Friendship is Card Games: Starlight Glimmer and the Secret Suite · 12:21pm Sep 17th, 2023
So. Funny story about this week. The original plan was for the most recent G5 IDW issue and the first issue of Classics Reimagined: The Unicorn of Odd… but it turns out the former is the first half of a two-parter. I don’t like the idea of going over two incomplete stories, and without either second part currently available, that means we turn to the next part of the G4 backlog… which is a Berrow chapter book.
Well, at least I have half of the next main line review written…
As for this story, a purple unicorn discovering a secret in the castle? I feel like I’ve heard it before…
For the record (and partially for my own reference) this was published at the end of August 2016, about two thirds of the way through Season 6. Starlight was still very much Twilight’s student/parolee, and still had a nasty habit of phasing out of reality when the plot didn’t depend on her. (Read: The writers were still figuring out what to do with her.) Let’s see how G. M. Berrow handles her, especially when the Berrow-written episodes of pony barely touch on Starlight.
I do appreciate how the very first thing the story does is establish the sheer scale of Namepending Castle (here called the Castle of Friendship, which isn’t low-hanging fruit so much as already fallen and halfway fermented.) “Cavernous hallways,” “endless corridors,” and a sense that something—probably Twilight with a friendship lesson—could jump out from behind a corner at any moment. There always was a trace of the uncanny in that building.
Starlight Glimmer needed to learn that magic wasn’t supposed to be a means of controlling other ponies. Which was precisely why she had come here to Ponyville—to learn about the properties of friendship’s powerful magic from Princess Twilight Sparkle. Also, to make new friends. Starlight struggled more than a little with that one.
That’s certainly one way to summarize how Starlight got where she is now. And probably how she’d describe it, especially in that order.
Oh hey, actual Lavender Unicorn Syndrome.
Starlight finds a much more drab door than usual in those endless corridors, and behind it is… more books. This castle was made for Twilight Sparkle, after all. (Also, bizarre choice of exclamations in “Great Griffon’s beak!”)
This isn’t the titular suite; as Twilight explains as she pops into the scene, it’s just the storage room she’s using for the gifts she’ll be bringing while dedicating the new library at Mythica University (and here come Berrow’s signature continuity nods to her own work, in this case Rainbow Dash and the Daring Do Double Dare.) And yes, the implication is that she’s been here the whole time (which, to be fair, has been three pages.)
I do appreciate Twilight through Starlight’s eyes. Especially her looking over the gift. “She grinned at the stacks like a dragon guarding its piles of treasure and gems.” Spike and she havei nfluenced one another more than they know.
But they didn’t just come in to admire the books (and establish a likely future plot point.) Twilight needed to grab Mooncurve’s Guide to Interval Incantations, which… somehow figures into her next friendship lesson, despite sounding more like a guide to magical calculus. (Given how Mooncurve was established in another Berrow book as a chronomancer, it does make sense that Twilight would reference him in a lesson on time management.)
Starlight is less enthusiastic.
“Another lesson today?” Starlight tried not to appear upset.
“When you’re done doing whatever it is you were doing.” Twilight frowned. “It wasn’t important, was it?”
“No, not really…”
“Great! See you in the throne room in fifteen minutes.”
You will learn healthy social interaction or die trying, Equalbutt.
There’s a fascinating aside on how hard it’s been for Starlight to accept Twilight’s sincere desire to help her, reflecting on how Starlight’s own duplicitous past has made it hard for her to trust ponies. The other issue is that Twilight’s enthusiasm for friendship studies results in an unrelenting pace that leaves Starlight exhausted. So much so that she rests her head on one of the books (for reference, Weather Formations: Meaning and Significance in Pegasus Culture) and takes a nap, hoping that she’ll dream of a way to carve out a little personal time.
We cut to the throne room, and despite Twilight saying she’d prep healthy snacks for the lesson, there are cupcake wrappers among the half-eaten carrot sticks. “Healthy” for ponies is relative. Twilight is deep in her special interest, literally described as “hyper-focused,” but Starlight is too worn out to be of much help during this magical hackathon.
Twilight has a eureka moment, finding a way to warp one of Mooncurve’s spells to alter the caster’s perception of time without actually impacting its flow, allowing for more fun with friends. This is all in the efforts of getting even more enjoyment out of Ponyville Game Night in three days. Starlight doesn’t want to begin preliminary testing; the minutes have felt plenty long as it is.
To her credit, Twilight does notice the tension and Starlight not wanting to say more, and invites her speak her mind.
“Honesty and communication are the cornerstones of friendship. Just ask Applejack or Pinkie. She named the actual cornerstones of this castle ‘Honesty’ and ‘Communication’! But she also named one of them ‘Sea Otter,’ so maybe I shouldn’t mention it—”
Credit where it’s due, this is quality Pinkie even by proxy. (Never mind the question of whether a crystalline tree would even have cornerstones.)
Starlight blurts out that she needs some alone time, to rest if nothing else… and true to my own experience, the dread of asking permission never compares to the ease with which it’s given. Twilight recognizes her own tendency for study binges, tells Starlight to take all the time she needs… and loses herself in arcane theory within five lines. Honestly, this is some very good Twilight content… though after what happened the last time she incanted an unfinished spell out loud, maybe she shouldn’t be mouthing the words to this one. 
“All the time she needs” turns out to be about twenty minutes before Starlight’s tossing and turning. For one, she’s not actually tired. Not physically, anyway. Mentally, she’s wiped, as much by having to spend time with another pony as by the spellcraft. (Weirdly, Berrow describes her bed as a four-poster rather than a no-poster, though to be fair, the episode that actually showed us Starlight’s bed hadn’t aired yet, and it’s not like the writers and animators were communicating that closely. Also, there are apparently ceiling tiles in her room. I feel like Berrow never quite grasped the implications of the castle as quasi-living organism in terms of its construction.)
Starlight decides a walk will work to get her thoughts in order… and finds her way back to that unusually drab door. Despite traveling in the opposite direction from where she found it the first time. And there’s a glow coming from under the door, one that gets brighter as she gets closer.
Before we complete the pivot from G. M. Berrow to Stanley Kubrick, Spike shows up. Starlight asks him not to tell Twilight she’s out of her room, lest she be dragged back to the chronomancy session. He jokingly suggests finishing the modifications to the spell herself… which she considers seriously. But to work most efficiently, Starlight wants to be alone.
So she turns back to the drab door.
Which is unusually stuck.
So she blasts it with magic, as is her wont.
Which triggers a rainbow backblast, revealing a room nothing like the storage area she’d seen earlier.
I’m sure it’s perfectly safe, and so is Starlight. She locks the door behind her… not knowing that the door then seamlessly fades into the wall.
Berrow may not fully appreciate the construction of the palace-tree, but she’s got its vaguely eldritch nature down pat.
Starlight is convinced that this differently shaped room, devoid of books and perfectly tailored to her personal tastes, is still the storage room on the other side of the castle. At first, anyway. It takes about a page for her to realize she’s found one of the castle’s secrets and claimed it for her own. Amid the star-speckled carpet, gauzy curtains, and gilded lectern, she loses herself in her own manic spellcraft session.
When she wakes up, the sand in the room’s hourglass isn’t moving. Not until she reads the in-progress incantation she worked out. The good news is that she’s feeling refreshed and recharged, actually looking forward to working with Twilight. And she technically didn’t lie. She alters the door to her suite to look identical to the others in the castle, then trots off to the throne room, confident that everything is perfectly fine.
All of the Bearers are waiting for her there, and none are happy. Not even Pinkie. Everything is not, in fact, fine. Evidently all of Ponyville outside of the castle experienced a “hyper time boost,” or “an odd, faster-than-ponily possible sensation in [their] activities. One [they] had no control over but were aware of.”
In short, Starlight, 21st-century schizoid mare that she is, invoked King Crimson. 
Okay, not quite like that. Applejack is quite happy with how quickly she was able to do her chores “faster than a greased jalopy on an ice luge,” but Rarity made a hash of some delicate embroidery and Fluttershy flew the fastest she ever had, hating every moment. Dash didn’t even notice and Pinkie slept through the whole thing after playing “every single game ever” to prep for Game Night. Still, she didn’t actually get any rest from her nap, and after missing something as fun as the time boost, she’s (and everypony gasps at this) grumpy.
Well, until she laughs at how everypony gasped at that. 
Twilight’s relieved to know she didn’t alter anypony’s personality again, which provokes a few uncomfortable glances at memories of the mark swap. She laments the potential perils of spell-bending, unsure where she went wrong. Starlight says absolutely nothing about her own efforts… though her efforts to troubleshoot reveal to the others that she hadn’t been working with Twilight. However, Twilight cites the napping alibi before Starlight has to twist out of that one.
“If Starlight had learned anything about friendship so far, she knew that right now she was supposed to be offering friendly support or viable solutions.”
Or, and here’s a thought, vital, need-to-know information about the magical work you were doing at the time.
Still, she rallies everypony to help Twilight… even if they’re probably not at all qualified for this kind of esoteric research. And as the chapter closes, Twilight thinks of something called “Comet Tail’s Curse” and knows “she had to finish what she’d started or face dangerous consequences.”
Rule Zero of Time Magic: Don’t.
Ah. The story does acknowledge that this is outside the others’ wheelhouses, so they’re just going to monitor Ponyville and report back if further time distortions occur. Darn shame I’m reviewing this before we get more information on the Doctor Who Commander decks…
Twilight interrupts Starlight as she’s gathering stuff to move into the secret suite, but Starlight grits her teeth and decides to hear out her mentor… while planting those supplies by the door so she can make a break for it the moment she satisfies her social obligations.
Yeah, this is Season 6 Starlight, alright.
It takes a little prodding to get Twilight to say what’s really bothering her, as opposed to Applejack always beating her at Settlers of Canterlot. (Are sheep still one of the commodities? I could see it. And yes, I know they’re supposed to represent wool.) She says it’s about the spell, and Starlight has just enough time to catastrophize about getting kicked out of the castle and forced to bunk with Trixie before Twilight confesses the pressure her accomplishments have put on her. She dreads letting down equinity after all she’s done… and all the expectations that has put upon her. It’s a good moment, though it does feel off to have a pony talk about how she needs to loosen her grip.
Also, Twilight mentions how Celestia and Luna advised her to let go of something in their last letter to her, but she interrupts herself before we get anything more specific.
We also get more concrete information on Comet Tail’s Curse: According to unicorn folklore, if Twilight and Starlight don’t resolve this mess, they’ll lose all magical abilities forever. Starlight insists it’s a superstition. Twilight, who’s faced off against many superstitions, isn’t convinced. Starlight insists that she’s speaking from a position of authority on chronomancy… even though Twilight notes this is a very different beast than the spell that powered the time duel.
She also notes the way Starlight’s been gathering items and putting them in a pair of saddlebags she’d put by the door to her room. So she banishes assigns her student to the Crystal Empire to touch base with Sunburst and “rekindle an old friendship tradition!” Twilight thinks she read the signals Starlight was trying to send and is thus giving her student a little vacation from… well, Twilight.
Starlight is less than thrilled and raids the pantry for the sake of plausible deniability. Yes, she plans on spending the next few days in that room. No word on how she plans on handling the bathroom situation; the description never mentioned an en suite.
“Twilight would never even know she hadn’t boarded the Friendship Express that was now chugging its way towards the Crystal Empire.”
Other than, you know, Sunburst not corroborating the story. This plan has some holes, Glimglam. Her hope is to make Twilight so happy and impressed by fixing the magical mishap that she’ll overlook the whole “lying to her face and shirking an assignment” thing.
“It always seemed as if more ponies should be populating the place, rather than just the trio of herself, Twilight, and Spike.”
I feel like Berrow’s own opinions of the castle are leaking through here.
Of course, the problem with finding a secret room in a magical castle is that it isn’t always there when you go looking for it. Not at first, anyway. Starlight gets to see the door emerge from the wall in a sputtering geyser of her own magic (or at least magic that’s the same color.) She concludes the entire room manifested from her own imagination and happily gets to work to fix her mistake.
Cut to Ponyville Twon Square, where the mistake gets worse. Specifically, ponies are setting up for Game Night—“one of the most awesome nights of the entire moon” according to Dash, not helping settle that question in the least—when the air becomes viscous and every movement requires incredible effort. The flow of time has slowed, and even Rainbow Dash can barely stay in the air. (Pinkie’s able to talk at normal speed, but that’s at maximum chatter.)
A pulse from the castle sets things right… temporarily. Pinkie and Dash are both on the move to alert Twilight. Whether they’ll get there by next week isn’t certain.
Meanwhile, Twilight has found an actual written citation and description of Comet Tail’s Curse: “The wizard who alter’s another magic must see it to its intended end, or prepare to see their magic come to an end.” Ominous, if lazily rhymed.
Starlight, tapped out from all her experimentation and oblivious to the harm she’s doing, finds herself wishing she actually had gone to the Crystal Empire… for all of about five minutes. Then she gets back on the horse (my ill-advised idiom, not Berrow’s) and keeps trying to make the spell work without any way of knowing whether and when it does.
Definitely Season 6 Starlight.
We cut to Spike, reflecting on the irony of how this spell meant to let a pony spend more time with friends has made Twilight nearly forget about him for the last few days. Still, he also appreciates some alone time now and again. Besides, Game Night will include an Ogres and Oubliettes one-shot and he has DM work to do.
He breaks for lunch and is dismayed to find his secret snack stash stripped of everything but the gems. He’s more dismayed to see the makings of a PB&J float out of the kitchen and gives chase. He spots the ingredients slamming against the wall in the exact spot Starlight asked him not tell Twilight about and groans as he realizes what he must now do.
“All of the snacks are gone!”
Spike.
“The snacks are gone and I didn’t eat them!”
Spike.
He does say that Starlight’s still in the castle on the third try, but come on.
Spike leads Twilight to the spot, where after her own efforts to get the modified Mooncurve spell working, it takes most of her energy to get the door open… whereupon she gets sucked into a magical vortex on the other side. This sort of thing can only be caused by some of the strongest magic in the world, which should be outside of even Starlight’s weight class, but it’s still tossing the furniture around. (It’s unclear whether the rogue sandwich was the first sig of the vortex or just Starlight getting one more snack.)
The good news is that the vortex can be unraveled with more magic. The bad news is that both *lights don’t have anything left to offer. The true nature of Comet Tail’s Curse makes itself known: It’s not that there’s some arcane force out there punishing unicorns for failing to clean up after themselves. It’s that the kind of spellcaster who tries spell-bending in the first place is the same sort who will hyperfocus on the problem until they either solve it or drain themselves dry.
The vortex is also making itself known outside. Time snaps from slow to fast just in time for Dash and Pinkie to slam against the castle door… and for the Game Night preparations to come flying in after them. Likewise all the furniture in the castle.
Naturally, this is when Twilight and Starlight have an honest heart-to-heart, where they both recognize what Spike already has: Isolated obsession is no way to deal with issues with friendship magic.
Spike also snaps some sense into both mares, pointing out what I already recognized about Comet Tail’s Curse being a warning rather than a malediction. And how if the two of them work together, they should have enough juice to quiet the vortex. This works, since they’re actually being open and honest rather than trying to work past one another. And honestly, it would work well as an episode plot.
Thankfully, Pinkie and Applejack are able to spin the collateral damage into a group challenge to open Game Night: Who can clean up Ponyville the fastest? Goodness knows they have plenty of practice.
“‘I’ll… um… supervise.’ Rarity forced a laugh.”
She’s barely even in this story and Berrow still doesn’t know what to do with her.
Once everything’s fixed up, Twilight verbally kicks herself, wondering why she ever thought magically augmenting time with friends was a good idea. (As am I, beyond “otherwise the plot wouldn’t happen.” Though I do like the idea of teaching Starlight sometimes making Twilight think with her horn more than her heart or her brain, and thus falling back on bad old habits she never had to worry about with her less magically inclined friends.)
And on literally the third-to-last page, Berrow decides to introduce the concept of an “Andalusian Amplifier,” or “A room that amplifies everything that happens inside of it” to explain what exactly Starlight found and misused. Great pacing, Gillian, really.
We end on a water balloon fight and Starlight reflecting on how the impermanence makes it that much more special, which is nice and all, but that eleventh-hour exposition still leaves a bad taste in my mouth. This one does have some good moments—I appreciate any story where Spike not only does nothing wrong but is integral to the plot resolving—but there are still some narrative contrivances that never feel like anything else. Still, one of the better Berrow books I’ve reviewed.
Now let’s see what ill-advised magical wonders I made by my lonesome:
Comet Tail’s Curse 2W
Enchantment — Aura Curse
Enchant player
Enchanted player can’t cast spells except during their own turns.
Whenever an opponent casts a spell during your turn, you may attach Comet Tail’s Curse to that player. (The spell is still cast.)
Meddle not in the affairs of wizards.
Overseer’s Invitation 2W
Sorcery
Each player may draw a card. For each player who does, venture into the dungeon. (Enter the first room or advance to the next room.)
“Are you prepared to enter the world of Ogres and Oubliettes?”
Luna’s Warden 2WW
Creature — Unicorn Soldier
Inspired — Whenever Luna’s Warden becomes untapped, exile target creature an opponent controls until Luna’s Warden leaves the battlefield.
Chiroptera hunt nightmares. Unicorns dream of the captives’ prisons.
3/4
Greatbeak Griffin 3W
Creature — Griffin Soldier
Flying, vigilance
Whenever Greatbeak Griffin attacks, untap another target attacking creature.
Griffins value the ability to shout over subordinates even more than courage in battle.
2/3
Sequester 1U
Instant
Target creature you control gains hexproof until end of turn. Create a Sorcerer Role token attached to that creature. (If you control another Role on it, put that one into the graveyard. Enchanted creature gets +1/+1 and has “Whenever this creature attacks, scry 1.”)
Flagstone Otter 2U
Artifact Creature — Otter
Skulk (This creature can’t be blocked by creatures with greater power.)
Whenever Flagstone Otter deals combat damage to a player, look at the top card of your library. If it’s an artifact card, you may reveal it and put it into your hand. If you don’t put the card into your hand, you may put it into your graveyard.
2/2
Equalist Recruiter 3U
Creature — Unicorn Advisor
When Equalist Recruiter enters the battlefield, gain control of target nontoken creature an opponent controls for as long as you control Equalist Recruiter. When you do, turn that creature face down. (It’s a 2/2 creature.)
The last decision you’ll ever have to make.
2/2
Temporal Flux 3UU
Sorcery
Target player can’t untap more than one creature during their next untap step. Exile Temporal Flux with three time counters on it.
Suspend 3 — 1U (Rather than cast this card from your hand, you may pay 1U and exile it with three time counters on it. At the beginning of your upkeep, remove a time counter. When the last is removed, cast it without paying its mana cost.)
Collective Gasp 1B
Sorcery
Each player discards a card. If an opponent discarded a land card this way, you may repeat this process.
The first shock echoes through the skulls of those who hear it, bouncing off and adding new depth to the madness.
Midden Heap 2B
Enchantment
Whenever one or more cards leave a graveyard, create a 1/1 black Rat creature token with “This creature can’t block.”
1B, Exile two cards from your graveyard: Each opponent loses 1 life.
Even the Apples’ compost heaps are delicious to the right palate.
Raid the Pantry 2B
Sorcery
Target player discard two cards. Create a Food token. (It’s an artifact with “2, T, Sacrifice this artifact: You gain 3 life.”)
“Ever since Starlight moved in, I’ve had to work a lot harder to hide my snacks.”
—Spike
Relentless Tutelage 2BB
Enchantment
At the beginning of your end step, search your library for a card, shuffle, then put that card on top. You lose 3 life.
Twilight was so excited to teach, she forgot that few ponies could match her enthusiasm to learn.
Incantation Alteration RR
Instant
You may choose new targets for target spell.
As long as four or more spells were cast this turn and Incantation Alteration is in your graveyard, it has flashback RR. (You may cast this card from your graveyard for its flashback cost. Then exile it.)
Wibbly Wobbly 1R
Instant
Remove two time counters from each permanent and each suspended card.
Draw a card.
Time exists to keep everything from happening all at once… except for the times when it all does anyway.
Thaumic Vortex 2RR
Enchantment
Thaumic Vortex enters the battlefield with two velocity counters on it.
At the beginning of each player’s upkeep, Thaumic Vortex deals 1 damage to that player for each velocity counter on it.
Whenever a player casts a spell, that player puts a velocity counter on Thaumic Vortex or removes one from it. Then if there are no velocity counters on Thaumic Vortex, sacrifice it.
Experience Hoarder 4RR
Creature — Dragon
Flying, trample
Whenever Experience Hoarder attacks, discard a card.
Whenever Experience Hoarder deals combat damage to a player, draw two cards.
There’s no treasure like the present.
5/5
Explore the Palace-Tree 1G
Sorcery
Target creature gains nonbasic landwalk until end of turn. (It can’t be blocked as long as defending player controls a nonbasic land.)
Draw a card.
The endless crystalline hallways offer all the wonders and horrors of friendship.
Sudden Scrum 1G
Instant
Split second (As long as this spell is on the stack, players can’t cast spells or activate abilities that aren’t mana abilities.)
Target creature you control fights target creature you don’t control.
“It just works.”
—Rainbow Dash, Bearer of Loyalty
Hagglers of Baatan 3G
Creature — Sheep Citizen
At the beginning of your upkeep, you may discard a permanent card. When you do, return another target card that shares a card type with the discarded card from your graveyard to your hand.
“I’ll give you two shipments of bricks for five wood.”
3/3
Game Night Celebrants 3GG
Creature — Pony Citizen
Whenever Game Night Celebrants or another creature with power 4 or greater enters the battlefield under your control, open an Attraction. (Put the top card of your Attraction deck onto the battlefield.)
“Only one hay stand! We need the room for other stuff.”
4/4
Andalusian Amplifier 4
Artifact
Untap Andalusian Amplifier during each other player’s untap step.
1, T: Copy target triggered ability you control. You may choose new targets for the copy. (A triggered ability uses the words “when,” “whenever,” or “at.”)
The concept of “more” given form.
Dunk Tank
Artifact — Attraction
Visit — Choose target creature an opponent controls, then throw a card you own from outside the game onto the playing area from a distance of three feet (about one meter). If that card touches Dunk Tank, claim the prize!
Prize — Exile that creature. For as long it remains exiled, it owner may play it. A spell cast this way costs 2 more to cast. Sacrifice Dunk Tank, then open an Attraction.
(3 lights)
Fantasy Stunt Show
Artifact — Attraction
Visit — Target creature you control gains all creature types until end of turn, then gets +1/+1 until end of turn for each creature in your party. (Your party consists of up to one each of Cleric, Rogue, Warrior, and Wizard.)
The first three rows will get recruited.
(3 lights)
Isolated Arcanist BG
Creature — Unicorn Wizard
T, Exile Isolated Arcanist: Return target card from your graveyard to your hand.
Frequent social interaction is an essential part of good mental health in ponies, which explains why so many researchers eventually go mad with power.
2/2
Snack Run 2GU
Enchantment
When Snack Run enters the battlefield, create a Food token.
At the beginning of combat on your turn, until end of turn, up to one target artifact or land you control becomes a 4/4 creature with haste in addition to its other types.
Equalist Agenda 3(wb)(wb)
Sorcery
Choose target creature. If W was spent to cast this spell, destroy all creatures with power greater than that creature’s power. If B was spent to cast this spell, destroy all creatures with power less than that creature’s power. (Do both if WB was spent.)
Hypertime Surge 3UR
Sorcery
Target opponent reveals their hand, then puts all creature cards revealed this way onto the battlefield goaded. Those creatures gain “At the beginning of your end step, return this creature to its owner’s hand.” If no creatures entered the battlefield this way, return Hypertime Surge to its owner’s hand.
You know, for the first chunk of the story, I was thinking this was show quality (and, like, an acceptable episode, not a bad one), with character dynamics that flowed and made sense. Still had to deal with Berrow's references to her own works, among other tics of her, but it was agreeable.
Then the actual plot came into effect, and it's just a redux of "Every Little thing She Does". Maybe not as irritating, but the basic notion of Starlight getting wrapped up in herself and causing mess she doubles down on until other characters intervene is there, and the differences at the margins, like Twilight having her own part and arc, only dilute it so much.
And yet, it was still probably one of the better ones of these in a while. Guess it's a fascinating time capsule, if nothing else, of how non-show writers would approach Starlight at the time (for reference, her first notable comics role, the Accord arc, came out around the same time).
Stupid Complicated Game Alert: Paying the cost for Midden Heap's activated ability will then put its triggered ability onto the stack on top of it. The creature will enter before the opponent loses life, and then anything triggered by a creature entering will have to resolve before the life loss happens. Yes, you can potentially lose the game to this sort of thing before the life loss goes through. I don't remember whether this will save you if there's some third player to keep the game going, but it definitely works in 1v1.
...okay, this reference doesn't quite work in context, but I still couldn't resist:
Huh. Never thought I'd say this, but... damn you, Spike!
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To answer your question, if an effect triggered by the Rat entering the battlefield kills the owner of Midden Heap, then Midden Heap's ability will cease to exist before it has a chance to deal damage. See rule 800.4a.
And, for reference, the relevant bit of rule 109:
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Of course the guy who drops the Comp Rules entry is named "coder(power of 2 minus 1)".