Sudden Shocks · 11:58pm Oct 9th, 2014
When I came home this afternoon, there was supposed to be a cat. He was supposed to trot to the door with his tail held high when he heard me come in, and he was supposed to meow at me at the top of his lungs, because that's the only way he knows how. Then he was supposed to run upstairs to the bed, jump up, and wait for me to take the hint and pet him while he rolled around and licked my arm.
When I get up from my computer later, there is supposed to be a cat who makes me check behind myself before I roll the chair. When I read in my recliner, there is supposed to be a cat behind my head, sometimes sleeping and sometimes peering over my shoulder. When I go to bed tonight, there is supposed to be a cat to wedge himself between our pillows and purr while he kneads whatever happens to be under his paws. When I wake up tomorrow, there is supposed to be a cat who hears my alarm and jumps onto the bed, purring again, happy that I am awake.
There is a hole I keep falling into, fluffy around the edges and orange. A hole in the living room, a hole between the pillows on our bed, a hole out of the corner of my eye that I expected him to fill for another ten years. There was going to be a house with a backyard for him to explore next year. There were going to be children to introduce him to.
Right now, the hole is fresh, sharp-edged, a stark relief against the background. Time will wear the edges away, and memory will fill in some of its depth.
But for now... he was a good cat, and I will have a good cry one or two more times.
My condolences.
D:
...Shit.
There are no words right now that can set this right...but I must try.
I'm deeply sorry, and offer whatever comfort words can bring.
Oh man, you aren't the only one having a good cry about a lost cat at the moment after that blog post, and I lost mine about five years ago.
My deepest condolences. I know exactly how you feel right now. I also have lost one of our cats only yesterday and our elders (shes 17) will go soon too. I know how much it hurts to lose them. Cats, no Animals in genrel are not just pets, they are family members and as such they play a big part in our Lives. May she stay long in you'r heart and memories. May she rest in peace.
Well, that just grabbed hold of and then viciously ripped off a three year old scab for me. I think it hit particularly hard because I still look around sometimes, expecting my cat to be tucked in front of the door to my computer room like some giant living doorstop, happily snoring the day away.
Anyway, like some others have said, I know exactly how you feel, and you have my condolences.
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What he said. And it doesn't make it any easier, knowing they won't live as long as you. My condolences.
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Thanks to all of you for the kind words. We're getting along. It's just at that point where it's surreal, still. He was only seven--it was supposed to be something that would be a constant in our lives for years to come, and our expectations haven't caught up to reality, yet.
I lost my childhood cat about two years ago. It does tend to sneak back up and wrap a cold hand around your heart sometimes, doesn't it? I'll take that pain over forgetting them any day of the week, though.