Interesting beginning, but it all felt rushed. Little dialogue. Not sure if that's your intention. A little more description (yeah, I know it sounds vague) with some paragraph breaks. Hope that helps, if only a little.
intro could have been better
Interesting beginning, but it all felt rushed. Little dialogue. Not sure if that's your intention. A little more description (yeah, I know it sounds vague) with some paragraph breaks. Hope that helps, if only a little.
intro could have been better