Prologue
A Bad Dream
"Mom, can I go to the park?" Saron asked his mother with the best puppy dog eyes to have ever been attempted. Hazel looked over her shoulder to catch a glimpse of what her son was doing. What Hazel saw, was her son on the floor, on his knees, and hands curled into each other. Totally caught off guard by Saron's behavior, She attempts to control her laughter...which failed terribly.
"Saron...pfft...your face...pfft...its so CUTE, HAHAHAHA,"
'This was easier than I thought!' Noticing his plan worked, Saron jumps on to his mother's lap , and continues his deadly assault with his greatest weapon, The puppy dog eyes! Noticing Saron's goal, Hazel begins to feign defeat, with an extremely exaggerated faint
" Oh no! My only weakness! Nooooo!" Hazel flops down on the ground with enough force to startle Saron, but not enough to injure herself. Saron on the other hand fell of his mother's lap and landed on his butt, cause a small yelp to escape his mouth, not from pain but from surprise. Slowly getting his bearings he stood up and walked over to his mother with fear in every step.
"Momma? Mommy, are you ok?" Gently pushing her to wake her up.
"HAHAHA! The tickle monster has you now!!" Springing into action Hazel grabbed her son and began to tickle him all over, causing laughter to take over the room.
" Hahaha-Mom-Hahaha-Stop-HAHAHA-MOM!" Saron screamed, as he pleaded for the dreaded tickle monster stop her devious assault on his poor stomach. After a few more minutes of torture, Sadly,Hazel finally releases Saron, wishing she could have more fun with him, but noticing how after a few seconds of breathing Saron had fallen asleep from the ordeal. Smiling Hazel picked Saron up and brought him to the couch for a nap.
"Don't worry my Angel, as soon as you wake up, ill take you to the park" Hazel whispered into his ears before kissing him on the head and wrapping Saron in a blanket.
"Momma?" Saron awoke with a stir, feeling lonelier than usual. It especially didn't help that he had just dream't about his mother, one that he had not seen in years.
"Ugh...it looks like today is going to a very long day" Saron said, speaking to no one in particular. Sitting up from his make-shift bed made out of cardboard, the newspapers he had used as a blanket last night fell of towards the side, smudging the only item he had left to his name, Saron's flute.
'Ugh' Rolling over to grab his flute, Saron began to wipe down the dirt it had accumulated over the past few days, with the very same newspapers he used to sleep. He brought the flute to his lips and played a song to alleviate his pain.
As if drifting to another world, Saron loses himself in the song, relishing in every note he begins to rock side to side to waves of music. Finishing his small ballad, he looks over at the sun to try and guess what time it was. Noticing it was near the halfway point in the sky, Saron figured it was close to twelve, maybe eleven in the morning.
'This place is a mess...I might as well tidy up...not like anyone is gonna visit some homeless pony living in a secluded alleyway, still its the priniciple of being clean...well as clean as I can get it' Saron said to himself as he cracked his neck and back.
"May my day be filled with your light, Guide me, Dear Celestia, to shine bright." Finishing his prayer, he stands up from the make-shift bed and begins to tidy up the surrounding area to degree that could be considered presentable, as presentable as an alleyway could get anyways.
"Well that about does it, now where c-OWW" Saron screamed as he stubbed his toe on a dumpster, courtesy of not looking where he was going.
"Ow...ow...ow...ow...yea, today is just going to a nice normal day..." Saron said to himself as he was nursing his foot.
'Today just couldnt possibly get worse...WHY DID I THINK THAT.' He mentally face palmed, saying the one phrase that had the power to potentially mess with someone to the point of insanity. limping over to small metal trash bin in which he used to collect rainwater. This water he collected was then used to wash his hair, teeth, and if he had enough, to rinse his body. He may have been a homeless person, but he sure as hell still liked to be clean!
Upon reaching the bin, he removed the lid and peered inside. Noticing he only had enough water to brush his teeth and wash his hair, Saron mentally sighed.
'Well Saron, you stubbed your toe and now you are almost out of water...I really should stop jinxing myself...'
Having completed his morning rituals to an extent, Saron grabbed a bucket from behind a dumpster, grabbed his flute and stuck it in his pocket and began his walk to the edge of the alleyway to set up for a rousing day of begging using his trusty flute to his advantage.
"Yup, just a normal day in the life Saron..." little did Saron know, someone was watching him from afar, and it most certainly would not be a normal day...not by a long shot.
Patience is hard to come by when A.) You cannot capitalize the letter I when it's on its own, and B.) you use *'s to describe actions.
None of that *smiles* *snickers* *laughs* bull-crap. You came here to write, so WRITE! Show, don't tell!
They have a writer's guide, why not use it? I'm sure ith has plenty of useful pointers for up-and-coming writers like you.
2503132 Well I went back and fixed the I's, and I tried to fix some of the "emotes" that you had mentioned, i stopped trying to make later on in the chapter...its just so normal for me. And since i'm still not used to writing I tend to skip over small stuff like I's a lot sorry bout that should be fixed now. Did you at least like the content?
2503428I was struggling to read it. I'll get to it later.
2503428
Don't let beginner's mistakes discourage you. So long as you learn from them, you WILL improve, I promise you. Like Nekosama321 mentioned, take advantage of the writing guide on this website, there is plenty of useful stuff there. Whatever happens: keep calm, and flutter on!
Shouldn't there be a human tag?
toe, fingers, face palm? All these traits belong to humans and not ponies.
I'll be watching this to see what happens though.
Hm. Well, I have no idea what's going on, but this is a prolog so, I understand. There were numerous grammar problems in different parts of this chapter. Namely with commas and random spaces and non-spaces as well. I didn't really see any spelling errors so that's a good start. I would remove that youtube url and replace it with a link to a symbol or word. Having the entire url in the middle of the sentence is distracting. It needs some work but nothing you can't improve with a little practice.