EDITING

A Mile in Her Shoes is currently undergoing an extensive edit as well as general improvement.

I was shocked, really, at how many serious errors I made in the first chapter alone - atypical for me, even with a first draft. I'm actually rather embarrassed at how many and how egregious my mistakes were. I'm not discouraged, however. I'll take my lumps and make a better product, that's what.

I've posted the current (and first major) revision of the first chapter, so have a look!

The specific criticisms leveled, beyond general issues, with my thoughts in parentheses:

"This also has some issues with telling versus showing" (I'm somewhat surprised at this, I thought I had a fairly good handle on it. If I told something, it's because it wasn't relevant, but I'll have a look out anyway. Can anyone think of any really bad moments of this?)
"an overuse of adverbs" (I admit it, I'm addicted. I'll need to look out for places where this is particularly bad)
"and a neglect of setting to some degree" (I'm a bit unclear on this. Is it because I don't focus much on the locations? I suppose I could beef that up a little if it isn't too distracting from the characters)

"The perspective of this story is also unclear and changes at the drop of a hat. Unless there's a very good reason, perspective should stay the same in a story. You begin this story in a sort of third person objective viewpoint, then switch to a variety of third person limited viewpoints, often changing perspective from paragraph to paragraph. This is both confusing and not necessary." (All right, I knew this one would get me in trouble, and I know why, too. To be frank, I wanted to have it both ways: I tend to write in Third Person Objective normally, but I wanted to have a level of sarcasm that I don't normally, and the presentation is probably muddled as a result. This is going to take the most work to identify and fix, and I'll need a lot of help on it.)

"The use of parenthetical asides (like this one) are both frequent and distracting in this narrative; the story would likely be stronger if most of them were removed." (Fair. I can cut those out. I don't have a problem with them myself, but I can live without them.)

"Rarity also feels a bit out of character here. Yes, she likes to sound "upper crust", but she shouldn't be throwing around more intellectual dialogue than Twilight." (Now this is the one that that truly baffles me and everyone I ask. If anyone can help me understand this part, I will thank you forever. I've asked for clarification but, as of yet, no response has been forthcoming. I don't personally understand it, since, in reviewing the episodes, I've noticed that Twilight has an extremely informal manner of speech where as Rarity piles on the erudition like she's desperately trying to cover something up (an embarrassing accent, perhaps? Hmm.))

If anyone here has experience with teaching English, editing, or similar qualifications, drop me a personal line, I'd love to have your help.