Story Review #20

Story Review #20: Void —by Bicyclette

A reward for getting 3rd in Sunset Shimmer x Starlight Glimmer Shipping Contest (I’m really late posting this )

Character’s:

Sunset Shimmer: Absolutely perefect rendition of Sunset because I can see her doing this exact thing in this scenario and it is 100% believable.

Starlight Glimmer: It’s awful to read about one of my favorite characters being physically deformed and hidden away like that. But for her short part she is relatively in character and her and Sunset finding comfort in each other in this horrific scenario is kinda cute in a crazy way.

The man: Really more of a way for us to get insight and see what is going on rather than a flushed out character with depth but he plays his part well.

Premise: This is a phenomenal premise and a really terrifying situation that is shown very well despite the story’s short run time. And if I’m being honest this story should have a horror tag (in a good way) at least in my mind because I’ve had nightmares where I’m trapped in a empty place unable to escape so it’s a little too real for me

Grammar and punctuation: My unprofessionally trained eyes didn’t see any errors or flaws in the story but the phrasing in certain sections came off bizarre and made me wonder why it wasn’t in a more straightforward way. Maybe a style choice or maybe a writing style it’s not my thing but I can respect it.

Dialogue: Is pretty well done but it feels rushed probably because the story is short and had to be done in the competition timeframe.

Flaws: The length is one of my biggest issues and I’d love to see this story be expanded on in a sequel or a expansion but again this is probably because it’s an entry in the competition and the writing timeframe was only a month or so. The other flaw is the pacing probably because of length.

Highlights: The hopelessness of the situation and way that the people are giving in and going to sleep in their fantasies is horrifically beautiful in writing and concept.

But as always those are just my 2 cents and I recommend you check out the story yourself and form your own opinion. Hope you enjoyed this late prize/Review Bicyclette

Rating: 6/10 Applebloom’s thinking about the situation the characters in the story are trapped in.

Story link: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/520204/void

Comments

[Pete100]

This seems interesting.