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Paradise: first milestone reached · 9:24pm Oct 16th, 2014

Technically, I did it over the weekend, but I've been quite exhausted and didn't think to post.

So, the milestone is I concluded the planning stages I had set out for me, and I'm moving to the revision side of things. I've finished revising the first chapter, and as I look ahead, it looks like there will be new content for just about every chapter. I think I've vastly, vastly improved the quality, and wouldn't take the old version for a second. (I can see a few people a person already crying out in fear over this, and let me say I'll keep the original one available, too, I'll mark it as a First Edition or something)

That's kind of what I'm seeing as I look over these old chapters. All these ... dead spots or missed opportunities that could be used to much better purpose, especially in the beginning. I don't see myself altering the Unicorn arc all that much, though. And the Pegasi arc, I'll be looking intensely into pacing and asking why it took me like 10 chapters to get through. If the answer is I-needed-to, then perhaps not much will change there either.

I look forward to releasing this to the masses when its done. I'm very excited over the new material! See you next milestone update.

Report SlyWit · 973 views · Story: Paradise ·
Comments ( 13 )

Aaaah, yes I never said anything because it was so long between chapters that it was hard to tell, but the pegasus arc did seem to retread over itself. I stopped reading at chapter 15 just because of lack of time, but if that's trimmed it would be nice to just start reading again at the beginning of that arc.

I often notice that sort of effect even with fairly experienced writers here. What starts out as a fast paced story slows down as the chapters progress and you suddenly realised that fifty percent of the word count was spent on the last arc to be written (and the story isn't finished). It's not just a amateur's problem. Stuff like the Wheel of Time series suffers badly from this too (and Song of Ice and Fire? I must admit the grimness made me give up).

Happily, I never felt that Paradise was the worst offender, though, yeah, now that you point it out, the Pegasus arc perhaps to suffers from this syndrome.

The Pegasus arc had more going on in it compared to the Unicorn part. You had Celestia gaining her wings, learning about the race (was done off screen for the Unicorns mostly) and interacting with individuals, flying/Pegasus lessons, attempting to influence the pegasi, and a massive external threat (Beware thar be dragons) which was confronted.

I am sure you could tighten things up but I do not feel that the Pegasus arc was overly long.

That's the thing, when I think about it in my head, before reading it again. Celestia had a lot to do. With the unicorns, she was lucky enough that she had a society willing to spoonfeed her answers, where as the pegasi demanded she make her own, and I depicted her investigations and failures (and ultimate success) to find those answers. A growing independence and maturity for her life stage. Still, if people felt it dragged, then I need to figure out where the dragging occured and how to de-draggin' it.

I'm looking forward to these changes, but with current length of this fic, it would be very time consuming to read it entirely over. Especialy if in most chapters changes will cover just scene or two.
Could you by any chance release, for example, gdoc version with marked changes? (black text unchanged, red removed, green added/rewritten)

Sure, I'll work something out for those who ask me, when the time comes to publish.

Like I said, it's hardly the worse oftener. I never quite got a feeling that dragging out too badly. I'd be more worried that you might be letting the perfect be the enemy of the good by redrafting published work.

2537272 But they already took out the draggin' in the last chapter! He went down like a punk enormously hard and ridiculously dangerous foe, too!

I regret nothing, and nopunny can make me. :trollestia:


The only thing that dragged for me in the entire story was the part with the dragon. I skimmed a bit of the middle of that fight.

Everything else, I clung on to every word. More than dragging on, I felt that the majority of the pegasus arc provided the development needed to make even the little victories, like finding food, seem like the sweetest of triumphs.

Well this is exciting news! Honestly I was very unsure when the updates for the early chapters was announced. But now I've gotten used to the idea and am even looking forward to re-reading and seeing what gets added. As for the pegusus arc, I really enjoyed it and hope it doesn't get cut down on, but then you'll just have to do what feels right to you as the author.

Anyway, thanks for updating us on the progress and I can't wait to see the finished product :pinkiehappy:

im late for this, but :yay: this is good news! i didnt feel that the story dragged at any point, some ppl found the boss battle dragon fight too long, but i felt it was sufficiently paced. since the boss dragon kept getting harder to beat the farther we went, it made a perfect finale. :twilightsmile:

Updates? I must know!

I'm through roughly half the old stuff. I'll drop another Milestone update in the blog when I get through with the old and start writing the new work. A final update when the whole thing is done as a single draft. Then hopefully the next update would be actual availablity.

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