So far i've only read the first chapter, the first thing that occurred me after reading this was, that even though you establish a strong relationship between the two mane characters, they themself have not very distinct characters. the only thing we know about them so far is that they missed each other hardly. Another thing i noticed is that the relationship you try to present expresses itself by the physical interactions between the two mane characters. Though this is how relationships express themselfs to third parties, you need to establish an emotional basis first by describing the characters that are in this relationship. Nevertheless i'm going to read at least the second chapter, not an extraordinarily outstanding story so far, but not a bad one either.
furzt
So far i've only read the first chapter, the first thing that occurred me after reading this was, that even though you establish a strong relationship between the two mane characters, they themself have not very distinct characters. the only thing we know about them so far is that they missed each other hardly. Another thing i noticed is that the relationship you try to present expresses itself by the physical interactions between the two mane characters. Though this is how relationships express themselfs to third parties, you need to establish an emotional basis first by describing the characters that are in this relationship.
Nevertheless i'm going to read at least the second chapter, not an extraordinarily outstanding story so far, but not a bad one either.