At least this story, unlike gajillions like it, is mechanically sound.
Now, I'd imagine the major issue here is the OC. He has no flavor, no pizazz. He's clearly a self-insert character, which is to say, not a character at all. He has no defining personality. He has no style.
The sex is fairly dry, too. And it comes out of nowhere. No buildup, no anticipation.
So I'll downvote as well. You need better characters and premise, is all. Because the writing itself at least isn't l33tspeak.
I am appalled at you, sir! My OC is obviously the most well-developed character in this entire chapter. His personality and style are clearly set apart from those of every other so far. And as for the sex, Twilight clearly explained why she did it, so it is perfectly fine. I also explicitly state the extent of both Giantcaw's and Twilight's wetness, so the reasoning behind your accusation of dry sex eludes me.
Well heh well your story is about an OC that just wants to fuck the mane six well.....
Your fic is totaleeeeeee GAAAAAAAAAY!!!!
2339799
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m8ktqhLN9x1rsioh5o1_500.png
2339810
Fine Ill just go to the store!
At least this story, unlike gajillions like it, is mechanically sound.
Now, I'd imagine the major issue here is the OC. He has no flavor, no pizazz. He's clearly a self-insert character, which is to say, not a character at all. He has no defining personality. He has no style.
The sex is fairly dry, too. And it comes out of nowhere. No buildup, no anticipation.
So I'll downvote as well. You need better characters and premise, is all. Because the writing itself at least isn't l33tspeak.
2339799 JOHNSON
2339826 I literally lol'd. I saw the Celestia version first which makes it even funnier.
2339904 Yes?
2339917 You're fired.
2339921 TOOOOOOOO TAAAA LEEEE
GAAY GAAAAY GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY
2339888
I am appalled at you, sir! My OC is obviously the most well-developed character in this entire chapter. His personality and style are clearly set apart from those of every other so far.
And as for the sex, Twilight clearly explained why she did it, so it is perfectly fine. I also explicitly state the extent of both Giantcaw's and Twilight's wetness, so the reasoning behind your accusation of dry sex eludes me.
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/297/160/f66.gif
2340013
Don't get me started on good OCs.