Contest: Musical mayhem · 8:56pm Sep 12th, 2013
First off: Judging has been completed for the magelight punchline contest! In a transparent bid to increase suspense, I will announce that the net result of seven judges' opinionating was a two-way tie for first place, and then wait until this weekend to post the results.
That's because my music player (which I set to randomly play songs from my collection) was taken by a fey mood, and the results are so amusing that I have to make a little bonus contest out of it!
So it all started when iTunes decided to follow up "Ballad Of The Crystal Ponies" with Rage Against The Machine's "Calm Like A Bomb". I got a good little chuckle out of that …
… and then it went straight from there to "Afterlife" [1].
In direct succession — with no intervention from me — it followed up with,
Llama Whippin' Intro
The Show Must Go On
Paris, Texas
Apples & Oranges
Passing Through
Ogre
The Roof Is On Fire [1]
At this point, I could only conclude that it was trying to tell an AU Season 3 pony story. When I shared it with a few friends, Jesse T remarked, "This is like some bizarre version of a creative writing prompt."
So: let's make it one!
Write out a brief scene (between 150-1000 words) from the story that my iTunes told. Post it in comments for everyone to see. One lucky writer[2] will be declared the winner and will receive an ebook of damninteresting.com's greatest hits, retail value $9.00.[3]
Deadline is Saturday night 9/14, with results announced Sunday.
--
[1] In grabbing the links to their music videos I discovered these songs were mislabeled; the Squirrel Nut Zippers song is actually "Hell" and the Bloodhound Gang hit is "Fire Water Burn". I'm leaving them as-is because those were the titles as listed when they played, and because they make the narrative funnier.
[2] Chosen by me, based on some combination of whimsy; my subjective standards; and the number of upvotes collected from your fellow readers.
[3] If you don't read damninteresting.com, you're missing out on some amazing nonfiction, including such bizarre historical gems as how 18th-century author/philosopher Voltaire made his fortune by engineering lottery wins.
I don't know if I qualify for this, I didn't enter your first contest
I'll take a few minutes to warm up my cerrebral activity before I respond properly.
1345365
Just write a quick little scene.
No entry in the first contest necessary!
The blog post above is 373 words, so if you just pick an idea from the song list that grabs your fancy and string together something half that length, you're good to go. (Or just type into wordcounter.net if you want to keep track along the way.)
I was hoping I could give people something they could do in 10-20 minutes tops. Most stories that I've seen that were written for "30 Minute Pony Stories" are 600-1000 words.
What the heck, I can't resist.
* * *
"And at last, the pyrotechnic banks that The Great and Powerful Trixie installed in the lighting rigs will go off, symbolizing the final annihilation of King Sombra's dark spirit through the power of love and unity! Then... curtain!"
Twilight blinked at the little blue showmare, momentarily lost for words.
"Well? What do you think?"
"Trixie, no!" Twilight burst out, utterly consumed by panicked outrage.
"'No'?" inquired Trixie, raising one eyebrow.
"No!" Twilight repeated. "What did you do? This was supposed to be a brief, informational stage play for the first annual Crystal Chautauqua! You were asked to dramatize, in simple factual terms, the story of the restoration of the Empire! You went and turned it into some kind of high-concept Grand-Guignol military horror drama! This isn't factual at all"
"Yes, well," said Trixie, sniffing a bit. "Trixie wished to add a bit of pizzazz. Sombra's tortured dreams of the punishments awaiting him in Tartarus will keep those docks absolutely riveted to their seats! A small price to pay for instilling a little learning, yes?"
Twilight's umbrage faltered. Trixie had found her weakness: the Librarian Princess could not resist an opportunity to effectively disseminate information to an unenlightened public. Admittedly, it wasn't much of a secret; if Twilight's love for a good lecture was a vulnerable spot in the walls of her fortress, it could be said that she spent every hour of every day metaphorically lighting signal fires and handing out maps to the compromised location.
"Well... yes," said Twilight. "Okay, I'll grant you the brief fantasy sequence. But what about this part where me and my friends travel by boat up a jungle river to capture and retrieve a renegade alpaca commander? Do you see a river anywhere around here? Do you see a jungle?"
"Again, this is metaphorical, Sparkle," said Trixie. "Alpacalypse Now cannot be comprehended on a purely literal level. I realize that the Colonel Alpaca Shirts incident did not actually occur. But can it not be said that you faced that same sort of madness during your struggle against the unicorn tyrant?"
"Look, all I know is that we have an entire delegation of llamas and alpacas from the Theatre Guild of Urcuchillay scheduled to be in attendance, and they are not going to like being painted as a bunch of questionably-sane militaristic zealots!"
"Llamas have soft hooves," said Trixie. "Thespian llamas doubly so. Even if—and Trixie really is thinking 'worst case scenario' here—a full heyrube ensues, Trixie has little doubt that we will be able to 'take them'."
"This isn't supposed to be a melee!" shouted Twilight, stamping one hoof. "This is an educational festival! Every time I see you, Trixie, you're surfing the edge of the next big catastrophe of your own devising! And they just keep getting bigger and more catastrophic! Why is that?"
Trixie's violet eyes flared and she took in a deep breath as though to deliver a loud, haranguing reply, but it never came. The breath escaped through her nostrils and she crumpled a little, her gaze falling off to one side.
"Maybe... maybe Trixie just wants to impress other ponies a little bit," she said, her voice barely audible. "Maybe Trixie wants ponies to have fond memories of her. Maybe Trixie wants to be somepony in ponies' lives. Not just somepony passing through."
Twilight's snorted once or twice more, but her heart was no longer in it. Demeanor already softening, she walked over to the cloaked showpony, her careful steps already displaying the first subtle hints of a nascent alicorn grace. She laid a hoof across Trixie's withers.
"Trixie," said Twilight, "I'm going to let you have your play. Just... promise me that nothing will go wrong, okay?"
Trixie lifted her head, the spark in her eyes dancing to life once more.
"You have Trixie's word, Princess Sparkle," she said.
1348595 I never get tired of the sheer amount of heart you put into even the most ridiculous story. Bravo and kudos, friend.
1363589
Thanks!