Analyzing Apples At Sunset: Everything you wanted to know, and some things you didn't! · 1:40am Apr 26th, 2013
The story is at long last over, my tale has been told and the deed has been done.
Statistics:
41,451 words
1009/50 like/dislike ratio
13,318 views
454 comments
1236 favorites
What does this mean? Well, the only definite thing I can draw from these numbers are that people, in general, enjoyed the story. I know there was certainly some mixed opinions on the 6th and 7th chapters (and I will get to that!), but overall, it was popular. That doesn't mean it was good, or that I am a good author, it simply means this story performed well by fimfiction standards.
MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD. PROCEED AT YOUR OWN PERIL.
So! I'm going to try to walk through my thoughts here and explain how I built the story, my motivations behind the decisions I made and what I hope you got out of it. I'll try to keep emotion and knee-jerk reactions out of it, but admit that might be difficult, due to my significant investment of time and thought.
I'm listening to some Sigur Ros right now to aid me in that endeavor.
Building the world of Apples
As deflating or unflattering as this may sound, Apples At Sunset was first created as a smut story for some people I met who I knew liked Applejack. Back then, my only other smut story was Purpledom (basis for the now-defunct "Beating Her Heat") and I wanted to experiment and branch out. My friends gave me a good excuse to do so.
So there I am, writing another silly little clop story, when I find myself doing something more than that. See, for a long time, I'd been examining the character Applejack through another piece I wrote (not on this account) and one thing that really got me thinking was the question, "What would make Applejack cry?" She's a pretty sturdy mare, right? Not much bugs her (even if mysterious zebras freak her out a little), especially considering how stalwart she was throughout the entire Nightmare Moon ordeal. The answer I found (and was subsequently proven in the Apple Family Reunion episode, boo-yah!) was family, especially Apple Bloom, the filly she's supposed to be looking after.
With that answer, I moved forward, starting the whole thing on that sad note. The further I went with it, the more I realized I could actually get some feeling into it, and the more interesting I found it. The entire first chapter was written in two days, very fast for me, but I really liked what I had. It was originally in greentext, but I liked it so much I decided to convert it to prose and post it here, just for the heck of it, really.
And boy, did it blow up.
I never imagined it getting the attention it did, so I asked if people wanted me to expand on it. I already had some ideas, even before I posted the story, but I was kind of wishy-washy on going anywhere with it. There was sufficient interest, so I started on chapter two, this time with a lot more pressure and many more ideas. While the actual act of getting the words down didn't take very long, I did need quite a bit of time to create the story and the world that I'd be exploring. I knew I liked the tone of the first chapter and held onto that more than anything. I knew I wanted to bring another character into it, and while that was going to be Twilight at first, I decided Rainbow Dash would be 1) more appropriate and 2) more interesting for me, since I hadn't written much Rainbow. Oh, and I also threw in a crazy, mysterious, babbling pony that just kinda showed up. He's there to direct the reader and raise some questions. I liked him because he came up (read: forced me to come up) with some interesting dialogue.
As you've probably noticed by now, my priority was keeping things interesting for myself. Screw the readers, what do they matter? I'm the one writing here, right? (/sarcasm)
Now while my base was established, I needed an endgoal, somewhere to aim so I knew what themes and motifs I'd be pushing the whole time. This... was a bit more troublesome to figure out, because I couldn't really think up an interesting way to conclude the protagonist/AJ/Rainbow Dash story. Either A) they'd all get together and fuck or B) protag would choose one of them and live happily ever aft—UUUGGGHHH that sounds mind-numbingly boring just typing it. Well, my solution came from somewhere I did not expect: my past, in two different ways. But that is a story for the next portion of this rant.
Decisions, Themes, Ideas
Note: Portions of this section which may spoil the story have been spoilered (looks like a black box until you mouseover it)
The very first decision I made when I chose to continue Apples At Sunset beyond one chapter was to deceive the reader. I wanted to do this because, as you've likely guessed, I wanted to make things interesting. In this case, for me as well as the reader. I also decided I wanted to give both Rainbow and Applejack a fairly equal representation, as to avoid keeping the reader firmly on one side or the other.
In order to deceive the reader, the first thing I had to do was skew expectations. That's why there's so much clop in the first two chapters: I wanted people to think this was just another clop story getting into it. I didn't want people expecting much more. This would also have the desired effect of leading people to think there'd be a threesome with Rainbow later—I never intended on actually putting that into the story, but I wanted people to expect it. As the story moved on and away from the clop, I then wanted people to think that the protagonist would enter into a polygamist relationship with AJ and RD which, again, never happened.
And why would I do that? To answer that, I'll explain my first theme.
There are many themes I wanted to put in this, but I knew I couldn't overdo it. That would dilute the message. The first theme that I really got into concerned perspectives. I wanted to show that everyone has a perspective on any given situation, and each perspective is backed by someone just as complex and interesting as yourself. I spent a lot of time really fleshing out how Applejack and Rainbow viewed relationships in order to make sure the reader, who both formulated their own perspective and got behind the protagonist's, were able to understand and empathize with AJ and RD at least to some extent.
How does this theme of "perspective" tie in with reader manipulation? Because I wanted to show the reader that the author, as well as the protagonist, are unreliable sources of information. As the author, I have my own motivations and goals, and I will lead you to the conclusions I WANT you to have. The protagonist as well will only narrate the parts of a story he deems significant. A prideful narrator may skip over things that would injure his or her standing with the reader. You should consider that perspectives both mean that other people have motives you are not privy to AS WELL AS concerns you should take into account.
"Magic" was another theme, which I'll be explaining more in a bit, as it's tied in closely with the dark-coated pony that shows up a few times. All I will say here is that "magic" is akin to both the unpredictability and the strength of the human spirit.
I also talked a lot about self-sacrifice and selflessness in respect to the protagonist. His selflessness is both a virtue and a major character flaw. It's the reason he breaks up with Applejack, but also the reason why he's so concerned for how she's handling her troubles with being a big sister. It's why he's so hesitant to respond to AJ's advances in chapter 1, but also why he's able to examine some of his own mistakes (valuing other opinions over his own). Selflessness is important, but there is such a thing as too much of it and you need to find where that line is for yourself.
There were so many things I wanted to do, but I still didn't know how I was going to end the damn thing! Welp, here's where things start getting personal, where I put more of me and my experiences than I probably should into the story.
About a month before I wrote the first chapter of Apples, I wrote another completely separate story with 2nd-person perspective that involved Applejack. I liked it, thought it was deep and feelsy and stuff. I shared it with a couple people (they never read it), but in truth, I didn't write it to be read. Why? I dunno. I think I wrote it to ease my own feelings on something that happened in my real life recently.
A family member of mine had recently passed away. Not immediate family, but she was pretty close. Healthy as could be, and while she certainly wasn't young, she took walks, stayed active, and always showed up at family gatherings with spunk and spirit. One day, she went in for a checkup. She'd been experiencing some back pain.
She was diagnosed with bone cancer in her spine. She was dead two months later.
Two months. That's too fast, way too fast, for someone to go from perfectly happy and healthy to dead. Can you even imagine? Her death took a lot out of me, not just losing her but in the fashion she was taken. Death doesn't conform to some typical or predictable schedule, it comes and goes when it pleases. So yeah, that's the lesson I learned and it'd be fair to say some of that got into Apples. I found the story I'd written earlier, the one independent of Apples, would be a great final chapter for this purpose, so that's where I aimed.
Addressing Concerns and Questions
Certain chapters got very strong reactions out of some readers, and prompted many questions or concerns. Before I go and answer anything, I'd like to state something: I realize I am a (very) flawed writer, and as such, my stories may miss their mark. I'm fully ready to accept I made a mistake, but these explanations are meant for you to consider why I made the choices I did, and why I, at the moment, consider those decisions to be (subjectively) correct. One of the great things about writing is the subjectivity of it, but it's also a drawback in situations like this. My story provided a situation, characters, events, and evidence that I hoped would lead the reader to one conclusion, but if you arrived at another, the validity of neither conclusion is compromised. It is, in part, my inability as a writer that prevented the story for leading you with more certainty to the conclusion I wanted you to have. The other part is simply opinion and background. I do not think anyone is right or wrong here, all I have to present are intentions.
With that, some answers:
WHY THE HELL DID YOU KILL APPLEJACK?
Because the story isn't about her.
There are multiple reasons, one I mentioned above (Death doesn't conform to some typical or predictable schedule, it comes and goes when it pleases), but more importantly, I didn't want the reader to think the story centered around Applejack or her journey. This is a second-person story and I feel that means it's entirely about YOU and YOUR reactions and YOUR conclusions. Another reason is that I wanted Applejack to be a symbol, but it's incredibly difficult to separate symbol from character while they're still alive, so I killed her. Only when the void of her character existed could I really delve into the protagonist's thoughts and define the symbol. No, I'm not telling you what it is supposed to be because that would corrupt it. ALSO, by killing her I was able to further amplify the message behind "magic", which I'll go into now.
Who is the dark-coated pony and what purpose does he serve?
I cannot fully answer that question as most of the answer is supposed to be discovered by you. No, he is not Doctor Whooves, as some of you were wondering. I describe his coat as pitch black in chapter 2, and Whooves has a brown coat. There is evidence and hints about who this mystery character is, and I strongly imply his identity in one sentence, if you catch it. As for his purpose, I originally put him in there to provide sufficient plot explanation for the return of Applejack in the final chapter. However, I am loathe to put a character in a story to simply act as a plot device, so I made him follow a theme very closely.
This theme is somewhat hard to describe, so I'll offer an example, one you may or may not recognize. Have you watched Stranger Than Fiction? If not, go watch it, it's my favorite movie (for many reasons, but this is one of the stronger ones). If so, let me ask you this: Why did Harold choose to follow through with that decision he made in the end, the one where he chose to go along with the story? And why did it not have the expected effect on him?
The answer is "magic". Even with all the wars, the hate, the ignorance and bigotry humans live in, we're good people. I honestly believe that. Humans have a spirit that will drive them to do the right thing, to prosper where there is oppression and difficulty, to make the most of what they have. The dark-coated pony demonstrates that through his actions and his words. This is even MORE significant because I make a distinction between Earth and Equestria—one filled with humans, the other with ponies. No, the dark-coated pony is not the physical manifestation of "magic". I imply he is something else.
There is one last thing I'd like you to consider, if you haven't had enough Apples or like speculating about things. There is one circumstance I was considering the entire time I wrote this story, and it may intrigue you to go back and read the story with this in mind.
What if Alice is the author, telling the protagonist's story through what she thinks is his perspective? Maybe she wrote this story while sitting next to his hospital bed while he's in a coma, maybe she wrote it after they separated because she was so broken up about it. Just something to think about. Remember: the author is not a reliable source of information.
I think that's all I wanted to cover. I hope you all enjoyed the story. Please, please, if you have any criticisms, make them known. I want to get better and that's the first step. If you disagree with something I've typed here, tell me. If you still think I made a serious mistake somewhere along the line, tell me. Believe me, you're not wrong. It's pretty much impossible to be wrong in something so subjective as opinions on writing.
Ciao.
Since misdirection is your main theme, you pretty much succeeded in it. Especially about the fact that none of the characters besides that pony can fully understand what just happened to them.
I honestly don't like the way this story turned out. Specifically, I didn't enjoy the way it jumped from a story about culture clash and three-way drama to a tragedy about Applejack getting caught in an avalanche. It came completely out of left field, when the story could have proceeded in any number of ways that could just as easily ended in joy or sorrow or someplace in between, without breaking with established themes or genres. Death is unfair and arbitrary and can happen at the worst of times, but this story didn't benefit from such a misfortune.
Having said that, I do appreciate that there is a method to what you are doing and that you chose to take the story in this direction to shake things up improve your ability as a writer. I'd be lying of these last couple chapters hasn't made me wary, but nevertheless I'll keep an eye out for your next story.
1034732 I have to agree with my colleague here, in the sense that the last few chapters seem to come out of far left field. I do disagree with him regarding the ending. It is not the one I expected, but as you state (if I may paraphrase) Life, ergo death as well, do not live on our schedules... Because of this you enter the realm of the double-edged sword that is 'breaking from the norm'. In doing so, you both earned points in my eyes (for originality and making it engaging), while loosing points (for making things somewhat arbitrary and equally random). Now I know that half of that was intentional, now that I have read this, however, I am also a believer that 'authorial intent' only goes so far. If I can't gleam it from the story, then AI falls on its face!
IMO, I'd take a few weeks, talk to my proofreaders/ editors/ collaborators and explain to them what you were trying to achieve, and see if they have any suggestions. Then once you feel confident in it, rewrite (I.e. tweak) the last few chapters (ax that <100 word Ch, adding it into the previous) and re-release a clearer version of the last few chapters... That is my suggestion as an author, who is doing just that with one of his stories - a total rewrite. The nice thing with AI, is that a digitally released/ oral story is never written in stone, you can always go back and tweak it, make it better with input.
All that said, I did enjoy the story, enough so that I am here, reading your blog, giving you a serious, critical review and suggestions.
I must disagree with everyone. I get what you were doing, and I'm a big fan with how the last 4 chapters turned out. I will say, however, that I was a little confused on chapter 6. I get the intent perfectly fine, but the execution wasn't the best. I suppose it worked, since I was confused, but I think I was confused for the wrong reasons.
Mainly, it was the transitions between Anon/Rainbow Dash at her house, and Anon/Dash at the restaurant. I couldn't figure out what was going on exactly. At first, I thought it was some weird parallel situation going on. And it wasn't until I was a good portion into the chapter where I finally figured it out.
That was my only complaint, really. Like I said, the last 4 chapters are probably my favorite. You can say that the scene with the mountain was out of left field, but it *was* established before Applejack's fall. Pretty much a whole chapter dealt with that mountain being a sort of focal point. It didn't surprise me at the least, nor seem like a left-field move, that Applejack would head up there.
Chapter 7, DO NOT CHANGE IT. I love the simplicity of the chapter, and I think those ~100 words wouldn't be as impactful if they were attached to the end of chapter 6, or padded with pointless fluff. I think the shortness of that chapter makes it more memorable.
That mysterious black pony, I liked him in chapter 8. He actually reminded me a lot of the Accountant from Drive Angry, if The Accountant had more power than he actually did.
Anyways, It was good times that I had reading this.
Now if only you could have the same motivation with kinky sparklebutt
1034902
Ah, I would be lying if I said that while reading all those comments about the ending, I didn't think about a rewrite, and honestly I didn't expect to find myself in this position... again.
(Of course, that's the thing about rewrites—you never expect to need to do them)
But I won't be re-writing it. One of the lessons I learned, back before I wrote smut at all, was how to move on. I bet I could write an ending that more people enjoy, but that would mean I'm writing it for them, and I don't do that. My motivation for writing is admittedly selfish, which I realize has it's advantages and drawbacks, but I like things that way. I've learned my lesson here, and now I move on. As soon as tomorrow, in fact, I'll be starting my next project. Apples will sit here, as is, in all of its strengths and flaws.
Chapter 7, I think I agree with you on. I feel kind of queasy reading it now, and I think it's not having the desired effect. It's more like twisting the knife instead of letting the truth of something settle in. Still won't be changing it, but If I were to redo it, yeah, I'd do it differently.
1035075
I do have a poor habit of jumping around. It has a purpose, as you realized, I just need more practice with it and to learn better where to use it and where not to use it.
Thank you both for replying.
1034732
This story was never about Applejack, it is/was about "you". I've had time to contemplate this story. I ..... liked it. I felt for the protagonist ever since the author delved into "his" mind.
1034902
I'm not familiar with your work, any of it.
I'm kinda sad the ride is over, but I definitely enjoyed the story as a whole. It was an honour to be an editor on this, and I'm doubly glad I was because I don't think, until you asked me to do so, that I had picked this one up to read it. I might'n't have otherwise, and it was certainly a worthwhile read.
I think part of the issue with the chapter 6/7/8 criticism was the piecemeal release that you get on a fiction website. With only what you remember of previous chapters, the sadness feels like it blindsides you in the midst of a clop/romance story. Reading it all at once, however, gives a much more rounded impression of the story.
1035864 Well that's not entirely surprising... I have yet to earn much if any recognition on FiMFiction, and as for 'traditional' literature, my first novel has yet to reach the point of publishing. So, as I said, not too surprising!
1044584
When your story comes off hiatus. Let me know.