Wisdom of the Ancient Ones · 4:38pm Jul 13th, 2014
An ivory tower stood on the edge of the road leading out of town. This tower was special, not because of its great size, but because it housed a Man. The Man was of singular importance and conspicuous worth, for he held in his tower a great library. Were anyone to ask them, the villagers would say this Man was possessed of great and ancient knowledge.
"I hear there's a book he has up there. It holds all the methods and secrets lost to time," they'd say, a smirk playing around their lips.
Why a smirk, you ask? Well, in answer, I pose a question of my own: how do the villagers know about the book? You see, nobody but the Man has ever been up in the tower and nobody knows how he got there in the first place. The villagers have asked him how he got there, of course, but his reply is always the same.
"Why, I was placed here," he'd say, hand over his heart and a half-smile twisting his features. "I was placed here by the wisest of all men to proclaim the truths of the world."
And proclaim them he surely did. Hardly a villager or traveler passed along the road to whom the Man did not declare his unfathomable wisdom. Such was the resounding volume with which the Man spoke that all the town could hear his words, yet the villagers tolerated his presence.
Some even attended his lectures, standing by the road and shouting questions back at the Man. He would always respond, but occasionally refuse to listen to what was said, citing the peasants' lack of ancient knowledge. Still others would languish beneath nearby trees, chortling amongst themselves as they listened to the discussion.
On days when particularly vicious criers were at the foot of his tower, the Man would sequester himself away from their angry shouts, speaking to a crusty mirror he kept around. "Those fools," he'd say to his reflection. "They haven't the slightest inkling of the knowledge I hold. Their ignorance runs so deep that they do not even know when truth is spoken." His reflection would always smirk and nod emphatically, and he felt justified in his frustration.
Eventually, it came to pass that travelers from a faraway land came to the town. They slept the night, paid their fees, and were on their way in the morning, but they had to leave the village by way of the road that ran by the tower.
Excellent, thought the Man as the wayfarers approached. These men have not been tainted by the villagers' cries. Surely their travels have given them greater insight into life. Perhaps they will be more receptive of the ancients' wisdom.
As the travelers drew level with his tower, the Man hailed them, "Hello, friends! Do you have a moment to receive secrets passed down from olden times?"
The travelers stopped for a moment, glancing up at the Man. The Man could make out the grins on their faces as they nudged each other. The leader of the travelers stepped forward, shouting up at the Man, "Why ought we take your authority on this knowledge?"
The Man gestured toward the inside of his tower, puffing out his chest. "I have many books in my library. My knowledge of the world is unrivaled throughout the realm!"
To the Man's consternation, the travelers began laughing; some even doubled over in their mirth. Waiting for their guffaws to abate, the Man asked, "Friends, why do you insult me this way?"
"Sadly, my friend," the leader said, wiping tears from his eyes, "it seems you know nothing of the world. Do you ever come down out of your tower?"
"No," spat the Man, "there is naught but ludicrous peasants and uncleanliness outside of this tower."
This brought even more laughs from the travelers. The Man threw up his arms, retreating back into his sanctuary.
Shaking their heads, the travelers continued on their way, leaving the Man to his perpetual frustration.
To this day, the travelers tell the tale of the Man and his ancient library, nestled safely inside a massive ivory sculpture of a penis.
Don't be that guy.
Sincerely,
ChromeMyriad
This sounds like a Schlongs of Skyrim quest
Where's the like button for blogs? Or the fave button?