First submission to EQD for "The Perks of Being a Wonderbolt" · 6:58pm Apr 27th, 2013
Response:
Pre-reader Air Pirate here. I'm conditionally accepting this for posting, but there are a few grammatical issues you should iron out first. This is not a strike.
>Pegasi /Pegasus
These aren't capitalized, just like you wouldn't write "Human" rather than "human." Spellcheckers assume that "pegasus" is incorrect because it thinks you're referring to Pegasus, the singular creature from Greek myth, not a type of pony.
>A few flap of my wings
I think you mean "flaps."
>"H-Hey!"
Generally, I don't see repeated instances on a stutter still capitalized unless they're proper nouns.
>I grabbed him and held up at hoofs' length.
Presumably, you meant "hoof's," but wouldn't foreleg/arm/leg make more sense? A hoof really isn't that long.
>We're best buds, but...," he trailed off, pointing at a clock,
The comma isn't needed here. An ellipses is sufficient to connect dialogue to attribution.
>"Hey there",
Generally speaking, commas and other punctuation go inside quotation marks, particularly when it's dialogue, even if that dialogue is a quick quote in the middle of a sentence.
The style was a bit difficult to wrap my head around, and I still think it'd be improved with more description so readers have a clearer idea of where Soarin' is in each scene. However, a lot of this really works pretty well to convey his state of mind.
Just give this a few editing passes and send it back in, and it'll get posted after we give it another quick look. Feel free to reply to this email if you've any questions.
Signed,
Pre-reader Air Pirate
I DON'T NORMALLY YEEHAW BUT THIS DESERVES A YEE FUCKING HAW
1038149 Yee-haw acknowledged and returned.
While Pegasus is commonly attributed as only the name of the horse, there were several other pegasi. It is a breed, named after the first of its kind.
See? EqD is actually awesome.
Lot's of legitimate feedback and helpful advice.
This is why I hate when people complain about it.
1038163 Uh, to be fair, they usually only give these in-depth critiques to works they particularly like, or works they're "conditionally accepting". Not that I think EQD sucks or anything, but reviews tend to be much more sparse if you get turned down. Less "fix these typoes" and more "you have typoes, find and fix them".
EQD pre-readers are a bunch of biased assholes. congrats to you, Dennis, but...
Hey, that guy is usually my pre-reader too!
1038211
FIMfiction is a crapshoot sometimes too. Sometimes terrible stories get featured.
1038211 I've gotten rejected a lot--including two permanent rejections--and accepted only once, but I've never felt that my prereaders were unjustified in their criticisms. Not that I've always agreed with them, but I almost always have. Honestly, I think I've had really good luck. I just haven't submitted many sufficiently good stories.
Nice! Is this a story you unpublished or something? I vaguely remember it but don't see it in your list of fics.
1038256
It's unpublished and on hiatus. I was kind of loopy and was like, "What the hell", and submitted it and thought it would probably get rejected.
It seems like the less effort I put into something, the higher my chances of succeeding.
*ellipsis
Ellipses is the plural.
1038261
Good way to think about it...
1038296Pick your battles, as it's a reasonable response from EqD. You are right, though.
1038149
Noted and I will remember to make sure none of these easy-to-create errors appear in my writings.