There's not enough dark stories. Choosing to write in the Dark genre is rough because so few will actually read what you write. Many see the tag as a sign of explicit gore and rape. I think the intrapersonal horror to be a wonderful departure from the guts and gore. Losing those we love is something everybody will go through or has gone through and its relative to every being. I'm anxious to see where this story goes. So far, I think it is good. Grammatically it's all over the place and the format makes it difficult to distinguish between paragraphs. Make sure to indent new paragraphs and space them. Apart from that, good job.

2188099
My thoughts on darker stories/art exactly. Yet I hesitated posting this for a week over killing off a pony and with fear of being crucified on here over it.
Please forgive my indentations. Old habits.
If you give me an example of how my grammar is I'll edit it accordingly. I thought it was sound.

2188529
For the most part it's fine. But like here.
Applejack rounded the table and to the fridge, taking out a bottle of no doubt expired whiskey.
It's understandable but the word to is acting as a verb incorrectly. It should be "stepped to" or something similar as a verb participle. Also, does whiskey have an expiration date? I mean, I suppose it does, but how many dozens of years would that be?

"She closed the her ambry and locked it in case a " Still struggling with what the subject here is.

"It was only then did Rarity embrace her simple farm pony." I think the pronoun her makes no sense as it is. I understand what was meant but without the word "friend" at the end, it seems strange.

Keep in mind that. like the spoken langauge, the point is understandable without perfect grammar, but mistakes like that scare people away or have them leave negative comments or downvotes. Given that the subject is dark, you've got a black eye already from the majority of readers. Basically, you need to be able to control all the other factors you can to show your technical writing skill. It may overcome the subject for some readers.

I'm not trying to be harsh, I think the story is very promising. Don't be afraid to write what you want to write. I write exclusively dark stories whether people like them or not. And a lot of grammatical mistakes will correct themselves when you write more. The more you do of something, the better you get. Keep writing.

2188806
I know you're not trying to be harsh; you're merely helping.
I'll admit that this wasn't properly read through on it's final revision before submitting but all errors you pointed out are corrected. In my zealotry in trying to submit, I'll confess that I did skim through the text.

2188940 Lol. That's why I have an editor, sir/ma'am. We typically miss things we wrote because we know how it's supposed to be written and our brains fill in gaps where there are errors.

2189033
It's sir. c:
I typically try to edit my stories solo but yeah, I do need a second eye on my stories.

this story intrigued my interest i wonder about the gore tag and what will happen next.

So far, so good.