Pitch Meeting: TD the Alicorn Princess · 7:26pm Apr 18th, 2023
Well, here we go again.
Previous Pitch Meetings: Show pilot
Original Not a Brony story
Cupcakes
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Producer Guy: "So you have some more fanfiction or me?"
Writer Guy: "Yes sir, I do. It's another story about TD, but it's an alternate universe, so a lot of the stuff that happened in the main story hasn't happened in this one."
PG: "Well even if there is a deviation here, the timelines for his stories should still be pretty simple and easy to follow."
WG: "Uh, yeah, so far, I guess. Anyway, it starts in the Season 3 finale, but instead of Twilight becoming an alicorn princess, TD does!"
PG: "Princess? So female?"
WG: "Yes, sir! It's gonna be hilarious!"
PG: "That's, uh, okay... that's certainly a choice."
WG: "Well, the Elements of Harmony were planning on turning whoever they hit into an alicorn princess, regardless of whether or not they were actually female or a pony to begin with. Or something like that."
PG: "W-what? That makes no sense!"
WG: "When you take the character into account, it is funny, though."
PG: "Yeah, yeah, I get that, but it still doesn't make sense. Making him into an alicorn after being hit by the Elements might make a bit of sense, but not making him female. Also, did he make the spell? Or figure something out?"
WG: "Nope, Twilight figured everything out, but since she was hit in the head and probably had a concussion, TD actually wrote in Starswirl's journal, and there you go! Alicorn princess!"
PG: "So if Spike had written in the book he'd be an alicorn princess, too?"
WG: "I'unno. Maybe. But this story is about TD, so who cares?"
PG: "Wow, this is all rather--"
WG: "Listen sir, I'm going to need you to get aaalllll the way off of my back about why he's an alicorn princess, just accept that he's an alicorn now."
PG: "Okay, let me get off of that thing then!"
WG: "Thanks! Anyway, Celestia has no idea what to make of this, since she was expecting Twilight to ascend. She calls TD "she" and that's just the straw that broke the pony's back, so he decks her again!"
PG: "I'm beginning to sense a bit of a pattern here."
WG: "A bit. But now that TD is an alicorn and Celestia won't literally blow his head off by punching him, she punches him back! Then that just leads to the both of them beating the crap out of each other while all of Ponyville watches. TD's mad that his life just got upended again, and Celestia is mad because she had all of these plans, and this TD guy keeps punching her in the face."
PG: "That would be a bit annoying, yes."
WG: "It would. Also, there are a few people in the crowd who comment on how hot they're finding the sight of female TD and Celestia beating the hell out of each other."
PG: "..."
WG: "..."
PG: "..."
WG: "So after Celestia stops the fight, she takes TD back to Canterlot where Luna and Cadance are there, and they're pretty shocked too! They go to Celestia's secret war room and talk some more about it, and Cadance especially gets mad that TD's a little upset about all of this."
PG: "Hang on, they're mad that he unwillingly went through a species and gender change out of nowhere and is a bit upset about it, so they give him a bit of a lecture. They don't care about him at all, do they?"
WG: "They do, but his feelings are secondary, and our ponies can do no wrong."
PG: "Seriously, TD probably has every reason to hate--"
WG: "Hey shut up. So he agrees to be a princess and gets coronated and learns flight and magic and starts his own branch of the guard that he teaches to be snarky and sarcastic. He calls it his snarcasti-guard."
PG: "Huh, well at least he gets that."
WG: "Yep, his two highest ranking officers are going to become fan favorites, too."
PG: "Fan favorites? Like merch? Can we make money off of those two?"
WG: "This is fanfiction, so I seriously doubt that we could mass produce River Rapids and Burning Blaze figurines and shirts and whatnot."
PG: "But money!"
WG: "So his life just kind of continues as he settles into his role. He agrees to change his name to Antares to be more pony."
PG: "So he has a gender, species and now name change and doesn't put up too much of a fuss other than a grumpy conversation and a fight with Celestia."
WG: "Yep. In any case, the next big thing that happens is that a group of ponies living on the border between Equestria and Griffonia are kidnapped by slavers, so obviously the princesses and some of their guards are dispatched to take care of it. Antares takes point since he's got to learn to deal with this at some point. He gets himself captured by the slavers so that he can be on the inside, then he has his guard intimidate everyone with a war chant, so the slavers get freaked out and surrender, so he gets everything done and nobody dies!"
PG: "Well nobody dying is good, but he probably could have done that without getting himself captured."
WG: "Well it's to showcase that he's new to this job and has trouble thinking about different solutions. Celestia even talks to him about how next time he should make it look like he's on fire and do a "if you don't let them go nobody will find all of your pieces" routine."
PG: "Wow, that sounds like a much better scene."
WG: "Yeah, but again, character development. So after all of that the emperor of Griffonia and some of his guards plus his daughter show up to deal with the fallout of the situation, and TD finds out that he was behind it the whole time, so he has the emperor arrested and thrown in an Equestrian jail."
PG: "WOW, okay, I didn't expect this to become a war fic. Alright, so both sides build up their armies, then. It's going to be hard for Equestria to get out of this one."
WG: "Actually it's going to be super easy! Barely an inconvenience!"
PG: "Oh really?!"
WG: "Yeah, because they find more evidence that shows that one of the griffin dukes was setting up the emperor the whole time, so... crisis solved."
PG: "Wow. And they just kind of get over the fact that Equestria committed an act of war. That's completely unrealistic. Do you think our country would be find with that?!"
WG: "Well we are Canadian, sir, so if that happened we'd probably shrug and say... you know, "I guess if you want him that badly you can have him."
PG: "I... okay, okay, how about if the Americans--"
WG: "Same answer, sir."
PG: "Forget it. So what happens next?"
WG: "Well after that, Antares finds out that he has a whole religion dedicated to him. All of the alicorns do. There's a church not too far from his palace."
PG: "Wow, that's pretty big to miss."
WG: "He can't notice everything. He goes to a service and finds out that they've incorporated a lot of the same stuff from his human life into their services. The pony playing the organ is even playing In a Gadda Da Vita when he comes in."
PG: "That's a reference to The Simpsons!"
WG: "It is. He's having trouble with the whole religion thing, even when his most devoted secretary tells him that she's part of his church, too."
PG: "So he has a secretary who literally sees him as a god."
WG: "He does, yes."
PG: "... So do you think--"
WG: "Not a chance in hell, sir. After that he has some talks with Celestia, helps write his bible, and even gives a sermon."
PG: "Oh wow wow wow... ... ... ... wow."
WG: "It's a lot, sir. After that he has another talk with Celestia on the roof of his palace, and it goes pretty well."
PG: "What do you mean?"
WG: "They drink wine and bang."
PG: "Oh, uh... that's certainly... one direction that the story can take."
WG: "It'll be fun! Also, the next day they find out that they forgot to put a sound spell around his room so... yeah, the whole palace heard them."
PG: "Oh, having a whole palace hear you while you bang is tight!"
WG: "I mean, uh, yeah, well... so after that his palace is attacked by griffins led by the leader of the slavers that kidnapped his subjects, and Antares gets into his first battle. It's just a bloodbath with hundreds of creatures dying all over the place, and Antares chases the leader into his palace to protect his staff, and in his throne room he's shot by a Nightmare Weapon, one of the only things that can kill an alicorn!"
PG: "Oh no!"
WG: "So then he magically surges and kills the leader before letting out what's called an Alicorn Scream that the entire country hears, which lets Celestia and Luna know that there's a problem, so they go to Baltimare and help win the battle. Antares is so hurt that it takes him three months to recover."
PG: "Wow. That's a lot of months."
WG: "Yeah, and it's at that time that he truly embraces his identity as Antares, leaving TD behind for good. Now that he's done all of this stuff for Equestria, he can't hold on to that part of his past anymore."
PG: "Okay, so what happens next?"
WG: "Well earlier in the story he talks to a weapons dealer from Las Pegasus who tells him that the minotaurs are uniting and trying to become a dominant military power, which would be bad for Equestria since the leader of the minotaurs doesn't like Equestria at all. It turns out that she was one of the ponies who orchestrated the whole thing so that Equestria would build up its military and be ready in case the minotaurs attack."
PG: "Which would then make the minotaurs even more scared of Equestria, but at least they'd be ready."
WG: "Stay tuned, sir! He does go to the main minotaur city to get a feel of the situation, and yeah, it's kind of iffy. He realizes that the minotaur leader is sexist, so he uses the Elements of Harmony to turn himself male again!"
PG: "Wait, so could have have done that the entire time?! You'd think that doing that would top any to-do list he had. It's been years, right? How has ne never thought about doing that before?"
WG: "Sir it sounds like you're back on my back about the whole "princess thing."
PG: "Right, I'll get off of that."
"WG: "Thanks. Also Antares finds out that when he surged that much, his secretary was in the room, and she didn't know that she was pregnant, so the foals were mixed with a ton of Antares's magic, and since his theme is a scorpion, she gets scorpion/pony hybrids!"
PG: "Wow, labor must have sucked."
WG: "Labor always sucks, sir, or so I'm told."
PG: "Yeah, but don't think that any human babies, or horse babies for that matter, are born with stingers."
WG: "Australians maybe? I dunno. Right after the babies are born, the minotaur leader shows up with his entourage, and things get crazy enough that one of them stings a minotaur general!"
PG: "Oh no!"
WG: "Yep, so that didn't go well. Later the alicorns get a message saying that the general died, and the minotaurs officially declare war."
PG: "Wow, things did go wrong."
WG: "So what did you think?"
PG: "I liked it, but hopefully it doesn't get a bunch of sequels and side stories that make the timeline harder to follow."
WG: "Uh... sure."
Dam it Larson.
Considering I doubt anyone yelled at the idiots who decided that while listening on other people's conversations in another language not using someone who spoke it like a native and not copying down the message word for word and who decided going home was more important than the message that would decide peace or war because what could they hear that might be important. I doubt it is a big deal that Equestria messed up.
Okay, serious question: how many times was this Writer Guy dropped on his head as an infant? No, really...I need a number...
5723618 New Jersians are born with stingers. It's a defense mechanism that evolved to help us survive all the roaming bands of C.H.U.D. born from the toxic waste swamps.
Fenrir and Sui think minotaur meat tastes really good...
whats-on-netflix.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/Campfire-Cooking-in-Another-World-with-my-Absurd-Skill-Netflix.jpg
Fenrir would slaughter all the minotaurs in 10 second flat, and then the minotaur corpses would be brutally desecrated, ground into hamburger and devoured by the gluttonous wolf in an orgy of gastronomic gorging! THE HORROR!! THE HORROR!!
Best recaps ever.
On par with the Honest Trailer series on yt
Haha I remember reading this in middle school, I completely forgot about that fic it just awakened some old memories in me