Critique's Review: Apple's Blossom · 4:27pm Aug 20th, 2014
The basement staircase had finally been installed. It had been several weeks since he even thought about it. Even longer since he discovered he even had one. He looked up to the ceiling. “Computer, any luck on finding out what this basement is for?”
“I have scanned all available blueprints for the building, sir. There is no information on this basement even existing,” her voice resonated all around him.
He put his hoof on his chin. “Maybe, there something hidden in the walls or something.” He put his hoof on the wall, stroking it. His mouth widened with a smile. “Maybe some buried treasure! Think of how rich I could be?!”
“I doubt it is treasure, sir. I doubt it is anything,” Computer replied. “I have scanned these walls several times. There is nothing inside them.”
His smile vanished from his face, leaving his normal scowling, pouting face. “Way to ruin my dreams, Computer.” He took his hoof off the wall, but kept staring at it.
Why the hell would anyone make a basement for this place and not tell anyone?! And what is the point?! It’s not hiding anything! He shook his head and made his way up the stairs, not even giving the new basement a second thought.
Approaching his usual spot, Computer spoke. “Another bad review, sir.”
He slammed his head against the ground. “No, Computer. I just did two weeks of Soren the Alicorn. I think I deserve a little break.”
“How about you go back to your first review?”
He raised his eyebrow and looked up to the ceiling. “You mean, Tales of the Sun, Moon and Stars?”
“No, there is one even before that one. Long before that one.”
Thinking back to all the stories he reviewed, he thought of one story. A story he had review, but never given justice to. It was time to go back more than a year ago. A time when he was just starting out his reviewing. “Pull it up!” he finally said.
***
Hello, everypony. I am the Critique.
When I first joined this website, I found myself wide eyed and full of wonder. The vast stories that authors could write and the stories they had to tell filled my imagination. Oh, what brave new world that has such magnificent artists in it?!
Yeah, I don’t really feel that way anymore.
Okay, let me finish. Now, there are good writers on this website. There are. And there are many good stories on the website. The problem is that the bad often outweighs the good and so it’s difficult for young readers to find stories with quality. Even high rated stories can be bad. I’ll be getting more into overrated stories or stories that don’t deserve the high marks they receive another day.
However, the story I am going to review today is kind of a diamond in the rough. It’s certainly not as popular as it probably should be. Though it does have a good number of likes, so hey, points there.
Like Computer said, more than a year ago, I reviewed this story, but really it was half a paragraph long and I really didn’t go into detail with it. Granted, a review doesn’t have to be a million words long, I’m just saying that I thought I could have done better on my review and I think this story deserves that.
Basically, I stated that this story was my favorite on the website. Considering all the crap I’ve read recently, I know that’s not saying much. However, I do remember praising it quite a bit, but after a year of writing, reading and reviewing, does it still hold up?
Well, let’s jump into Apple’s Blossom by English Witch and find out.
Beware of Spoilers, people. If you haven’t read this story yet… What are you doing here?! Go read it! It’s better than the shit I read on a weekly basis!
We start our story, with… actually, what is a pretty good introduction. It catches your attention…
Applejack covered her eyes; she couldn’t watch.
That’s actually a good way to grab your audience’s attention. First sentence and I already want to know what is going on. After dealing with “The sky was blue over Ponyville” for the past several weeks, this is a welcome change.
Apple Bloom had been attempting to help Applejack repaint the barn, but she ends up crashing into a pile of wood.
Hmm… not bad, but she needs to be covered in tree sap to make it complete.
But that wouldn’t make any sense…
I DEMAND TREE SAP!
She wakes up in bed and starts to recall what happened to her.
Apple Bloom feels like she wants to do more around the farm, but Applejack believes that she still too young to do some of the more difficult tasks and the ones that she does are enough for right now. Naturally, in keeping with Apple Bloom’s impatience…
Applejack considers the position she’s in and believes that if Apple Bloom wants to take on more responsibility than maybe Applejack should let her.
Apple Bloom, are you sure you want to do this?
That Manicore’s been causing trouble for too long now! And I’m gonna slay it!
So, Applejack asks Apple Bloom to deal with some fungi and asks her to go gets some chemicals in the barn.
We then cut to… her waking up in the bed? … Huh?
As I read on, I just realized something. That last scene was supposed to be a flashback leading up to her ending up in the pile of wood. Now, normally this wouldn’t bother me. But the transition to the flashback is the same as the transition to the next scene. For a moment, I thought this was following a linear path. There is no indication to where the flashback began. Okay, maybe Apple Bloom remembered could have lead into it, but seemed a little confusing to me.
It turns out that the chemicals that Applejack had sent her to get was on the top shelf and was far too high for Apple Bloom to get. Naturally, she stands on an object that doesn’t quite get her the height she needs, and the story pretty much told us the result.
Applejack comes to check on her sister to make sure she is alright. Apple Bloom apologizes and asks Applejack to give her another chance.
Alright, Sugar Cube. I want you to go to that house and get me something from the top floor.
… I don’t want to be responsible anymore…
No, actually, Applejack is hesitant about the whole thing and thinks that they should wait a few months before Apple Bloom tries again.
Apple Bloom, of course, protests, but nothing sways Applejack. It’s only when Applejack shows how afraid she is of seeing Apple Bloom hurt that Apple Bloom gives in.
Now, this is a very good, very emotional moment. Applejack doesn’t directly say that she is afraid for her; she plays it tougher than that. But it’s played as Apple Bloom sees the fear in her sister’s eyes. That’s a great moment. In any other story, it would have just told us that Applejack is scared. But this story shows us that Applejack is scared. That’s a nice touch.
After a quick bath, Apple Bloom and Applejack head into the market to sell some apples. No doubt for Apple Bloom to work on her sales pitch.
What? That’s how I would have done it.
BUY SOME APPLES, FUCKER!
Apple Bloom wonders off wondering what to do when she is greeted by Twist. Twist? Twist? Who the fuck is Twist? Is it an OC?! I’m a kill it! I’ve got my shotgun ready!
Sir, she is a canon character. Here is her image.
Bull shit! I’ve never seen her!
Sir, she has been in several episodes
Bull! I know all about obscure characters! Time Turner, Bon Bon, Lyra, Dr. Horse, Gizmo and Sombra, but I’ve never heard of fucking Twist! That means she’s not real!
Don’t give me that look, kid! I’m on to you!
Anyway, Twist offers Apple Bloom some of her peppermint sticks and that seems to cheer Apple Bloom up a little.
As Twist invites her into her home, Apple Bloom knocks over some flower pots.
Geez, I knew the Cutie Mark Crusaders were accident prone, but this is borderline Goofy territory… Not necessarily a bad thing either.
Ha, ha, ha. It’s the little things in life I appreciate the most.
Anyway, back to the story. Apple Bloom spots a little sapling in the mitts of the chaos and asks Twist’s mother, Rose, if she can raise it for her.
Rose is at first hesitant, but knowing that she helps her sister and brother maintain the apple farm, she allows Apple Bloom to raise the tree on her own. Apple Bloom heads home and asks Twist to take rain check on hanging on.
Twist sighed and nodded. “Okay. You go. We can hang out later.”
Why do I hear Joe Harnell’s ‘Lonely Man’ playing in the background? … Don’t know what that is? Look it up, you have a Google!
She calls the tree Sherman after a tree that was the biggest and strongest tree in the world.
Oh, my god! Even the trees are becoming Mary-Sues! It’s Soren all over again! Everypony run for your lives!
Apple Bloom takes Soren… I mean, Sherman back by her tree house so that it can grow in secret. She does this so that she can grow it on her own without help from her big sister or brother.
She would put her hoof down one some things though, she would be the one to feed and water Sherman, she had to do this all by herself to show Applejack she could work the fame.
I didn’t know growing a tree could make you famous. Also, is she only putting one hoof down? What about the other three?
Anyway, Apple Bloom starts to care for the sapling and thinks that in the span of a few weeks it will be big enough and strong enough to produce fruit.
Really? A few weeks? That’s a load of crap! There is no way Equestrian soil is that…
… Okay, I’ll buy it.
So, three weeks pass and Apple Bloom starts to see some progress in Sherman. However, the other crusaders get bored with watching the tree’s progress. So, they decided to go bullfighting. I would make a Manticore-slaying joke, but they explain that the bull is willing to teach the girls how to wrestle. Plus, I already did that in this review…
So… After double checking everything and making sure the tree will be okay while she’s gone, Apple Bloom finally joins her friends.
A few more weeks pass and Applejack starts to notice something going on with her sister’s behavior. When she ask her about it, Apple Bloom lies and explains that she is just doing a special project her with Crusader friends, and that it is a surprise.
Apple Bloom returns to the tree, but is shocked in horror to find that the tree before her isn’t an apple tree, but a cherry one!
I knew it! I knew that tree was a Mary Sue! Burn it down!
Apple Bloom starts to worry about what would happen if her family found out that she was raising a cherry tree. After all, she’s a member of the Apple family. They raise apples. So, what would the Apple family’s response be?
Jesus! That’s a bit harsh, don’t you think?!
Fortunately, this is not Sweet Apple Massacre. (Yes, I’ll be getting to that one someday.) Apple Bloom returns home and finds Applejack. Apple Bloom apologizes to her sister and hugs her, begging her not to send her away.
Applejack doesn’t understand what is going on right away, but Apple Bloom explains everything. She shows Applejack the tree and explains that she couldn’t tell the difference between and Apple Tree and a Cherry tree and that is the reason why she should be banished.
Fortunately, the story is more mature than that. Applejack comforts Apple Bloom and explains that it wouldn’t matter if she raised a peach tree or a bush of poison ivy, Applejack would still love her and she would always have a place in her home. She also explains how proud she is of how the tree turned out, saying that it is as healthy as any of the trees she and Big Mac take care of.
And our story ends with the classic letter to Celestia, stating that no mistake is big enough that a loving family won’t be there to support you through, stating that family is just the first group of friends you have.
An adorable story and a wonderful ending. This story is a great one.
There are a few typos throughout the story, I admit, but honestly, a little run through with the author or another proofreader would have cleared those right up.
The story is where it is the strongest and the characters are right up there. Apple Bloom is just as adorable here as she is in the show. And the set up for the story makes a lot of sense. Apple Bloom lives in a world where ponies work hard all the time. It is natural for her to want to take on more responsibility and to work hard like her siblings.
Applejack is portrayed beautifully. She is a strong mare, who deeply cares about her family. She is constantly looking out for the best interests of her siblings and for her family. She’s never mean spirited or show offish. And this story shows that well.
And that is what I love most about the story. The relationship between Applejack and Apple Bloom. Their sisterly relationship is what I enjoy in the show, and in this story, that treatment is enjoyable. It shows how supportive they are of one another and shows how they deeply care about each other. Even Apple Bloom’s doubting her family loved her was done well. It showed the fear that Apple Bloom had, making us cheer even louder when Applejack comforts her.
As much as I enjoy reading about more adult things, it is nice when I get to read a story like this. A story that could fit into the show perfectly. A story that realizes what the show is about and embraces it. It’s always nice to see a story that appreciates the show for what it is, rather than what it isn’t. Don’t get me wrong, I love the creativity of crossovers or more mature stories, but reading a story like this reminds me of why I loved the show in the first place.
Is it perfect? No. Is it as good as I thought it was? No. But in some ways, that makes me enjoy it even more. I enjoy seeing young writers progress and get better with every story. And this story makes me want to read more from this author, and if you can do that, you must be doing something right. If you haven’t read it yet, go ahead and check it out. You won’t regret it.
As for me, next week… I look at the bottom of the crap bucket again with If You Build It … Have a good day guys.
Aw, that's sweet. It's good to see something good amongst all that crap (gets plans ready to review Guide Me Home after finishing My Little Unicorn)
Although...
I dread that day. Also the day you think Pattycakes needs to be reviewed (which is hopefully not in a long time)
"We're not even married yet."
Ooh, ooh! Do me, do me!
Clearly this was written by Quentin Taritino.
Amidst all the violence, adult humor, and sexing up of fiction, something cute and sweet is always nice.
I am of course talking about the Lego Movie
#Slowpoke
Anyway, I recently read A Generic Story. If you have not read it yet, I highly recommend it.
Also, your comment on overrated stories intrigues and worries me; intrigues me in that I want to know more about those fics, and worries me in that I fear some of my own stuff might qualify
Nice interplay between te computer and the Critique, plus we got to see that there's more to him than rage and sarcasm.
Well, rage at least.
I had hoped to see more about the plot, but its secondary to the reviews.
Great job.
Also, I liked the memes you went with this time. I'm not sure whats different, but they seemed to fit better.
2385761 I've heard its worse than Cupcakes. I'll probably do Cupcakes before I do this one. Which may not be for a while.
2385961
I'll definitely check it out.
Thanks. 
2386166 Highly rated stories that I don't think deserve them. Stories like My Little Slave and Molestia.
2386974 Thank you. I'm glad you are enjoying them.
2388583 Ah, I see.
And what do you think is worse: Cupcakes, Sweet Apple Massacre, or Pattycakes?
2388654 Personally, Sweet Apple is the worst.
2388728 I see. I'm worried now, if you consider it worse than Pattycakes
2388795 Have you read it? It's pretty sick.
2388835 No, but I know what it's about