Hell's Angel
Chapter 3: Hell’s Angel
“You just can’t STOP that little guy. He’s like a… like a… Tank!”
Tank swelled with pride as Rainbow Dash’s words played back again and again in his head. Everything about Fluttershy’s front yard, from the sights to the smells to the collective cacophony of her massive menagerie, brought back vivid, detailed memories of the fateful day that Rainbow Dash chose him; him, of all animals; to be her pet. Not the hawk, not the wasp, not the eagle, but the tortoise. The slow, steady, reliable and ultimately unstoppable tortoise.
“Like a TANK!”
Of course, that memory was also bittersweet in some aspects. He remembered how rudely dismissive Dash acted towards him for the first half of the competition. It definitely hurt to hear her call him 'the opposite of agility'. But in spite of her demeaning remarks, he soldiered on, refusing to let anything stop him or get in his way.
“TANK!”
And when it was all said and done...boy, did he prove her wrong! He still remembered the inexorable feelings of triumph that washed over him when he was slowly trudging out of the canyon with Dash seated comfortably on his back. Of course, the other ponies did have to move the finish line for him, but his victory wasn't a matter of athleticism or speed. It was a moral victory. A victory of character. And in the end, it was truly the deciding factor of...
“TANK, LOOK OUT FOR THE-”
*CRASH*
Unfortunately, in the midst of his daydreaming, Tank had forgotten to look where he was going. Before Winona and Owlowiscious could warn him, he collided with Fluttershy’s front window, busted it wide open and collapsed on the floor below.
“Oh, my stars, not again!” cried Winona, jumping through the broken window after him. “Are you all right?”
“I’m fine,” said Tank, easily shaking off the collision. “Trust me, I’ve had worse.”
“For heaven’s sake, Tank, you must be more careful,” chided Owlowiscious, flitting through the window and deftly mounting himself on the floor. “I know you’re not used to flying, but at least try to concentrate on where you're-”
“What was that?!” cried an anxious voice from upstairs. "Who's there?!"
Tank, Winona and Owlowiscious all looked up to see a thoroughly panicked rabbit bounding down the stairs. His panic quickly evaporated as soon as he caught a glimpse of the three figures by the front door. By the time he reached the foot of the stairs, his sprint had slowed to a sluggish, belabored walk.
“Oh, it’s just Captain Crash Test Dummy and his two faithful sidekicks,” he said sardonically. “The hell do you guys want, anyway?”
Tank sighed wearily as Owlowiscious brushed shards of glass off his shell. “Listen, Angel, I’m really sorry about your win-”
“Eh, don’t worry about it,” Angel said. “I’ll just tell Fluttershy that the flamingo did it. Just tell me why you’re here.”
“We’re puttin’ together a pet play date!” exclaimed Winona, bouncing up and down. “A special one, with no ponies. Just the six of us, rompin’ around the town! Wanna come with us?”
Angel laughed mirthlessly. “A pet play date? You kiddin’ me? It’s bad enough that I have Fluttershy dragging me to those every other week. Now you want me to go voluntarily?”
Angel turned around, hopped into the living room and plopped himself down on the couch. “Yeah, sorry, losers, but I think I’m gonna have to say nay. I’d rather lie here and play with myself. See ya.”
Winona bounded up to the couch and leaped right on top of Angel’s prone body. “Aw, c’mon!” she pleaded, her face millimeters away from his. “It’ll be fun!”
Angel harshly shoved Winona's face away from his. “Winona, first of all, get the hell away from me. I’m pretty sure your breath can legally be defined as a chemical weapon. Second of all, fun? I hate to break it to you, but my idea of ‘fun’ is a good deal different from yours. And tonight, it involves a ten-year-old copy of Barely Legal Bunnies and four to five hours of solitude. Beat it!”
Winona frowned and reluctantly backed away from the couch. “Oh, well,” she sighed, walking back towards the door. “Come on, guys, let’s go.”
“Eh, it’s not like he’d be any fun anyway,” Tank muttered under his breath. “I don’t know why we even bothered.”
Angel’s ears suddenly perked up as he slowly turned his head around to face his three friends. “WHAT did you say?” he demanded, staring a hole through Tank.
“Nothing.”
“Oh, no, no, no, no, no,” fumed Angel, leaping off the couch and storming towards the front door. “You can’t get away that easy. These big-ass ears ain’t just for show, you know. I heard you say that I ain’t fun!”
Angel stomped right up to Tank and looked him straight in the eye. “And I’ll have you know that I’m more fun than all of you schmucks combined! I mean, the audacity of a freakin’ turtle calling someone else boring!”
“Tortoise,” corrected Tank.
“Do I LOOK like I give a damn?” snapped Angel. “Point is, tonight I’m gonna prove that none of you could even hope to be as fun as I am!”
Winona’s face lit up. “Does that mean you’re comin’?!” she cried.
“Well… yes,” Angel said grudgingly. “But only to prove a point!”
“WOO-HOO!” she hollered, galloping out the door. “Come on, fellas, time’s a- wastin’!”
Tank and Owlowiscious both flew out the window after her, while Angel casually strolled through the door. "So, what's the plan?" asked Angel.
"Well, we still got two more critters left to invite," said Winona. "And ah think ah know just where to find the next one..."
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Gummy I think.
Oof, such language, Angel!
Well, I guess we now know why he pantomimes everything. It's to keep Fluttershy from hearing his potty mouth.
If Tank isn't Opal's boyfriend, I don't think I'll take this fic seriously.
2078576 Eh... I don't know. I think Tank might be too old for her. I mean, do you know how long tortoises live compared to cats? If I had to guess, I'd place Opal's age at around 2-4 years old, while Tank is probably at least 40 or 50.
We'll see, though.
I don't feel like coming up with a comment...
Did he said 'play with myself'?
2079381 Yes, I believe he did.
2078576 What.
It will be VERY intersting to see what sort of thoughts bounce around in Gummys head. What lies behind that vacent stare? Oooh ominous!
Bwahahaha, Angel and his profanities!
First reaction to Angel saying he will be "playing with himself:
Oh, he's not really...
Reaction to Barely Legal Bunnies:
”
The irony I found in this makes it so coincidental as well.
A disturbing thought just came to mind, Equistria has tanks?!
2194800
He DID say he wanted to lie there and play with himself.
I could imagine Angel saying this.
Angel sounds like pauly brunecker from unwritten
“TANK, LOOK OUT FOR THE-”
*CRASH*
Ohh tree
Wow looks like tank made a crash landing again and they made it to Fluttershy's Cottage to pick up angel and it turns out this is how I imagine Angel sounds like even found back in season 9 when Fluttershy and Angel switch bodies and how his attitude is just like how we imagine how he will sound like except for Fluttershy's voice but anyway Winona wanted Angel if he wants to join with them but of course and very rudely he said no and he made it very clearly but tank kind of push his button got him outside and now he's joining with them just to prove his point that he's not boring lol I wonder who's next