Crystal White

by Lovinlife

Book 1: Story of a Lives; Chapter 1: Introduction of the Filly

Crystal White's dreams were just as dark as her days, but the air was full of sounds and sensations that told Crystal a story. Born a hundred percent blind, while her clear irises gave her a name, she never got to experience the worldly unappreciated magic of colors. When her large eyes finally close for the night, she gets to see everything the she missed in the real world, to live life as if she was a normal pony, but she had to wake up sometime.

"Crystal, time to get up."

Noooooo, she was having such a nice dream of adventure with her favorite book character, Daring Doo. Having to get somepony to read for her was like listening to a movie play, but this time, she could understand what was going on. She swung from from rope vines, fought tyrannical zebras (or what she thought zebras looked like), and discovered long lost...

"Crystal!" Her mother's voice was stern this time. "Get up now, or do you want to have me feed your breakfast to the pigs?"

Blinking her eyes to get the drowsiness out with little difference to her view, she gave a small yawn, stretched some tight muscles loose, and hopped out of the warmth and comfort of her bed. This was the problem with going to school after the weekend, your body was still used to waking up at a later time and it was adamant on staying asleep a little while longer. Feeling against the walls, and by memory, she sluggishly made her way to the kitchen without assistance from her mother, who she was sure was watching her.

"Mom, please don't throw my breakfast out to the pigs. In fact, when did we get pigs? I didn't know we had any." She was too sleepy to realize that it was a joke and a way to get her out of bed.

Her mother giggled, "Well, you're just in time."

Crystal heard a chair screech on the floor, the hoofsteps clopping over to her, and felt a hoof on her back. She had felt that tiny pressure on her back so many times that it barely registered in her mind anymore, because it was how ponies directed her to where she needed to go or to where the owner of the hoof wanted her to be. Her father must've come over to bring her to the table.

All she ever heard from ponies was how much she needed help moving around without bumping into other ponies, and how often she couldn't do things on her own without supervision. At such a young age, with all the 'help' she got from ponies, Crystal desired to be left to her own devices and to be treated like she could think for herself and be more of an adult. The mature feelings she felt flowed through her like the currents of a river rushing and roaring over the edge of a waterfall, uncontainable.

She shooed his guidance away like a bothersome fly. "I want to do it myself..." Hearing those words come out of her mouth in such a rude manner towards her father's help scared the unicorn filly a bit and she collected the right words to say to fix it. "Um...I mean, can I try it by myself... I wanna see if I could do it." She heard his hoofsteps moving back, likely to give her some room.

Slowly, but bravely, she let go of the wall. Stumbling a bit with her first couple of steps, she corrected herself quickly. Keeping her concentration on her goal, she walked in the direction opposite of the wall, feeling out with a hoof every couple of paced steps as she managed to keep herself steady and in as straight a line as she thought she was going. Suddenly, she felt something made of wood and cried out with excitement and hope: "Mom! Dad! Did I do it, is this the table!?"

Once again, she felt the hoof on her back which brought her away from whatever she was touching, but she was sure it had to have been a table leg, though it did seem rather large to be one. "I'm sorry, sweetheart," Her father's voice sadly replied. "That was the counter you walked to, not the table. You walked right passed it."

Crystal's joy was thrown away instant, her ears lowering in sadness. A feeling of failure pressed deep inside her, and she wanted to cry out at the unforgiving world, but held those tears inside. She wasn't a little filly like everypony thought and expected her to be, she had to prove to everypony that she was ready to be equal. She couldn't cry. All she replied with was "Oh..."

"Do you wanna try again, sweetheart?" That nickname was beginning to get old fast.

Crystal shook her head and sighed outwardly, "No, but-um... dad...could you please stop calling me 'sweetheart'? Just call me Crystal White...please."

She couldn't see, but both parents exchanged worried glances with one another. "Okay, if that's how you want it, Crystal."

Her father led her over to her chair and helped her get into it, and scooted the chair in closer to the table before silently taking his own seat. She heard her mother setting a plate down beside her and she felt the vibrations of ceramic on wood. Once her mother was finished sitting down, she began a prayer to which Crystal brought her hooves together and silently followed along:

"Oh Faust...we thank you for bringing us together at the table for a wonderful breakfast that you have graciously provided for us, and the day that you created for the Princess to give..." In her mother's pause, Crystal felt eyes on her, which made her feel like curling into a ball to escape, but she ignored it for her mother's sake. "...and i ask that my great and treasured blessing, Crystal, will have a good day at school today."

The end of the blessings gave way to the beginnings of a great breakfast meal, with Crystal feeling around the table for utensils with her magic.

Once finished she and her mother walked out of the house to head to the school that was only a few blocks away. Crystal usually insisted going by herself and that nothing would happen to her and that she knew the way and that she had all her stuff and that she really wanted to go by herself...

But her mom was always worried that she would stumble into the street and get hit by a passing carriage or get foalnapped. This time, she was silent the entire way there. She could feel the magic that her mother used to guide her on her back like a leash for a pet, and this embarrassed her to no end. Could she do anything about it...? No.

Quickly, the pair reached the front of the school, which Crystal didn't even know the name of. She felt her mother's hoof on her back, and pressure that came with it, that was supposed to be gentle and supportive, but was actually keeping her down. The magical leash vanished.

"Are you sure you won't get into any trouble?" Crystal sighed inwardly to not insult her mother, but she worried about her daughter far too much for her liking, so much in fact that Crystal would do almost anything just to have a couple of minutes away from the babying and the overly protective hooves that now held her. What a horrible thought to even think, but it was how she felt.

She smiled reassuringly, "Of course, Mom."

"And you are going to stay away from those bullies, right?" Her mother pressed the answer from Crystal.

"Yes, Mother." Openly showing a bit of her annoyance.

Obviously, the hint sailed over her mother's head , a lot like everything that she did. As an inside joke to herself, Crystal would wonder if her mother was the blind one in the family.

"Are you sure? Do you know where to go if you get into trouble?"

"Yes, yes Mom! You tell me this every day. I just need to go to a supa-supa...whatever that big word is."

"Supervisor." Her mom corrected.

"Yes, so can I go now?" She really wanted to really get away.

"Okay, hunny." Her mother pulled her into a tight hug. "I'll see you after school."

Crystal heard her mother walk away finally and her faked smile fell into a frown. "But I won't," she said to herself with sadness and pity before turning to where the sounds of masses of foals came from, and she stumbled a bit to get inside the classroom before the bell could ring. She liked to be early in case she ever got lost somehow, even though Ms. Wheatmire excused her tardies every time.

%%%

"...because Princess Celestia has to raise and lower the sun and the moon every day and night, this is proof enough to many ponies that the world that we live on is indeed flat." The teacher, Ms. Wheatmire, concluded her day's lecture to the class.

Crystal sat at her desk, listening intently to everything that was being told to her. The students were supposed to take to be taking notes, yet she got to sit and just listen, while a recorder that sat at the top end of her desk did all the hard work.

"Now class, I want you all to get out all of last week's notes and study them for the test that you will be having later today while I help Crystal study. You don't have to take this opportunity to study, but I don't want any side conversations."

Crystal heard that beautifully ugly word 'help' again. She felt her ears lower once again in embarrassment at the special treatment that she got from the teacher. Turning off her recorder, she was led to the back of the room where she was seated in a chair while Ms. Wheatmire sat across from her.

"Ms. Wheatmire?" Crystal wanted to get her teacher to understand the embarrassment that she was forced to endure.

"Yes?"

Crystal pressed her issue with as much confidence as she could muster internally. She had to get somepony to understand. "Is...Is it possible for me to study on my own?" There...she said it. Now she waited with mixed feelings of worry and her overly used emotion of hope. Was it wrong to have hope for everything in life?

She heard a sigh, which dashed those hopes away with a single push of breath. Could she ever not have the weight on her back from some hoof that she knew was trying to give her that hard to pronounce and harder-still to get 're-ashur-ence', but only succeeded in making her more upset with the weight of pity. "I'm sorry Crystal that I don't have the materials or bits to pay for a better educational experience. I'm using these bigger words with you because I know you are a very intelligent filly. But I know how you must feel, you are a mare in a filly's body. You want to have your independence, don't you?"

A candle flame flickered into a torch light of intensity and happiness when she knew that somepony understood how she felt. She had been screaming it out, but she thought that no one heard it or listened, or cared. Frantically, nodding her head in excitement, she made her wants known. But a bucket of water poured out over the fire with the fact that her ind-epend-ence would not be hers.

"W-Would I ever get my ind-e-pen-dence?" She asked, trying to relight the candle. She just felt this word was the best word to describe what she wanted, even if she didn't know what it meant.

"Come on," Ms. Wheatmire chuckled warmly. "Let's get some studying done before it's time for recess."

Author's Note:

Edited by BlackRoseRaven on fanfiction.net

Comments

[SilentBelle]

So things I wasn't too keen on:

This was the problem with going to school after the weekend, your body was still used to waking up at a later time and it was adamant on staying asleep a little while longer.

This line is in second person. It kind of breaks immersion since it is the narrator addressing the reader. I'd suggest changing it to third person, or having it as Crystal thinking that (though at this point I'm not sure if you are going to use character thoughts in the story)

A few punctuation errors caught my attention, but this critique is mostly for the storytelling aspect, so I kind of ignored them. (if you want me to proofread future chapters, send me a PM, I'd be happy to do so.)

I wasn't entirely fond of mentioning Faust as god, as it feels kind of meta. In fact, I'd recommend changing it to them giving thanks to Celestia instead. (also that paragraph needs a bit of reformatting, it got jumbled)

I think that some things could have been described a bit more to get a sense of how Crystal feels about the world around her.

Things I liked:
The chapter was concise and made its point, giving us a fine look at Crystal's character and her biggest motivation (at least currently), as well as giving us a sense that she is going to struggle and change as a character.

Solid pacing. It seems to be a really strong point of your writing, and this particular pace fits Crystal very well.

Onto the next chapter.

[StageQuill]

I love this story! I love how you're actually making Crystal intelligent and her own pony. It's also interesting to see how a blind character works in a world without (From what I can gather) Braille, or common usage of canes, or any of the tools used in this one.

"...and i ask that my great and treasured blessing, Crystal, will have a good day at school today."

Capitalize the 'I'.