Strip Tease
Rarity stared at the ground and climbed into the car, wordlessly. She had messed up big time, but that was no reason for Dale to be so rude. She sighed and Dale glared at her. She focused her attention on the sights they were passing. The size of the racetrack was absolutely staggering from the outside of the speedway, but it was the neon lights of the Las Vegas skyline that really enthralled her. It was late in the afternoon and the sun was already setting, so the city was just starting to glow.
“This is the Las Vegas Strip.”
“It’s so pretty!”
“Yeah, I guess it is. Anyways, you said you like to go clubbing, so I’m going to show you a wild party, Vegas style.”
“After all I’ve put you through, you would do this for me? You’re a very generous person, Mr. Earnhardt!” Raity exclaimed, hugging him.
“Yeah, could you stop doing that? People are staring.”
“Let them stare! For I am Rarity, and you are Dale Earnhardt Junior! We are stars, and the world needs to adore us!”
“The longer you hug me, the less time we have for having fun.” Rarity released her death grip on his leg and he led the way towards one of the casinos. “Since you’re a horse, I figure you might enjoy watching some racing.”
Dale opened the door and Rarity stood in awe of the sight in front of her. There were hundreds of gaming tables and dozens of slot machines in front of her, but she was much more interested in the décor. The thick plush carpeting, the golden chandelier hanging from the ceiling, and the ornately decorated bar all vied for her attention.
The sound of roulette wheels spinning filled her ears as Rarity stared, mesmerized. “A little gaudy for my tastes, but very impressive.”
“You ain’t seen nothin’ yet. Come on, the racin’ room is this way.”
Rarity followed Dale into a room filled with television monitors, with paintings of famous racehorses adorning the walls. A row of windows with bet takers behind them was along the far wall and there was a crowd of people staring at one monitor in particular. Rartiy’s curiosity got the best of her and she decided to take a peek at what they were all looking at and muttering about.
“That’s Rainbow Dash! How did she end up in there? Rainbow, darling, can you hear me?”
“That’s a television screen, Rarity. She can’t hear you – she’s hundreds of miles away from here wherever the race is being run.”
“How did she do that?”
“Darned if I know. There’s only one way to find out. Excuse me,” he said, stopping a waiter who was serving drinks to the casino’s patrons. “Can you tell me what’s up with the rainbow pony in the horse race?”
“Oh yeah! She stopped by here earlier. My buddy Joe’s gonna be riding her in the race. Should be fun. They’ve given her 100 to 1 odds. I had my girlfriend put a hundred bucks on her since they don’t let employees bet on the races.”
“Well good luck. I hope your friend wins.”
Dale explained the situation to Rarity and she laughed. “Rainbow Dash is the fastest pony in the sky and probably the fastest pony on land too. Applejack can give her a run for the money though, and we never did find out who truly is faster since they got into a massive fight halfway through the Running of the Leaves and started sabotaging one another. So as long as Applejack isn’t running this is the safest bet I’ll ever make.” She sauntered up to the counter and dropped a pile of flawless gems and gold bits in front of the bet taker. “I’d like to put all of this on Rainbow Dash to win, please.”
“Sure thing, miss.”
“Yeah, I’m gonna drop some cash on Dash too. You got an ATM?”
“Over in the corner.”
“Thanks!” Dale returned a minute later with a stack of $100 bills. “$50,000 on Rainbow Dash.” It was the maximum amount allowed for a bet with these odds – if Rarity was this confident of her friend’s abilities, maybe, just maybe, this whole ordeal wouldn’t have been completely pointless. A $5,000,000 payout would almost make having dealt with the annoying unicorn worth it. Almost.
“Suckers.” The manager who had sent Joe and Rainbow Dash to the track was eating this up. The casino was going to make a windfall on this. People were betting on her for the sheer novelty of seeing a rainbow pegasus in a horse race. Some harried parents were even giving in to their kids’ repeated prodding to bet on the ‘pretty pony’ in the race. He made a mental note to install more televisions in the lobby and café where the kids could see them better. And with those short stubby little legs there was no way she would ever beat horses that had been bred specifically for the purpose of going fast. She was going to lose dramatically. “Serves her right. Arrogant little thing.”
With Rarity wagering everything she had brought with her to Earth on Rainbow Dash to win the horse race, Dale decided to skip the tour of the rest of the casino. They walked back onto the Vegas Strip looking for something else to do until it was time for Rainbow’s race.
“Now Dale, I think it’s time we found you a girlfriend. And this nice gentleman just handed me a flyer that looks most promising. It assures me that we’ll see live girls. I’m sure if Pinkie Pie were here she would point how that most definitely beats dead ones.”
“Wait! Don’t go in there!”
“And why not?”
“Because those girls are totally nude.”
“And so am I.”
“But…”
“No buts, Dale. At least this way you can see exactly what you’re getting in advance. And perhaps I can sell a few dresses while we’re here…”
“Suit yourself,” Dale said as he opened the door for the unicorn. Arguing with her had proven fruitless every other time he’d tried it so why bother? Hopefully she would be so horrified by what she saw inside she would want to immediately leave.
Rarity gasped once her eyes became adjusted to the low light. She paid no heed to the strip club’s décor, dismissing it as tacky without even a glance. What she was fascinated by was the female form of the human species. It was quite unlike anything she had ever seen before. Of course she knew humans were mostly hairless, she had been hanging out with them for the past day or so now, but to see them naked for the first time she immediately understood why everyone on Earth was wearing clothing. That of course set her mind to working on just how she could tap into this lucrative market – seven billion people all needing clothing certainly trumps a much smaller pony population that only wears clothing sporadically at best. But first she was going to have to ask a lot of questions.
“Dale?”
“Yes, Rarity?”
“Why, uh, do the females of your species have, er, such pronounced chests?”
“I really don’t know. I think it has something to do with lactation. I really don’t know how they work, I just like playin’ with ‘em.”
“And they’re all different sizes.”
“Well, some of them have been enhanced surgically.”
“Surgery?”
“Breast implants.”
“You…do surgery on ponies, I mean, people who aren’t gravely ill or injured?”
“Yeah, there are all kinds of cosmetic surgeries. Weight reduction techniques, blemish removals, facelifts, augmentation. You name it, we can probably do it.”
“Darling, that would absolutely revolutionize Equestria’s medical fields. I could finally get rid of this terrible mole on my dock!” She waved her rear-end in Dale’s face.
“I don’t see anything.” The previous night he had been unable to sleep as Rarity’s dancing to Disco Dash had played in his head on an endless loop. He was now quite acquainted with the unicorn’s hindquarters, much to his chagrin.
“See, right here!” Rarity pointed towards a miniscule mole that almost required a magnifying glass to see properly. “It’s hideous! I’m hideous! But with it gone I could be beautiful! Stunning! Radiant! Like I should be!”
She was obviously waiting for him to assure her that she was pretty regardless of the microscopic blemish. She could keep waiting.
“How about we grab a table and you can see some of the girls up close?”
“That would work. Now tell me what kinds of girls are of interest to you so I don’t inadvertently set you up for disaster.”
“Look, I don’t have any problems with the ladies. So if it’s just the same to you I’d rather just leave.”
“But Dale, isn’t this someplace you come every time you’re in town? The girls here all seem to know you.”
“Yeah, but being seen here with you isn’t really the image I’m trying to project of myself. You have to know what I’m talking about.”
“Of course, darling! Image is everything in this world and mine too.”
“Unicorns are cute and cuddly. This isn't the image I wish to be associated with.”
“Pish posh! Every bad boy, as they say, has a softer side. You’re just embracing your softer side at the moment. Since you cannot control the circumstances, you need to spin the details to your benefit.”
“That makes a surprising amount of sense.”
Rarity stared in silence at the girls dancing on the stage – they had grace, but lacked elegance. They were sensuous, yet obscene. And they were doing some very unhygienic things to the pole sticking out of the stage. Rarity was both entranced and appalled at the same time. Try as hard as she might, she just couldn’t turn her head away. Every time a dance ended she would pepper Dale with questions until the next striptease began.
“I’ll buy you one.”
“Wait. What? You mean these girls are for sale? Like slaves? I don’t know what it’s like here on Earth but I assure you that it’s very illegal to own slaves in Equestria.”
“No, no, no. They do private dances. So pick a girl you like and I’ll get you a private show. That way you can ask all the questions you want.”
“Oh, why that sounds quite interesting. I simply must take Twilight here later. I would imagine she would have a number of questions to ask as well. Especially on anatomy – I understand it’s the only class she ever failed and had to take twice.”
“Dale?” One of the strippers had snuck up on them. “It’s Savannah Sage. Remember me, sugar? My offer from last year’s still good – I’ll take you all the way to the checkered flag. All you have to do is say the word.”
“Of course I remember you.”
“And who’s this?”
“Uh, this here is Rarity. She’s uh, a unicorn from the magical land of Equestria. And I feel stupid every single time I say that.”
“Don’t feel stupid, she’s adorable!” Savannah started scratching Rarity behind her ears.
“I should be morally offended by this but it just feels so good,” Rarity cooed.
“She talks? You mean this isn’t some kind of crazy animatronic toy?”
“Nope. This is a real living, breathing unicorn.”
“Cooooooool!”
“Can you get us a private room? I was going to buy her a private dance and you seem to be interested in getting to know her as much as she’d like to get to know you.”
“Interspecies lesbian erotica. Kinky. Didn’t know you had it in you, Dale.” She brushed a finger along Dale’s chin and up his cheek. “Don’t run off, sugar, I’ll be right back for your special showing.”
Savannah left before Junior could explain what he actually meant. Rarity’s blush, however, was extremely noticeable on her pale fur.
“I don’t actually have to do anything I’m uncomfortable with during one of these private dances, do I?”
“Nah, you’ll be fine. The stripper does all the work, you just sit back and enjoy the show.”
Savannah soon returned with a bouncer who let them into a private room. He quickly explained the rules, “You sit here. The dancer can touch you, but you can’t touch her. You touch her, I touch you. With my fists.”
“Yeah, I get it. It’s not my first time here.”
“As for your unicorn thing. We don’t have a policy on that.”
“I am not a thing! I am a lady!”
“Oh, well, the policy is ladies can touch the dancers with the dancer’s permission. You got’s a problem wit’ that, Savvy?”
“Nope. She can touch all she wants.”
“There ya go. Now have fun and don’t make me need to bust your skull in.” He returned to his post right outside the doorway. Close enough to hear Savannah should she need help, but far enough away for plausible deniability in case more than just a lapdance occurred in the room. That was at the dancer’s discretion, of course. For an extra cost.
“Fascinating,” Rarity said absently as she watched Savannah gyrate seductively. “This is hypnotizing. How do you do that? I simply must know!” No doubt she would finally be able to get the attention of Ponyville’s stallion population if she emulated the movements seen here.
“Well, you start by doing this. And then…” Savannah demonstrated exactly which muscles to flex.
“Dale, sweetie?”
“Yes, Miss Rarity?”
“Would you be a dear and give us some privacy? I’d like to try what I’ve just learned and no male of any species, stallion or human, is going to see me do this before my honeymoon.”
Dale walked out of the room and joined the bouncer outside the door. He tried to make small talk but the massive pile of muscles had an IQ somewhere in the low to mid double digits and the conversation was decidedly boring. But what could he expect from a guy with a neck the same thickness as a telephone pole?
The door soon opened and two very sweaty females exited – one human, and one unicorn. “Oh my, I will have every stallion in Ponyville eating out of my hooves. Why, I might even take another crack at that uncharismatic bore Blueblood. Princess Rarity has a nice ring to it after all.”
Dale just shook his head – Rarity was an egomaniacal drama queen. Arguing with her only made it worse, and agreeing with her left a bad taste in his mouth.
Rarity followed the path Savannah had taken, Dale a few paces behind her. She stopped to muse at the stripper pole up close as she waited for him to catch up. At that moment the spotlights shown directly on her and she realized she was on stage. “Uh…” Whatever Rarity was going to say was drowned out by the sound of dubstep coming from the speakers surrounding the platform.
“And up next is…” The deejay took one look at the unicorn on stage and his jaw dropped. He improvised, much to Rarity’s chagrin. “…Horny Horse.”
Rarity looked to Dale Junior to give her a way out of this situation. He shrugged and struck a John Travolta pose, immediately followed by dashing a few feet away. Rarity sighed. “Very well then, while I suppose I would really prefer not to stoop to such levels I can, in fact, put on a show nobody here will ever forget.” Ignoring the beat she could feel pulsing from the speakers around her, her flank began swaying to the beat she was imagining in her head. She closed her eyes and pretended she was at one of Pinkie Pie’s parties. “This is merely dancing, after all,” she reminded herself.
More than half of the audience had gotten up to leave once the spotlight fell on her. Now nearly all of them were frozen in place, eyes fixated on the gyrating unicorn in front of them. Her hips sashayed wildly as she emulated the popular dance she loved.
As she flipped a foreleg into the air she caught the stripper pole and turned a traditional disco move into a wild ride around the pole. Once around, twice around, three times around with the momentum carrying her further up the pole on each rotation. She wrapped her rear legs around the pole and let the rest of her body fall with gravity, somersaulting off the pole and back onto the stage. Amazingly, she kept her tail firmly tucked against her private parts as she fell. While she didn’t mind being seen nude considering she walked around that way most of the time anyway, she felt there was no need to be obscene about it. Especially in front of all these gawkers.
The dubstep song ended but Rarity continued in the now silent strip club – her routine was not over. She spun around the pole one last time, her formerly perfectly coifed mane whipping around her, before dropping to the stage and bowing.
At first the club remained silent. Then the applause began, slowly at first but it intensified as the rest of the crowd came to their senses.
“Thank you, thank you!” Rarity bowed again.
“Shut up and take my money!”
Multiple sheets of funny looking green paper rained down on Rarity. She levitated the money off the stage and held it out in front of her eyes to examine. “How absolutely tacky. It looks like something that would be printed up for a board game.”
The same bouncer from earlier approached them. “I’mma hafta ask you’s two to leave. The other girls is complainin’ that you’s stealin’ all their customers.”
“You know what’s funny, Dale?”
“What?” He was in no mood for this. That was the best strip club in town and now he was blacklisted there. Stupid unicorn.
“I forgot to give anyperson my business card. Now how will they ever get their hands on my fabulous styles?”
Dale just shook his head and sighed.
“It should be time for Rainbow’s race by now. If we hurry back to the casino we should be able to catch it.”
Dale brightened at that thought. A multi-million dollar payout was enough to turn anybody’s frown upside down.
Rainbow Dash thundered around the first corner. Using her lighter weight and agility to her advantage she had jumped out to a decent lead at the starting bell, but as the field exited the first turn she could hear the thoroughbreds gaining on her.
“How are they catching up to me?”
“I could be wrong but I’d guess it’s because they have much longer legs than you do.”
“Huh, well I guess I’ll just have to go all out.” She pushed herself harder, feeling her leg muscles strain from the effort. It was enough to maintain her two-length lead over the rest of the field as they thundered through turn two.
“So far so good,” Dale said, watching as Dash took the lead at the start.
“I told you she’s the fastest thing on four legs. Why I bet she sets a new track record. But she looks so tiny compared to all those massive horses. Why, I dare say they may be even larger than Saddle Arabians!”
“Saddle Arabians? Has anyone ever told you that your kind’s penchant for puns is horrible?”
“I blame the princesses personally. Any being with a lifespan measured by geological epochs tends to become at least somewhat eccentric if not downright insane.”
“I thought you said this was a sure thing.”
“Of course it is…” Rarity trailed off as she watched the monitor. The field was on the backstretch now and a pair of the larger earth horses overtook Dash right before they entered the third turn. “I suppose there’s a first time for everything? Oh dear. She’s not going to be happy about this in the least.”
“She’s not going to be happy about it? How about me? I bet $50,000 on her!”
“You’ll make more than that even if you finish last in tomorrow’s race. I don’t think it’ll break you.”
“That’s not the point.”
“They passed me. I can’t believe it. They…passed…me…!”
“Cut low across the corner. You’re faster through the turns because you’re lighter, more agile, and you have a lower center of gravity. If you get through three and four as well as you did one and two we’ve still got a shot of winning this thing. It took them the whole backstretch to catch you.”
Halfway through turn three Rainbow Dash reemerged as the leader of the race. With her pride on the line she tapped into reserves of energy she didn’t even know she had. She smirked as she realized she was totally going to smoke Applejack in the next Running of the Leaves.
The blue pegasus outran her competitors through the final turn and managed to pull away even over the last part of the front straightaway, winning by seven lengths.
“See, I told you she was the fastest! I bet she was merely toying with the others to make it look good for the audience. Rainbow has always had a flair for showponyship.”
$5,000,000. Dale couldn’t believe it. With one crazy bet he won an entire racing season’s worth of money. Annoying or not, he owed her. “Ice cream. My treat.”
“That would be delightful!”
“First though, we have some bets to go collect.”
The casino manager stood there, mouth agape. That stupid boastful pegasus had put her money where her mouth was. At 100 to 1 odds. There were hundreds of bets that the casino would now be required to pay out, and there had been a few foolhardy people who had wagered the absolute maximum of $50,000. This was going to cost the casino at least $25,000,000 and it would most definitely cost him his job. He had seen other managers fired for costing the casino merely a few thousand dollars on what turned out to foolish bets. For a loss of this magnitude he would likely never work in another casino the rest of his life.
He resigned himself to his fate as he started making good on the wagers. Thankfully, most had been merely $1 or $5 ‘why not?’ bets that the casino would probably recover from the gamblers before they left as they passed slot machines or card tables and felt an urge to continue their winning streak.
It was the high rollers he dreaded dealing with. Right there were two of them – the NASCAR driver and the unicorn.
Rarity clutched the jewels she had gambled close to her chest upon their return to her. “Come to mama! Mama missed you while you were gone.” She planted a kiss on the most flawless diamond any of the people watching her had ever seen. She then held a hoof out for the manager to count out the money she had won.
Dale Earnhardt Jr. collected his bet immediately after Rarity. “You know, normally when I win this much money they give me a giant cardboard check and I have to make a speech of some sort.”
Rarity sighed as she looked at the enormous amount of money she held in her magical aura. She had already slipped the gold and gems that had been returned to her back into her purse, but there was a staggering amount of paper money dangling in front of her. She started peeling off $100 bills into a heap. “So how much does a racing engine cost you?”
“That’ll about cover it. What are you going to do with the rest of that cash? I imagine it won’t do you much good back home.”
“Well, darling, there’s one thing I would very much like to do. Let’s go shopping!”
Dale groaned as Rarity dragged him towards a boutique.
Without the rush to get to the track in time, Rainbow Dash took her time flying back to Las Vegas. She had promised to have Joe back by midnight, and to her that meant she had him as a captive audience until 11:59:59.
Joe, for his part, was enjoying the flight back to work much more than he had enjoyed to the flight to the racetrack. The leisurely pace allowed the wind to whip through his hair, but not to buffet him and make him feel like he was about to be pushed off the petite pegasus. “So what are you going to do with your gambling winnings?”
“Yesterday Bill Elliott was telling me about this super fast car that could beat his racecar in a drag race. I’m going to go buy one!”
“What’s it called?”
“An AMC Gremlin! Since I have no idea what that is, do you want to be in charge of finding me one?”
“Uh, sure, but I think Bill may have meant…”
Rainbow Dash had already tuned him out. “Awesome! I just know I’m going to love it!”
Dale struggled to see through the small gap in the boxes. Rarity had insisted on buying samples of the highest quality fabrics and the latest fashions. Then she had gone through every open jewelry store she could find, examining the finest gems Earth had to offer. They had been shopping for hours and the unicorn still had several million dollars left to dispose of. His arms ached under their load but Rarity insisted they press on.
They turned down a side street and suddenly the bright lights of Las Vegas faded behind them. “Uh, Rarity, I think we’re going the wrong way.”
“Don’t worry, Dale. This is a shortcut. I know exactly where we’re going.”
“But this doesn’t look like a good neighborhood.”
“I must certainly agree. The buildings look like they should be condemned, there are wrecked and burned out cars everywhere, and…”
A man jumped out from behind a few trashcans wielding a knife. “Gimme your money and no one gets hurt.”
“First of all, no one is going to be hurting anyone.” Rarity used her arcane prowess to quickly disarm their would-be mugger. She levitated the knife to the roof of the nearest building. “Now, unless you would like a hoofs-on demonstration of just what else my horn is capable of, I suggest you leave us alone now.”
A pair of bullets harmlessly clinked to the ground in front of Rarity. “And what, pray tell, are these supposed to be?” Rarity levitated the bullets in front of her and quickly cast a spell that magnetized her horn. The mugger’s accomplice’s gun flew through the air towards her, as did his tire iron, prybar, and several other knives in assorted sizes. She caught all of them in her aura as they flew at her, and set them to rotating around her head for dramatic effect. “Anyperson else want to try me?”
Two people fled down the alley in the opposite direction and their would-be mugger scrambled to his feet and darted off as well.
“Okay, I admit it. That was badass.”
“Um, thank you? I think? It was nothing really. All unicorns are taught basic self-defense due to the numerous monsters that live in Equestria, such as dragons and manticores.”
“But how did you stop the bullets?”
“Oh, this is a protection shield developed by Twilight Sparkle’s brother, Shining Armor. I’m not quite as adept at it as he is, however. There are certain spells every unicorn can perform, there are others that magically gifted unicorns can do, and every unicorn has their own unique spells that compliment their special talent. This falls into the second category for me, but the third category for Shining Armor. If you think this is impressive, he can project it over the entire city of Canterlot. While he’s perfected it for citywide protection, he taught it to Twilight and myself for matters of personal defense. We do get into some pretty sticky situations as the Elements of Harmony, after all. I put it up as a precaution the minute we entered the alley. The bullets, which I assume are these metallic things, bounced off the shield harmlessly.”
“So what are your special talents? Dancing?”
Rarity laughed. “No, as much as I enjoy shaking my groove thing, as Pinkie Pie puts it, my special spells are all centered around gems and clothing design.”
“And what are the basic spells any unicorn can do?”
“Well, again it really depends on the skill of the unicorn, but the very basics involve levitation and using your horn as a source of light. Up until recently I was quite satisfied with merely knowing the basics and my specials. And then one day Twilight happened upon me while I was in the zone. I was levitating a dozen equinequins, multiple pairs of scissors, measuring tape, and several hundred assorted pieces of fabric and accessories all at the same time. Which I thought nothing of, since it really is just a basic spell. I was just utilizing it to its fullest extent.”
“So then what happened?” For once, Dale was genuinely interested in something Rarity had to say. And she was, of course, eating it up. He really wanted to wipe that smug grin off her face.
“As it turns out she let on that even she had never tried to levitate so many items all at once, and that I must have an incredible amount of raw magical ability. She ran a few tests and discovered that I do indeed have hitherto untapped magical reserves. At that point she started teaching me some of her more complicated spells, especially ones that will aid us when dealing with the various riffraff we come across as the protectors of Equestria. I would of course be willing to offer a quick demonstration of my offensive capabilities, just in case any other ruffians or scoundrels await us in this darkened alleyway.”
Rarity scanned the alley and came across an abandoned Buick sedan. “I do believe I’ve located a suitable target. Watch that derelict burgundy car.” Her horn glowed and she shot several blasts of pure arcane energy at the dilapidated vehicle. The magical blasts smashed through the windows and then exploded inside the car, blowing the roof nearly completely off. Far from done she levitated the vehicle’s remains into the air and surrounded them with a protection bubble, which she slowly started squeezing tighter, crushing the car as it compacted inwards. Once the car was as crumpled as she could make it, she lit the inside of the bubble aflame, and finally teleported the smashed, burning remnants of the vehicle directly in front of the racecar driver. “Are you by any chance in need of decorative art?”
Dale’s jaw dropped at the sight of what was left of the Buick. The car had weighed close to two tons and she lifted it into the air like it was a feather. And then she crushed it smaller than a car compactor could have. “Equestria doesn’t have problems with crime I take it.”
“Not much. Ponies are a primarily benevolent race to begin with. Add to the fact that you never know exactly who may be more adept at magic than you are, and you suddenly find little motivation to commit crime.”
“So if the unicorns are this powerful, what’s stopping you from taking over the pegasus and earth ponies?”
“Princess Celestia and Princess Luna. I kid, but I guess you don’t get the joke. They’re our benevolent rulers and are alicorns. Alicorns are part unicorn, part pegasus, and part earth pony and represent the best aspects of all three tribes. When it comes to magic, they’re far more powerful than even the most powerful unicorn, which by the way, just happens to be Twilight Sparkle though she will never admit to it. Modesty becomes her well, though she really has no need of it.”
“This Twilight you keep talking about, she’s the purple unicorn here at the track, right?”
“That’s her! But to answer your earlier question, the pegasi and earth ponies have their own magical abilities. The pegasi control the weather, to the point where not only can they walk on clouds, but they build their cities in the sky as well. Earth ponies have incredible strength and endurance. Any unicorn foolish enough to attack an earth pony is much more likely to run out of magical ability before the earth pony is rendered incapacitated, and at that point they would be dealing with a very irate pony with very powerful hind legs.”
“So basically you all get along because otherwise you’d pummel each other into nothing.”
“No, we all get along because if we don’t the windigos might come back and freeze us all to death.” She explained the Equestrian Hearth’s Warming holiday to him. Never one for missing details, Rarity noted that his eyes glazed over approximately a third of the way in. She didn’t care – she finished the story regardless. She assured herself that she was merely finishing the story so that curiosity wouldn’t get the better of him after she returned home and he’d no longer be able to ask, and not at all as payback for the driver not assuring her that she was beautiful despite the mole on her hindquarters.
Dale made a mental note to stop asking questions about ponies. He didn’t really care enough about the answers… except for how she had done that incredible magic. It was a humbling thought but the little feminine unicorn was stronger than him. Coming to that realization was probably the single biggest blow to his masculinity since that time when Ken Schrader secretly switched out his Kid Rock CD with an Air Supply one. Of course, that had been because he was sick of Dale ramming his car every week to fix the problem with the skipping CD.
“So what are we doing out here, anyway?”
“Oh! Well, I have one last thing to do with all of this money and then we can go do whatever else you’d like to do. It shan’t be much further.” Rarity led the way to a ramshackle apartment complex on the outskirts of the city. Much to Dale’s surprise she rang the bell for one of the apartments.
“Who’s there?”
“Rarity. We met earlier.”
“How did you get my address?”
“You slipped it to Dale earlier.”
“Oh, so I did. Is he willing to take me up on my offer, sugar?”
“I don’t think so, but I have a much different offer in mind. A better one, at least I think it is.”
There was a buzz and the door to the complex unlocked. Rarity levitated it open with her magical aura and Dale followed her in. A door opened and Savannah motioned for them to come in. “Make yourselves comfortable. I’ll go get you some dessert.”
“Why thank you, your generosity is noted and appreciated!” Savannah came out with a tray of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies and Rarity quickly levitated one into her mouth. “Simply delicious! Now, I’m sure you’re wondering what we’re doing here.”
“Well, yes since you’ve already said it’s not why most people come to visit me.”
“When I asked you why you’ve ventured into this profession, you indicated that you do so to provide for your children. As it turns out, tonight was a most fortuitous day for us at the casino, and I won a rather large sum of money. I’ve already made as much use of it as I have need, and it will do me no good to take home with me. I understand I have somewhere in the neighborhood of $2 million in this bag. I want you to take this money on two conditions. The first condition is that you retire from stripping effective immediately.”
“Consider it done. And the second?”
“I desire to see some baby pictures. Come on, you’re a parent, I shouldn’t need to ask twice.”
“And you don’t. Let me go get my scrapbooks, but in the meantime, here are some pictures from my cell phone.”
“Oh my, they’re both adorable!”
“Thank you!”
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Dale whispered while Savannah was out of the room.
“Of course.”
“Pretty pony!”
“Unicorn!”
Much to Rarity’s surprise, two young girls wrapped their arms around her.
“I figured this might be a little better than scrapbooks.”
Three hours and many pony rides later, Savannah finally convinced her girls that it was bedtime and that they needed to let the pretty unicorn go home. As they were walking back towards the Strip, Dale decided to ask another question, “Why did you ask to see pictures of her kids? Don’t you know what that subjects you to?”
“Of course, darling. While I make an exception for kittens, I’m not overly fond of the young of any species. I have a little sister back home, and I love her dearly, I really do, but I find it challenging to deal with her more often than not. I practically raised her and to this day our parents still think I’m available for foalsitting at a moment’s notice. However, I’ve had my generosity taken advantage of in the past and I wanted to verify for myself that she did indeed have the children she claimed to. What I did not anticipate was that she would wake them up. Is there anything else you wanted to do tonight?”
“I was going to take you to a dance club but it’s too late now. I’ve got a race tomorrow so I really need to get some sleep. The car’s parked over here.”
“Well, I suppose I do need my beauty sleep as well. I must thank you for an enjoyable evening regardless. I’m sorry it wasn’t everything you hoped it would be.” She levitated his hand in her aura and kissed it.
The rest of the ride back to the track was in silence.
The jail was depressingly cool, dark, and dank. Jimmy grinned; it was a suitable environment for one of the Busch brothers. He waddled down the hallway and sat down in the visitor’s area. To his surprise Kyle was already waiting for him.
“Jimmy! Glad you could make it!”
“Yeah, I’m a bit surprised by the invite to drive your car.”
“About that. You and my brother have a bit of a feud going back over a decade.”
“Oh we cleared that up. No bad blood between us no more.”
“First of all that’s a double negative, which means that yes there is bad blood between you. Secondly, I’m giving you the best shot you’re ever going to have of wiping that stupid smirk off Kurt Busch’s face.”
“Yeah, it’s not like we’re BFFs after all. Whatcha got in mind?”
“I want you to put him in the wall. Early and often.”
“With pleasure.”
As Jimmy left the jail, Kyle grinned for the first time since his unscheduled trip to the slammer. Jimmy would snap his brother out of the trance the pony had him under and as an added bonus would be highly unlikely to win the race, so there was no chance Coach Gibbs would think he was replaceable.
Stats
Page generated in 0.022 seconds
Total duration
1,003 users online
225,834 hits today, 1,996,409 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
For the people who don't understand the CD player reference...
Schrader drove the M&M's car at the time.
My money is on Awesome Bill from Dawsonville to win. Rainbow will cheat for him somehow and produce the most fictional ending for this adventure without affecting the points chase. That or Jimmie Johnson tells Pinkie to stuff it and wins despite her efforts for him to finish 14th, Pinkie is a physics-bending cartoon looney but Jimmie Johnson is keeps winning despite all the other odds against it (by NASCAR rules he even wins in that South Park episode despite apparently being killed during the race). Plus NASCAR is pure chaos theory, even Discord couldn't think up Front Row finishing 1-2 at Talladega last year. Pinkie has limits and Jimmie doesn't.
"Princess Rarity has a nice ring to it after all.”
I see what you G3ed there...Although I'll buy and drive a Camry before I'll watch it.
3840998
It pains me that I can't reference another of my favorite NASCAR commercials in fic as one driver is deceased, the other retired, and the sponsor is long out of the sport... But if you remember the Alan Kulwicki/Rusty Wallace Zerex commercials, I always got a chuckle out of those too.
Interesting theories! I'm a little surprised you're the only person to take a crack at guessing though.
And unlike when Dave Blaney almost won Daytona they couldn't just restart the race on Front Row so someone else with more sponsorship $$$ could win instead (their 1-2 has to be my favorite moment of the 2013 season). Speaking of real life being crazier than fiction - who could script Juan Pablo hitting the jet dryer?
Michael Bay remakes Days Of Thunder:
I want you to get out there and hit the jet dryer.
Hit the jet dryer, Harry?
You've hit everything else out there. I want you to be perfect.
*Explosion*
This. Chapter. Was. Awesome. Can't wait for the race!
>>
I'm glad you enjoyed it!