[Preview] Tambelon Opening · 2:57pm Apr 22nd, 2013
SPOILER WARNING!
Originally I wanted to open the chapter up with Corona in her lair, but this seemed...well, funnier. Chapter 1 will contain Corona in her lair extensively, though; in fact it'll be there that we get most of our exposition.
Anyway...here we go!
Poor Carrot Top...
Carrot Top blinked a few times when she heard a knock at her door – naturally, coming just as she was about to take a bite out of some of her namesake product. Frowning, she glared at the door, mentally willing it to tell whoever was on the other side to go away, even as she crunched down on a carrot in a very determined and, she believed, threatening manner.
Naturally, the door remained inanimate and powerless to stop a second series of knocks. The farmer stood, looking forlornly at her lunch even as she trotted over to her front door. She’d just spent all morning plowing her fields for the next round of planting, and still had a long day ahead of her. She didn’t need an interruption to the one break she was likely to get today, least of all while her stomach was growling at her for having only half-finished her breakfast. With a beleaguered sigh, Carrot Top opened her front door.
“What?” She demanded of Luna Equestris, Shepherd of the Moon, Caretaker of the Sun, Mistress of the Star Beasts, Sovereign of the Three Tribes, the immortal, eternally youthful Princess of Equestria, and not the kind of pony you wanted to make demands of, and certainly not in the tone of voice that Carrot Top had used.
Carrot Top slammed her front door shut and willed herself to not exist.
Then she realized that the only thing worse than shouting at Princess Luna was slamming a door in her face.
Carrot Top slowly opened the door again, peeking out cautiously. Princess Luna was still there, looking at her with a bemused expression. Standing beside her was Trixie, looking like she was trying to decide whether to be sympathetic towards Carrot Top or else doubled over with laughter. Behind the two of them were two ponies of the Night Guard, both earth ponies, and behind them, another earth pony with a dozen adolescent foals from all three tribes, each in Colt Scout uniforms.
Luna smiled beatifically at Carrot Top. “Is this a bad time?” she asked.
---
My little pony, My little pony
Ahh ahh ahh ahhh...
My little pony
Friendship never meant that much to me
My little pony
But you're all here and now I can see
Stormy weather; Lots to share
A musical bond; With love and care
Teaching laughter; It’s an easy feat,
And magic makes it all complete!
You have my little ponies
How’d I ever make so many true friends?---
Some part of Carrot Top’s brain that didn’t value life very much tried to make her say yes, this is a bad time. The rest of her mind fell upon that part and trampled it within an inch of its life even as it passed a message along to her vocal chords. “Um, no,” Carrot Top said, opening her door fully and waving a hoof. “Um, c-come on in, your majesty…”
Luna inclined her head in thanks, striding in with all the grace and poise that was expected of her station, making her way to Carrot Top’s living room. Trixie followed, having settled on smiling at Carrot Top. She leaned in close to the earth pony. “Don’t worry,” she said, the volume of her voice perfectly normal as she continued with “believe me, it takes a lot more than that to offend the Princess.”
“Shh!” Carrot Top demanded in a harsh whisper.
“Why?” Trixie asked. “The Princess can hear our heartbeats, probably.”
“Well, Miss Carrot Top’s, certainly, given how hard it’s beating,” Luna chimed in.
Carrot Top jumped, turning to face her sovereign. “I – I am so sorry, your majesty, I didn’t mean to – or shout – or slam – ” her front hooves gestured wildly as though she was physically trying to point out her excuses. Trixie ducked under one wild swing, backing away a few paces lest she be beaned in the face by the panicked earth pony.
Luna held up one hoof. “Please, calm yourself,” she insisted, inclining her head. “I’m the one who showed up unannounced while you were trying to eat – ”
“Food!” Carrot Top exclaimed, eyes widening. She rushed towards her kitchen, clambering about as she began digging around in cupboards and her ice box, looking for food fit for a princess and failing to find, at least to her eyes, food fit for even a baronetess.
Back in the living room, Princess Luna looked to Trixie, one eyebrow raised slightly. “Will she be alright?” she asked her student.
Trixie waved a hoof. “Give her a few minutes.”
Carrot Top is so adorable when she's flustered and ineffectual at willing the world into submission.
I should imagine that Trixie has had some very personal experience with exactly how much it takes to offend Luna.
Heh great intro, I really liked the characterization and detail of the scene, the dialogue was brilliant! CT was extremely amusing as were Trixie and Luna. I'm really looking forward to Corona's lair and Grogar!
Hmm if Luna is showing up, it's likely she either has a Corona related reason to be there, or she has detected Grogars return, it probably is not an urgent matter though so hhmm.
I just love how this is phrased.
I wanna hug Carrot Top...
HA!
1026517
The fact that she's brought a dozen colt scouts suggests to me that this is a social rather than business visit.
No.
You are not allowed to do that.
It is your responsibility as an author to consider the order in which knowledge about your work should be revealed for the work to be enjoyed as it is meant to be, and I refuse to let you hand over that responsibility to us like this. Only you have the knowledge necessary to make that decision.
If my knowledge of this excerpt should somehow interfere with some tension that you intended for your readers to experience when reading the finished chapter, I will not regard that as a failure on my part to make the right decision regarding reading the excerpt, but as one on your part to pick an appropriate excerpt, warning or no warning.
(And yes, I do realize that what we are really disagreeing about here is almost certainly not our respective responsibilities with respect to your blog, but the proper use of the word "spoiler". The excerpt is clearly selected to create an appropriate amount of tension for a preview and not spoil anything, but I do think that this usage damages the usefulness of the word.)
1026800
...uh-huh.
Well, I spoiler warning'd it anyway.
1026795
oh yeah, heh whoops, Ty; that's what I get for reading and writing at one am
It is good, but it can use inverted punctuation and tabspaces.
1026800 As an author, it is well within his right to release teasers as advertisement. It is also polite of him to warn his veiwers that those who do not want to see any part of the story until it's officially released may not want to look at it. This is all he's doing.
In any event, Carrot Top is fun as always. An amusing start.
1028577 Me too.
Does Grogar have some kind of relationship with Discord? If so, then what is it? If it involves spoliers, then just PM me the answer.
1066233
He doesn't, no.
Words cannot describe how much I want Return of Tambelon to come out.
I have a suggestion: Give Grogar a Villain Song.