Why do I have to always put in a title, anyway? · 12:53am January 17th
So I'm writing here again... why? I'm not sure, quite honestly. I don't want to force you guys to think up comments all the time or anything like that, I know it can be tiring, but I simply want to post something. I hope it's not too much of a nuisance, but if it is, feel free to tell me. 
My relationship with this site is so weird... I've talked about it in the past, I know, but the whole thing is weighing me down again. It's probably annoying for you guys, reading these repeating thoughts of mine; I'm genuinely sorry about that. But either way...
I'm... very clingy, when it comes to people I care about. That includes internet friends. After I had already started writing and publishing Of Starships and Golden Armors, I made quite a few here, under various circumstances. Most have left by now. Some left without warning. It's... kind of heartbreaking, actually, because it shows that most likely, at least in some of these cases, these people didn't care about me nearly as much as I did about them.
And it's not like I fault them at all, of course; for 99% of the population getting attached to a faceless PNG on the internet, to simple words written on a computer screen, well, it's hard, if not impossible. But for whatever reason, for me it's not, and all that time ago, I was naive and sort of stupid. I didn't realise what reality would be like, and all that's happened since then has only served as a grim reminder of how different I seem to be compared to most other people when it comes to approaching interpersonal relationships.
So... today, I have barely anyone here. A few people remain, yes, and I still hold them dear of course, especially since the others not staying may have been my fault as well; I find it hard and stressful to communicate with others, so I procrastinate with it, which makes it even more stressful. It's a neverending cycle.
I like writing pony stories, I like it a lot. And even nowadays, I visit FimFiction at least a dozen times a day, even if for a minute at a time. It's just... strange, I suppose.
Sorry for taking your time today, whoever managed to read all the way to this point. I don't really have much else to say.
-Lily
I've been addicted to this site for like 11 years now, which is such a long time 😭. It's crazy to think that this site has had such a persistent hold on my life over the years. I guess when I joined the fandom back in high school, I assumed I would grow out of it... Or at the very least, lose interest. I've never made any friends on here though... which looking back seems kinda strange to me as I'm sure I've had every opportunity to. Then again, I've only ever really used this site as my own private library so to speak, just to read stories when I have alone time. I guess I'm trying to say that I feel ya when it comes to this site. Not that I feel like I have mixed feelings, if anything, I’m surprised there’s still fans of mlp all these years later.
I became a MLP fan late around the end of season 7. I love gen 4 and not much a fan of gen 5, but I love coming on this site and reading fics. I know one day I will add my own on here to. So I understand how you feel. I made a few friends on here just to see them disappear on day. They used to post new chapters and stories all the time then one day they were just gone. One did leave a blog post saying that he was quiting writing altogether do to some horrible people he thought where friends he met at an MLP convention. Those same people later where banned from this site and from fanfiction too, but the damage was done. My other friends that knew him in irl later disappeared to. Since I have been on this site I have seen many people just quit do to horrible people, and some just burn out. I hope to be here for a long time. I can say for sure if I do decide to leave I will let everyone know first, but if I just disappear then most likely something really bad happens to me. May that never happen.
One, you've never come off as clingy. If you want to speak your mind, your thoughts, your feelings, then let it preach!
Two, I get what you mean. Sometimes people just fall out of contact, sometimes people leave due to other despicable people they've met here, some feel burnt out and feel they can't push forward. Not me though.
I haven't been as 'active' as a writer on FiMFiction myself, and that's due to personal stuff and all that jazz. I still love the stories I've put out for MLP, even if they are mainly crossovers, and I hope that at one point, my lazy butt finally gets to updating them more often. If I just disappear, either something really bad happened to me, or I'm taking a hiatus from the internet in general. May the first possibility never happen.
Three, Aside from me being lazy with not doing frequent updates to the stories I have up, I do have one more story in the works, but I'm not entirely sure when it'll be published, here or literally anywhere else.
In conclusion, I'm not going anywhere. I could be struck down right where I stand, but I'll still refuse to leave. I hope you have a good day, Lily. I sincerely wish you the best.
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Thank you so much for all these responses, all of you! You know, I just dropped this blog kind of expecting it to go unnoticed and I never thought I'd see such long, meaningful comments. It may be silly, I know, but that really means a lot to me.
This is going to be incredibly cliche, but I really don't think I'd still be writing stories if it wasn't for you. Not just specifically you three, but everyone who sometimes comments and notices what I put out there... even then, though, quite honestly? You three do stand out from the rest. I'm insanely grateful.
I'm replying to all of you in one comment because I'm feeling quite exhausted today, but I also don't want to make you think that all you wrote here went unnoticed. Rest assured, though, I'll definitely reply to each of you in a dedicated comment tomorrow or so.
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You don't have to reply to us individually. We are glad to help even if it is just a little comment. I hope Everytime you read a comment it helps. I know there are ones that are clearly better than mine, so I know if mine help theirs must really help.
I keep forgetting to say I love the new Luna pic for your profile. Luna best pony ever!!!! Yes I think Nightmare Moon is second best along with Fluttershy!!!!
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It's only been five years for me, but it still feels like ages. And the weirdest part? No matter what happens on the site, I still find myself coming back.
I've met some wonderful people here, but on the other hand, there's also been much disappointment and pain inflicted upon my life due to my activity here; I won't go into details now, but I'm pretty sure that if one so desires, they could still find my blogs from 2020/2021, when these things were occuring. It was horrible, and yet I'm still here.
I suppose in a way that is what life itself is like. You trip and fall, but ultimately, barring something truly horrific, you live on. And while this may sound weird, maybe even a little pathetic, FimFiction has really become a huge part of me as a person by now... and by extention, my whole life,
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May that never happen indeed.
As you know, I don't post chapters often. Writing doesn't come easily to me nowadays, even though I find it pleasant and relaxing. It takes a lot of time to write even just a few words in a way that feels acceptable for me, and it's hard to find the needed motivation.
I originally created "Devona" in order to read stories and be able to comment on them if I so desire, but in time, the whole thing morphed into a giant writing endeavor of my own.
But here comes the funny part; nowadays, I don't even read a lot of fics anymore, at least for now. Numerous friends of mine have left the site or cut contact with me, and yet... I still come here. For a minute or two at a time, but I do. I sometimes post a blog, or maybe something for my lore group, but... I just feel this weird attachment to FimFiction, even when my feelings regarding it are filled with sorrow. Is that strange? I cannot say. But for now, I'm sure I'm going to stay here for as long as I can as well.
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I wish you the best too, Alien. Thank you.
You know, I realise I haven't been as responsive as I should've been at times, but you're one of the few peope who really give me the strength I need to continue. I don't want to leave the site, but it's a bit tempting to give up on a few things here at times. Without support, continued struggle would be impossible. Thank you.
I'm glad I don't come off as clingy... I have this fear of scaring people away because I might appear too 'creepy', in a way... too attached to them, behaving in too friendly a manner, etc.
It's... actually a huge part of why I have trouble expressing myself, both here and in real life, and I often stay silent. I allow myself to be part of the wider mob, going out of my way not to be noticed because I fear scaring others away. That also means I find it hard to truly maintain friendships, and often let them fade away... but it hurts even more if it's the other person that one day goes silent out of the blue.
But rest assured, I won't be leaving FimFiction; not any soon at all. I might be less active at times and then more again, but in the end, I won't leave. I'm not sure what would have to happen to change that.
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They really do help, you know? And thank you. I do struggle with feelings of loneliness from time to time, so even the smallest comments always help me.
Sorry if this feels like I'm putting expectations on you, of course comment only when you want to, though. I do however very much appreciate it every time you, or others, do.
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That might actually be my list as well, haha.
I like this picture as well, it just makes me feel... cozy, in a way, for reasons I don't understand. I think it will stay with me here for quite a while, haha.
I will have to say I comment because I want to, and I am happy to do so. I love my power armor pic because of I had some in real life I would be wearing it all the time. I love the Fallout series, Elder Scrolls series, and many more including Dead Space series. I still remember have so much fun with Dead Space one on hardcore in the middle of the night with the lights off. So far not to many people can say that.