Chapter 1: For whom the bell trolls
“I’ll never give in to you, you horrendous bug!” the unicorn stallion shouted as he struggled mightily at the hardened resin restraining all four of his limbs before slumping down in exhaustion.
Queen Chrysalis rolled her large emerald eyes at the pony’s stubborn resistance. Three weeks. Three long weeks this pony had resisted her charms. Not that it truly mattered to her. No matter what he did, those three weeks still served her purposes well.
“Shining Armor, my dear, why must you be so stubborn? It’s not as if the hospitality of the Hive is lacking. We’ve fed you, kept you warm and healthy, even go to the expense of making sure you're comfortable.”
The queen grinned coyly, exposing her fangs.
“We even bring updates about your beloved wife and your darling sister from your replacement. Come now, surely life is not so bad here for you.”
The captain of the Royal Guard lifted his head to give his captor a tired glare. His mouth twisted into a snarl as he spoke his voice low, practically dripping with venom. “I want to go home! I want to hold my wife again. Give me back my life, you monster!”
As he yelled, the stallion’s horn glowed a bright magenta as he raised a completely spherical shield around himself, severing his bonds. Leaping to his hooves, Shining Armor rushed his hated foe, head lowered in the hopes of skewering Chrysalis on his horn like a bug on a needle. Unfortunately, at that angle he didn’t see the smug grin still on the Changeling Queen’s face grow even wider as her crooked horn took on a fiery green glow.
Instead of the wet crunch of chitin being penetrated he was expecting, Shining Armor felt his horn meet an impenetrable barrier before being thrown bodily back against the wall. Every bone in his body shook from the impact as he collapsed to the floor with an agonized cry.
Stepping over to him, the Changeling Queen set a hoof down against the pony’s horn, pinning his head to the floor. Pained, Shining opened his one free eye to glare balefully at the Queen who only smiled in return.
“Your manners are atrocious, Duke Shining Armor. What would your wife say if she saw you attacking your gracious host?” Before the captain could say anything, Chrysalis continued, applying just the slightest amount of pressure on the unicorn’s horn to silence him.
“I’ve been quite understanding of your multiple break out attempts and have even forgiven a few of your more violent transgressions against my beloved children. However, this unwarranted attack against my person is the final straw. Your belongings are being gathered as we speak. When the sun sets, you will be banished back to the Crystal Empire.”
Shining Armor’s mouth hung open at this proclamation. “Wha?! Y-You’re banishing me?! You kidnapped me from my bedroom in the first- MMPH!”
As he spoke, a changeling drone appeared at his queen’s mental summons and without pause, spat a wad of resin into the Duke’s horrified face where it hardened quickly, effectively silencing him.
Waving a hoof airily, the queen dismissed the drone who bowed before silently disappearing through a shadowed doorway.
With a smirk, she levitated the still gagging pony in front of her as she applied the rest of his bonds personally. “Such a shame, you are a fine specimen of a stallion. I wish I had gotten a better look back before the wedding.”
Chrysalis burst into a full-throated laugh as the stallion’s conflicted face burned red from both embarrassment and anger. “You’re cute when you’re angry.” She teased. With a flash of her horn, Shining Armor disappeared back into the dungeons to await his release.
Shifting on her throne, she moved to the next item on her agenda. “Now that’s over with, let’s see what my infiltrator is up to.” Chrysalis’s horn flashed once again. The dark, organic, twisting corridors with their pale green bioluminescent lights that made up the subterranean portion of the Changeling Capital city were quickly replaced by stark crystalline hallways.
Here in the Crystal Empire, the sun’s light practically made the Crystal Palace glow from every angle. No matter where one looked, the light was reflected right back at them. It made the queen’s head hurt just thinking about it. Thankfully, her infiltrator had found some way to adapt.
Even now, Shining Armor’s doppelganger was chatting it up with some officious looking ponies over what looked to be a state dinner. The main course of a rich hearty soup made of what looked to be potatoes made Chrysalis’s stomach grumble as it reminded her she had not yet seen to her body’s biological needs.
Not bothering to break her eyes from the illusion, she called out. “Miroir, bring me something to eat!”
A changeling with a chef’s cap atop his head peeked into the throne room.
“Anything specific, my queen?” He rasped out.
Her unblinking eyes aglow from the spell, the Queen shook her head. “Soup sounds nice. Nothing sweet, mind you, unless it’s chocolate. Otherwise, surprise me.”
Miroir bowed and left the room quickly to go start the meal, snagging his chef’s cap mid-fall smartly in his fangs as he left.
That distraction out of the way, Chrysalis settled her body down into her throne for more comfort. In her mind’s eye, the dinner progressed at a phenomenally boring rate.
She sent a mental message to her infiltrator, frowning slightly as he jumped ever so slightly in his seat next to Princess Cadance. “My child, the time has come. Is everything in order for the next stage of my plan?” A silent affirmative brought another smile to her face, one that displayed her fangs in all their glory. “Good. If things go well, our favorite little duke will have a night he’ll never forget.”
The clicking-squish of changelings hooves on the floor announced the return of the chef. Miroir entered the throne room, a bowl of soup with chunks of potato and meat in it. Also in his magical grasp was a bronze amulet in the shape of a stylized heart. Its surface was tarnished from its extensive use in the underground caverns, but that didn’t matter as it practically oozed the delectable taste of love. The queen floated the dishes over in front of herself.
Giving the soup an appreciative sniff, the queen turned an eye to her chef. “What have we here for dinner, Miroir?
The changeling smiled, proud to have a ruler who appreciated his skills even if she wasn’t that fond of some of his sweeter inventions. “We have baekeoffe, my queen. As per your wishes, I managed to work around the original recipe a little bit. Instead of lamb, we have Prince Ovis of the Ram nation raiding party from earlier this week. You did wish to have his head on a silver platter and I felt this was a suitable alternative.
The chef hadn’t even finished his description before his queen was laughing. “Blending food and humor again, Monsieur Le Grande?” she teased, watching as the changeling some how managed to blush through his carapace at the reference to his alternate life.
Chrysalis made quick work of the meal in her hunger before draining the amulet completely dry of love. “Ooo! Chocolate-lover! You have outdone yourself again, Miroir!”
The changeling briefly basked in his queen’s love before excusing himself to the kitchens again.
Chrysalis idly watched him go. She felt the time was approaching as the chill of the coming night slowly bled down from the heights of the city. Simply stepping out of the throne room and looking up at the exquisite glass windows a kilometer above her showed the darkening sky.
“Guards, bring me Shining Armor! It is time.”
****
"What an exhausting day!" Princess Cadance moaned, laying back on her bed. She never thought a day could have gone on for so long nor have held so many surprises. It felt more like a week had passed than a mere few hours.
First off there had been that boring state dinner that had made Cadance stop and think about what a millennium of having to deal with nobility truly meant. Then in the middle of an audience with the local nobles, the real surprise came when her beloved, Shining Armor, had started acting in a manner she’d never seen!
It all started when he had accused the noble Lord Thunderthighs of the House of Emerald of being a fat unmotivated parasite on society that probably needed twelve servants armed with a microscope and a pair of tweezers just to find his own penis in response to the Lord's request for more construction materials.
After this outrageous and unprovoked attack against a prestigious member of the nobility, the rogue Duke had continued on, lambasting and taunting one member after the other of the noble houses about the most crude and revolting of things before laughing cruelly in their faces.
Before then Princess Cadance had never considered herself an angry pony and did her best to imitate the famous control her aunt, Princess Celestia, demonstrated in her times of anger. This evening however no amount of control helped as the pink alicorn hadn't been "just angry". She was furious!
Shining Armor had always the perfect gentlestallion. It was this and his immense love of his little sister that had endeared the young stallion to her in the first place. It had been at that moment, however, that the princess of love had felt her mind consumed with anger at her husband, breaking all semblence of emotional control as she yelled at him in front of all the guests to mind his place.
As furious as Cadance had been, she still had no idea of what had come over her beloved knight. The Shining Armor she saw then was almost like a caricature of the stallion she loved originally, taking the absolute worst parts of his personality and exaggerating them ten fold. It was only as she confronted him, did the Princess manage to piece together what was occurring, here in her very own palace. The past had caught up to her yet again as Shining Armor had turned to her with a wicked smile and his eyes glowing a sickly green.
Without a word he'd leapt from his chair, causing servants and nobles alike to flee from him as green flames erupted around him. The throne room echoed with cries of “Changeling!” as the nobility had stampeded out of the throne room. Cadance, however, had remained to do battle with the changeling, vengeance on her mind. Even now, the few servants that had remained hidden spoke in whispers how the petite Cadance had ferociously battled the rather large changeling warrior that had revealed itself.
She had put up the best fight she could, blasting her opponent with magic and pummeling it with her hooves. Despite the punishing assault and to her ever lasting dismay, the Princess of Love's magic was easily blocked and the large warrior’s hardened carapace shrugged off her blows.
Panic creeping in, Cadance had poured even more energy into her attacks before she realized the beast was being empowered by his distant queen. Slowly, the fight turned against her before a surprise bolt of green magic knocked her from the sky allowing the changeling warrior to finally pin her to the ground with a large hoof.
It had been at that very moment when all seemed at it's bleakest, that the tables quickly turned in her favor. Shining Armor, the real one, still covered in the sticky remnants of his bonds had stormed into the throne room, ramming the changeling warrior, knocking it off his wife.
As grateful as she was for the assistance, Cadance was no fool and was loath to let her guard down despite the temporary reprieve. She had been fooled once and wasn't about to open herself up to a betrayal so soon. It wasn't until Shining whispered something to her that made the Princess go red from nose to ears that she was convinced it was him. Reunited again, she joined with her husband on the offensive.
Battle joined once again with a cry. Together the couple pushed back against the warrior, the changeling being pushed back relentlessly. Soon Cadance and Shining Armor stood ready to strike the knock out blow. It was not too be however. As the warrior retreated from at the duo it was abruptly teleported away, ending the battle completely.
****
The day finally won, and the nobles and citizenry reassured of their safety, the couple finally went off to bed.
Shining had just laid his head down and was on the verge of falling asleep, feeling the flagging remnants of his energy being sapped away by the comforting embrace of his own bed. A nudge on his shoulder revived him enough to look at his wife who was still up….and flicking her tail left and right while smiling coyly at him. Shining Armor felt his energy swiftly coming back to him as he rose just enough to pull his wife into bed with a passionate kiss.
Queen Chrysalis met the shadowed figure on top of her citadel. The shadowed being dipped its head politely as it landed next to her.
“Well met, Queen Chrysalis.” The shadow intoned in a dull voice. “As you can guess, I am here to discuss the cessation of changeling attacks against Equestria.”
The changeling queen laughed. “I don’t believe there’s been any aggression against Equestria, my dear ally.”
The shadow snorted. “You know what we mean. The unwarranted attacks against territory currently under the protection of Equestria counts as an attack against us. We are not a nation you want to be enemies with.”
“I’ve survived so far. Also tell me if I’m wrong, but if one individual counts as aggression, then doesn’t you being here count as an invasion?”
The shadow shifted slightly. “Of course not. We’re here on a diplomatic mission to prevent further aggressions between our peoples.”
Queen Chrysalis smiled. “Don’t worry, any and all aggressions will cease by the end tonight, my friend.”
Without warning the Queen’s horn strobed bright green. The startled face of Princess Luna was briefly lit up. “Then what, pray tell, was that?” the Princess of the Night inquired.
The changeling queen was quiet for a moment. “As I said, all aggression will be ended by tonight. However I still require vengeance. I will simply satisfy it in other ways.”
The two royals sat in silence for a moment, Luna’s unanswered question still hanging in the air before Chrysalis spoke up again. “Does cock-blocking count as aggression?”
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Oh my fucking spaghetti god!
5z8.info/bomb_c7t2ue_killallimmigrants
2146412 Oddly enough, I do have a few "noodly appendage" jokes in store for this.
2146470
Can't wait for more "sauce" chapters ;p
2146518 Sauce?
2146545
spaghetti sauce ;p
2146549 I...see.
2146552
Yea i know lame pun is lame
2146555 Eh, it works. As it is, in case you were wondering, Chrysalis's solution to getting her vengeance through the ceasefire is basically:
troll.me/images/x-all-the-things/troll-all-the-ponies.jpg
2146575
Trollestia will be proud
A nice start... but there's this
Don't you mean "no idea"
2439748 Yup. Thanks for catching that.
4.bp.blogspot.com/_NdPl3casSVs/TMhZQC5i1EI/AAAAAAAAAYs/6SMyMvcqdGA/s640/Collector-General-ASSUMING-DIRECT-CONTROL.jpg
should be "gone," and "you're," respectively.
Something is missing here, and don't call me Shirley.
Other than that and using a flashback to show the reveal of and battle against Fake! Shining Armor seeming kind of awkward and unnecessary, with the scene itself feeling particularly rushed, this was pretty good.
Onward to chapter 2.
Yes, Chrysy, does.