Oneshotober Reviews, Part 2 · 2:33am Oct 31st, 2014
And here we are again, once more asking the eternal question: is Oneshotober nothing but a generator of mass shitfic? Or does the event hold merit?
Am I an idiot for trying to review so many fics?
The only way to know is to press on.
26. Gerald Ford turns into a Cat
by Admiral Biscuit
Remember all those times I complained about bad “random” comedy in the previous post? This is what a good random comedy looks like. The premise is absurd, character actions inappropriate, and the outcome completely ridiculous. There are irreverent and pointless asides, and the story doesn’t take itself seriously for even a moment. And yet, it never succumbs to the “humor” that ruins many other random comedies. At no point do we resort to, in effect, “AND THEN STUFF HAPPENED LOLOLOLOLOL”. Every event progresses naturally and continues the narrative. Granted, those events may be silly, and the narrative absurd, but there’s still a coherent story here throughout.
Also, it seems kind of weird that I saw the ending coming from the beginning of the fic. Is that just me?
Recommended if: You like absurd stories that still follow a logical plot progression.
Avoid it if: You have an intense dislike of silliness or the 38th president of the United States.
Final verdict: (4/5) For.
27. Rainbow Dash and the Power of Imagination
by Regidar
(Notices storyID.) Dang, you were really mining old ideas for this month, weren’t you Regi?
Anyway, this is another great random comedy. It’s mostly carried by the two Visitors’ bickering, though Dash’s desperate attempts to save face deserve mention as well. Really, the only weak point was Pinkie Pie’s appearance about halfway through. She was just a bit too random here, a common problem among not only the fandom, but often the show writers as well (see: every Season 4 episode where she’s not the focus character). That said, a lot of the humor is derived from taking shots at a variety of targets: The Land Before Time, Half-Life, some weird book about cats that I’ve never heard of, the Winningverse (I think), and fanfiction in general. This might be off-putting to some people, but I enjoyed them.
One still wonders how Pinkie drank sulfuric acid, however.
Also, that comment section. Seriously, what the fuck.
Recommended if: You like random comedy.
Avoid it if: You’re offended by offhand insults to various franchises, stories, or fanfiction in general.
Final verdict: (4/5) For.
28. Tonari no Pinkie-kun! Another Master of Killing Time
by Takarashi282
You and your long, multi-chaptered one-shots, Taka. 
Anyway, this is based on a manga/anime called Tonari no Seki-kun: The Master of Killing Time, which I haven’t watched before, but I think I’ll check out an episode on Crunchyroll and see what it’s like.
(Ten minutes later.)
Huh. Not really my thing, but it reminds me a lot of Azumanga Daioh (I’m more a fan of Lucky Star). The episodes are short, at least. Anyway, the premise of this thing is this kid, Seki, constantly goofs off in class, doing ever more elaborate and blatant things that the teacher somehow never notices. Instead, the girl next to him, Yokoi, keeps getting in trouble when Seki’s antics distract her from class.
In this fic, the role of Seki is played by Pinkie Pie, and the role of Yokoi is played by each of the rest of the Mane Six in turn. This produces the rather unusual stylistic choice of having a different first-person narrator for each chapter, which makes it feel a bit more like an anthology than a single narrative. It’s definitely AU, as Twilight is already an alicorn and clearly the Mane Six are at least aware of one another, but none seem to actually be friends, aside from Pinkie and Rarity.
Anyway, character voice is a bit of an issue, as it was in Taka’s last fic I reviewed. Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Twilight were fine, but Rarity and Fluttershy a bit off. While Rarity did have her typical penchant for melodrama, it lacked her usual flair, and her fixation on elegance was entirely absent. In Fluttershy’s case, I think it was less her voice in particular and more an issue of pacing in a first-person narrative—it all moved just a bit too quickly for a pony like her. There was one thing with Dash’s character, though—her sexuality. Having Dash be in denial about her sexual preferences one way or another can make for a good running gag, but here, it never felt like denial or a gag. Instead, it came off as the sort of character distortions that weak shipfics will engage in to make their pairing work.
A bigger issue, though, is that it can be hard to follow. In Dash’s chapter in particular, there are a number of places where I just don’t know what’s going on. How did she land on Spitfire to make it embarrassing? Just was was Pinkie Pie doing for most of the chapter? And I gather they’re supposed to be standard ponies, not anthro or humanized, but some of the descriptions, like Rainbow Dash putting on running shoes and shin guards, suggest those instead.
Anyway, at heart, the original series was based on sight gags, and sometimes they just don’t translate well to the written word.
Also, “infidel ponies”. That’s an interesting word choice.
Recommended if: You’re interested in AU Pinkie Pie antics, or are a fan of the manga this was based on
Avoid it if: A lack of clarity or questionable characterizations might bother you.
Final verdict: (3/5) Slightly For.
29. Hold On...
by 2006midnight
Hey, a 2006midnight story. I wonder if this is going to be an introspective monologue with a brief framing scenario?
It is, and a rather poorly-handled one, at that. It’s literally Scootaloo talking to herself as she goes home after meeting Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle. On the one hand, I like that we share the same headcanon that Scootaloo isn’t an orphan, but merely neglected by her parents (thus the line “it’s not like my parents care what I do” in my story After Hours). On the other, there’s really nothing else here but the introspection.
And that’s the problem. I keep ragging on 2006midnight for writing these sort of fics because, since I’m reading Oneshotober stories, they’re nearly all I’ve seen from her. And while she writes an excellent character analysis monologue, stories need something more to them than just character insight. Without an plot to put those character thoughts into action, there’s nothing to hook our interest, and the story becomes rather dull.
Recommended if: You like introspective monologues and character analysis.
Avoid it if: You want actual plot and action to engage your interest.
Final verdict: (2/5) Slightly Against.
30. Under the Moon and Stars
by 2006midnight
We break away from the introspective monologues to get some sisterly angst instead. Unfortunately, it amounts to nearly the same thing. A few pieces of the shared narrative come from Celestia, and the majority come from Luna, but the tone is very much like what we see in the monologue stories. Characters express their displeasure with some aspect of their lives, explain how it impacts them, experience an epiphany, and then declare their triumph over that problem. As always, there is very little to engage the reader beyond the emotions themselves. Well-written angst is still only angst.
And let’s go ahead and let “a tear rolling down her cheek” join “begins to cry” on the list of cliche and un-evocative phrases.
Recommended if: You want Sadlestia and some hints of Royal Parents headcanon.
Avoid it if: You need more than emotions to have interest in a fic.
Final verdict: (1/5) Against.
31. Twilight Goes To The DMV
by Garbo802
Something tells me this is going to be a bit of a crackfic.
…Or it’s actually a pretty straightforward Twilight-versus-bureaucracy comedy. This one is going to be very hit or miss, because you’ll either like this style of humor, or you won’t. There isn’t much in between. Personally, it’s not for me. For one, there was a running joke about how lazy and ineffective the local weather team are, which is at odds with the consistent descriptions of pleasurable weather (and, I think, at odds with how the show itself presents Dash and her team). Some of the jokes also just push too hard, like Spike’s tantrum. The description of it just gets bizarre. Finally, a lot of the fic is a ponified look at real-world politics, which is never really going to hold my interest.
Recommended if: You want to see Twilight Snarkle in full swing.
Avoid it if: You dislike real-world politics getting all over your pony.
Final verdict: (2/5) Slightly Against.
32. No Such Thing
by Garbo802
Description: “A free-verse poem about an alicorn named Notional who ventures into Equestria, where he is met with hate and disdain by all except the little filly willing to accept him.”
Okay, I’m not sure what to think when I see poetry on here, but the concept of an alicorn OC meeting hate and rejection fills me with the kind of dread that can only be inspired by angry teenaged authors. Let’s see if you avoid that sort of thing.
And upon reading it, this… is actually seriously impressive. While the story is vague and meandering, and the prose often terribly stilted to fit the intended format, the fact that Garbo managed to pull off this acrostic-plus-line-length thing at all deserves respect.
Also, I commend you on using the dreaded “angsty alicorn OC” to help make your point, especially to those who skim or skip the story itself just to see what the acrostic says.
Recommended if: You want to see an impressive technical accomplishment in a very restrictive writing format.
Avoid it if: You just want a strong narrative in a straightforward story.
Final verdict: (5/5) Strongly For.
33. Diamond Tiara Dies Alone
by Admiral Biscuit
There are a lot of fics that show Diamond Tiara suffering in her adult years or old age, as retribution for her childhood cruelties. But those stories generally take on a one of “karmic punishment” or otherwise giving DT what she deserves. It’s a vanishingly rare thing that one presents this outcome as a tragedy. And that’s what sets this story apart. Instead of taking glee in Diamond Tiara’s fate, it allows the reader to feel sorry for her, even while keeping her an utterly unsympathetic character.
For the record, though, I don’t agree with this depiction of Diamond. I see her antics on the show as a normal, childish, lack of empathy. I fully expect she’ll grow out of it in a few years. She might even become self-aware enough to regret her actions. But that doesn’t mean I don’t find the version we see here totally believable in its own narrative.
I’ve discussed my near-immunity to sadfic before. That I can appreciate this one at all is a huge vote in its favor.
And again, wow on a comment section. How is it the better stories I’m reviewing from this have the derpiest comments?
Recommended if: You like sad stories at all, or Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon.
Avoid it if: The only reason to avoid it is if you just don’t like the genre.
Final verdict: (5/5) Strongly For.
34. A night at the theater
by The red knight
And I just came off of such a good story, too…
This one was actually decent—coherent, spelled more or less properly, and with a proper narrative—right up until Coil Guy and WhatsHisFace turned up. And then the already-poor pacing was totally shot, characters started acting like idiots, and spelling went down the drain. The twist-reveal at the end was just ridiculous, and for some reason, Vinyl’s name was misspelled literally every other instance.
I can only assume that TRK’s OCs make stories worse by their mere presence.
Recommended if: You only intend to read the first 850 words or so.
Avoid it if: All the usual reasons you shouldn’t read TRK stories.
Final verdict: (1/5) Against.
35. Take This Pill
by Regidar
Another story that will be very conditional on who likes it. Unlike the last one I said that about, it’s not a matter of sense of humor, because there’s nothing funny here at all. Instead, it’s a rather bleak look at the (American) psychiatric industry, as Pinkie hopes to find a way to overcome the depression she’s fallen under. The story is, at the same time, bland yet forceful, and I suspect it’s written this way in an attempt to emulate the David Firth video that Regidar linked in the comments. While the tone it sets isn’t necessarily good, it does support the overall theme quite well. I’ll also say that while there are definitely a number of issues with psychiatric treatment in America (our stigmatization of sufferers of mental illness actually being among the worst problems), the story never actually addresses any of them directly, instead serving more as a way for someone who dealt with the system to vent their frustrations.
Recommended if: You want something that will gnaw at you a bit.
Avoid it if: You’d prefer that horse words not add to your own personal misery.
Final verdict: (3/5) Slightly For.
36. Important Differences (No link: Mature/Sex)
by Admiral Biscuit
This holds the distinction of being the first Oneshotober fic I read before starting this review project. As this was also the only Mature/Sex entry at the time (aside from my own), you can guess where my priorities lie.
For those who aren’t used to my PCaRG reviews, this is your introduction to my habit of posting uncomfortably suggestive images in my reviews.
I’d have warned you, but no I wouldn’t have.
And then it’s as much trollfic as clopfic, just so you know. This is more a comedy about expectations and disappointment than anything properly sexual, but it is funny in that respect. The punchline is bird anatomy. Anyway, it’s short, simple, and has few if any errors, so there’s not much more for me to say here.
Recommended if: Sexual failure sounds funny to you.
Avoid it if: Griffons having bird anatomy just sounds gross.
Final verdict: (3/5) Slightly For.
37. Lord Chatku and Queen Taku
by The red knight
So the Doctor Time Turner babysits the Cake twins, and can understand them because he can speak baby. While this is, again, better than the average TRK fic, it was very rushed, and only barely told any story at all. Pretty much the entire joke is how simple baby-babble like “gaga” will be translated into full sentences, while long, rambling, strings of noise will instead be rendered as simple one- to three-word statements. In fact, most of the gag here is pretty much just taken straight from the Doctor Who episode “Closing Time” (S32E12), except it’s rushed and not nearly as funny.
Recommended if: You’ve run out of other Doctor Hooves fics to read, are desperate for more, and a ponified version of the “I speak baby” gag is an irreparable void in your life.
Avoid it if: You don’t like hasty, unedited fics with bad pacing and very thin plots.
Final verdict: (1/5) Against.
38. "Intense" "Sibling" Romance
by Takarashi282
From the description: “(If you came here to witness intense "sibling" romance, then you'll be sorely disappointed)”
I actually am, kind of. Even if I don’t ship SpiLight.
So, this seems to be inspired by The Irregular at Magic High School, which I don’t actually watch, myself, but I have picked up on bits and pieces because Asilin watches it. But it’s not tagged Crossover, so I imagine inspiration is all that went into it, and no non-Pony knowledge will be required to follow this.
And now that I’ve actually read it… I suppose that description was just a warning that no clop would be found within, because this was definitely some SpiLight. For a pairing I don’t ship, this was pretty inoffensive and enjoyable. I still don’t pair these two up because, while they aren’t related and aren’t even the same species, they did grow up together and the Westermarck effect should still be in play. That said, Twilight’s awkward, insecure approach to it was perfect for her, though I was surprised at how easily Spike came around to it. In that way, this fic does fall into one of the major Spike shipping traps—failing to explain why Rarity’s not his focus anymore.
Also, whatever happened to Twilight needing to use the bathroom?
I was almost expecting this to take a sudden turn towards fetish material.
Recommended if: You want some soft SpiLight without much to it.
Avoid it if: SpiLight is gross.
Final verdict: (3/5) Slightly For.
39. War Were Declared
by Admiral Biscuit
Another fic I read before these reviews.
Know how we keep getting those human-versus-pony fics that produce endless debate over which side would totally pwn the other? And how they started out with self-loathing misanthropic bitch fics about the evils of man? And then in retaliation, there were a horde of hyper-jingoistic military-wank fics about how awesome we are at war?
When you try to write a parody of that second category, try to make sure you don’t just come off as an example of the first category.
Learn from the Admiral’s mistakes, people.
Anyway, the story itself isn’t all that bad. The tactics the ponies use are funny, and do make sense against the technologically-superior human army, though I can’t help but feel the story hampering humanity with the extremely narrow chokepoint the portal presented was the only reason the pony tactics were working. In the end, it came down to the nuclear option—literally on the human side—and a case of mutually-assured destruction.
That said, it can easily sound like one of those misanthropic stories, particularly with how much human politicians are vilified.
Recommended if: You want a humorous take on ponies defeating humans in a war.
Avoid it if: You are so sick of this human-versus-pony bullshit.
Final verdict: (2/5) Slightly Against.
40. Things Fall Apart
by Regidar
An alternate-history fic where Discord was triumphing over the Sisters a thousand years ago (unless I misunderstood that bit). I saw a surprising number of typos for a Regidar story, but the bigger issue is that it’s just too short to have any real impact. As well, much like I’ve been repeatedly criticizing 2006midnight’s stories, almost the entire thing is dialogue, giving very little impression of anything actually happening. All in all, very underwhelming after Regidar’s last two.
Recommended if: You want a history fic with a full-on evil Discord.
Avoid it if: You’re looking for more action.
Final verdict: (2/5) Slightly Against.
41. Canterlot High School Host Club
by Takarashi282
Hey look, another show that Asilin watches but I don’t.
You guys and your shoujo.
And those long, multi-chapter one-shots again.
In part due to the length, this is the only story thus far I haven’t read all the way through. I stopped at the end of the first chapter because it was becoming clear this was a point-for-point recreation of the first episode of OHSHC, just with pony names inserted in place of the original character names. The story doesn’t suffer from any technical flaws, really, but there’s nothing to be gained from it that one wouldn’t get from just watching the anime itself.
And, as Funimation puts a lot of their material on Youtube, it isn’t exactly hard to find, either. I’ve even linked the first episode at the start of this entry.
Recommended if: You really want to read a novelization of Host Club but with the wrong names.
Avoid it if: You’d rather just hit that Youtube link.
Final verdict: (1/5) Against.
42. The Sex Shop
by Admiral Biscuit
“Trigger warning: Not a clopfic”
Well, fuck.
What this actually is, is a simple and pleasant slice-of-life focusing on the very ordinary lives of a very ordinary couple who happen to own a sex shop. There’s no dialogue, just the narrator, and it doesn’t really go anywhere. Unlike many stories where I point that out as a complaint, here, it doesn’t have to. It works perfectly well as a simple vignette, and there’s no real need for any major plot here (beyond the ones featured in the shop’s pinups). At the same time, it would definitely work as the setup for a longer story, as well.
And while the author’s comments reference Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, I thought I detected a bit of Discworld in there as well.
Recommended if: You’re looking for a slice-of-life vignette at its most basic.
Avoid it if: You went into this hoping for clop. Or a plot.
Final verdict: (4/5) For.
43. The Sky Is A Little Red This Morning
by Garbo802
Your enjoyment of this one is going to rest entirely on whether or not you accept the characterizations. For example, Applejack is not illiterate. She makes an offhand remark about enjoying an occasional book in Read It and Weep. Dash is actually the least-read of the group. There’s also Garbo’s usual portrayal of Dash being lazy about her weather job, which I’m not sure I buy, either. And since the entire premise rests upon AJ being ignorant and silly, if that doesn’t sound right to you, there won’t be much to enjoy here. That said, the story doesn’t have any notable technical flaws, but the characters and story are a much bigger issue, anyway.
Recommended if: You can accept this idea of Applejack making such a dumb mistake.
Avoid it if: You think Applejack is above something like that.
Final verdict: (2/5) Slightly Against.
44. Out of the Shadows
by 2006midnight
So, the CMC are growing up, debating if they should still call themselves that, et cetera… Here’s one of the problems with these monologue/dialogue pieces. The character voices keep getting lost in the message. Everypony talks more or less the exact same way because they’re just mouthpieces to deliver the author’s ruminations or moral points. Look at this bit:
“Now that we have them, we can’t let ourselves be held back by our name. We have to expand what we know, and try new things. We’ve got to find a new goal, and reach for that, rather than continuing to reminisce over past times.”
Would anyone ever guess that was Apple Bloom without being told?
Anyway, as usual, it’s well-written, but I just feel like nothing happened and nothing new was really learned.
Recommended if: You want a brief vignette about the Cutie Mark Crusaders growing up.
Avoid it if: As always, you want actual plot and actions.
Final verdict: (2/5) Slightly Against.
45. Dinky's sick day off
by The red knight
Ugh grammar and pacing and stupid asides and forced humor and that awful ending one-liner… Sorry. I shouldn’t be entirely negative. TRK is actually improving. The “900 years older than you” line was a great play on a joke from the show, the Doctor insisting they stay out of his shed is a good example of the right way to work fandom references in (though it could have been drawn out longer), and Dinky’s presentation at the end was actually funny, if brief. And his OCs weren’t even mentioned once! Unfortunately, the pacing is still very poor and rushed, grammar mistakes are still constant (run-on sentences being the biggest offender), the writing style is overly simplistic and awkward to read, and most of the humor aside from the three jokes I mentioned above is stupid and forced.
It still doesn’t rise into the ranks of things anyone should bother reading, but it’s much nearer that line than anything else I’ve read from TRK this month. A good editor could probably turn this into a decent show-toned comedy, with enough work.
Recommended if: You want to see the Doctor getting overwhelmed by dealing with Derpy, Pinkie, and the CMC all in one day.
Avoid it if: You like fics that have heard of editing or proofreaders.
Final verdict: (1/5) Against.
46. One Very Bad Bunny
by Ianpiersonjdavis
Discord watches Angel Bunny for an afternoon for Fluttershy, and… it was alright, I guess. This wasn’t badly-written or -characterized or anything, it’s just that it has a premise that could very easily have supported a much longer story, and it didn’t really try to go anywhere further with it. And while, yes, the same could be said a good number of one-shots (even outside the one-month challenge), this one actually feels incomplete as it is. Like it feels like I can see all the unused potential of the idea.
Recommended if: Discord antics amuse you.
Avoid it if: You want it to actually feel like a complete story.
Final verdict: (2/5) Slightly Against.
47. Hold Me, I'm Scared
by Regidar
So, I went into this looking for some nice sisterly bonding between Sweetie and Rarity, which would have been nice since it seems the Apples, Pies, and princesses get the majority of that attention. And then there were spiders.
So, written competently, as I would expect from Regidar. A typo here or there, and one point where something was clearly changed or omitted during editing, but the text around it wasn’t changed to match. But the interaction between Sweetie and Rarity wasn’t really all that engaging, and the story is really just carried by the twist ending, which was completely out of nowhere.
Recommended if: You like absurd twist endings.
Avoid it if: You actually wanted some nice sisterly bonding.
Final verdict: (2/5) Slightly Against.
48. Rarity Eats Your Sandwich
by Takarashi282
Once again, I go in expecting some kind of random nonsense, and instead just find a pretty straightforward Slice of Life. So, You are a pony rooming with Rarity in college. And she eats your (fairly simple and plain) sandwich. And then makes you another one. There’s not much to this, and it’s one of those stories that really should have been something longer.
Yeah, I know, I keep ragging on Taka for making their one-shots too long, and now I’m telling them to make it longer.
But this could have played out many ways. Slice of Life friendshipping. You-insert Romance. Comedy. What we have here just feels like the first scene of something bigger.
Also, there’s a surprising dearth of Team Fortress references, either in the fic itself or the comments.
Recommended if: You want non-clop second-person featuring Rarity.
Avoid it if: You dislike second-person or fics that feel incomplete.
Final verdict: (3/5) Slightly For.
49. The flavor crystals of flavor
by The red knight
I’m wary going into this just from that title alone.
At first, I thought this might be a good one, despite the strange title. Sure, it was a bit poorly paced… and very telly… and have awkward characterization… but compared to what I’ve been reading, it was going pretty well.
And then we had the flashback sequences, and it all went down the drain.
Pacing went to hell. Spelling and grammar mistakes piled up. Characters ceased to have any personality or motive, instead seeming to just take whatever actions the plot required them to. And the story became nigh-impossible to follow, because it kept seeming like various scenes had been skipped over without explanation. With plot points being introduced or dropped randomly and constantly, the whole thing started to feel like a disorganized pile of cheap tropes and deus ex machinae.
Recommended if: I was trying to think of a reason to read this, but I’ve got nothing.
Avoid it if: You want a coherent plot.
Final verdict: (1/5) Against.
50. Prison of Mine
by 2006midnight
Okay, I’m pretty sure I could just copy and paste my review of ”Will My Soul Ever Rest in Peace?” and it would cover this just as well.
I have nothing against character angst (except where it’s done poorly) or sad fiction, nor do I have a problem with using your fiction to vent your own troubles, as the comment section implies this to be. But when it produces two stories so similar in tone and execution, perhaps it’s time to mix things up a little.
Recommended if: You liked “Will My Soul Ever Rest In Peace” and want more of the same.
Avoid it if: Again, you’ve had your fill of Luna angst.
Final verdict: (1/5) Against.
Alright, now we’re about halfway done with this. I’d say “just another 49 stories to go”, but I’m sure Admiral Biscuit is going to get a couple more in and mess up my count anyway.
So instead, we’ll say “two more blogs to go”. The fourth one will be as long as it needs to be.
#36... I don't even know what to say, so let me think about it for a moment.
...
...
Nope, still nothing.
I've got one in the approval queue right now, one in editing, and one more to write to hit the magical #31. Plus a chapter of Braiding to edit, and a third chapter to write.
I'm gonna win this thing.
s.mlpforums.com/uploads/post_images/img-1918955-9-crazy_twilight_sparkle____by_flutterdashy90876-d4f5yev.png
I just realized, thanks to this journal and someone mentioning his ban earlier today, that TRK is the nimrod who's been messaging me all fucking month because he thinks I'm knighty. D: (In his defense, I'm pretty sure he thinks everyone is knighty.)
And I've only written 1500 words this month. (Won't actually be using the result in one-shotober. Screw that noise.)
...still better than the last three months combined...
coming
2565420
Wait, you aren't Knighty?
My whole life is a lie!
2565817
Mine too. :B
2566077
Oh great sunbutt, it's finally happening, the rapture cometh!
Hey, two outta four ain't bad.
Waiting on Penkeks and Chalkpocolypse next.