Which Version Is Better?

“Escape?” Shining’s voice hitched. His eyes brightened. “Y-You mean—“

Or.

“Escape?” Shining’s voice hitched as his eyes brightened. “Y-You mean—“

Comments

[beirirangu]

the first one seems more like sentence fragments... but then again, I couldn't even tell there was a difference until I read them both a few times

[Zaid ValRoa]

*Do you mean--
But yeah, second one.

[Olden Bronie]

The second version sounds best, in my opinion.

[Shadow Watcher]

“Escape?” Shining’s voice hitched as his eyes brightened. “Y-You mean—“

“Escape?” Shining’s voice hitched, as his eyes brightened. “Y-You mean—“

[Gerald Greytalon V]

Personally i'd say the second line.

[Hazey Logic]

If the context of this line is a setting of total despair, hopelessness, and near mental breakdown, I'd say the stuttering, fragmentary nature of the first line would bring that tone across better. Longer more complex sentences could follow as Shining recovers motivation and mental cohesion.
On the other hand if there isn't such a heavy tone then the second line does flow better.

[Cipher the changeling]

The first one I think convey the sudden change better. First part is the shock. The second is the hope rising?
It is better fragmented.

The second line has to much flow for something that seems to be a sudden stop after the first question. It conveys a continous momentum instead of the jerking stop.

[Theblarg]

The ladder

[Scarlet Scribe]

The second one.

[Hotel_Chicken]

2

[B_25]

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Thanks everyone.

Been editing more, and there's a few lessons I've yet to learn.