vren55 Reviews Random Featured Box Stories: Princess Celestia Gets Mugged · 7:20am May 4th, 2013
vren55 Reviews Random Featured Box Stories: Princess Celestia Gets Mugged
Remember I said that every week for this summer I shall randomly pick a story from the featured box or has been featured on the featured box and review it? That every story will be reviewed with a form similar to the Authors Helping Authors review sheet, of which I am the founder of?
I'm doing it again today XD
I will not be judging whether the story deserves to be featured or not, but will be merely reviewing it. If I get annoyed at certain stories though I might get a little more direct and actually say whether IN MY OPINION it should have been featured or not.
Tonight on the chopping block (get the reference) is "Princess Celestia Gets Mugged BronyWriter.
It's remained on the featured box for several days and popped back on and off of it. Its just asking to be reviewed.
Name of Story/Series: Princess Celestia Gets Mugged
Summary (no spoilers): Princess Celestia, tired of the constant pressure that ruling a nation puts on her, decides to take a day off and let Luna take her responsibilities for a day, something the younger alicorn is more than happy to do. She disguises herself as a pink maned pegasus pony named Sunny Skies, and decides to go walking around Canterlot without any supervision. Unfortunately for her, not all parts of Canterlot are as safe as the palace, and she finds herself at the wrong end of a gang of muggers, who decide to kidnap her for a ransom when they see how much money she has on her.
Luna freaks out.
Grammar score out of 10: 8
Celestia thinks it's hilarious.
Pros:
One thing for certain, the story deserves its comedy tag. It is funny. I guffawed and sniggered a few times. The humor is a balance between situational and slapstick. Celestia's mere situation is rather hilarious in the first place and she is taking full advantage of it to get some entertainment. Oh boy, does she take advantage of her situation (hint: don't gamble with an alicorn) The kidnappers are pathetically lucky. Seriously, pathetically lucky. I'm talking about their intelligence mainly because they can't tie two knots together with magic. The rather fruitless efforts of Luna and Shining Armour's attempts to find and rescue Celestia are also quite humorous to watch.
This is somewhat of an original premise. I have never seen a Celestia story in which she gets captured, and takes full advantage of the fact to extract some entertainment. It is a funny premise too, which adds to the humor.
Somewhat well paced. The sent of events flows in a logical sequence that builds humor as new chapters come out.
Cons:
Once you actually start thinking about this story after the initial giggles, you start going "What the hell?" Or as Alternia might say "What the shell?"
Basically all the canon cast ponies are acutely out of character and the OC ponies are unrealistic. The canon cast particularly changes their character's personalities as fast as the wind shifts on a blustery day. First, how is Celestia not shocked senseless that their are poor ponies desperate enough to kidnap others in order extract money? I mean AS MENTIONED WITHIN THE STORY she did her best to eliminate poverty. Yet, she is TOTALLY APATHETIC about this. In fact, she is so apathetic she takes advantage of it. WHAT THE HELL? Luna in one of the recent chapters is persuaded to go easy on one of the kidnapper ponies when she finds out he's an excellent masseur during her dreamwalk... shouldn't she be FAR MORE CONCERNED WITH FINDING HER SISTER? SHE LITERALLY FREAKED OUT INITIALLY IN THE PRECEDING CHAPTER? WHAT THE HAY? The OC ponies are TOTALLY UNREALISTIC. They are desperate enough, to go against the love of their princesses and kidnap the aid of one of the princesses they supposedly love, yet they are pretty good-hearted if a little greedy little ponies.... That makes no sense at all. I mean its necessary in a comedy story, but it still makes no sense! They SHOULD BE DESPERATE, they should be ruthless, hardened against compassion which is STEADILY AVAILABLE IN MOST OF EQUESTRIA!!! Yet, they go about the entire ordeal in such a half-hearted manner! Being 'dumb' should not be equated to the same thing as 'being lazy as hell'.
Re-used trollestia and Luna tropes that are funny one time, but makes one laugh and snicker initially, but you go seriously the next minute after you finished the chapter. This means that the premise, while original, is entirely let down by the execution. Its supposed to be funny, but the gags are re-used, unordinary, predictable. Its funny, you'll giggle, but will you remember it and start laughing uncontrollably in the middle of dinner when you think back to it? No. Thus, the humor is sub-par and could be far better.
Ending thoughts
Its not a memorable read. I understand why its in featured box, but I won't recommend this to anybody looking for a comedy story. I mean it isn't bad, just not good enough. It is in my favorites list and I won't deny it'll make a fun read occasionally, but it isn't a story I pine for to update. I wish it would get better and I do want to see how the author resolves this because it is funny and it is somewhat interesting, but this could be so much better.
I loved the part where Shining Armor starts doubting that Luna couldn't get the answer from the genius that thought it was a great idea to personally deliver a ransom note. Especially the part where he thought it might be a good idea to blackmail Princess Luna. Just.....what? Also why is he the captain of the Guard still and not in he Crystal Empire with his wife?
1053656 Oh god... I saw you commented on that too. If you thought my story had mindbreaking odd moments... that... just... makes me wanna
sometimes after I finish giggling about the comedy
1053658 You can imagine what my reaction to the story saying "The guy's knocked out. Better dreamwalk to interrogate him!"
The only reason I let it slide was because the guy actually managed to avoid this with the phenominal luck he and his partners have shown so far.
1053660 I can imagine after the row you made about mind stuff. It wasn't even a successful one. Luna literally crumbled in one push... rub actually... which made me go seriously wtf? sorry.. I had to wtf that funny as it is.
1053661 Did you ever get a chance to go over the stuff I mentioned a couple days ago?
Loving these reviews. I haven't read the story yet, but it's on my "Read Later" list. The constructive criticism makes me wanna check it out even more!
You wouldn't happen to take requests for reviews somewhere down the line, would you? If that's OK, that is...
1053664 Dammit no. NOw I do :P
1053880 Well yeah I wouldn't mind, but my criteria for that:
1. it has to be featured (not because I don't want to review other stories, but because I can't review every single little story and be fair about the selection)
2. if it is a little story the count should be low
If you're asking me to review yours? Well I"ll have a shot at it. :D
1054092
Heh, yeah, I am....
All three of the stories in the trilogy have been Featured, but the third one (Severed Roots) isn't quite finished yet. I'm not sure if you would rather review the series as a whole or story-by-story. That's up to you. And you don't have to of course! I'm sure you have a lot on your plate. I enjoy getting thorough reviews and constructive criticism to help me improve, and you write excellent reviews. 
What annoys me the most about this story is the logical nonsense that Luna is worried for Celstia, because the author uses a goddess Celestia which cannot be hurt so it doesn't make sense for Luna to be worried
1054099 Wow... never thought about it that way
1054098 Good idea, after all, I plan to be vain and review my own story if it makes the box... Soooo Yeah XD I'll get to the stories ASAP
1054328
No rush! Take as much time as you'd like. Thanks again, you're awesome!
Question Vren... I've never read it and it has been recently added to Protect Celestia (I think), would it be appropriate for the group?
1064190
Well... its more pranklestia and mischievouslestia than trollestia
... but there is a certain 'troll' element in there and I think in my opinion it isn't really canon Celestia being portrayed. for the sake of the downright funny comedic plot... Bronywriter has taken certain liberties with Celestias character that I do not agree with.
If your group's mandate is to showcase stories that 'protect' or uphold Celestia's image as a righteous ruler or her reputation... I would be very iffy about adding it to the group because this does none of that in fact it's actually a little negative for Celestia because she's trolling very hard
. Not to mention Luna's a little... well if you read my April Fools chapter and got mad at Celestia's representation, I'd say you'd be at least annoyed by Luna's representation.
if the mandate is to showcase stories in which Celestia is best pony or any story in which Celestia has a major role then yeah this qualifies.
Then again you should read this first and think about it.