Pitch Meeting: Equestria Girls · 11:08pm May 10th, 2023

Well, here we go again.

Previous Pitch Meetings: Show pilot
Original Not a Brony story
Cupcakes
TD the Alicorn Princess

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Producer Guy: "So you have a movie for me?"

Writer Guy: "Yes sir, I do. You know how bronies are constantly making fan art and fanfiction and stuff like that that shows the ponies as humans?"

PG: "It's impossible not to notice."

WG: "Well, I thought that we could do a movie where the characters are all human! It's clearly what they want."

PG: "I mean... I guess it could be. Either that or fan stuff is just... fan stuff, and we shouldn't put too much stock in it or make stuff based on it."

WG: "Well it'll probably make money."

PG: "On the other hand, who cares about what I just said?! So what happens?"

WG: "So it starts out in the Crystal Empire where the four princesses are all getting together for a princess conference. Twilight is super self conscious about the whole princess thing. She doesn't wear her crown, and doesn't like it when she gets fanfare when entering a room."

PG: "Hm. Maybe I could--"

WG: "That would cost money, sir."

PG: "Okay, never mind. What happens next?"

WG: "When she's walking in the throne room, she runs into a pony guard who will in no way impact the plot at all, but she does seem to find him hot right away."

PG: "Okay."

WG: "So then Celestia immediately tells them all to go to bed because they must be tired, even though it seems like they arrived at noon."

PG: "Wait, so they set up all of this fanfare and all of that just for Celestia to order them all to go to bed right away."

WG: "There are three other princesses, but Celestia's kind of sort of still the ultimate authority here. So anyway, they all go to bed at noon like they're ordered to, and it's suddenly night. Twilight and Spike have a conversation about how Twilight is nervous about ruling, and hates her Element of Harmony crown."

PG: "Wait, so her crown is the Element of Magic?!"

WG: "It is, yes."

PG: "That seems incredibly irresponsible! That's arguably Equestria's most important artifact! None of the Elements work without it. I get Twilight's connection to it, but it still seems like that should be locked away somewhere to keep it safe. It'd be like if the royal English crown had the only copy of all of England's nuclear launch codes sewn inside of it! Wouldn't it be better to give Twilight a crown that she'll probably grow into, and keep the focal point of Equestria's last line of defense under protection?"

WG: "Eh. So anyway, Twilight's getting more uncomfortable because she keeps getting wingboners while she's trying to sleep."

PG: "HUH?!"

WG: "Anyway, a thief breaks into Twilight's room and steals the crown, but she trips over Spike's tail and Twilight chases her trying to get the crown back. She grabs the thief's tail, and the crown flies into a magic mirror that the thief goes through as well."

PG: "Wait, Twilight didn't use her magic to stop the thief?"

WG: "Well she does teleport in front of her for a second."

PG: "That's it? She lifted up an Ursa Minor on top of a lot of other magical feats, and she can't be bothered to use her magic to stop the thief?"

WG: "Well if she did that the movie wouldn't happen, and there goes all of the merchandising and--"

PG: "You know, we all make mistakes, and she did just wake up. What happens next?"

WG: "Celestia tells Twilight that the thief was a former student of hers named Sunset Shimmer, and that Sunset abandoned her studies to become evil, or something like that. She went through a mirror to another world, and she's going to use the Element of Magic for evil."

PG: "Wait, how does she even know about the Element of Magic? It was lost for a thousand years, and even the definitive guidebook we saw in the pilot didn't know what the last Element was. How would she? Does she just pop her head out of the mirror every few days to see what's going on and do some scouting?"

WG: "Doubtful, because the portal is only open for a few days every thirty moons."

PG: "Oh, thirty moons. That's..."

WG: "About two and a half years."

PG: "So that makes even less sense! When the portal opened last, Twilight probably hadn't even gotten the Element yet. But even if she does, how does she know that when the portal is open it will be during a princess council in the Crystal Empire where Twilight will have the crown with her? And how does she know what it looks like for her to make a copy? Also, where did this mirror come from, and how does Celestia know everything about it?"

WG: "Listen sir, I'm going to need you to get aaaalll the way off of my back about the Element!"

PG: "Okay, let me get off of that thing, then!"

WG: "Thanks. So then Celestia sends Twilight through the portal, but tells her that she has to go alone so as to not upset the balance of the other world too much."

PG: "Okay."

WG: "But Spike is so loyal that he jumps in after her anyway! The trip to the other world is very 2001: A Space Odyssey, and when they come out the other side, Twilight finds out that she's a human now!"

PG: "Hey, that's what you were talking about earlier! Is Spike a human now too?"

WG: "Nope, he's a dog."

PG: "Why is he a dog?"

WG: "Because."

PG: "That works!"

WG: "Good! So Twilight finds out a human and her first big freakout is that she has no idea what fingers are."

PG: "Even though minotaurs are in the show and have fingers."

WG: "Hey shut up. So then Twilight thinks what she landed outside of is a castle, but it's actually a high school, and there are a lot of people around who are copies of the ponies she knows, including the one guard that she bumped into that she almost instantly gets a crush on."

PG: "What?"

WG: "I'unno. After that she sees Sunset Shimmer yelling to a human version of Fluttershy, and Twilight finds out that Sunset is the nasty queen bee in the school. After a near one to one repeat of how pony Twilight met pony Fluttershy, Twilight finds out that when the crown went through the portal, it hit Fluttershy in the head, and she thought it was the crown for the school's fall formal dance, so she gave it to Principal Celestia, who Twilight thinks is the ruler of the school in the same vein as Princess Celestia being the ruler of Equestria."

PG: "So does Twilight have no concept of principals or high schools? I mean, she went to Celestia's school, and even though it's Celestia's school, it probably had a principal watching over the day-to-day stuff."

WG: "Well you know fish out of water stories, sir. The fish has to lose several IQ and observational points for it to work at all."

PG: "Yeah, but I hate that."

WG: "We all do. But she treats Celestia like royalty anyway, which will be really awkward and not really all that funny."

PG: "Wouldn't a smarter Twilight who has a slight grasp on the world thanks to past experiences and observational skills but has a few things to work out be more in character with her?"

WG: "Fish out of water, sir. So Twilight finds out that the crown replica is the crown used for the winner of the Fall Formal dance, and that Sunset has won it every year, and she's trying to win it for the fourth year in a row."

PG: "Wait, the math isn't adding up for me. If it's a high school and it's the fourth year in a row that she's trying to win this thing, then she didn't go through the portal the most recent time, because that would mean she came into the human world when she was about fifteen or sixteen, which means that she couldn't have won it all four years. The alternative is that she went into the human world the time before that which would put her at about thirteen."

WG: "I mean... I guess?"

PG: "So how did she survive? How did this girl that came out of nowhere with no documents or identification of any kind enroll in this high school for... some reason? Where does she live, and how does she feed herself? How--"

WG: "Listen sir, I'm going to need you to get aaaaalll the way off of my back about how Sunset is pulling all of this off."

PG: "Okay, let me get off of that thing, then!"

WG: "Thanks. So then Twilight finds out that the person who wins the Princess of the Fall Formal gets the crown, so that's what she's going to do!"

PG: "Even though she's not a student, and the whole 'I just transferred' thing is going to fall apart the second somebody pokes at that story for five seconds."

WG: "She is the protagonist in a little girl's show, so we need princesses. Anyway, she finds out that Sunset is abusive to everyone in school, especially people who try to win the Fall Formal crown."

PG: "And Celestia doesn't care."

WG: "You have been to high school, right?"

PG: "Fair enough."

WG: "Sunset also has one of those 'I'm evil what are you going to do about it?' talks with Twilight, which makes Twilight question herself. Then she struts away with her henchmen, Snips and Snails."

PG: "..."

WG: "..."

PG: "... Snips and Snails? H-how about literally anybody else?"

WG: "Well, I picked their names out of a hat, and the hat is god, so Snips and Snails."

PG: "Wouldn't somebody like Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon make more sense?"

WG: "Eh. Maybe. She gets Snips and Snails to get embarrassing footage of Twilight trying to use a computer and putting books in her mouth like a pony and failing at using a copier so that she'll be the laughingstock of the school and won't win."

PG: "Oh how very mean. I mean, you don't know how to use the copier, but we've never filmed it and spread it around and laughed about it to our friends."

WG: "How very specific, sir, which makes me think that you've done exactly that."

PG: "I plead the fifth."

WG: "We're Canadian."

PG: "So what happens next?"

WG: "So after spending all day in the library and sleeping there, Twilight is more determined than ever to win!"

PG: "Wow, she's probably starving, right? She's probably only eaten one school lunch. And are there no security cameras in this high school that--"

WG: "Wow sir, are we wrestling, because it seems like you won't get off of my back about the logistics of Equestrian residents being in the human world!"

PG: "Oh let me get off of that, then!"

WG: "Thanks. So as she goes through the next day, she finds out that a version of each of her friends is in the school, but none of them like each other very much, because they were all tricked by Sunset Shimmer into hating each other, but Twilight wants their help to win the crown for the dance in a few days."

PG: "Wow. It's going to be hard for this random girl to get the gang back together in that time."

WG: "Actually it's going to be super easy! Barely an inconvenience."

PG: "Oh really?!"

WG: "Yeah, Twilight tells them to talk it out and they find out that Sunset was behind it all along, so... yeah... that's over."

PG: "I guess we do only have an hour and a half."

WG: "We do. So after another instance where Twilight runs into Flash Sentry and it's clear that the two of them want to find an empty classroom to bang, there's a song and dance number that the group sings in the cafeteria to make Twilight look better, and it works!"

PG: Oh wow wow wow.........................................................wow. So I assume that Sunset has her own counter song to the tune of Be Prepared complete with Flaming Guitar Guy from Mad Max as a counter to make everyone vote for her instead?"

WG: "I uh... well... uh... no. That's a copyrighted song and character, a fire hazard, Sunset would win no matter what Twilight did, and it wouldn't fit the story at all."

PG: "Darn. What next?"

WG: "Next Sunset tries to frame Twilight by trashing the gym where the dance is taking place. She gives pictures to Vice Principal Luna showing Twilight doing it!"

PG: "Oh wow! It's going to be hard for Twilight to get out of that!"

WG: "Actually it's going to be super easy! Barely an inconvenience!"

PG: "Wait, I thought we already did one of--"

WG: Flash comes in and gives Luna proof that the pictures she has are just cut and glue picture manipulations. So that's the end of that."

PG: "And Sunset isn't immediately in all of the trouble by giving Luna obviously fake pictures of Twilight trashing the gym, making Twilight the only one running for the princess spot, meaning she gets the Element and can run back to Equestria with it."

WG: "Nope. There's still more movie to go. After Twilight tells them the truth, they all go back to the gym and clean it up with Twilight singing a song about it, but it's a little weird because the singing voice for Twilight is the same actress who voices Sunset Shimmer, so that's makes it kind of funny. Anyway, they get the gym cleaned up and the dance back on, and Twilight wins!"

PG: "Wow wow wow........ wow."

WG: "But then Sunset kidnaps Spike and gets Twilight out to the portal, threatening to smash it if she doesn't give her the Element. She doesn't and a chase ensues, with both sides trying to get it!"

PG: "And Twilight's friends don't all dog pile Sunset because..."

WG: "Reasons."

PG: "Fair enough!"

WG: "Then Sunset gets her hands on it and turns into a she-demon that hypnotizes the whole school!"

PG: "Oh no!"

WG: "Then Sunset tells Snips and Snails to round up the hypnotized teenagers, because she's going to use them to invade Equestria and take it over!"

PG: "Wait... huh? So she's going to use an army of a hundred teenagers to take over an Equestria that has three alicorns and a standing army. That doesn't count the other countries who would help Equestria in a fight against... a hundred teenagers."

WG: "Well Sunset does have the Element, sir."

PG: "Yeah, about that. How can an Element of Harmony be used in such an evil way? If if could why didn't Discord do that when he had control of them? Why--"

WG: "Ah, sir, you're on my back again."

PG: "But--"

WG: "Then Twilight and her friends become charged with the magic of friendship, and grow pony ears and longer hair to represent tails. Twilight, Rainbow and Fluttershy get wings, too!"

PG: "Wow, I'd be kind of annoyed if I just got longer hair and my friends grew wings."

WG: "You'd get over it. So then they use a rainbow beam and blast Sunset, which cures everyone of their brainwashing and takes all of Sunset's power away. Then Sunset is good now because she knows the magic of friendship."

PG: "Just like that?"

WG: "Just like that! So after some dancing, Twilight goes back to Equestria, having saved the day!"

PG: "Well okay, then.

WG: "So what do you think?"

PG: "Sounds alright. Let's see how much money we can make off of this one-off movie!"

WG: "Yeah... One-off..."

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