voyage's end had a unique feel to it. as if it were 'detatched'. the reader was just seeing the most important parts of the whole. i think people who read the original may have gone in expecting it to feel the same, and came away disappointed.
I don't interpret one and two as being different options except that we can't read what you have with two, but it's probably the best option. I didn't get to read it in any case.
There is a really excellent YouTube video about writing dialogue that I want to link but I'm on my phone right now. So I recommend that you reply to this comment so that I have a reminder tomorrow. It should help massively on that front.
2699494
here is your requested reminder reply.
2699506
Heh, good thing I asked. I completely forgot.