A/N: Yes, the title is a reference to a Ray Stevens song. It's just part of the hilarity.
Out in the wilds of Everfree even the brightest sunlight was destined to become eerily filtered through the thick canopies, only allowed glorious fullness in those areas that were clear of leaves, or even empty of trees. That spotty light was helpful for illuminating the path through the forest that was barely visible, one which led away from Zecora's hut, towards the broad river that ran through the wild forest.
A procession of figures wound their way along the path towards the river. There were six of them, five of similar size and one of much smaller stature. All of them were wearing long, black cloaks, with hoods pulled up to disguise their features. At their waists hung bags of herbs, to repel the creatures of Everfree, leaving their travel unmolested. All of them bore saddlebags over their cloaks, loaded down with items.
The six figures wound their way through several twisting paths, past several more noticeable paths that led to dead ends, almost losing themselves in the densely-packed forest. The finally broke through the treeline, to a clearing that contained a stretch of the river. Right at the edge there was a large, polished and clean gray stone table. Around the table were lumps of moss and leaves, six in number.
The six dark-robed figures spread around the stone table, the smaller one on the very opposite side from the river, taking a seat upon a very high pile of moss and leaves, allowing for a normal position at the table, comparable to the positions of the others. They were seated, three on the small figure's right and two on the left.
The river water began to boil and surge, going from clear darkness that showed its depth, to a white froth that bubbled, churning and bulging slowly, like a giant bubble was being released slowly. But rather than the pop of such a bubble there was the slow slide of water down blue-violet scales and out of the glorious orange pompadour of the local river serpent, known as Steven. He still possessed a full and glorious mustache, and had added to his facial accoutrements, a curly purple goatee that looked, as ever, like a pony's tail securely attached to his body. He stretched his arms up and stretched his sinuous body with an oddly-pleasured sigh. “Ooooh! Hello there! Right on time as ever!”
The small figure threw his hood back, revealing the face of Spike the dragon, looking annoyed. On his upper lip he was sporting a thick black mustache, drooping slightly at the ends. “Awww come on, Steven! I know you can't find a robe that fits but can't you, like, show a little more dignity and secrecy? This is supposed to be awesomely mystical. You can't just pop up and be all bright. We didn't even do any chanting.”
“Oooh, sorry Spike. But you know me. I'm just so excited to have guests! I'm so glad you let me be a part of your club!” Steven swished the end of his tail above the water, lightly flicking water around, while he pressed his fists up against the sides of his face.
“Hey, come on, this isn't just a club like the Cutie Mark Crusaders. This is a highly secret and powerful brotherhood of guys. We're a cut above the rest.” Spike twirled his mustache and gave a big grin.
“I must agree with our cheerful leader.” The one immediately on Spike's right flipped back his good to reveal the smiling face of Fancy Pants, monocle and all. “As a member of many occluded societies, and having been asked to join many others, I enjoy this one most of all.”
“You're the expert, I suppose. I just know it's a great way to get out of the house sometimes.” The stallion to the right of Fancy Pants flipped back his hood to show off Ace, still in his sweatband. “Oh not that I don't love Pokey, of course. I love spending time with him. But between all the practice, doing stuff that he likes, it gets to be a lot. Just a chance to hang out with a new crowd is great!”
“Oui! Zis is very true!” At Spike's immediate left, the hood came back to show off the griffonic features of Gustave Le Grand. “Especially in zees days. Zee headaches of zee bridegroom. Coo-la-la! I am so glad zat Joe is zee one to be taking care of such details. I must confess, I am not lazy, but I am... how you say? Efficient! I know what I am good at. And sitting here with zis group is a skill of mine.”
“Hey, that's right, yer getting married, aintcha?” The pony to Ace's right pulled back his hood to reveal Rarity's father, Magnum. “Congrats there, brother! My little girl is engaged herself. To Ponyville's best wild animal caretaker. Yea, it's pretty good. Say! When the wedding happens, think you can do the catering? Her mare is certainly the kinda lady that you normally cater to.”
“Am I the only one currently uncoupled?” The last one threw back his hood to reveal Horte Cuisine, with a slight scowl. “Everyone here is either married or engaged.”
“Oh not at all, old colt. Do recall that our brother Ace is not FORMALLY engaged to Pokey. And our cheerful leader has not cast his heart upon another yet.” Fancy Pants levitated his monocle off and gave it a casual polishing.
“Not that I would mind. But he still hasn't... cuddled up, as the foals are calling it. His parents still think he's just living with me to share housing costs. But I understand. They're nowhere near as understanding as Ponyville and Canterlot folks. I guess it'll be okay. They're the sort that would make a big deal out of it if he was not dating a pony. As though that matters.”
There was a general murmur of disagreement in regards to bigotry, before Magnum noted, “And hey, Fancy hasn't really got anypony for himself, there. Sure, he's been dating for a while, but there's nothing that came of that. Oh, no offense there, brother.”
“None at all taken, brother. Yes, it is true. I have been seeing the charming miss de Lis for a good while. But, very little of substance has emerged from that. I actually do consider that a shame on my part. But I haven't a clue what I can do at this juncture.” He twitched his mustache and cleared his throat. “But that is neither here nor there. I say we begin this grand meeting.”
“Yea! Enough of this frou-frou stuff! Now, let's get this started. Ahem.” Spike cleared his throat and called out. “Mustache!”
“Mustache!” The others called, with great enthusiasm.
“Thick and bushy, thin and twisty!”
“Thick and bushy, thin and twisty!”
“We are..!” Spike began.
All of them answered in unison, “The Grand Mystic Royal Order of the Nobles of the Brotherhood of the Mustache!”
There was some applause, though Horte stroked his mustache a bit and tapped on the table. “Once again... is there any chance we could vote on the name? I do realize it is a common objection but there is a certain... frivolity about it.”
“Ahh but that's half the fun of it, brother Horte. All those other secret societies are so stuffy and dull and plain. Why some of them are composed only of unicorns! Those are the ones that I tend to avoid. Harmless exclusivity is far more acceptable.” Fancy Pants nodded his head and slipped the pack off of his back. “Now... shall we move on to the rites of our brotherhood?”
“Oh yea! I hope everybody brought what you usually do!” Spike opened up the pack he had with him and dumped out poker chips, potato chips, and gem chips. “We totally gotta find a Diamond Dog to join us. I can't keep eating all these gem chips.”
“You could stop bringing so many.” Horte quipped, pouring out his bag and revealing several wrapped long sandwiches that almost shouldn't have been capable of fitting in the bag, which was longer than usual to begin with.
“Eh, he's not gonna change that. He gets to gem hunt with my daughter. That's half the fun there. Even if he's out of the running, he still likes being around her.” Magnum levitated out a deck of cards, which seemed almost comically large, as well as a modestly-sized pot, which he set in the middle of the table. “Fondue. Hope one-a ya brought some bread. I can't carry everything.”
“Et, voila!” Gustave pulled out a very large baguette and quickly sliced it into rough chunks upon a large napkin he had. He also took out several skewers and passed them around the table. “Would one of you kind unicorns please light zee fondue pot? Joe has made me aware of how useful it is to have a unicorn in zee kitchen.”
“Dude. Dragon.” Spike pointed to himself and blew out a gout of flame, lighting the fuel source under the fondue pot. “There ya go, man. Just give that time to warm up. Oh, and sorry about not having really, really big food, Steven. That would be suspicious... uhhh... more than a bunch of guys in black robes walking around.”
“Oh don't worry at all, Spike! There's plenty of fish in here.” Steven pulled up a well-manicured hand, to show a fish speared on one of the claws. “And they're big fish, too. That's the Everfree for you.”
“Oh! Can I have one of zose? A little one, s'il vous plaît.” Gustave looked on the fish with an obvious hunger.
“You know, I hear we are to offer fish sometime soon at the cafe. There have been more Diamond Dogs and griffins in town.” Horte noted, though he seemed less than pleased by the prospect of having fish near him.
Steven's other hand came up, dripping over the table slightly as he brought another fish across to Gustave. “Here you go. Enjoy. They're really tasty.”
“Hey, brother Gustave, before you have that fish, think you can lay out your stuff? Fishy stuff isn't that appealing.” Ace waved a hoof rapidly and lightly tapped the table.
“Ah! Désolé! Je ne pensais pas...” Gustave removed the other items from his bag, setting out a rich collection of pastries, eclairs and cream puffs primarily. Only after that did he take the offered fish and begin to daintily munch on it.
Fancy Pants levitated over a few potato chips and a large slice from one of the giant sandwiches. Almost in exchange he levitated out several cans of soda, sufficient to supply all the assembled with several cans. He cracked one open and set it before him. “None of the parties I have attended ever have such things.” He bit into the sandwich with a satisfied smile, before munching on a chip and taking a sip of soda. “Save the time that lovely pink Element-bearer injected her own style into such a soiree.”
“Oh yea, that filly! She's one-a my little girl's friends. Really great gal there, loves ta make all kindsa delicious stuff. Don't get me wrong, I love my wifey's cooking and my Sweetie's cooking too, but there's something to a pastry that's not a little charred, and toast that isn't served in a bowl. But nothin' like what you make, brother Gustave.” Magnum levitated over an eclair and took a big, substantial bite, some of the cream splattering out onto the table.
“Hey brother Gustave, check it out, it's Joe.” Ace let out a raucous laugh and pounded on the table. “Or maybe Pokey after a night in and a dose of cuddling. If you know what I mean.” He gave the group a wink and got back a few chortles and some rolled eyes.
“You only wish Pokey could be so productive, frère Ace!” Gustave twirled his mustache and adopted a smug look, a chorus of laughs busting out from the others.
“Oh! Burn! And I should know.” Spike popped his eye ridges and pulled a big gulp from a soda, letting out a surprisingly pretty green-fiery belch.
“I appreciate the liberty of this all.” Fancy Pants belched very politely behind a hoof and took another bite of his sandwich piece. “My brothers, to liberty!” He held up his soda in a toast.
“To liberty!' They all cried suddenly, most toasting with soda, though Gustave and Steven both toasted with their fish.
“But not too much liberty, right? I would imagine that Joe, Pokey, Pearl and Twilight have you on something of a leash. It's rather good to be a single stallion at times, is it not, brother Steven and brother Fancy?” Horte hid a chuckle behind a hoof and nodded to the two males he had indicated.
“Yea, yea, you laugh. But there must be something to relationships. Twilight seems pretty happy with Pinkie.” Spike munched on a few gem chips and scratched his cheek. “I'll find somepony. After all, I AM a dragon-shaped pony with his own pet phoenix. And who can resist that?”
“I dare say you would cut quite a figure in Canterlot. Uniqueness is always well appreciated. Throw on a tuxedo and a monocle, and you would move smoothly through all the upper echelons. Your palace connections would surely also open many doors.” Fancy Pants motioned to Spike with a smile.
“Oh yea? Maybe you're right.” Spike brushed gem flecks from his front and gave a lothario smile. “I'll bet you know plenty of single mares. You've probably dated all of them” He clicked his tongue against his teeth and winked.
“Oh, that is... you see...” Fancy Pants looked suddenly... flustered. It was a strange thing for the normally composed and urbane unicorn. “I do admit to a certain way with the mares. Why in younger days and with a younger mind I was certainly popular with the mares, to be certain. But in the middle part of my life I find that... fails to engage me mentally.”
“Oh come now, brother Fancy. Are you saying that the easily-impressed and vapid glamor mares don't draw you in? Those kinds are the easiest ones to date.” Horte leaned back, looking very unlike the sort of figure his appearance would say he was. “I have been out with those sorts of mares. I was responsible, of course. But they are very nice for a few dates.”
“Well, jeepers, looks like we all know who's gonna be single for life” Magnum chuckled lightly and finally got around to skewering a piece of bread and dipping it into the melted cheese “But then, brother Fancy's saying he isn't gonna be dating much either.”
“Well, I would not say that. I do attend many parties. And always with the charming miss Fleur de Lis as my perpetual plus-one.” Fancy Pants settled down comfortably, also helping himself to the fondue.
“Oh frère Fancy, zat is not zee same thing as dating. I have catered many a snooty party in Canterlot. Zee plus-ones are never treated like zee wives, husbands and dates.”
“Well now... you have a good point there, brother Gustave. A very good point.” Fancy lost himself in thought, consuming more fondue.
“So brother Gustave, how are housing prices in Canterlot?” Ace leaned on the table, closer to the griffin. “Pokey's been having some good profit from his engraving business and I'm into the better tournaments these days. Canterlot is where the big tournaments are at, and... maybe he would cuddle up and we could get engaged. Canterlot is very friendly to that.”
“Désolé, frère Ace. Je ne sais pas. My patisserie came with a garret as part of zee mortgage. Joe is zee one looking into zee housing when we combine out businesses. But I know zat zee housing in Canterlot is très cher.” He did not bother to translate, but the rubbing of his talons was a well-understood griffin symbol for expense.
“Hey there, ya know that Ponyville is pretty friendly to the colt cuddlers too. Sure we're not as big and such as Canterlot there, but we still love a good romance. And that pink gal'll always through ya a party. Ya can't go wrong with a party, am I right fellas?” Magnum motioned to the others who murmured assent.
Horte applauded lightly and nodded. “Indeed. I certainly have no problems. The more stallions taking up with one another, the fewer there to attract the mares. And there are only so many filly foolers out there. Still plenty of merae in the sea.”
“That's sure one way to get your kicks. Shooping it up with them has an appeal to a few. So I hear.” Spike gnawed on a diamond piece and give a thumbs-up to Horte, a laugh breaking out from all the others.
“If a simple physical relationship suffices then it is quite true the merae are perfect. Casual intimacy has merits to some. Not that I would be willing to go to those lengths.” Fancy used his horn to idly stack the chips, passing them around the table in even piles.
“But didn't you once say that the most you'd ever done with Fleur was to take her out and then have a night in?” Steven inquired, pulling up another fish. Gossip made him hungry.
“Well yes, brother Steven. But it is not MERELY casual intimacy. I daresay our intimacy is far from casual. It is why I never need to attend a gym. I get a full aerobic workout each time I have a date.” Another round of laughter rang out, and Steven applauded.
“I wish I had a lady like that. Oooh where can I find a lady who wouldn't mind living in the forest? Or at least visiting me now and then. For a few hours.”
“Optimist.” Horte deadpanned, looking at Steven. A polite chuckle followed. “You could try the zebra that lives out here.”
“Yea, that's not gonna happen.” Magnum spoke up, his magical grip holding a skewer that was impaling a portion of sandwich, which he was dipping in the fondue. “I dunno where you've been getting your information but everypony knows that Zecora there is gettin' groomed to be part of the Apple family. I dunno whicha them she's gonna marry. Rarity knows but she hasn't been talking. Sweetie does too, but for some reason she doesn't wanna tell me. Jeepers, when did I lose control of my daughters?”
“You had control of your daughters? I thought that wasn't possible.” Ace elbowed Magnum a little and chuckled.
“Oh, I know. It's Applebloom. Sweetie won't tell you because it's Cutie Mark Crusader business. Rarity didn't mention it because romantic secrets tickle her.” Spike casually toasted a sandwich section with some fire before taking a bite. “Applejack is arranging a wedding date with Rainbow Dash, and Big Mac... will probably die unmarried. Applebloom is going to marry Zecora as soon as she's old enough. You've gotta keep up with gossip.”
There was a moment of contemplative silence, before Horte muttered, “Even fillies are getting more dates than me.” That burst the silence with hearty laughter.
Fancy Pants shook his head with a mile and adjusted his monocle with his hoof. “Take heart, brother Horte. Surely a classy individual such as yourself should be able to attract a fine mare. Perhaps you should take a few days in Canterlot. There are plenty of locations. I am led to understand that the clubs there are ripe for the picking.”
“I am a maître d' at a legitimate cafe, the finest in Ponyville. I do not just wander into screaming, thumping clubs filled with smoke and lasers and ponies in strange clothes.” Horte sniffed, throwing his snout into the air.
“And that might be your problem.” Spike stuck a long quartz spike into his mouth, shifting it to the side to make it look like a clear cigar in an odd shape. “The mares are in there. And I hear they're kinda easy. Never been myself but I've heard stories.” He paused for a moment. “Read stories.” Another pause. “Wrote stories.” He coughed into his hand. “About myself.” He tapped on the table. “Cards! Let's get to it! We've got our rituals to get to.”
Magnum took up the cards in his telekinetic grip and shuffled them rapidly. “Alrighty there, what are we gonna play this time? Spit in the ocean? Straight five draw? Five stud?”
Hey hey!” Spike called out, drawing all eyes to him. “In this club, it's TOTALLY seven stud, am I right fellas?” A cheer rose up from the other six males, as well as cheerful chuckles. “Nah, I'm good with spit in the ocean. Everyone? That good?”
Horte held up a hoof. “Four card or called?”
“Oh, let us call it. A bit of control is always good.” Fancy Pants wiped his monocle on his robe and settled it back onto his face.
Magnum started passing the cards around, each male looking at the cards and the others at the table. In the middle of the third round Fancy Pants called out, “Spit! As it were.” One card, the six of clubs, flipped over and settled in the middle of the table by the fondue pot. The rest of the cards were dealt out as normal. “I'm rather glad this convocation was called. I needed to get out of Canterlot for a few days. And how propitiously timed! Being in Ponyville it time for the County fair.”
“You're telling me! I wish I had known about this while I was living with Twilight in Canterlot. Now that I've been a few times I can't imagine NOT going every year.” Spike flipped a white chip into the center of the table and nodded. “It's like the best place ever to grab cheap products that you can't find anywhere.”
“Oh you got that right, there.” Magnum chipped in his own ante and arranged his cards in his hooves. “The fairs out at Lake Whinneybago were fun. But this one is huge! And no snow! That makes all the difference.”
“And it is so good for a date! Or zat is what I have heard. Coo-la-la. I wish Joe was here. Perhaps he could take a day to visit. We could stroll zee products and eat zee silly things zey have. I have even heard a rumor zat zey have a fried pickle! Zut alors! Pouvez-vous y croire?” Gustave sighed wistfully and put in his chip.
“A date... a time for going out without a place to attend. No NEED to see and be seen. It sounds lovely. It certainly has been a long while.” Fancy Pants arranged his cards before his eyes as the others added their chips. “Fellows... do you think the time has come for me to stop being coy? I know it is the male prerogative to be coy and implicit, but I believe at a certain point, there comes a time when a stallion must... when a stallion has to stand firm and say what he means. Correct?” He looked out at the rest of the males, seeming pleading and unsure.
The faces that gazed back were blank, deadpanning with just the slightest hint of disbelief. The staring was silent and uncomfortable, no one making a move or even breathing too loudly. Spike finally moved, removing the quartz spike from his lips, once more reinforcing the impression that it resembled a cigar. He leaned in Fancy's direction, brows furrowing. “Dude... is this a Harlequine romance novel? I've read enough of them to know that's how the stallions talk. Or whatever other males there might be.” He smiled, the others following suit. “Time and place. Time and place. This is poker time. But... my advice? Do it.”
A chorus of assent followed. “Oui oui!” “Absotively!” “Oh do it!” “Go for it!” “Go on, do it!”
Fancy smiled, a small, sincere, pleased smile. “Gentlemales... brothers... this is why I hold in highest esteem this august and glorious assembly, over all the other societies of Canterlot. They can keep their stodgy pomp, flighty ideas, stuffy formalism and ludicrous notions. It is to this organization that I shall ever be eternally and wholly loyal!”
“That's the spirit! And hey, if it all goes REALLY well, we can TOTALLY handle your bachelor party!” Spike was suddenly on the receiving end of half a dozen deadpan stares. “No, really! This time I'll remember to do it in the right order!” He chomped sullenly on his quartz spear to a sudden chorus of laughter.
slice form. from
brother Seven. Steven. I'm not letting you weasel out of this one.
You do realize what you have done, right? This is now going to need it's own side-story status with updates once in a while, it's just too good to not capitalize on.
This new group breathes so much life into both new and returning characters. Your Spike is wittier without straying, Magnum reminds me of my best friend's relatives (they would totally dip that sandwich), Ace gets to hop out of the background along with Horte (who was a little different than I'd thought but fits great), Steven gets to have some fun, and of course we get to see the relationship that sparked this story from the other side. Add in clever jokes that don't rely on Luna, and fun set pieces like the various foods and Spike's gem cigar, we have a winning combination.
1114774
I was sort of afraid of that, yet am encouraged by it. I've had this notion for a while, and it has gone through several variations. I had Ace as a variant on the one seen in "Life among the coathangers" (With attached Pokey) and Horte as "THAT GUY." He's that guy that is totally not what he looks like, or at least isn't the kind of snooty and aloof downer he seems, just a horny little snarker. And I didn't get to it but this Steven is straight as an arrow and is just Metrosexual, but he just can't meet women.
For a while I considered having Mr Cake (Cancelled it, not able to get him to fit), Snips and Snails (Just a bit too young) and Sheriff Silverstar (Too hard to go that far for that long, but he'd fit PERFECTLY.)
The who thing is just... sitcom dudes playing poker mixed with the Stonecutters from the Simpsons. In fact, given the relationships these folks have, they very well could wield tremendous social and political power, while having sandwiches and soda in the forest and playing poker.
1114814
I've never thought Steven was gay, he's just a high pitched drama queen who cares about his appearance.
Mr. Cake seems to be the guy who can only grow the scruffiest of facial hair and it all seems to be on the bottom, so no moustache. Silverstar is too far away; Canterlot is a short train ride, but Appleloosa is far enough away that you need a sleeper car.
They do have a lot of clout. Assisstant/friend/brother/son of the most powerful unicorn alive, friend of the rulers of the land, and friend of the greatest heroes of the age. The most important pony in Canterlot and friends with an Element. The father and son-to-be father-in-law of two Elements. A being who aided the heroes in their first quest. The others are at least acquainted with the Elements in some way.
Go get her Fancypants!!!! YOU CAN DO IT!!
1117539
Seriously? This is pretty much the poor man's version of Elizabethan. Even if some of the vocabulary is archaic there's always a contextual cue to tell you what it means. Additionally, half the humor comes from either: the misues of phrases that have had meaning drift, or from the use of exceptionally bawdy phrases that sound either inoccuous or simply quaint.
Though, I'm glad you stuck it out and read them anyhow.
Pardon me while I attempt to contain my excitement at the mention of Ace and Pokey together... I cannot say it's working, heh.
The chapter itself is fairly good; perhaps I lose something having not read the rest. Spike's characterization seems much more mature than in the show, and while I cannot say really anything for the rest of them given how they didn't really appear for very long in the show, a few of them felt... off, at times. I'm pretty much obligated to say that you painted Pokey and Ace's relationship a bit differently than I would have - mostly in that I don't tend to think of Pokey's parents as being at all homophobic, though obviously I cannot complain as this is your continuity, not mine. Not bad, merely different, etc. etc.
Still, it's a fun little romp, for what it is, and very enjoyable to read!
1120757
I'm rather glad you came along to see this silly little story of mine, though as a good writer I would of course suggest you read my more serious fare.
First of all, well, one of the the sets of parents had to be against it. I suppose I chose poorly. But things will improve on that front.
Secondly, as for Spike... I actually feel he's a mature sort but in a "The Hangover" kind of manchild maturity. Before his actual age was stated I figured he was in his early thirties and was like a hard-working roommate akin to Leonard from Big Bang Theory. I wanted to play that up. Plus it's a few years after the show so he's more mature than before. It just adds to the comedy.
"Off", you say? Do tell. I like to keep things proper, insofar as that supports comedy or drama as needed.
1121878
I suppose the point about one set of parents needing to be is fair enough. I mean, for the purposes of the story. I'd given a sort of one-off line in the story proper that Ace's parents were very 'traditional', which was meant to imply some degree of bigotry(though the truth of he matter is they just really, really want grandchildren).
And I figured as much with Spike - with the mention of the girls shacking up together does imply it takes place a while after the series. And come to think of it I recall reading one of your Twilight/Pinkie stories tying into a larger thing, which implied much the same. Truth told Spike actually reads a bit like he's in his early to mid teens - just coming upon the matter of sex and somewhat juvenile about it as well.
Which is, I think, what feels off to me about the characterization. Most of them feel like they have this odd combination of being both mature and juvenile. It's only really noticeable with Magnum and Gustav, I think, since both of them are clearly adults in the time of the show - Magnum has already settled down and Gustav is clearly on his way there shortly. There just seems to be this curious glee about sex as a whole, like they hopped so readily into the topic and try to keep it there, rather than merely letting the conversation go naturally. A good example is making a joke about Pokey and Joe with the eclair. It's not enough to feel like a forced joke OUT of universe, but IN universe it seems sort of arbitrary, like they're thinking about it perhaps a bit more than they ought to be.
I mean really. If you've got sex on the brain, it strikes me as taking time away from your boyfriend is exactly the wrong direction to go.
1122267
Ahh but that, my friend, is the whole point of this story. Please, allow me to explain.
These are serious, powerful, professional people. More or less. Steven must survive in the Everfree forest; Spike works hard all day long assisting the eggheadiest of eggheads while trying to get his swag on; Horte has to be Stuffy Le Stuffersonne the proper and snootytastical professional; Ace is a high-stakes tennis pro; Gustave is a Gordon Ramsey-level professional chef in one of the highest-pressure and highest-class cities in the world; Fancy is THE pony embodiment of "The Most interesting man in the world" moving in social circles powered by backbiting and cutting, caustic criticism; Magnum is a longtime husband to a wife that can't cook (though he can't even tell anymore), and father to one daughter that is a shrieking diva and another that is almost literally a trotting disaster area. These guys are under a pressure so bad that it's almost ludicrous. And so that is why this is so great. Here... they are GUYS. If it wasn't for Steven they could be in a "Stallion Cave" with standup arcade cabinets, pinball machines, a flatscreen and foosball. They are ALLOWED to be juvenile, sex-obsessed guys like you see in every romantic comedy or buddy comedy.
Your point about the sex-obsession while being in relationships is actually the SOURCE of the humor. These guys are in relationships, or want to be, or are considering moving into that territory. But that can get to be a bit much. You can't always be lovey-dovey and sappy-sweet. Sometimes guys like to duck into a dark room with their buddies, messily munch on snacks, play poker for penny ante stakes and bitch about the women (or men) they have in their lives, want in their lives or even might want out of their lives. But they're still guys, in that "Hangover" or "Knocked Up" mold.
Lastly, my comparison above to The Stonecutters from "The Simpsons" and the further reference to the Ray Stevens song "Shriner's Convention" drives the point home. They look like a mighty and mysterious secret society out to rule the world, like conceptions of Masons or the Illuminati. But they're just a bunch of laughing dudes taking on a mysterious and secretive persona to make their immature playtime all the more funny. It becomes farcical and THAT, my friend, is comedy. The more seriously they take themselves before they get down to the immaturity makes the immaturity all the funnier. I should TOTALLY show the nomination and induction of a new member, just so I can do all the dire seriousness and threats of dire hazing before the first top pops and the cards are dealt out.
Err... a bit long winded... But, YES! That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
1122577
Oh, I'll grant you that much - and I've been there, of course. I'm a guy too, after all, heh. It's just that I haven't seen one that leaps SO readily into sex talk - normally it just flows there naturally, if at all. I suppose it feels like a target. And granted, I'll give you that I find it pretty funny, but the forcedness of it keeps it just out of hilarious territory.
1122674
This is sort of seems to be our dividing point. I guess my friends just went on to crude sex jokes easily.
Wonderful! Ah such a wonderful, magnificent order. The Dames may have met their match in the GMRONBM. Ah Fancy, such an awesome stallion. Go for it dude! And the addition of Spike and Steve is just hilarious. I love the ribald humor and how much of a 'guy' thing this whole affair is. Though with all the pairings and couples you have I'm left wondering if there's anyone left single in your universe.
Another awesome chapter!
1146415
Well, in this story alone, there's Steven, Spike, Horte and I guess TECHNICALLY Fancy until he gets to Fleur. As for others... Well, Drupe Cluster, Tree Tender, Chief Slivovitz, Fireclay, Rose Quartz, Cordelia (Once she gets dumped), Rosemary, Lysandra, All the dogs that were involved in "In the hall of the Diamond Dogs", and... well, you ge tthe idea. Oh, granted, I LOVE romance and pairings. But there are still single folks out there.
I came for Luna antics. I did not receive Luna antics.
Also it's been my experience that very little of what a group of guys dive into revolves around sex. For my group, guns, games, and silly zombie apocalypse discussions abound.
1164138
Your friends are simultaneously awesome and dull. Maybe it was just my friends. Sex is a common topic of conversation. Along with scifi, fantasy, video games and ponies.
1814767
And this, children, is a pedant
Just kidding. It was quite informative, if nothing else. But your comment comes too late. My creation of what I now call "English Renaissance Luna" was a product of both research and amusement. Some of it was rigorous, especially with regards to catchphrases. But some was jsut to sounds right, a little like Hasbro did.
I'm a scholar mostly of early 20th century American popular literature, not an Elizabethan scholar by nature. I'm glad you are, we need more folk like Professor Stewart at UCR, but I am not one. I'd fix everything but... it looks like mroe of a messy headache than it's worth.
1123196 Man me and my friends all devolve into sex jokes rather quickly depending on the mood. It's not like the secret society guys have to always jump down the bunny hole path that quickly all the time - this just happens to show off one instance where they did because of the mood they were in. So I don't have any troubles with their conversation.
I also don't have any troubles with Luna's conversations. I just completely and totally LOVE LOVE LOVE English Renaissance Luna's speech and I wish half our insults and puns nowadays were as good. I'm kind of a huge Renaissance nerd myself so I completely understand everything she's saying, and it's absolutely hilaaarious. For people who are STILL complaining about it, I offer you advice in the words of Agent Pleakley: "HERE. Educate yourself!"
English Renaissance Luna? Sold. I'm reading this next.
3051080
I do hope it is to your liking.
3051631
It's very good so far. I'd say it's especially well written.
3052029
Thank you. My personal feeling is that it gets better as it goes along.
Zecora is going to jail.
3134828
What for?
3135568 Extended period dating someone, at most, half her age.
3135865
With chaperoning that's not illegal in Equestria. "Hatred Would be Better" shows Granny Smith and the family approve. Indeed, "The Unsuitable" shows Luna approves.
Yeah, this chapter title delayed my starting of this story by a good hour... Ray Steven's You-Tube bender. You can't encounter a Shriners reference and not listen to the song, UNTHINKABLE!!
1114814
Head of the Appleoosan branch. You want him to be on-camera as it were you'll have to wait for the Ponyville and Appleoosa delegations to meet at the convention.
Barney!
awesomelytechie.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/Truestory.gif