Hmm...

First, with the help of the new proofreaders, Vrilix and Tired Old Man, I rewrote the first chapter to fix the issues pointed by the review. Some scenes were extended to make the story flow better, there are also some minor plot changes.

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Well, every day you learn something new...

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So, my sister came to me and asked me to show her an MLP episode. And it was like:

"So, do you want a psychedelic episode, first episode, feelsy episode or whatever?"

"Err..."

"Okay, psychedelic then." (Lesson Zero)

Judging by the reactions, her favourite characters now are Rarity and Big Macintosh. Also:

"FRIENDSHIP STUDIES?"

"Long story. I can show you the first ep–"

"NO!"

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...when you write things like this:

I don’t need colts, I’m sexually attracted to toasters!

First, the third chapter of "Berry Punch Takes Manehattan" is currenly circa 4k words long, but it's far from being finished. Luckily, I'm in mood to write it (that is, I drank one glass of wine too much), so expect an update soon (as soon as I'll be able to edit it sober). I don't want to spoil much about it, but I can say that a certain Manehattan dweller who, unfortunately, had been neglected by the show creators will make an appearance.

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So, I'm looking for a proofreader, or possibly a couple of them, for "A Kingdom Divided". Some knowledge about grammar is welcomed, as well as ability to catch inconsistencies or point out the bad pacing. Ideas and pieces of advice also welcomed. I'm not telling you it'll be an easy way. There will be blood. There will be sweat. There will be my OCD. But together, we'll make it.

Okay, enough of this motivational speech. Have a filly Twilight:

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I just took a break in writing and reread the last passage I wrote:

They went to Rarity’s room. Twilight lit her horn and locked the door, simultaneously conjuring a soundproof barrier around the chamber.

Things can get loud, she thought.

I'll leave that to your interpretation...

The story has now a brand new, slightly NSFW (more plot than plot, but still) semi-sequel. Check out your mature filters, go to the list of my stories, and find "Berry Punch Takes Manehattan".

My fanfic A Kingdom Divided was reviewed by The Pleasant Commentator and Review Group. Check out the review here.

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