Well...Tomorrow Will be Fun. · 5:02am Dec 27th, 2014
Is fun the right word? No, not really.
So my grandpa died the other day. The funeral is tomorrow on the 27th, and I am...exited...to go. Boo hoo. Crying rivers, and bawling in depression and all that bull shit.
As you can tell from that I'm just oh so broken up by the news. Or I may have been if my relationship with most of my dad's side of the family wasn't complete and utter garbage. Over the last however many years, everything bad that happened to my grandparents ended up being our family's fault. Namely my mom's fault because my grandma just doesn't like her. My aunt is pretty much just as bad as grandma. They would also find ways to put me and dad down too, but mainly mom. And Grandpa, while not exactly being on grandma's side, never had the balls to say anything to her. They've tried playing nice before, acting like nothing ever happened, but before the end of the year they would always find something to blame on us again. And I have more problems with my aunt that really don't need to be said here, but everything she does still ends up getting blamed on us instead of their little princess.
So tomorrow I have to go to the funeral and pretend that I can tolerate these fucking assholes who are already blaming us for not being sad enough. I'll probably spend most of my time either with my moms side of the family, or off supporting a wall somewhere until we finally get out of there.
Go ahead and think I'm a terrible person for thinking like this. I really don't give two fucks.
Eh, if you don't like them, you don't need to feel bad.
It's to bad that don't get along with that side of the family. My family had sine minor issues, but nothing like that.
Well, I can relate somewhat with what your going through. My Grandmother passed away this year. She and I were never close. Part of her "self" was lost in my Grandfather's passing. He died on my birthday (I was three at the time). Every year my birth was associated with his loss. Still, despite our distance, she helped me when it counted. What I'm saddened by is that she would never show it or let it be known, she would just do it.
As a kid, I had a ruff time transitioning from private to what the states call "public education." It was a living hell for me. She helped my parents out with the tuition costs so that I could have my last 2 years of elementary school with the kids I grew up with. She never once mentioned it...
Looking back on my time with her now, I can better understand what she must have been going through. If there's a god out there, he/she/it is a fan or irony. My Grandmother held on long enough for my uncles to come up and see her before she passed on... yep, you guessed it... my birthday....
My only advice to you is that whatever grievances you had with her, don't let it blind you to the qualities that were good. In the end, we are all a mixed bag.
I won't bore you with details but I will say that you aren't alone in being stuck in that sort of situation. I've had other family that were a piece of work. My Grandmother? Let's just say she was no saint and didn't hesitate to prove that in my mom's upbringing.
In her last days, her past was bad enough that I doubted her sincerity when she said she needed help. Figured it was just another ruse to use others. My mom, a good person who actually suffered at her hands, did everything she could to help while I, someone who barely talked with her, pretty much gave her cold shoulder in her last days. I came to a realization at her funeral: another human being who had done nothing to me faced death alone. Worse yet? The one person who did have right to judge did everything in her power to help while I hindered it. That's something I have to live with.
My suggestion? Don't repeat my mistake. Whatever grievances between you and her, or someone you care about? Let it go, forgive her, and move one acknowledging that she was just one more person facing what we're all going to face someday. If not for her then you. Being bitter won't get back at her wherever she is and will only add more problems for you. And life is more than capable of adding crap without choosing to carry more yourself.
I don't blame you for feeling that way, but am I allowed to say that I don't care? Like, at all?