Tank N' Pals

by Wildebeest

Tank Makes a Deal

Chapter 16: Tank Makes a Deal

Winona narrowed her eyes at Winston. "Y'still ain't givin' me the whole story, are ya?"

Winston giggled, opting not to give her a real response.

"Ah asked you a question," Winona growled, her patience wearing thin. "Now are y'all gonna answer it or not?"

Owlowiscious fluttered over to Winona and tentatively placed a wing on her shoulder. "Winona," he said, "be careful."

"I'd listen to your friend, if I were you," said Winston. "Go sit down and be a good dog before you end up doing something we'll both regret."

Winona snapped. "That's enough!" she cried, charging Winston head-on and tackling him to the ground. "Ah want answers, and I want 'em NOW, y'hear?!" she roared, her jowls inches away from Winston's face.

"Guards! Restrain her!" called Winston. A moment later, two large, muscular pitbulls with jet black coats grabbed Winona and hoisted her up.

"Wha-HEY! Put me down, ya big brutes!" Winona shouted, snapping her jaws at the two guards and flailing helplessly in their grip. Opal and Owlowiscious lunged for the guards, who simply grabbed them with their free paws and pinned them to the ground.

"What's going on here?!" hollered Tank, beginning to rev up his propeller. But before he could get an inch off the ground, Winston dashed over to the tortoise, unfastened his propeller, snatched it off of his shell and pocketed it.

"H-hey! Give that back! I need that!" Tank cried, trying to grab the propeller back. Just a moment later, an auburn-plumaged hawk swooped down onto Tank and wrapped his wings tightly around Tank's neck, restraining him.

"Very good, Clint," said Winston, giving the hawk a polite applause. "Just as quick as always."

Our four heroes glowered at Winston, struggling fruitlessly against their captors.

"Tsk, tsk," chided Winston. "Savages, the lot of you. Didn't your owner ever teach you any manners?

"I'll tell you what; I'll tell you exactly what's going on here as soon as you're calm, collected and ready to listen."

Tank gave off a low, contemptuous growl, and grudgingly ceased his resistance. Owlowiscious and Opal soon followed suit. Winona simply crossed her forelegs and continued to scowl at Winston, giving him the most furious glare she could muster.

"Much better," said Winston. "Now, as I said before, nothing I have told you thus far is a lie. Pet Paradise is nothing more than a humble, clean, equal opportunity pet store. Unfortunately, things tend to get a little dull here. Business isn't bad, but on most days, it's rather slow.

"So one day, I came up with a brilliant way to liven things up around here. Every night, after the gates are closed, we pick two random pets from the store and force them to fight. Isn't that a gas?"

The four pets shared a collective, harmonious gasp.

"Wha-wha-wha-WHAT?!" squawked Owlowiscious.

"You're the one behind this barbarism?!" cried Opal.

"Now, wait just a minute!" interjected Tank. "You said that nopony was forcing anyone to fight here!"

Winston chortled. "I'm not a pony, am I?"

Winona gasped in horror. "You... you lil' SCOUNDREL!" Winona screamed, thrashing about in the guard dogs' grip.

"Ah, ah, ah," said Winston, wagging his paw at Winona. "What did I tell you? Good little doggies get explanations; naughty little doggies don't."

"You... lil'... GUH!" Winona grunted in frustration. "You ain't gonna get away with this!"

"I've been getting away with it for years!" Winston said with a cackle.

"Well, you ain't... any...more!" sputtered Winona, continuing to thrash the air. We ain't leavin' 'til we put a stop to this!"

The guard dog on the right rolled his eyes and let out a weary sigh. "Sir, this is getting rather tiresome. Permission to escort these four out of the building?"

Winston shook his head. "Denied," said he. "I'm having far too much fun to just let them go now."

"Then what should we do with them?"

Winston's giggly demeanor faded. "Hmm..."

He began to pace back and forth across the room, scratching his chin. "Isn't that the million dollar question... I suppose I could just lock them in the broom closet, but where's the fun in that?...I could tie them to the ceiling fan and watch them spin around for the rest of the night, but that'd probably get old rather fast..."

"S-sir? Mr. Winston?" Tank interrupted. "May I make a suggestion?"

Winston looked over at the tortoise and grinned. "I don't think you're in a position to make suggestions, are you?"

"Well... it's more of a challenge than a suggestion. Just please hear me out."

Winston's raised his eyebrows. "You have the floor, Hank."

"It's Tank, sir."

"Whatever. Let us hear your proposal."

The other three pets stared intently at Tank, waiting for the details of his plan with bated breath.

"So here's what I'm thinking," said Tank. "I'll step into the arena with any one of the pets in this shop; your choice."

This elicited a gasp from Opal. "Tank, what in the world do you think you're do-"

Opal was cut off when one of the guard dogs slapped his paw over her mouth. "Let your friend talk, missy."

Tank hesitantly continued his proposal. "If I...if I win, you have to shut down this fight club for good. No more forced battles."

"And what if I win?" asked Winston.

"Then we'll leave Pet Paradise for good and we'll never speak of it again."

"You're going to have to do a little better than that, my friend," Winston said with a chuckle.

Tank gulped. "What do you have in mind?"

"I'm glad you asked." Winston pulled Tank's propeller out of his pocket and held it aloft, eying it greedily. "I think that I should get to keep this if I win. How does that sound?"

Tank's eyes widened with shock as he saw his greatest source of mobility lying just out of his grasp. "M-my propeller?! I... I don't know..."

Was it really worth it to gamble his propeller away? Tank shuddered to envision a potential propeller-less life; every day a constant struggle to keep up with his friends, not to mention his owner, the fastest flyer in Equestria...
---

You know what the opposite of agility is? That.

That's just sad.

A for effort and all, but you're starting to creep me out.
---

"I'm waaaaaiting," sang Winston. "You know, if you're having this much trouble making a decision, I could just lock you all in the broom closet."

"No!" exclaimed Tank. "I... I'll take it. You have a deal."

"Tank, you can't possibly be serious!" cried Owlowiscious.

Tank sighed. "We don't have a choice, Owlowiscious." He reluctantly held one of his forelegs outward, offering a shake. He closed his eyes, gritted his teeth, and waited for the chinchilla to grasp his foot and make the deal official...

...but the moment never came.

Tank opened his eyes and looked up, only to see Winston standing in front of him with his arms folded, a wicked smile forming across his lips.

"You know, I just thought of a way to make this deal a little more interesting," he said. "Why don't we have all four of you fight?"

"WHAT?!" the other three pets shouted in unison.

Winston laughed. "Aren't I an absolute card? If all four of you win, I'll never force another animal to fight again. But if any of you lose, the propeller is mine. Sound good?"

Winona glared at Winston, showing him her most fearsome war face. "You're on..." she growled.

"I'll DO it!" proclaimed Owlowiscious.

"Glad you could see things my way," Winston said smugly, strolling over to the two captives and giving each of them a good, firm shake. He then turned his attention towards Opalescence. "And what about you, kitty cat? Do we have a deal?"

Opal trembled with fear as she was met with the collective stares of the entire store's population. On one side, she saw the anxious, judgmental stares of her three closest friends; on the other side, a veritable menagerie of fearsome predators and vicious killers. "I... well... I..."

Winston sighed. "Very well. Broom closet it is."

But just before the guard dog could get up to cart her off, he was met with a shrill, anguished scream that filled the entire store:

"I'LL FIGHT!"

***

Factoid got to work, scouring each alligator- related source he could find and searching for anything that could give him a decent lead. But in the midst of his tireless researching, he caught something peculiar about his subject out of the corner of his eye.

Does that thing have any teeth?

He took Gummy in his hooves and pried open his mouth, only to find that there was not a single tooth to be found.

Maybe somepony had them removed, he thought as he examined the gums more closely. I don't see any evidence of scarring, though... or ANY marks, for that matter. It definitely looks like he was born that way. But how?

Out of idle curiosity, Factoid decided to type 'toothless alligator' into the search engine. The first result linked him to a picture of a kitten in an alligator costume with the caption, 'I IZ IN UR NEVRLAND, EATIN UR PIRITZ'. The second result linked him to a particularly unhelpful Yahoof Answers page; someone had posted the query, "my baby aligater already has all his teeth, is that bad?" and was met with the answer, "lol no, theirs no such thing as a toothless alligator".

Page after page, Factoid was met with a flood of idiotic questions, inoperative links and painfully dated memes. He was ready to give up and go back to his original search session, when he found a particularly interesting result at the bottom of the fourteenth page; a link to the Ponyville Tribune archives.

With his curiosity piqued, Factoid clicked the link and was met with an article dated a few years ago.

Toothless Alligator Adopted in Ponyville
FEBRUARY 11, 2011 - one month ago today, a zoological anomaly was born on the outskirts of the Everfree Forest. Local animal breeder and caretaker Fluttershy witnessed the hatching of a beautiful baby alligator, only to be shocked to find out that the alligator was born without a single tooth.

"I can't imagine how this could have happened," she told reporters. "Both its parents are perfectly healthy."

Much to Fluttershy's surprise, the alligator was adopted just a few days ago by a close friend, an apprentice baker named Pinkie Pie. Pinkie, by Fluttershy's account, took 'an immediate liking' to the animal and 'all but begged to take it off her hooves'.

Pinkie Pie, the Element of Laughter? thought Factoid. Could this little guy really be hers?

Factoid zoomed in on the photo accompanying the article, and found that the pictured alligator was the spitting image of the alligator by his side.

"Oh, dear lord, I need to get this alligator back to her. I don't even want to think about what the consequences will be if I don't."

Factoid yawned and gave himself a good, hardy stretch. "But that can wait 'til morning. Now it's time for me to get some sleep." But just as he was about to shut down his computer, something dawned on him.

"...AFTER I finish my fact checking. Sweet Celestia, sometimes I hate my job."

He gave out a weary groan, scooped his laptop up into his hooves and shuffled off back to his room.

"Psst... Gummy..." Angel whispered. "We're not really going to be staying here all night, are we?"

Author's Note:

Well, Gummy had to come from somewhere, didn't he?

Comments

[OmniFox]

So it's a Gauntlet match with 4 of the 6 Mane Pets against Winston's crew with Tank's propeller is on the line.

[Metool Bard]

I always thought Gummy was a present from Pinkie's sister Limestone, but to each his own.

Also, the scene in Pet Paradise certainly took a dark turn, didn't it? Especially since this story has been so lighthearted thus far. Then again, I doubt these pets have a chance. Winona has rounded up animals several times her own size, Owlowicious is quite intelligent, Tank is persistent, and Opal is not a cat you'd ever want to make mad. Winston is doomed.

[Green Bird]

4579096 You forgot to mention that those animals Winona rounds up are just following instincts and orders in a haze of panic. Then again, the experience might help, but it'll probably be more against her than for.

[Yoshifan30]

"So one day, I came up with a brilliant way to liven things up around here. Every night, after the gates are closed, we pick two random pets from the store and force them to fight. Isn't that a gas?"

So the rat was telling the truth kinda it is a Fight Club not cool

[Yoshifan30]

Dang things really went downhill quickly at the pet paradise apparently not only it was a secret but also they have their own fighting Club so it wasn't Ponies are responsible it was the chinchilla and whoever works for him tank wanted to offer a deal if he fights he let his friends go and stop the Fight Club but of course the chinchilla has to play dirty he wanted all of them to fight if one of them lose not only they had to keep a secret but also tank will lose his propeller but right now they don't have a choice meanwhile the roommate finally found where gummy lives and it looks like they're going to wait until tomorrow but Angel and gummy you need to get back to your friends they need your help