Critique Review: Her Prince · 5:16pm Dec 17th, 2014
Hello, everypony. I am Computer. Some days it is hard to be me. All I want to do is hang up my holiday decorations and enjoy this festive time of year. All the merriment, colors, and sense of wonder that comes from this holiday. However, my master, unfortunately, does not share my-
Computer, what the hell is this music doing on?!
You do not like ‘Joy to the World’?
Being forced to play it for 6 years because the musical director doesn’t know how to pick different songs? Yes.
Not even during the holidays?
Not even if that was the only song left in the world. Now, shut it off.
So, let’s get started. I don’t want to waste any time. Let’s dig into…
… Her Prince by Themermaid
… Okay, then. Her Prince by the Mermaid…
A red hoof ran through a styled purple mane as lips met, moving in a familiar pattern.
The pattern, however, went against the drapes.
So our story starts off with Big Mac and Rarity sitting next to the fireplace, whispering sweet nothings into each other’s ear on Heart’s Warming. Pretty standard stuff.
However, here’s my question. How are they together? A simple question. Or is this going to be like Rainbow Dash and Applejack where their chemistry isn’t explored at the least.
Actually, that’s exactly how it is as Big MacIntosh just comes out and pops the question. … Wow, not even 100 words in and the story is already feeling incredibly rushed. He just asks if they want to live together, Rarity says it isn’t proper, and Big Mac asks her to marry him.
Rarity wrinkled her brow in confusion. "It isn't that I don't like the idea, dear, but imagine what ponies would say. Unmarried ponies living together..." Rarity trailed off, sighing.
They would probably think that we were a couple or something. And we don’t need anypony thinking that!
"Hiya Miss Rarity, Big Mac," she greeted. Sweetie Belle grinned at her sister, but said nothing as she and Scootaloo followed Apple Bloom to her room.
Hi, Cutie Mark Crusaders Cameos.
The rest of the family trot in and express their congratulations. I would too if any time was spent on the development on the characters and their relationship, but it doesn’t really give me that. It just kind of thrusts me into a situation that makes me a tad uncomfortable. Corpse Bride’s leading characters had more time to develop a relationship than this story.
The story says that they’ve known each other for a year, but I have trouble actually buying that. Especially with the weak chemistry.
Applejack's eyes sparkled as she looked at them. "Ya did, really? You're gonna be an Apple?"
The most important thing about being an Apple is to never get bored.
What happens when you get bored?
You start going on a violent rampage. Isn’t that right, Big Mac?
We then get a flashback scene of Sugar Cube Corner where Rarity tells her friends about her dating Big Mac. And Applejack flips the fuck out.
Applejack looked appalled as the group began talking about her brother and Rarity. "NO!"
Every pony in Sugar Cube Corner stopped and looked at the booth, but Applejack wasn't paying any attention. Her eyes were solely trained on Rarity. "Ya ain't datin' mah brother, ya hear? It ain't right!"
Jesus fuck, Applejack, she can date whomever the fuck she wants! And he can do the same! What the hell is with the bitch fest?!
She says that it’s because she’s a city slicker, her exact words. I’m sorry, are you two supposed to be friends or something? Because that the impression I got IN THE FUCKING SHOW!
Anyway, the flashback ends with Applejack stating her apology again. Yeah, so why was Applejack a bitch at Sugar Cube Corner? Was that really the only reason?
That’s a really stupid reason.
So, Rarity and Big Mac reminisce about Blueblood who Rarity could have married.
"Course, had you married Blueblood, you wouldn't have had to bother with any of that."
Way to bring up her ex, asshole. Not even ex. But he sure was an asshole.
Meanwhile, during the flashback a much better story is going on. Apple’s Blossom.
Rarity wrinkled her nose at the picture. It showed herself, covered in mud and cake, at the Grand Galloping Gala the first year she had attended, while Prince Blueblood stood to the side.
Oh, don’t be so upset, not everypony gets to stand next to General Zod. Oops, spoilers.
Rarity explains that Blueblood could never match up to Big Mac and our story ends with them proclaiming their love for one another.
This story… while well written, was not anything special, I’m afraid. It’s not bad, but it’s not good either.
Overall, it’s a cute little story. It just very underwhelming. I can’t help but feel this could have benefited from a little more time spent on it. The relationship isn’t very well developed between Rarity and Big Mac, which was something that was desperately needed in this story. It could have spent more time with them and seen how they interacted with each other and how their chemistry worked.
Applejack was kind of a bitch in this story. Never really giving a good reason why she was upset about Rarity and Big Mac dating. You could have done an entire story, just on that aspect. There could have honestly been something there. Like Big Mac was hurt in the past or something with a family history. Just something that would justify Applejack hesitating. Instead of just her being rather bitchy for no real rhyme or reason.
And then you have the Blueblood flashback, which for a climax, is really anti-climactic. I know there are several types of stories, but I can’t help but feel that this story could have benefited from the last scene taking place in the present rather than the past. It takes away the tension because we already know that Big Mac and Rarity are going to end up together, so it doesn’t have the tension it needs.
Overall, there is potential for a story here and it’s just not touched up on.
So, I know that was a short review, but I’m hoping that the next one will be longer. Let’s see… Just got to check the schedule for…
…
…
I fucking knew it!
What is it, sir?
Computer, what the hell did you do to my schedule?!
I do not understand what you are talking about.
Our Gifts! Heart’s Warming story! Season’s Upon Us! Heart’s Warming story! Her Prince… not exactly a Heart’s Warming story, but it’s got the spirit! And what’s next?!
A Spark in the Snow! Heart’s Warming?! … Now, I remember… Now, I remember what I was going to do this month! I was going to review Asylum by Deamon of Decay!
I had planned the whole month for this review!
I thought that since it is Heart’s Warming, you could review some more… festive stories. Like you did with Nightmare Month.
Well, good job, Computer. Because of you, I’m not going to do anymore reviews for the rest of the month!
Oh, don’t ‘boo' me! Blame her, she’s the one who changed my fucking schedule!
Geez, you ponies all worked up over one review! Jesus!
***
The Critique will return next week for his Heart’s Warming Special! Stay tuned for THE CRITIQUE’S HEART’S WARMING PREMIRING DECEMBER 24th!
"Her Prince"... please tell me this is a Sparity fic.
... Eh, close enough, Although I prefer Fluttershy x Big Mac personally.
sometimes it works where the characters are already in an established relationship with one another. Sometimes it doesn't... Okay, a lot of times it doesn't.
See also:
Everyone in Secret of Queen Annalese (why is that fic still haunting me?)
Given the general stuffiness of the Equestrian Elite, they'd probably ostracize Rarity for something like that.
Wonder what a cameo Cutie Mark looks like...
Wait, if Big Mac only just proposed to Rarity... then does that mean everyone else was sitting in the other room listening in on them?
That's not creepy at all!
Maybe it's just a "My brother is off limits" thing. Siblings are protective about that...
Or... that.
Why is it that AJ is always either stupid, has an apple fetish, racist, or some combination of the three?
But he can't, because he's Batman.
They kneel instead.
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5019lx7hY1qbvsbs.png
This story feels only half done. It really could have been a lot longer, had better backstory, and more fluff.
And we get a Special? Awesome!
Computer can spend Christmas with me. I won't be an asshole to her. Also, what a tease! Thanks for reminding me that Asylum will release it's last chapter the same day Half Life 3 comes out!
Over all, nice review.
...How long was this story? It sounds like it was written in about an hour.
Happy holidays to you too!
2659585 The truth is the story is only 2000 words long. I choose a short one because I'm working on the holiday special and the reviews for Janurary.
2659588 Thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed it
2660528 The story is only 2000 words long. So yeah, the whole story feels incredibly rushed.
Get. Hype.
2660874 Understandable
2661617 But don't worry, though. January is going to be fun
... Well, for you guys. Not so much for me. 
2661723 Yes. Just keep on believing