Sweetie Belle told Charming Thunder that she was the member of the Cutie Mark Crusaders be she and her friends Applebloom and Scootaloo have been trying to find out what their talents are. Sweetie Belle looked down to the floor with a frown on her face and said, "I am just worried that we might not even find a talent."
Charming Thunder puts his hoof under her chin and said to Sweetie Belle, "I know it is hard. Believe me. It wasn't hard for me to find out what my talent was when I was your age."
A shout came from downstairs which was meant for Charming Thunder which was coming from Rainbow and said, "Hey, Charming Thunder. Lets go to Applejack's place. Come on we need to hurry."
Charming Thunder was about to exit Sweetie's room but before he did, he stopped at the door and said, "You know what. I think that you are a nice filly. Maybe if I made a decision on where to live, it might be with you and your sister."
"Really?" Sweetie Belle said in excitement.
Charming Thunder turned to her and said, "Yeah. I promise you that I can help you and your friends find your talents. After all, you were a nice filly to meet. I'll see you later." Charming Thunder exited Sweetie's room and went downstairs to exit the boutique. Their last stop was now Sweet Apple Acres.
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Shining Armor and Princess Cadence were in the train on their way to Ponyville. Shining Armor was a blue maned unicorn with a shield with a star behind it as his cutie mark. As Cadence was a purple, pink, and blonde maned alicorn, or princess, with a blue heart shaped jewel as her cutie mark. Shining turned to her wife and asked, "You excited to see Twilight and her friends again?"
"Why, yes." Cadence said happily as she sat close to him. "After all did you read the letter from Celestia? She said that my brother has moved there."
"You mean Charming Thunder?" he asked. "'cause I have known him before the wedding. But I don't know why he didn't show up to the wedding."
"He said he had other things to do," Cadence replied. "And now after the Crystal Empire was restored by Twilight and her friends, we are now at peace."
They both looked out the window happily at their side of their train car and saw the lovely town of Ponyville.
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The sun was setting when Rainbow Dash and Charming Thunder arrived at Sweet Apple Acres which is a most prominent farm in Ponyville. On the right side of the red barn, there was a chicken coop and on the left side there were lots and lots of apple trees with some fresh apples. "Howdy, Rainbow Dash." Applejack approached both Rainbow Dash and Charming Thunder. She had white freckles on her cheeks and wears a cowgirl hat. She had a blonde mane and tail just like Charming Thunder. And for her cutie mark had three apples on it. "Who is he, sugar cube."
"I'm Charming Thunder. I just moved here from Canterlot."
Applejack then grabbed his hoof and shook it really fast when she said, "Nice to meet ya, Charming Thunder. I am Applejack." Applejack then lets go of his hoof and asked, "What brings you here?"
Charming Thunder levitated a list for Applejack while Rainbow Dash said, "We have come to inform you that Shining Armor and Princess Cadence are coming to visit us here in Ponyville. This list here is the things you need to have to be prepared for their arrival tomorrow morning."
"Why it's an honor to see those two again. Well I'll see you tomorrow. You know how tired I can get from bucking some trees. Its nice to meet you, Charming Thunder."
"Nice meeting you too, Applejack," Charming Thunder said.
2454218 Thanks for your advice.
I'm not going to tell you to stop writing or even rewrite this. Just, please, consider the following when you start a new story.
From a reader's perspective there's some serious red flags here. Your OC's name for instance, a character that isn't a Human in Equestria shouldn't have a modern human name. At least not without a very good reason, instead they should have a name that follows or at least comes close to following the naming convention of the characters in the show.
Simply put… Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Shining Armor, Nathan, Princess Luna, Sweetie Belle. Which one doesn't fit? This matters more than you may think because every time he's mentioned by name it threatens to pull readers out of your story.
The OC and Daring Do run into each other just to find out that they are looking for the same item in the same place and they instantly team up. Why? They, more likely than not, would have different plans about what to with it before they met. What compelling reason do they have to work together?
Relationships with a canon character, such as Cadence being Nathan's sister… You should have a good story based reason for it. Handled well they can be very good, handled poorly it can go very bad.
2454826 You do know that Nathan is a unicorn. Its my story.
2456462 Didn't even bother to read my comment, did you?
2458294 I did read it. I was trying to explain that Nathan is the OC and that this is not a human universe fiction.
2458310 Yet that has little to nothing to do with what I wrote. You just grabbed one part of a sentence and took it out of context.
I clearly acknowledge he's not a human, the whole point of that part of my comment is he is a pony and not a human yet he has a typical human name instead of a pony name.
2458459 what name should I go with then?
2458459 how about Charming Thunder or Thunder Chaser?
2458596 I'm still not covinced that you read my earlier comment, if you did you'd have noticed…
2458961 I understand. I just want to know if I should change Nathan's name or not.